Seasons
by SingingBlues
Summary: AU. He loved him, even though he loved someone else. He loved him, even though he would never notice him. He still loved him, even though he knew he would never love him back. But love was only for a short, fleeting moment, and he found himself having no choice but to let it go. Yullen, Lavi/Kanda.
1. Autumn

**Chapter 1: Autumn**

"_It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight."__―Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita_

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"Move, Moyashi."

Allen glared at an annoying raven-haired man as he stepped aside. The said man just walked past with an indifferent expression, not even intending to say a word of gratefulness to him. Seriously, does it hurt his so-called pride to say an 'excuse me' politely once in a while? He cursed under his breath, regretting that last moment when he should have shot out his leg to trip him and make him fall in an extremely embarrassing manner.

"Bastard," He muttered, packing his books in his locker before shutting it. His hand stopped by the door as Allen stared downwards, before he let out a soft sigh. He took his bag and began to walk towards main hall, exiting out of the college. It wouldn't do him good to waste his energy getting frustrated over that bastard. After all, Kanda was a person who wouldn't even care less about one's existence.

The white-haired teen let out another sigh, stepping out of the school gates as he made his way to the bus stop. He then saw Lenalee, a redhead by the name of Lavi and Kanda standing there among crowds of students. The olive-haired girl was giggling as Lavi was talking something to Kanda, which Kanda made a contorted face as though he was purely disgusted with him. Allen couldn't help but let out a chuckle―after all, Lavi was famous for making lame jokes and nonsensical stuff―which Kanda hated the most. Lenalee continued giggling, while Kanda slapped away Lavi's arm which was secretly about to snake over his shoulder.

_Oh._

Allen slowly stopped, the smile on his face slowly faltering.

How could he have forgotten?

They were lovers. Which was why Kanda was always tolerant of Lavi's foolish behaviour even though he hated it. Even though he disliked it, Kanda didn't disapprove it either.

"Oh Allen!"

Lenalee saw him instantly and waved to him. The two of them stopped what they were doing and turned to his direction. Allen muttered curses under his lips, having no choice but to walk up to the three of them. The white-haired teen brushed his fringe aside, before a smile appeared on his face.

"It's good to see you, Lenalee."

"Me too, Allen! Going to work again?"

"Yeah." He was living alone, and even though his late stepfather left a fortune for him, he did not want to use the money unless necessary.

"Che."

Allen frowned, turning to stare at Kanda who was looking elsewhere.

"What is that supposed to mean, Kanda?"

"Hey, please don't get into a fight again, the both of you..." Lavi muttered worriedly, but Kanda just smirked, turning back to face him.

"Why are you getting so flustered up, Moyashi?"

"I said that I am not a Moyashi! I have a proper name!" Allen hissed, clenching his hands in anger.

"You know that I will only address you as 'Moyashi', because you are one," Kanda replied nonchalently. Allen shot a glare at the raven-haired man, and before he knew it, he kicked him hardly at his ankle. Kanda grimaced, holding his right ankle by his hand as he stumbled backwards, almost knocking onto a nearby classmate. Sapphire eyes glared darkly at the white-haired teen who was now smirking in triumphant at seeing his pathetic face.

"Oh. I am SO sorry, Kanda. It isn't on purpose."

"You definitely DID that on purpose, Moyashi!" Kanda growled loudly. The students noticed the commotion around them, and after realising that a fight was about to start between the two infamous guys in campus, they scampered away hurriedly, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.

"I said that I am NOT a Moyashi!" Allen snapped.

"For someone whose height was only a mere 5.6 foot tall, you are nothing but a Moyashi," Kanda answered. His eyebrow twitched, and the raven-haired man knew instantly that he had hit his sensitive spot. He started to smirk smugly in victory, and Allen wished that he could just tear that disgusting grin off his face to satisfy his boiling anger. Just as he was about to lay his fist on his face, something slapped his forehead hardly, stopping him in place. The white-haired teen whimpered in pain as he staggered back, staring at Lenalee who had done the same thing to Kanda.

"Stop it. The both of you are supposed to be friends, not acting as enemies!" She chided.

"I am not friends with him!" Both of them said in unison as they pointed at each other. Lavi just whistled, amazed.

"This is why the two of you are great friends."

"What did you just say, Usagi?" Kanda hissed. Allen was also glaring at him. Lavi blinked and stared elsewhere instead, pretending that none of this had happened. Lenalee let out a defeated sigh.

"Okay, let's make up, the both of you! Now!" She said. There was no way he would make up with such a bastard, but from her serious gaze, Lenalee meant what she said. Allen breathed out softly, leaning against an advertisement panel as he mumbled a 'hmm' of acknowledgement. Kanda just let out a grunt as he turned around, saying nothing.

The bus came, and they boarded it, walking to the standing area in the middle of the vehicle. Allen stood by the window, glancing at the two guys who were just a few metres in front of him, blocked partially by some passengers. Kanda was leaning against the railing, staring outside the window. Lavi just grinned and reached out, tilting his face over to him. As the raven-haired man was puzzled on what he was doing, the redhead kissed him on his lips.

"What are you doing!" Kanda hissed softly, pushing him away immediately.

"I just want to try how it feels like to kiss in the bus," Lavi replied with a gleeful grin.

"...stupid," Kanda muttered, turning back to the window. Allen wondered whether it was the sunlight which was shining through the windows, because at the last moment, he was sure he saw a very slight pinkish tint colouring his cheeks.

Allen turned away just as the bus started to move. He stared at the buildings that went past, his hand reaching up to his chest as he gripped onto his loose shirt. He knew very well why he was feeling so messed up, and why he wouldn't do anything about it. It sometimes hurt, so badly that he wished all of these memories would disappear―to forget everything that was regarding this person, but he knew he couldn't. Like an addictive drug in his body, he could not control himself and the feelings he had, towards one very person he fell in love for a long time.

He was always with him, even if Kanda did not, and would never notice his existence.

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"Welcome!" Allen shouted at the counter as a customer entered the cafe. It was currently three in the afternoon; a timing for people to sit down, drink a cup of coffee and enjoy their idle time in a peaceful and quiet environment. The soft, soothing jazz music played in the background, bringing a calm ambience in this small, classical cafe. He was doing his part-time job as their cashier and barista, and he loved to draw a heart or other pictures on the coffee cream before serving to customers. He was perfecting his skill, and the manager was praising him, saying that he would hire him immediately if he wanted to take a full-time job here.

After serving a customer, Allen stretched his aching arms which had been working from lunch hours till now, staring out of the glass doors at a wide-area park which was just situated in front of the cafe. It might be because of this that attracted customers here even though it was the only cafe that was rather far away from the city and housing areas. It was certainly great to be surrounded by nature which somehow had the ability to put their emotions at ease. He knew, because he could feel the tranquility calming his heart down whenever he had frustrations in mind.

"You can go outside if you want, Allen. We can take care of the cafe!" His colleagues said with a smile.

"Then I shall clear out the rubbish as well!" Allen replied as he opened the door and went out to the back of the cafe where they stored their rubbish to be thrown away. After putting the big bag of rubbish at the trash bin, he slowly walked towards the park, his heart beating fast in excitement as his body could recognise this comforting place instantly. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of fresh air which filled up his lungs, walking towards the same place which he always visited whenever he had the free time.

The white-haired teen arrived under the tree, and as he watched across the distance, he saw a familiar raven-haired man sitting on the bench as usual, reading a book in his hand. He smiled, remembering the very first time he saw Kanda who was always alone in this park. His face expression looked as though he was lost in his own little world. He was slightly intrigued on this man, and every day, he would make a trip here, just to watch him in silence. He wanted to go up and greet him, but it felt awkward since they were complete strangers.

Until he saw him again in his college. Kanda was his senior, doing his final year in the school. He was so glad to meet him again, and was waiting for an opportunity to come up to him. The chance came, when he was clearing the rubbish from his cafe as a silver bracelet was found on the grass patch. He picked it up, and as he was wondering who might have dropped it, he noticed Kanda walking along the bushes, looking for something frantically.

_"Is this..."_

_The raven-haired man slowly stopped, before he turned to him. _

_"...yours?" Allen questioned, holding the bracelet up for him to see. Sapphire eyes just widened for a moment, before he reached out and took the bracelet, nodding his head._

_"Thanks."_

_Silver eyes widened, feeling a strange sensation coursing through his body. He knew his instinct was right; that he had to be friends with this person! _

_"Are you studying in Cambridge College?" Allen gasped, realising that he might be too rushed in getting to know him. _

_"Are you stalking me?" Kanda asked, raising his eyebrow as he frowned. He flushed in embarrassment at his blunt words._

_"N-No, of course not!" He stammered, not knowing what to say. It was supposed to be a casual conversation, but their first meeting together was totally not what he had expected it to be!_

_"Che," The raven-haired man grunted, before he turned and walked out of the area, leaving him alone. Allen sighed as he stared at his sihouette, slightly disappointed at how this turned out. The guy was colder than he thought, and after their first encounter, his impression of him was worse. He wondered how he could get close to this person again. He could sense his loneliness, and wanted to get to know him better. _

A few days later, they met again, but it was far worse. Due to misunderstandings and Kanda's lack of thinking over matters, they started to quarrel and fight over the slightest thing whenever they bumped into each other. Although it felt as though he was finding an excuse to bicker with Kanda, it was alright with him. He did not care whether Kanda detested his existence. As long as it pulled him closer to Kanda; as long as he was with him, it did not matter.

And that was when he realised he had fallen in love with Kanda. Day by day, without letting him know, Allen would always stand under the same tree, watching the raven-haired man from a distance. He was happy that he was the only one who knew that Kanda would come here, sitting on the same bench with a book in his hand. The seasons passed before his eyes, and the white-haired teen was still at the same spot, watching him from afar.

But one day, someone was there, sitting beside Kanda. It was Lavi, a new student who just transferred to the neighbourhood during the start of spring. He came to their school, and was in the same class as Kanda. He was a carefree person who did what he wanted to do, and he noticed the raven-haired man immediately, taking an interest for him. It was extremely hard getting close to Kanda, which was proven for his case, and he could remember Lavi staying in the hospital for weeks after getting punched by Kanda for intruding his privacy. But he continued to stick to him shamelessly as he addressed him by his first name, which drove Kanda crazy over a certain period of time.

"Yuu."

Sapphire eyes widened slightly as he felt his book being pulled down by a hand. He turned, and was met with his lips as Lavi kissed him.

Silver eyes could only widen at what he was seeing. His heart wrenched, and that only fantasy of him sharing the same space with Kanda was shattered in an instant. He was the one who met Kanda first, yet everything was taken away by Lavi who only spent a few months with him. He was here all the time, yet Kanda had never noticed him at all, his gaze slowly drifting to that pair of emerald eyes as he gradually accepted his feelings.

He waited, and waited, and waited, and it was all for nothing.

"Allen? It's time to go back. The manager is calling for you."

The white-haired teen turned, seeing his colleague who was behind him. He showed a weak smile―something to cover up his current feelings. As Allen took a last glance at Kanda, he saw Lavi approaching the bench, and Kanda looked up, a slight smile on his face. He turned around, and was about to take a step forward when his vision spun all of a sudden. He stumbled slightly, almost falling onto the ground.

"Are you alright, Allen?" His colleague held him before he fell. Allen took his hand gratefully and stood up, wondering what that was. He blinked, and seeing that his vision had cleared, he followed his colleague back to the cafe.

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Ever since that day, his vision was deteriorating. Having perfect eyesight since birth, he knew this very well. The images received in his eyes looked slightly blurry, and it had been giving him headaches as his body was trying to get used to it. Allen grimaced, stopping by a wall for a while as he tried to catch his breathing, touching his hurting forehead which was throbbing painfully.

"Allen, are you okay?"

The white-haired teen looked up, seeing Lenalee standing in front of him. Kanda and Lavi seemed to be with her as well. Allen hissed slightly as he stood up, bearing with the pain as he formed a smile for them to see.

"I'm fine, Lenalee."

"You look pale, Allen. Should you visit the infimary to rest?" Lavi asked worriedly.

"Che, he looks fine to me," Kanda muttered. At this, Allen let out a low chuckle. The raven-haired man stared at him in displeasure.

"What are you laughing at?"

His vision started swimming, making his headache worse. Now what he needed was a distraction, and Kanda was just perfect for this. It was the only way which he could get away from them as quickly as possible, before they knew what was going on with him.

"No. I just think that you are funny," Allen answered with a smirk. Sapphire eyes narrowed, and it was clearly shown that Kanda was pissed by his statement. That puny beansprout was obviously asking for a fight, and he would gladly bring it on to him.

"I see," Kanda snarled, raising his arm as he walked towards him. "You are asking for it, Moyashi." Books, fists and stationary started flying everywhere, and everyone ran away immediately, not wanting to be involved in their fight. Lavi and Lenalee tried to intervene, but Allen continued to taunt the raven-haired man, which made Kanda angrier. Kanda growled, picking up a bag at a corner as he flunged it towards him.

"You are still the same, Kanda. Can't control that temper of yours?" Allen questioned, dodging the bag which flew to the nearby water dispenser, knocking it off to the ground as water spilled all over the floor.

"Shut up, Moyashi. It's all because of you," Kanda hissed, sending a punch at his chest which was blocked by his arms instantly. Allen smiled, moving swiftly behind him as he tried delivering a blow at his back, but was stopping by Kanda's sword which came out of nowhere. The white-haired teen fell back, his hands clasping the silver blade in place as they stopped for a moment, staring at each other intensely.

"Wow, when did your sword come out, Kanda?" Allen asked incredulously, thinking that Kanda must have really bring it around with him at all times.

"When can you stop moving that mouth of yours, Moyashi?" Kanda questioned back with a hard, piercing glare.

"I told you to stop using that nickname!"

"And I told you that I would not stop using it on you, because it fits you perfectly, _Moyashi_."

Allen growled, raising his leg as he knocked off the sword with a hard kick. Kanda, furious at what he had done to his precious sword, began to hurl fast punches around him. Cold air sliced through his skin like sharp knives as Allen saw through his every movement―after all, he was trained in Judo and Taekwando when he was young, mostly to fend for himself when his stepfather died. There was no way he was going to be defeated by this arrogant bastard.

Suddenly, his head spun, and his vision flickered for a moment, before it blacked out. Silver eyes widened in shock as he slowly stopped what he was doing, not noticing Kanda's fist at the last second which made contact with his chest. He felt a rush of wind throwing his body backwards at a fast speed, before the splitting pain crushed his entire body as he realised that he was being slammed onto the wall at the end of the corridor. He let out a breathless gasp, feeling his lungs choking up at the windpipe as air refused to enter. Allen slowly slumped onto the floor, coughing out hoarsely.

"Allen!" Lenalee cried out, running to him immediately. He looked up, seeing a blurry image of someone who was assumed to be Lenalee. He felt a warm sensation at his hands, and after identifying that it was Lenalee's hand, he took it and stood up to his feet. He then hissed, clutching his head which was hurting more than it should. The pain should have been numbed together with his physical injuries, but why was he still able to feel it so strongly?

"Yuu, why are you..." Lavi stopped talking as he stared at Kanda who was staring at the direction where Allen had landed. The raven-haired man was stunned, as though he hadn't expected this to happen.

"Moyashi, why did you..."

"You win, Kanda," Allen said between breaths, smiling. "I'm tired. I need to go and rest for a while," He muttered, feeling faint and nauseous as his body started registering the pain inflicted on him. He turned, not wanting to see that look on his face. This was also unexpected. He thought that Kanda always hated him, but his face expression was completely different from what he thought to be. Was he so shocked that he could not see that punch coming?

"Take a good rest, Allen," Lenalee said, pulling the covers over him.

"Thanks, Lenalee."

"Why are you asking a fight from Kanda? What happened?"

Silver eyes widened for a while, before he chuckled softly, turning to stare at the scenery outside the window.

"I probably...want to find myself back, I guess," Allen murmured softly, turning back as he peered at the ceiling for a moment.

"Find...yourself back?"

"You should go back. Lessons are starting right?" She nodded her head, and after telling him that she would come over after her lessons, Lenalee went out of the infimary. He stared at the door, his smile slowly faltering. Allen let out a sigh, ruffling up his messy fringe as he peered at the ceiling above him. It ended up bad, and Kanda was more pissed as usual. It felt good, because he felt that he was getting closer to Kanda. But he was puzzled by himself, wondering why he was rushing through things.

Before he knew it, he had slept through the whole afternoon. The lessons were already over, and he could hear footsteps echoing outside the infirmary as students were going out of the school. Silver eyes fluttered open as the white-haired teen slowly sat up, grimacing slightly as a wave of nausea and giddiness rushed to his head. Lenalee should be coming any moment, but right now, he wanted to be alone.

Allen opened the door and stepped outside, making his way to his locker where he kept his bag. He looked around, making sure that there was no one around. Gripping on his loose shirt where his bruised injury was, he went to the same corridor which was beyond recognition from the results of the previous fight. He approached his locker near the washroom, unlocking it as he opened the door and took his bag out. His vision darkened slightly, and he shook his head in an attempt to see properly.

"Moyashi."

Allen froze, hearing his name from the person he least wanted to see. He turned, seeing Kanda standing at a shattered stone pillar a few metres away from him.

"We need to talk."

From the serious tone in his voice, Kanda must have suspected something. He knew, because he wasn't the only one who was getting closer to him. Through their usual fights and bickers, Kanda had also begun to understand his character and habits inside out, and he knew he wasn't the type to let down his guard at the last moment. He knew he wouldn't want to lose him in a fight, and he was afraid that Kanda might see through him instantly.

"What? I need to go to work..." Allen muttered softly, shutting his locker as he took his bag and took off to the school gates. His mind was switched off, and all he wanted to do was run away from this person.

"Moyashi―"

"You are here, Yuu! Wanna visit the shop that I told you yesterday?" Lavi ran to his side, slinging his arm around his as he popped out the question. Kanda turned to him, and his existence was soon forgotten. Allen took this chance to walk out quietly, wondering whether he should be glad that Lavi came at the right time or disappointed for Kanda's lack of realisation when he did not finish his sentence. What was it that Kanda wanted to say? He was curious to know, but does it really matter? Kanda only wanted to talk to him because of his strange behaviour, that was all.

He slowly felt his chest which hurt all of a sudden. Allen let out a weak chuckle, looking up as he stared at the clear sky. It looked so much foggier than usual.

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He was hesitant in seeing a doctor, but his senses told him that something was wrong with him. Surely Kanda's punch was so strong that it caused his vision to be distorted? Allen almost wanted to laugh at that.

The nurse called his name, and he entered the room. It was deadly silent around him, and he could hear nothing except the soft ticks of the clock hanging by the wall. He faced the doctor who greeted him with a smile and asked him to sit down. The white-haired teen slowly sat down, getting uncomfortable with the doctor's soft gaze as though he was pitying him. But aren't doctors like that? They could only look at their patients with empathy as they told them the diseases that they had.

"Do you have perfect eyesight since birth, Walker?" His doctor, John Winston, asked.

"Yes," He answered.

"No history of myopia or hyperopia in the past?"

"I can see clearly without the need to wear spectacles or contact lenses." The doctor nodded his head, writing down notes on the paper.

"Do you have diabetes?" The doctor asked. The white-haired teen shook his head.

"Are you involved in any accident recently?"

"No," Allen said. The doctor then stood up and gestured him to another table where there was an equipement to check his eyes. After a series of checks, the doctor asked him to come back to his desk as he browsed the documents of the results. He noticed the grim expression on his face, and Allen wondered whether there might be something serious happening to his eyes. Even though he was living alone, he made sure to take three meals per day and took good care of himself.

"From the results shown, it is positive that you have glaucoma." Seeing the confused look in his face expression, the doctor continued to explain,"Glaucoma is a disease of the major nerve of vision, called the optic nerve." The doctor opened a picture of an eye structure for him to see.

"The optic nerve receives light-generated nerve impulses from the retina and transmit them to the brain, where we recognise those electrical signals as vision. Glaucoma is a particular pattern of progressive damage to the optic nerve that generally begins with a subtle loss of side vision, also known as peripheral vision. If it is not treated, it can lead to loss of central vision and blindness."

Allen could only stare in horror as he slowly registered what the doctor had said.

"You mean...I will eventually go blind?" He questioned shakily.

"From the tests that I have done on you just now, it seems that your condition is still around the early stages. You only realise that your vision is turning blurry now?" The doctor asked. Allen just nodded his head in a daze, not knowing how to reply.

"Do you have family history of glaucoma? Do your parents or their previous generations have similar type of illness?"

"I...I don't know. I am adopted by my stepfather. I...do not know who my birth parents are," He replied softly. The only thing he could remember during his childhood days was Mana's hand as he picked him up and took him to his home.

"I see. Do not worry too much, Walker. Glaucoma is a disease that can generally be controlled if it is disgnosed early. I will prescribe eyedrops for you to relieve the pressure and clear away the fluids that has clogged up the channels in your eyes. However, the slight visual loss and nerve damage will be permanent. You will have to wear spectacles for your daily activities," The doctor said with a saddened smile.

"Can it prevent me from blindness?" Allen asked, his hands gripping on his arms tightly in an attempt to stop himself from trembling.

"Like I said, this illness can only be controlled. The only way to maintain your vision is to apply the eyedrop to your eyes and do regular check ups. Doing surgery will help reduce the pressure to your eyes as well, but it can only last for a longer period of time before the problems occur again. For now, I need to observe your condition before considering whether you are suitable to do surgery, which is only for rare severe cases," The doctor explained.

"So that means I still may have certain chance of becoming blind?" Allen murmured weakly. The doctor just smiled as he patted his shoulders gently.

"Do not lose hope, Walker."

Allen walked out of the room in a daze, sinking on an empty chair as he stared ahead blankly, waiting for his turn to get his medicine. He could not believe that this was happening to him. He, who had just reached twenty years of age, was diagnosed with an incurrable disease. The thought of being surrounded by darkness was scaring him. The thought of not able to see the vibrant colours of the beautiful world around him was enough to send trembles along his body.

The thought of him not able to see Kanda again was frightening him terribly. He could survive in any situations given to him, but he doubted he could survive without seeing Kanda again. Tears gradually welled up his eyes, but he cleaned them off sharply as the white-haired teen decided to return home to rest for the day.

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Everyone just stared at him in slight shock as Allen arrived in school with a rather odd fashioned black-framed spectacles worn on his face. Allen grunted in frustration at the weird gazes as he entered the cafeteria, before he was met with three totally stunned expressions from his friends who somehow stopped eating in the process.

"Allen, you..." Lavi was about to speak when he felt a rush of wind whizzing past him.

"...look so cool wearing spectacles! You should have done this a long time ago!" Lenalee squealed as she pounced on him, her arms squeezing him so tightly that his face was turning white. After the redhead helped to separate the two of them, they settled down on their lunch.

"I thought you have perfect eyesight? Why do you wear spectacles all of a sudden?" Lavi asked.

"Hmm, the new trend perhaps? I want to try out to see how it feels like," Allen answered with a smile, eating his plate of speghetti. Kanda was silent throughout the conversation, and he could somehow feel a piercing stare coming from nowhere, but he chose to ignore it.

"Let's go to the shopping district together after school!" Lenalee announced. Lavi agreed readily, while Kanda just stayed silent. Allen swallowed the meatballs down his throat, adjusting his spectacles as he saw through the glass which was correcting his vision. He was seeing things more clearly than before, though he found it a hassle to adjust his spectacles when it drooped down his nose.

After school, the four of them headed down to the nearby shopping district. Lenalee was shrieking in excitement at the banners of sales all over the place, her mind lost in the amount of clothes that she must buy before Christmas. Lavi was dragging the reluctant Kanda to any random shops, and they somehow disappeared without a trace. Allen just stood there, all alone by himself. He let out a sigh, walking along the street as he looked around.

The shouts and cries of people rang at his ears. Birds flew across as they stopped by the lamp posts, staring down at them with small, inquisitive eyes. His eyes gradually captured the beauty of nature around him, and even though it was just a normal street, he felt extremely happy that he was still able to see this.

He blinked, feeling something wet on his face. Allen reached up, his eyes widening as tears began falling from his eyes. His lips started to quiver, his emotions going out of control. He was supposed to be happy that he was still able to see, but why did he have a feeling that all these things will slowly disappear from his sight forever?

"Moyashi."

He turned, and Kanda was there, standing a few metres across him.

Silver eyes slowly widened. He turned around and started walking away, but was stopped abruptly by a hand gripping on his wrist.

"Moyashi."

"Where is Lavi? Aah, I bet he was so engrossed in what he was doing that he did not notice you!" Allen said with a soft laugh.

"Moyashi," Kanda said again, this time with a firmer voice.

"What? Are you depressed that you cannot find him? I think Lavi is somewhere safe, so we don't need to worry about him―"

"ALLEN!"

His mouth stopped in midair, and after a moment, he closed it, forming a weak smile.

"What is it, Kanda?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me. I am perfectly fine," Allen said, the smile never leaving his face.

"Don't lie to me. You are acting strange lately. The fashion trend is bullshit. You do not need to wear spectacles at all if you have perfect eyesight," Kanda hissed, his grip on his wrist getting painfully tighter.

He bit his lip, almost revealing his true emotions. It was really unfair. They weren't really close to begin with, yet Kanda seemed to know everything about him. His ability of seeing through his thoughts was frightening him. If there weren't any relationship between the both of them, why would Kanda treat him this way? Why was he treating him so nicely even though he did not mean it that way, letting him fall even deeper into this darkness?

"It's true. It is a trend, and I decided to give it a try. Isn't it nice?" Allen asked, showing him his spectacles with a lopsided grin. The grip slowly loosened, his hand sliding down to his palm. He could feel his warmth radiating at his skin, tickling the tip of his fingers. Then, the warmth gradually dissipated, replaced by the cold air of the arriving autumn season. He wondered why he was feeling a little disappointed about this.

"I saw Lavi and Lenalee. Let's go." Allen turned, not waiting for the other to reply. They joined the rest, walking till the end of the street. He walked beside Lenalee and Lavi, laughing along with their lame jokes, and as he glanced behind, he saw Kanda who just followed along, saying nothing. He looked back to the front, his heart aching slightly. It was surprising for Kanda to be concerned for him, and he felt that it was more than enough. At least, Kanda could see him this time.

"Hey, let's go for a round of ice-cream shall we?"

"That is a great idea, Allen! Let's go!" Lavi yelled, slapping his back hardly. The four of them arrived at a traffic junction, waiting for the traffic to turn green. As Lavi and Lenalee was engaging in a conversation, he felt himself being pulled back. His eyes only widened in slight astonishment as he stared into that pair of deep sapphire eyes.

"Is there something wrong with your eyes?"

Allen froze at that question, his heart dropping to the bottom of his stomach.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He slowly laughed out nonchalently, pretending that this wasn't happening.

Lavi and Lenalee stopped talking and turned to the other two as they were starting to quarrel again.

"You know what I am talking about!"

"Yeah, I know! And I have already told you that I want to try the spectacles because of the trend! There is nothing wrong with my eyes!" Allen snapped back, glaring darkly at him. He wondered why he got so angry over a stupid question.

"Why are you getting so agitated, Moyashi? Are you hiding something?" Kanda demanded.

"HA. HA. HA. This is getting funny! The nemesis of my life, Kanda Yuu, is concerned about me! Why do you give a shit about me anyway? I am just someone whom you hated right? So just stick out of my affairs and mind your own business!" Allen snarled angrily. Sapphire eyes just widened in shock as Kanda was at a loss for words, not knowing how to answer back.

At this moment, the traffic light for the pedestrians turned green, flashing a few seconds later.

"Let's go, Lavi, Lenalee!" Allen said as he turned around and started walking across the empty road. He did not know what he was saying at that time, but there was no way he was going to let Kanda know about his illness.

As he was crossing halfway, his vision suddenly started to blur into something unrecognisable. His eyes widened in shock as he slowly stopped, seeing a blank of white and several flickers of green in front of him.

Everything seemed to come to a standstill.

"ALLEN!"

He could only hear Lenalee's voice, before he felt himself flying in the air. He heard a low screeching noise, before he landed on the cold, cement road with a loud thud, his spectacles thrown a few metres away.

* * *

**Glaucoma:** An eye disease in which the optic nerve is damaged in a characteristic pattern. This can permanently damage vision in the affected eye(s) and lead to blindness if left untreated. It is normally associated with increased fluid pressure in the eye―_Wikipedia_

Hello everyone! As I have said in my updated profile (if anyone read on it), I have written a new story to divert myself from other stories for a while. Of course, I will not abandon my stories as I am figuring out what to write next. I am doing a final edit for stories Rewind and Between the Sky and You since the idea is already been set. For Blue Butterfly, I'm sorry to say that because the next chapter is rather difficult to write out (I wrote out the chapter many times but none is able to portray the feelings that I want) so I need a longer time to publish it.

Please review and tell me your opinions about the first chapter. Everything is deeply appreciated :) Sorry for the grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Please correct me if there is any.

**-SingingBlues**


	2. Winter

**Chapter 2: Winter**

"_The bottom line is that we never fall for the people we're supposed to."―Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper_

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He could not remember what had happened. Everywhere hurt, and he was too tired to keep his eyes open. His consciousness drifted in and out, and all he could hear was shouts and cries surrounding him before he fainted.

"Can you see me, Walker?"

Allen slowly opened his eyes, seeing a doctor who was calling for him. He looked around, seeing white walls and ceiling surrounding him. A strong, revolting stench of medicine filled the air, and he choked out in hoarse coughs. His breathing soon calmed down as he got used to the environment.

"How are you feeling now? Can you remember what had happened to you a few moments ago?" The doctor asked.

His eyes blinked, seeing a flash of his memory which showed that moment when he and Kanda started quarrelling. Although it was foggy and unclear, he remembered that his vision blacked out, seconds before he was hit by a car.

"I was...hit by a car. I couldn't...see anything," Allen murmured weakly before he started coughing again, wincing as his head felt as though it had literally split open.

"Your head concussion is rather serious which might have affected your sight. I will refer you to an ophthalmologist to have your eyes checked―"

"It isn't necessary."

The doctor stopped talking and stared at him in slight astonishment. Allen stared at the ceiling above, and a bitter chuckle escaped out of his cracked lips. Without his spectacles, his vision was so blurry that he couldn't even make out the shape of the fluorescent lights. The glaring lights pierced into his eyes, and he looked away, seeing shadows dancing momentarily in front of his vision.

"I have seen one. I will refer back to my doctor," Allen said. The doctor nodded his head and exited out of the ward. Seconds later, Lenalee and the rest rushed in with worried looks on their faces. The olive-haired girl clasped on his hand, and he could instantly feel how cold it was. She must be frightened rather badly when she saw him in this state.

"Lenalee..."

"I'm so glad that you are alright! I was frightened out of my wits when you flew out and landed on the ground in a pool of blood!" She mumbled between gasps, the tears continuing to fall from her eyes. She clasped onto his pale hand so tightly that it hurt.

"I thought you are going to die...it terrifies me," Lenalee muttered between sobs, sitting down on the chair that Lavi pulled over as she put his hand on her lips. He could feel the trembles, and his heart pained at seeing her like this. The last thing that he wanted was to let his friends worry for him.

"I'm alright. I'm here, isn't it?" Allen murmured with a smile. She nodded her head, smiling back at him.

"I'm happy that you are alive, Allen. It shocked me so much when you got hit by the car!" Lavi said, cleaning away the tears at the corner of his emerald eyes.

"You looked so dazed when you stopped in the middle of the road. I thought you should be able to see it since the car was flashing the lights at you."

Silver eyes slowly widened in horror at what the redhead had said.

"Yeah. We were surprised when you just stopped there when all of us had already crossed to the other side of the road. We were waving at you for the entire time! Didn't you see us?" Lenalee added on, looking at him in concern.

Allen could not say anything.

"Maybe...it was too glaring that I couldn't see a thing?" He suggested with a slight chuckle. Lenalee and Lavi just stared at him in slight doubt. He glanced at Kanda who hadn't spoken a single word for the entire conversation. That pair of sapphire eyes just stared at him in silence, and he could not figure out the mixed emotions that were in that deep sea pools. Allen turned back to his two friends who told him that they would come and fetch him home when he was discharged. He couldn't say anything and just forced out a smile instead.

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"You got into an accident the next day?"

The doctor that he consulted just yesterday was so shocked to see him again, this time in bandages. He was somehow glad that he was sent back to this same hospital, so that he could visit the doctor any time when his friends were not around.

"What happened, Walker?" The doctor gestured him to sit down quickly and explain the story.

"My vision faded seconds before I got into an accident. I...couldn't see anything at that time," Allen murmured softly, looking down at his lap. The doctor could only nod his head slowly as he understood the situation. The white-haired teen went through a series of tests again, and after a few minutes, they were back at his desk. The doctor's expression was grim most of the time. He stared at the screen, his frown deepening.

"It seems that both of your eyes are deteriorating rather quickly. It might have started back when you got into an accident, which explains why you cannot see anything at that time. The hit on your head is speeding up the process. Some of the nerves inside your eyes are injured," The doctor then turned back and faced him, and he realised that he was starting to avoid that pair of eyes which could only look at him empathically, not wanting to hear what was about to come.

"The spectacles can only help to correct your sight only for a while. The eye drops that I prescribed for you yesterday will help to delay the process, but it cannot stop the deterioration. I'm afraid that you will have to undergo surgery. But there is no guarantee on what will happen during the surgery." His voice trailed off, drowned by the soft roars of the air conditioner in the small room.

He knew what was about to come.

"How long...can I still see?"

The doctor just stared at him solemnly. Allen took a deep breath and smiled, waiting for him to continue.

"If you do not undergo surgery as soon as possible, it will only be a year at most."

He did not know how to reply. The white-haired teen swallowed, biting his trembling lips as he tried to stay calm and act as himself. He slowly nodded his head in acknowledgement, registering the words that the doctor had said. A soft whimper escaped out of his parted lips as tears began to fall, dripping onto his pants. Allen smiled at the doctor again, cleaning away the tears which somehow wouldn't stop flowing.

"A year. A year..." Allen muttered repeatedly, not knowing what to say. The doctor patted his shoulders, and he could not bear anymore as he burst into heavy sobs, wishing that all of these were not happening to him.

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Time passed very fast, and soon, winter would be arriving. Allen stopped under a tree, opening his palm as a small, maple leaf fell onto his hand. Most of the yellow leaves had fallen, decorating the entire field with bright golden hues. The soft whistles of the autumn breeze rang melodiously at his ears as he took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air in the evening. The seasons were changing as the temperature was getting lower every day. The white-haired teen shivered slightly, pulling his jacket closer to his shoulders to give him more warmth.

The scenery of the autumn season was beautiful as always. He leaned against the tree, his hand touching the rough surface prickling his fingers. Till now he wasn't accepting the fact that he would eventually lose his sight. Even if he did the surgery, he will never recover completely. No matter how he thought about it, it was fate. Fate brought him this illness, and Fate led him to an accident, causing his illness to deteriorate. In just seconds, Fate took away what was precious to him.

His hands moved along the tree bark, and he wondered what this tingling feeling was. Would he be getting more of this sensation when he lost his sight? Allen stepped away from the tree, bending down as he touched the yellow leaves on the ground. It felt smooth and nice to touch. His fingers continued to move, a smile slowly forming on his lips.

"What are you doing?"

Allen looked up, squinting his eyes as he faintly saw Lenalee standing a few metres across him, staring at him with a curious expression. Beside her was Kanda, and he was slightly surprised that the raven-haired man would bother to make a visit. The white-haired teen got up to his feet, but stumbled slightly at a rock beneath his feet which he failed to notice. His body swayed to the side as he grimaced at the pain which came hammering at his head once again. He shut his eyes and bent down slightly, taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

"Are you alright, Allen?" Lenalee went over and patted his back to soothe his discomfort. Allen smiled, grateful for her help. His vision flickered, and as it gradually got dimmer and harder to see, he realised that his time was slipping faster than he expected. The white-haired teen stared at a blurry Kanda who was coming over, and that pair of emotionless eyes were now reflecting a flicker of emotion when he stared at him. Somehow, he found this rather ironic―to see this side of Kanda when he was about to lose his sight soon was slightly laughable.

"I'm alright."

"Are you very sure? Does your head still hurt?" She asked. He shook his head, telling her that he was fine.

"I told you that he would be fine," Kanda said with a slight snort.

"Don't talk like that, Kanda! We are friends, and we should take care of each other in need!" Lenalee chided with a frown. Allen took out his spectacles, slowly putting it on. His vision gradually cleared, and he saw Lenalee with a bright smile on her face, and Kanda with his usual scowl on his lips. And suddenly, he wanted to see their usual looks every day, keeping them forever in his memory, so that one day when his sight was gone, that particular memory would still be fresh in his head, and he would not forget how they looked like.

He went home with them afterwards, and he found himself spending more time with his group of friends, creating new memories with them. Allen had decided to bring a camera along to take photos of what they were doing every day. Everyone was surprised by his sudden change of habits, but Allen managed to brush them off by saying that he had taken an interest in photography recently.

"Stop it, Lavi! You are seriously annoying!"

"Why?" Lavi whined like a child, causing Lenalee to giggle slightly. "You should have gotten used to it by now!"

"But I don't, and I do not want it!" Kanda growled, shaking the redhead off his shoulders as he continued eating his lunch. They were at the cafe where Allen was working, and despite coming to the park for a long time, Kanda said that he hadn't noticed this cafe all these while.

"We do not know that you are working here, Allen! When have you started working here?" Lenalee asked in curiosity.

"Um, two years ago?"

"Hey, isn't it around that time when you started visiting this park frequently, Yuu? Didn't you see this cafe and Allen till now?" Lavi asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," Kanda answered, drinking his cup of latte as he took his phone out and began checking his mails. Somehow, he was slightly saddened that Kanda did not even bother to remember the first time that they met in this park. Allen let out a weak smile as he stood up, excusing himself while he returned back to his duties. He stood at the counter, watching the three of them in silence as they were talking among themselves heartily. When could he get to see this again? Time was passing way faster than he expected, and the things which he grasped on were slowly slipping away from his reach.

His gaze slowly drifted to Kanda who was bickering with Lavi. Allen slowly took out his phone and secretly took down a picture of the raven-haired man which he could keep for himself to see at any time. He enlarged the photo, admiring his slender and gorgeous looks. A smile slowly formed on his lips as he told himself that it was enough that he was able to be close friends with Kanda. He did not wish for more, now that he was going to lose his sight soon. It did not even matter whether he should confess to Kanda. He did not want to be a burden for the ones he loved.

"Having a secret admirer, Allen?" One of his colleagues, Fou, took a peek at his phone. Allen blushed slightly as he slipped it back into his pocket and took a cloth to wipe the counter table. She snickered softly as she walked away, the glint in her eyes showing that she had seen everything. The white-haired teen let out a soft groan. It would be a matter of time before everyone found out about him liking another guy.

His vision became distorted all of a sudden and all he could see in front of him was a blurred fog of shadows moving around. Allen gripped onto the counter tightly as he tried balancing himself, feeling the migraine coming back as his head started to spin. He shook his head and hit his forehead hardly, but his vision hadn't cleared no matter what he did. Fear began to sink into him as the white-haired teen started panicking, wondering what he should do if he lost his sight now.

"Allen?"

Who is it?

"Allen!"

Who was calling him?

"Moyashi!"

Allen froze, hearing that annoying nickname which was only said by that only person whom he hated and loved. Silver eyes stared ahead as his vision slowly cleared, seeing his three friends at the counter with worried expressions on their faces. His gaze drifted to Kanda who also had the slight anxious look reflected in his eyes, wondering what had exactly happened. Since when did Kanda show concern for him before?

"W-What?" He questioned hesitantly.

"What are you talking about, Allen? You looked so pained just now, and no matter how we called you, you did not answer," Lavi said in deep concern. "Is anything happening which we do not know about?"

"Nothing!" He answered instantly. Seeing everyone's doubtful gazes, Allen cleared his throat as he explained further. "I mean, there is really nothing going on with me! I will definitely share the interesting news with you all if I have one!" Allen laughed rather awkwardly, feeling extremely glad that his sight came back at the right timing. He looked across, his eyes meeting Kanda's as a burning sensation grazed his skin. The white-haired teen looked away immediately.

"I'm...really alright. So...just go. I need to go to the kitchen." He turned around and walked into the kitchen located at the back of the cafe. Allen gradually stopped by the door, his hand touching the wall as he slowly leaned onto it, catching his breath. He swallowed, touching his forehead slightly as his vision flickered for the slightest bit. His chest felt so heavy all of a sudden that he thought he might collapse any moment.

_He was not afraid._

Allen greeted the main chef as he brought out the dishes to the customers. His friends weren't there anymore, and he ignored the emptiness that invaded his chest whenever he was alone, doing his duties as usual. Before he realised it, the sky turned dark as night arrived, and it was already ten. After the final clean up, all of them were preparing to go home. Allen switched off the lights and walked out of the cafe, joining his colleagues who were discussing on their plans for the next day.

"Alright, let's go home and rest for the day! Allen, wanna take a ride back home with me? I live near your neighbourhood," One of his colleagues, John, offered. Allen looked up and was about to agree when he stopped.

"No, I need to go somewhere tonight."

"Oh, to find that cute gorgeous of yours?" Fou asked with a smirk. Everyone turned to the both of them in shock.

"What are you talking about, Fou?"

"Oh, his boyfriend―mmph!" She was silenced by Allen's hand as the white-haired teen burst out into laughter.

"She is absolutely talking nonsense! I shall go off first! See you all tomorrow!" Allen called out as he turned the opposite direction to take a bus home.

"Be careful while you are walking! The streets are rather dark!" His colleague shouted out, before they left as well. Allen slowly stopped in his footsteps, seeing the darkness in front of him as faint street lights were shining on the path he was in.

_He was not afraid._

He then took his first step, his hands stretching out to feel for any obstacles he couldn't see that might be in his way. The white-haired teen reached the bus stop, peering at the road as he saw glaring lights flickering in his direction. Hearing the roars of the engine which he recognised instantly, he flagged down the bus, boarding it as he walked to the back of the vehicle, sitting down beside the window.

His mind drifted back to Kanda. Allen grimaced, gripping his loosened shirt as he recalled the burning gaze in his deep sapphire eyes. He had a feeling that Kanda knew what this was all about, or even if he did not know now, he would eventually find out in the future. That keen eyes was bound to see through his thoughts one day, and he was frightened just by thinking of it.

When he went down the bus, he realised that he had alighted too early. His home was still a few distances away, and he had no choice but to walk. Allen took careful steps, making sure that he was seeing what was ahead of him. His vision was worse at night, and he could hardly see a tree in front of him if he did not open his eyes wide enough.

_Even so, he was not afraid._

The white-haired teen yelped as he fell down, tripped by a nearby rock. He winced as he felt his bruised knee which had started bleeding, struggling to get up to his feet. Dogs began to howl deep in the night as the cold wind blew past, sending shivers down his body. Allen pulled his coat closer to him and began to walk again, ignoring the heavy thuds of his frantic heartbeats as he focused on his way home.

He was going to do this. He was not afraid at all.

The white-haired teen crossed a traffic junction, walking deeper into the housing districts. The entire street was empty, heavy silence lingering in the air. His eyes squinted as he stared at the road signs, wondering why he still hadn't seen his home yet. Was he going the wrong way? Allen shook his head as he took a bend and continued to walk, ignoring the splitting pain from the wound at his knee. A large field appeared beside him, and he stopped, touching his head which began to hurt again.

"Oh no, not again, please..." He muttered as his vision started to deteriorate. Darkness was slowly clouding in front of his eyes, blocking out every single light. His hands started trembling, and he broke out into strangled gasps. Allen hissed, grabbing his coat to stop the shakings as he screamed in his mind for it to stop. This was not going to defeat him. He wasn't going to be put down by the mere darkness in front of him.

Suddenly, he saw a black figure in front of him, hidden in the shadows. Allen stared at it, his trembling hand slowly reaching out to that whatever person who was walking towards him. Before his vision darkened completely, he saw a glimpse of the raven-haired man who looked like Kanda. The white-haired teen let out a weak chuckle, laughing bitterly at himself. Was he yearning for Kanda so much that he was getting hallucinations of him to comfort himself for being in this pathetic state?

"Moyashi?"

_No, this wasn't a hallucination._

A smile formed on his lips as Allen collapsed, but he felt a warm hand gripping onto his hand before he fell onto the cold ground. Silver eyes snapped open, slowly widening in shock at seeing Kanda in front of him.

"K-Kanda? It is really Kanda?"

"Yeah, it's me, Moyashi. What the hell is happening to you? Why are you here? Your house should be at the opposite street of mine. Don't tell me that you can still lose your way after living here for four years," Kanda scoffed.

Allen laughed softly.

"Maybe I did really lost my way. Really..." He muttered, his hands feeling whatever was in front of him, feeling so relieved that he was here.

"Moyashi―"

"Can you lead me back to my home?" Allen whispered in a silent plead, hoping that Kanda would just agree without getting into a fuss or probing the reason behind this. He hated to ask this, but from his current state, it was impossible for him to walk back home alone. He leaned closer to his radiating warmth, tightening the grips on his coat as he closed his eyes.

"Please."

He heard no reply from the other. Then he felt the grip on his wrist pulling him forward, hearing the shuffling of his boots on the ground. Allen let out a smile as he walked together with him, enjoying the silent moment they had with each other. He did not know what made Kanda agree to this without much complains, but he was fine with it.

That short moment soon ended when he felt the other stopping in his footsteps. His vision was recovering slightly as he could recognise his house in front of him. Kanda released his hold on his wrist as Allen stepped forward, unlocking the main door as he opened it. He switched on the lights as he turned around, seeing Kanda perfectly.

"Thanks for...taking me back home."

"You owe me," Kanda said. Allen grinned back.

"Of course." He was about to close the door when something stopped it. Silver eyes widened slightly as he turned to see Kanda staring at him sternly.

"Are you hiding something from me, Moyashi?" He stiffened, realising that the raven-haired man was beginning to have suspicions on his weird behaviour.

"Why would I hide things from you, Kanda? It isn't as if we have things to talk in the beginning."

"That's true. I go off now," Kanda grunted, walking back into the darkness. Allen closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment. He slowly slumped onto the floor, his vision blurring as tears began to fall from his eyes. A soft whimper escaped out of his trembling lips as the white-haired teen hugged himself, silently apologising to Kanda for lying to him. He wanted to tell him about his illness; about how he was so frightened of darkness ever since his vision was failing; about how he wanted to tell him of his feelings for him before he turned blind, but he couldn't say it out. He was afraid that their relationship would end instantly, and Kanda would never want to speak to him again. He would rather have Kanda hating him than being ignored by him for the rest of his life.

"I'm so sorry..." Allen murmured.

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_25th December, Christmas_

Winter had come, turning the whole town into a pure white. Allen looked up, seeing snow falling from the sky as some fell onto his palm. The coldness pierced into his skin, and he trembled slightly, shifting his white woolen scarf closer to his neck to bring in more warmth. Examinations had just ended for his seniors, and everyone were going out to celebrate this occasion as it marked the end of their college journey while graduation was waiting for them in early spring.

"Allen!"

The white-haired teen turned, seeing a blurred flash of red from Lavi's scarf as the redhead was calling out to him. He saw his group of friends and smiled, running to them. He adjusted his spectacles closer to his eyes, following the fading colours of his friends' clothes shown in his eyes as he reached to Lenalee's side, a smile on his face.

"Where shall we go?"

"Anywhere! Let's just enjoy ourselves today! It has been so stressful during examinations!" Lavi said, stretching his arms as he peered at the sky, basking under the warm sunlight.

"That's bullshit. You look so much more relaxed than others, Usagi," Kanda snorted.

"I agree with Kanda. Who does not know the genius in this school who can still score distinctions without studying? I really envy you, Lavi," Lenalee said with a frown. Lavi just let out a sheepish chuckle, knowing that they saw through his acts instantly.

"Well...this is to make me feel more...normal?"

"You are not normal in the first place," Kanda answered. Lavi showed a sad pout as he clinged onto his arm, swinging it as though he was like a child throwing a tantrum in front of an adult.

"You are such a meanie, Yuu-chan."

"I told you not to call me that!" Kanda snapped, slapping off that irritating hand, but Lavi hugged him tighter, pressing his face against his shoulders as he breathed in his scent coming from his clothes. Lenalee giggled at this sight as the two teenagers began bickering all over again. Violet eyes widened slightly as she turned back to peer at Allen who hadn't said anything.

"Now that I realise it, you and Kanda haven't been fighting recently."

Allen flinched at her statement. He stared at the couple in front of him, not liking what he was seeing. The two of them were supposed to fight and throw sarcastic comments over each other as usual, but as each day passed by after Kanda brought him home on that day, he could not even bring out a scornful remark to the raven-haired man. He was supposed to hate him like he usually did, but he found himself unable to do so. He wasn't supposed to sink deeper into this.

"Are you glad then, Lenalee?" He asked.

"Of course! I have always wanted you and Kanda to reconcile and be great friends! Isn't it a good thing?" She questioned him with a smile. He disagreed with her. His relationship with Kanda was always on the edge of the rocky waves, and it was only maintained through their constant bickers and fights between the two of them. If they were not going to fight anymore, then what was it between him and Kanda? It felt as though he was getting further away from Kanda, and it was frightening him terribly.

"Allen?"

Allen blinked, before he looked up, seeing his friends staring at him in bewilderment and concern. He shook his head as he ran up and joined them, walking into the bustling town to celebrate the beginning of Christmas. The white-haired teen stopped by a shop, staring at the accessories of different colours hanging on the tree. He then remembered the last Christmas that he spent with Mana, and he wondered whether he was fine in the heavens.

"What do you want for your birthday this year, Allen?" Lavi came over, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. His heart clenched slightly at the question.

_I want to see again._

"Anything?" Allen replied with a smile. Lavi laughed, telling him that they would have a grand birthday feast which he would never forget. The white-haired teen then told him that he would be looking forward to it. As they continued to walk on, Allen peered at the snowy ground, realising that this would also be the last Christmas which he could get to see and experience the scenery of his favourite season.

"Allen, Yuu-chan refuses to talk to me!" Lavi whined, running towards him. Allen peered at the silhouette of the raven-haired man, admiring the cool side of him. Kanda looked even more stunning when he led his hair down, and he found himself blushing fiercely at this thought.

"Allen, your face is red."

Silver eyes widened at that comment.

"I-It's because of the cold!" He sputtered out, rubbing his cold cheeks hardly. He failed to notice a rock hidden beneath the snow and tripped over it. Allen gasped as he fell forward, only to stop as Kanda reached out and grabbed his arm in time. The white-haired teen stumbled in his steps as he lost his balance and fell into the arms of the raven-haired man. Allen froze, his shocked eyes staring widely at what was in front of him.

"Are you alright, Allen?" Lenalee asked as she and Lavi walked towards them. His breath hitched, not daring to do anything in front of Kanda.

"Moyashi―"

"I'm perfectly fine!" He spoke, jumping out of the embrace a bit too quickly that it sent stars spinning in his vision. Allen grimaced slightly as he balanced himself, before he flashed out a grin at his friends, telling them not to worry too much.

"Come on, let's go!" He grabbed Lenalee's hand as he walked past Kanda without looking at him. He recalled the olive-haired girl's question a while back, and he realised what it was that caused him and Kanda to be in such an awkward situation. He was the one who was avoiding him. He was the one who was afraid of the consequence that he had to face if the truth was exposed.

"Are you really okay, Allen? You look really pale," Lenalee asked, touching his forehead. Allen shrugged her hand away, remaining silent. The burning touch was still lingering at his fingers, and he rubbed his hands roughly on his coat, wanting it to go away.

They played for the whole day, and it was night time. The four of them bought bags of beer as they sat down on the meadow with the others, waiting for the fireworks to begin. Lavi drank the first few cans, and he started to ramble on his terrible life with his gramps and how Kanda refused to call him by his name despite them being together for a year. Kanda was flushing in slight embarrassment and annoyance as he demanded the redhead to shut up this instant.

"But you always call me Usagi! I am not a rabbit! I have a name, and it's Lavi!" Lavi wailed, frailing his arms as he collapsed into his embrace. Kanda threw him off unceremoniously, not caring the wellbeing of the other in the least. Lenalee reminded them not to cause a ruckus here. She turned, seeing Allen drinking alone in silence, his eyes peering at the night sky with a flicker of loneliness she could not identify.

"Lenalee, do you have any regrets?" He asked. She just peered at him in slight bewilderment.

"From what I know, I don't have any."

"If you have one, what would you do?"

"Well, I will make sure that I get it right," Lenalee replied firmly. Allen let out a soft chuckle. It was really like her to give him such an answer. She was one of the most strong-headed girl he had known, and he was slightly envious of her to be able to make decisions without wavering once.

"Even if you know it's impossible?"

"Allen, nothing is impossible. As long as you are willed to do it, you will make it happen."

Allen turned, glancing at Kanda who was kissing Lavi. The two of them parted, their warm breaths mixing together as they stared at each other in silence. Silver eyes drifted elsewhere as he looked away, chugging the remains of the beer down his throat.

_Allen, Yuu and I are officially together! _

At that time, he wondered how he could survive till now. Seeing how blissful his two friends were, he was happy for them and decided to pretend that nothing had happened regarding his feelings for Kanda, even though he liked him first. He would be able to do it in the past, but now, this was different. He was turning blind, and he wanted to fix something before it was too late. And he realised that his feelings for Kanda was overflowing to the extent that it seemed a little too obvious.

"It will never happen. I will never hurt that person who is very dear to me."

"Allen...?"

Suddenly, fireworks burst out, brightening the dark sky with many different bright colours overlapping one another. Everyone stood up, clapping and cheering as they stared at the spectacular view in awe.

"Beautiful..." Lenalee murmured softly. Lavi leaned onto Kanda's shoulder, watching it silently with his accompaniment. Allen stared at the golden sparks of the fireworks raining down, slowly vanishing into the thin air. He wondered whether his love for Kanda was like this. A strong, binding love which he could never let go, yet he had to force himself to forget and move on with life. No one would know, and no one would ever remember about it. Just like the bright fireworks which disappeared quietly from view, he eventually had to leave silently.

And he was sure Kanda would forget him completely.

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"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the wayyyyyyy!" Both Allen and Lavi screamed at the top of their voices as they were returning home for the day. The two of them sang Christmas songs to themselves as they started dancing clumsily on the empty road, laughing their hearts out. Kanda grabbed the falling Allen and Lenalee took Lavi by her side before they slammed themselves onto a nearby car which they did not notice.

"Lenalee, chuuuuuuuu..." Lavi whined as he leaned towards her for a kiss. Lenalee grimaced at the strong stench of alcohol breath escaping from his lips as she slapped his face away, muttering "I am not Kanda, you stupid" under her breath. Kanda was struggling as well as he was trying to get hold of Allen who was attempting to skip elsewhere, giggling to himself.

"I guess we shall split ways from here, Kanda. I bring Lavi home while you bring Allen home―Lavi, I already told you that I am not Kanda! Stop trying to kiss me!" She hissed, knocking on his head hardly to get him back to his senses, earning a groan from Lavi who skipped sideways and slammed onto a nearby car. Lenalee sighed as she wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and the two of them parted ways. Kanda found himself alone with Allen who was walking ahead, staring at the night sky with a foolish grin on his face. The white-haired teen let out a soft hiccup, staggering in his steps as he crumbled down beside a truck.

"That baka..." Kanda muttered as he went to his side and pulled him up. Allen looked up at him with defiant eyes, slapping his hands off as he struggled up to his feet on his own clumsily. The raven-haired man stared at his silhouette, not comprehending what was exactly going on in his head. He had a feeling that Allen was acting in front of them, but then, why should he care about that beansprout?

Allen stopped in the middle of the road, peering at the shimmering stars above. A wide smile was spread across his face as his arms slowly reached out, standing on tiptoes as though he wanted to pick the stars off the sky. Sapphire eyes widened at the pure and genuine expression the white-haired teen was making, and Kanda wondered when was the last time Allen was able to show his real emotions out in the open. But recently, he was seeing a slight flicker of melancholy present in that pair of silver eyes.

"Star..." He murmured, falling backwards. Kanda rushed up to him, grabbing him by his shoulders as he steadied himself, supporting his weight. He realised that Allen had the tendency to push him away lately, as though he was avoiding him. Even with the influence of the alcohol, the white-haired teen was still struggling to get out of his grasp, but Kanda held his wrist firmly, stopping him in place.

"Moyashi."

"Kanda, do you know what it feels like to be in loved?" Allen asked all of a sudden. Kanda stared at him in slight astonishment, not understanding what he was talking about. Allen let out another hiccup as he gasped between breaths, turning to face the raven-haired man as he touched the left side of his chest where his heart was.

"Here," He swallowed, hitting it hard with his fist. "Everything here feels so constricted and so tight that I am suffocating from it. Yet, I cannot let it go. Even though I know that person will never look at me, even though I know I should just give up, I still cannot let go of everything which belongs to him. Why? Why couldn't I just let it go?" Allen let out a bitter laugh as he looked up at Kanda, tears falling from his eyes, staining the sleeves of his coat.

"Moyashi..." Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stared at him in shock, not knowing how to react. Allen choked between sobs as he gripped his coat, stumbling in his steps. Kanda grabbed both of his arms to prevent him from falling. He was so closer to the white-haired teen that he could hear his faint heartbeats in this silence.

"I thought being in loved is supposed to make one happy. You must be feeling happy with Lavi right, Kanda?"

"You are drunk, Moyashi. I'm taking you home now," Kanda said, pulling him forward as he forced the white-haired teen to move, but Allen refused to take a single step.

"He does not look at me at all. Even though we have known each other for so long, he does not look at me at all. Why...couldn't he look at me? Just once...just once will do. My heart really hurts so much right now. What should I do? What should I do in order to forget him once and for all?" Allen cried hardly, his words muffled by the loud sobs which spilled out of his mouth uncontrollably as he slowly slumped to the cold ground. Kanda knelt down, and as he stared at the overflowing tears from his silver eyes, his hand reached out on its own, his thumb cleaning the tears which were staining his face.

"Stop crying. It...isn't like you," Kanda muttered, wondering why his heart clenched slightly at seeing Allen in tears. He did not know how to comfort him. After all, they only knew how to fight and bicker when they saw each other. Who exactly was this person that Allen loved, causing the white-haired teen to fall in this state?

"To forget him...Kanda..."

Suddenly, he felt something warm caressing his face. Kanda looked up, seeing Allen staring deeply into his eyes. That pair of small hands touched his cheeks gently, his fingers slipping into his hair strands as Allen leaned closer till their noses briefly met in the slightest touch.

"I like you..."

Sapphire eyes grew wide as Allen kissed him on his lips.

* * *

**_Ophthalmologist:_**A specialist in medical and surgical eye problems―_Wikipedia_

A/N: I am so happy that this story is receiving good responses! Thank you so much for supporting!

Once again, please review and tell me your opinion on the chapter! Apologies for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. Please do tell me if there is any :) Everything is deeply appreciated!

**-SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**WithoutWingsX:** Oh yeah, that ending threw me off as well when I wrote it. The idea just came to me naturally :/ Thank you for liking my story once again :)

**Zoe Whiteraven:** Oh my! Do take care of yourself! And here is the next update for you :)

**MercenaryCrime:** Thank you! Aah well...this story is going to be angst overloaded so prepare more tissues as you read on! Here is the next update! :)

**dayanayaacob:** Hehe, what do you think? :P

**Digimagic:** Thank you! Here is the next chapter! :)

**Clocked002:** Thank you! If you wanna know whether they would be together, you have to read on *winks*

**Mystery Dream:** Thank you! Here is the next chapter :)

**sunshineandmoonlight:** Aah yes, I agree with you. There are not many fics that is focusing on the characters getting illnesses so I thought of writing one. Thank you for your support! :)

**Element bird:** Yes, I am continuing this! Thank you, and here is the next chapter :)

**Tiger723:** Ahaha, that shocked you a little right? Yes, I have to agree with you on this! Yullen is OTP for life! Thank you for supporting my story, and here is the next chapter! :)


	3. Confession

**Chapter 3: Confession**

"_Melancholy were the sounds on a winter's night."―Virginia Woolf, Jacob's Room: The Shakespeare Head Press Editon of Virgina Woolf_

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Silver eyes snapped open as he inhaled the morning's fresh air, seeing the ceiling of his room above him. It was the day after Christmas, yet he was feeling way beyond horrible right now. Allen slowly sat up, touching his forehead as he grimaced at the sharp pain hammering at his throbbing head, a nauseous feeling coming up to his throat. He shot out of the bed and rushed to the washroom, retching everything out. His vision swam as he fell to the side, clutching his head which felt as though it was about to split open.

After recovering for a while, the white-haired teen struggled up to the sink, washing his face under the running tap. He peered at his puffy eyes and sagging cheeks from the horrible hangover, his mouth still tasting the remains of whatever he threw up. Reminding himself never to touch that dangerous liquor again, the white-haired teen groaned softly as he began to wash up, preparing himself to go to school.

_He does not look at me at all._

Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen stopped at the door, seeing flashbacks of him with Kanda.

_What should I do, Kanda? What should I do in order to forget him once and for all?_

He had a feeling that he remembered something which was extremely wrong. Allen slowly walked back to his room, leaning against the wall as he was getting the rest of his memory back that happened last night.

_To forget him...Kanda... _

His eyes widened as large as saucers as he saw himself kissing Kanda on the lips. The towel in his hand instantly fell onto the floor as he stared ahead blankly, horrified. Did he just...verbally confess to Kanda last night? Not to mention that happened...Allen screamed inwardly in his mind, pulling his hair which was already terribly disheveled. What in the world had he done? He certainly regretted for drinking too much which put him into this terrible mess. Now Kanda knew that the person whom he liked was none other than him! How was he going to face him later?

"I better explain to him that it is all a misunderstanding," Allen muttered to himself, changing into his clothes quickly and grabbing his stuff before he rushed out of the door, running to the bus stop. Although it wasn't really a lie, because he did like him, but it was already wrong to kiss him when he knew he and Lavi were dating.

The bus stopped at his college and the white-haired teen alighted, hurrying to the gates as he went into the school premises. Allen ran through the corridors, desperately looking out for Kanda in order to explain to him what had really happened. He had to tell him that it was because he was drunk which led him to doing this ridiculous act. He did not mean it in that way. Well...he did not even intend to confess to him in the first place!

He turned, clashing into someone as both of them fell onto the floor. Allen knocked on his head, wincing as his vision blurred slightly. He looked up, seeing the person he had bumped into was none other than Lavi. The white-haired teen was about to greet his friend when he was met with an extremely cold, piercing gaze from that pair of emerald eyes.

"Lavi..." Allen did not know how to react.

"Oh, so it's Allen. And I wonder who it might be..." Lavi muttered, standing up to his feet. Allen stood up hurriedly, facing him.

"Lavi, I―"

"Sorry Allen, but I have to go now."

Silver eyes widened in astonishment at the hostile tone in his voice as Lavi walked away without even greeting him back. He stared at the sihouette of the redhead disappearing into the crowds of people, not liking how things were going. He went to the cafeteria, spotting Kanda sitting at his usual seat located at the far back of the place. The white-haired teen ran to him, stopping in front of the table as he gasped between breaths.

"I finally found you, Kanda. I―"

"Why are you here?"

Allen was stunned for a moment, before he looked up, seeing Kanda's fury eyes boring into him. The white-haired teen swallowed nervously as he slowly stepped back, unable to voice out his intentions for coming here to see him. He had fought with Kanda countless of times, and this was the first time he had seen him so angry.

"Kanda, I―"

"Get out of my sight. You disgust me," He spat coldly.

Silver eyes widened in shock. His lips trembled, feeling utterly humiliated by those words. He badly wanted to yell at him for being such a bastard not to listen to his side of the conversation, but nothing came out of his throat. Who exactly could he blame? This happened because of him, and it was completely his fault.

Allen turned and left the cafeteria. He walked ahead, his pace getting faster as he started to run towards the nearest washroom. The white-haired teen entered an empty cubicle and slammed the door behind him, leaning against it. He bit his lip, muffling his whimpers as tears streamed down his face. He had never expected this to happen. He did not expect Kanda to react so harshly towards him, and he did not have the right to cry after what he had done to him. But there was one thing for certain.

Kanda would never want to speak to him again.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." He could only mutter apologies under his trembling breath, cleaning away the tears which refused to stop. He felt his phone vibrating in his pockets. Allen took it out and peered at the screen, seeing Lenalee's name reflected in it. He then answered, putting it beside his ear.

"Allen, where are you now?"

"Lenalee..." Allen murmured softly, not knowing what to say.

"Where are you, Allen? I'm coming over right now," Lenalee demanded, and he could hear rummaging sounds as the olive-haired girl rushed out of the classroom.

"I meet you at the garden then."

"Okay." The line went dead. After tidying himself and wiping away the remaining tears, Allen opened the door and went out, slightly glad that there was no one around at this time. He washed his face under the running tap, before he set off to the garden which was only a few corridors away. When he reached, Lenalee was already there, her bag placed on the stone table. She saw him instantly and approached him with a stern gaze.

"Allen, what...what happened to you?" She asked in slight astonishment, seeing wet trails on his face leading to his red, puffy eyes. Allen looked away, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"It's nothing."

"Nothing? How could it be nothing when you cried?" Lenalee questioned angrily.

"Lenalee, it's really nothing**―**"

"Is it about Lavi and Kanda?" She asked. He froze, his eyes widening in shock at her next question. Her violet eyes stared at him firmly, and he knew he could never avoid anything from her. The both of them sat on the table as he started explaining what had happened which caused an awkward situation among him, Kanda and Lavi.

"Those two bastards!" Lenalee hissed loudly as she stood up, slamming her hand on the table which startled him slightly.

"It's alright, Lenalee. It's my fault that this happens**―**"

"How could this be your fault, Allen?! It is already wrong of them to vent their anger on you over something which had happened due to the effects of the alcohol! What a bunch of childish idiots! I shall teach them a lesson for you." Lenalee was about to go to where they were when something pulled her sleeves, stopping her. She turned, seeing Allen shaking his head silently.

"Why, Allen? I really cannot understand. Why are you doing this for the two of them when you are the one who likes Kanda first?" She then clasped her mouth, her eyes widening in realisation at what she had just said. The white-haired teen stared at her with wide eyes.

"How...did you know that I like Kanda?" Allen asked in astonishment. Lenalee just sighed as she sat down again.

"It's just too obvious. I'm not sure if Lavi knows. Kanda definitely does not know about this, since he is too dense to notice," Lenalee said with a shrug. "And the reason why Lavi reacted so coldly towards you is because...he saw the both of you kissing on the road."

"What? How did he...?" Allen exclaimed, shocked.

"He suddenly turned around, wanting to go back to Kanda to ask for a goodbye kiss. Seriously...I think he knows that it is due to the alcohol, but he probably needs time to accept this since it is his first time seeing his lover kissing another person, not to mention that this person is none other than his best friend," She added on, letting out another sigh. She was guessing though, because she could not figure out what Lavi was thinking at that time.

"I see..." Allen said, looking down on the table.

"But Allen, you and Kanda**―**"

"I have never intended to tell him of my feelings for him," Allen answered firmly. "I sincerely wish for the both of them to be happy." He paused slightly, his words echoing deep in his head for that particular moment. The white-haired teen then looked up, a smile forming on his lips.

"It's the truth."

"You are really a fool."

Silver eyes widened slightly at the words that slipped from her parted lips. Lenalee strained a smile as she looked away, and the two of them did not talk after that. The bell soon rang, and they had to depart for their afternoon lessons. Allen rushed to the lift with books in his hands. He pressed the button several times in frustration, wondering why it was so slow even though he could hardly see any student around. As he waited, he recalled the conversation he had with Lenalee just a few minutes ago.

_"You are really a fool."_

He let out a soft chuckle. It was typical of her to say that. Though, anyone would have laughed at him for being so ridiculous. Who would be content to watch the person he or she loves with another person in silence? Everyone had an equal chance at pursuing love, and he knew that better than anyone. But he was just too late. Someone had already moved forward, while he just stood there, staring at the two people dumbly without doing anything to stop it. Sure, he could have stopped it, but he would still choose friendship over love in the end. He would rather have them staying at the same status quo than to lose them forever.

The doors soon opened, and Allen was about to step in when he stopped, seeing a person inside who was none other than Kanda. Those cold, emotionless eyes descended on him with great disdain, but he did not mind. As long as Kanda still looked at him, he did not care. As long as that pair of sapphire eyes he fell in love with was still staring at him, everything did not matter.

"Are you coming in or not?" Kanda questioned coldly. Allen nodded his head and went in, turning to face the front as the doors slowly closed. The lift started moving down, and none of them said a word since. His scent―the smell of jasmine-lingered in this small, narrow space between them, and he couldn't help but take a few deep breaths. It was rare for him to share the same space with Kanda without fighting, and he closed his eyes, enjoying this moment within this few seconds of silence.

The lift stopped, opening its doors. He felt himself being brushed aside harshly as Kanda walked out without a word. Allen just stared at the disappearing shadow as the doors closed and the lift descended once again. The white-haired teen leaned against the glass pane as he let out a sigh, telling himself that everything would be alright. They would gradually forget about it, and everything would revert back to normal. After all, Kanda wouldn't even give a damn on anything regarding his existence.

Allen smiled as the doors opened again, and he walked out of the lift, proceeding to his classroom for his lessons.

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"Yeah, you are a jerk."

"What did you say, Usagi?"

"Didn't you hear what I say? Or should I speak to you in Japanese for you to understand clearer?"

Kanda and Lavi were quarrelling again, and it had been getting more frequent these days. Each session of bickering went from bad to worse, and now whenever they quarreled, a fight between them was inevitable. The redhead would sneer at him purposely, causing Kanda to flare up as he used his sword, Mugen, to turn the place they were in upside down. Even Lenalee did not have a way to stop the two of them. Though he wanted to stop their meaningless brawl, he somehow had a hunch that their quarrels were indirectly related to him.

"Can the two of you stop it? You are scaring everyone off recently!" Lenalee hissed angrily, glaring at the both of them, but they refused to stop. Their fiery eyes glared at each other with malice as they continued baring fangs at their own throats. The whole cafeteria was empty, with only the three of them inside it. Allen was at the entrance, witnessing everything with his eyes, and he began to fear the main reason behind all of these.

"He is the one who refuses to let this go," Kanda snarled, pointing his sword at Lavi. Lavi just stood still, his empty eyes looking ahead as he said nothing.

"What really happened between the two of you? Both of you are lovers, so―"

"Lovers?" Lavi scoffed out ridiculously. "Well if he is my lover he would not do that to me in the first place!"

"And what exactly did I do? I did nothing at all, so stop accusing people of the crimes they did not commit!" Kanda hissed back.

The incident which he was drunk came back to his head. He could not think of anything but this to explain their sudden change of attitude. He simply could not understand. He just accidentally kissed Kanda due to the loss of control in his emotions and the effects of the alcohol, but when had it escalated till this? They should have reasoned this out a long time ago, yet they bickered...because of this matter again?

"That night, you―"

"Stop using Allen as an excuse! I will not tolerate any one of you who drags Allen into this mess that the both of you have created!" Lenalee warned them with a low hiss, and she seemed to have hit the nail, silencing the both of them instantly. A few seconds later, they heard a faint sound coming from the entrance and turned, seeing the doors moving slightly, as though someone had come by.

He did not know what he was doing. He should have intervened and stopped his two friends from hurting each other, but he somehow could not bring himself to do it. He could not stop himself from running away, not wanting to hear the truth; not wanting to know that he was the one who was breaking Kanda and Lavi apart.

All because of a stupid mistake.

His footsteps gradually ceased as Allen stood by a pillar, catching back his breath. His vision blurred slightly from the run, his head spinning violently as the migraine was coming back again. He bit his lip, bearing with the splitting pain as he forced himself to move forward. Something flashed brightly in his eyes, causing him to stumble as he crashed onto a nearby locker which he failed to see. The white-haired teen stared at the empty corridor, seeing a new water dispenser placed at the corner.

_"You are asking for it, Moyashi." _

_"You are still the same, Kanda. Can't control that temper of yours?" _

He remembered the fight between him and Kanda on that day. They yelled, cursed, and threw anything which was in their way. He couldn't really comprehend why he would always provoke Kanda whenever they met, but now that he thought about it, he just simply wanted Kanda's attention. To be able to say something to him; to be able to form bonds with him; to be able to mean at least something to him. But now, it was over. He had completely destroyed the only connection he had with Kanda, and there was no way he could get it back again.

"I can't believe...that I would miss those days," Allen muttered bitterly. The exchanging of vulgarities and sarcasm...suddenly meant so much to him.

He then walked back to the lecture hall to get his bag which he had forgotten to take after his lesson. As Allen was about to enter, he realised that the third-year students were already inside, listening to the lecture which started not too long ago. Luckily, his bag was placed at the side of the stairs so it was alright for him to retrieve it without disturbing the lecture. As Allen was about to go in, he paused, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of Lavi who was sitting at the last row just right beside the bag.

"Lavi..." Their quarrel a while ago flashed in his mind. He was hesitant in meeting the redhead after what had happened just now, and decided that it would be best to collect his bag after the lecture instead. Allen was about to leave when he bumped into one of his seniors he knew. He stumbled slightly, touching his hurting forehead as he peered closely at who he was.

"Allen? What are you doing here?"

"Um...my bag..." The white-haired teen stammered, not knowing how to explain to him. Unfortunately, his senior somehow knew what he was trying to say and turned, seeing a bag lying on the stairs.

"You want to get your bag?" He asked.

"It's ok! I can get it back later!"

"No! You need it for your next lesson right? Hold on!" Before he could stop his senior, the teenager opened the door of the lecture hall. Allen shivered slightly at the cold air which blew straight at his face.

"Hey Lavi! Do you mind getting that bag for your kawaii kouhai over here?"

Lavi turned around, their gazes meeting each other. His warm emerald eyes were unusually cold and unfeeling, frightening him slightly. Lavi then glanced at the side, seeing a bag leaning against the wall. He got up and took it, walking towards him. His senior patted his shoulder and went inside, and the door slowly closed, leaving the two of them standing outside for a few minutes.

The redhead handed the bag to him without a word, his gaze never in contact with him. He knew that if he did not explain it to him now, their friendship would be over, and he did not want that. As Lavi turned around and was about to walk back to the lecture hall, Allen reached out and tugged his sleeve, stopping him from leaving. Lavi paused for a moment, before he turned and stared at him in silence.

"Lavi, can...can you hear me out? The incident that happened last night, it is really a mistake-"

"Why are you explaining this to me?" He asked coldly. Allen found himself at a loss of words as he stared at Lavi in astonishment, not knowing what to say. The redhead turned to leave, but his hand which was gripping on his shirt tightened. He did not want him to go. Not until he explained to him what had really happened which caused this huge misunderstanding to take place. He had a bad feeling that if he did not explain it right now, he was going to lose this friend forever.

"Lavi, I..." Silver eyes widened as Allen stared at Lavi's hand which was forcing his hand to let go of his shirt sleeve. Lavi turned and went inside, closing the door behind him. The white-haired teen just stared at the space where he stood just now with helplessness, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. No one gave him a chance to explain, and he could only do nothing but watch in silence as their friendship was tearing apart. He let out a sigh, cleaning the wet tears away from his face. He started to blame on his own feelings which were only a bother to everyone. Allen then began to realise just how foolish and stupid he was. Why couldn't he let go of this love which was forever unrequited?

But then, it was already too late.

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Both Lavi and Kanda were not present for their usual lunch break. Allen stared at the two empty seats in dejection. His appetite was long gone, and seeing the towering plates of food was making him nauseous instead. Lenalee turned around, noticing his saddened expression immediately. She pulled her food tray aside and beckoned him to sit beside her. The white-haired teen put down his food tray and sat down, saying nothing.

"Do not care about that two idiots. We shall eat ourselves. Tuck in, Allen," Lenalee said with a smile. He knew that she was only comforting him for what had happened between the three of them, but he couldn't put down the fact that he was the one who was causing his two friends to break apart. Allen forced out a weak smile and removed the burger wrap, biting the burger in his mouth. He coughed, swallowing the hard lump of bread down his dry throat.

Lavi and Kanda came afterwards, and they weren't really happy in seeing Allen here. Nevertheless, after seeing Lenalee's glare warning them inwardly not to cause any trouble here, the two of them went to buy their lunch. They soon came back with their trays of food and sat down beside each other, eating their food in silence. Allen was gobbling all his food quickly, wanting to leave this place as fast as possible.

"Allen, you can eat slower. If you eat like this, you are going to get choked...!" Before the olive-haired girl could finish her sentence, Allen grimaced and choked hoarsely, hitting his chest whereby his food had gone down by his windpipe. Lenalee patted his back hardly, and after a while, he finally coughed out the meatball which rolled to the end of the food tray.

"Hmph. How stupid," Kanda muttered.

"Kanda!" Lenalee exclaimed, shocked and angry at what he said.

"Don't you have empathy towards others, Yuu?" Lavi questioned him with a cold gaze.

"I do not care how other people feel. And I told you not to call me by my first name!" Kanda hissed, glaring at the redhead.

"It is none of your business to how I address you, _Yuu-chan_," Lavi sneered as he pronounced his first name extremely slow on purpose. Kanda slammed his chopsticks on the tray as he stood up abruptly, startling everyone around them.

"I have already warned you for the last time. Do not infuriate me, Lavi."

"Kanda, can you calm down for a moment! I already told the two of you not to cause a ruckus like last time!" Lenalee warned them for the second time. Everyone was already leaving their seats, hurrying out of the cafeteria for their safety. Allen just continued looking down at his food as he ate in silence.

"I am just saying a fact. Why are you so angry, Yuu-chan?" Lavi asked nonchalantly as he munched a fish ball in his mouth. Kanda took a bowl of soup and flunked it to him. Emerald eyes narrowed darkly as Lavi tilted his body, dodging the hot liquid which landed on the floor while the ceramic bowl shattered instantly. The raven-haired man drew out his sword and the two of them started fighting again.

"Why are you always so agitated, Yuu? Is there something which you couldn't comprehend? Do you mind sharing it with me?" Lavi whispered tauntingly as he jumped onto the table, missing the slash of his Mugen by centimetres.

"Do not pry into my personal affairs. You should know that very well," Kanda growled as he hurled the blade upwards, and Lavi stopped it by his two hands. Sapphire eyes widened slightly as the two of them stopped for seconds, glaring at each other fiercely.

"I only want to know why you did that. Why didn't you push away even though you do not like it?"

"Do not like what? I totally do not understand the nonsense that your mouth is sprouting about," Kanda answered, trying to pull his sword out, but Lavi's hands were firmly holding it in place, refusing to let it go.

"Should I list it out clearly for you to understand then, Yuu-chan?" Lavi asked with a smirk, releasing his hands on the sword as he ran away, with Kanda hot on pursuit. All the tables and benches that Lavi were on earlier were completely destroyed. The redhead sent a punch at his chest, forcing the raven-haired man to stop abruptly as he coughed slightly, touching the bruise which was inflicted on it. Lavi grinned, before the chase started all over again.

"Wow, this is really fun! Is this what you do every day with our dear Allen, Yuu-chan? It certainly is interesting and fun to be chased around like the cat catching the mouse!" Lavi sang, skipping along the benches as he dodged the wrath of the silver blade.

"I have already warned you not to call me that! Are you seriously deaf?" Kanda snarled, kicking a bench in his way which flew to the redhead's legs, causing him to trip and fall onto the floor. Lavi struggled up to his feet, only to stop as the blade was placed dangerously at his throat.

"What are you doing, Kanda!" Lenalee shouted as she stood up, shocked at what she was seeing.

"This is like you. You reject anything which you hate immediately without hesitation. When something is in your way, you will make sure to destroy it before you move on," Lavi muttered, chuckling under his breath.

"Che. So? Are you so childish to provoke me just for this? Don't play jokes on me, Lavi," Kanda hissed lowly, pressing the blade against his skin which was starting to ooze blood from the open cut. To everyone's utter surprise, Lavi looked up, his angry eyes glaring hardly at the other as he gripped on the sharp blade, clenching it tightly as blood began trailing down his fingers and wrist.

"So why didn't you reject it at that time? When you know that it was nothing but a mistake?"

Allen froze, his eyes widening in horror as his hand released the bun which fell onto the table.

"What are the two of you doing? Cut it out now! The both of you are scaring me!" Lenalee cried out, seeing the amount of stained blood which accumulated on the tiled floor. Lavi and Kanda were acting too strange. Why couldn't Lavi stop pursuing, and what made Kanda so furious until he wanted to kill Lavi by his sword?

"I do not know what you are talking about."

"Don't think of lying to me. You do know what I'm talking about, Kanda," Lavi said, using his name directly. "Why couldn't you push away the feelings that Allen has on you?"

"Lavi," Kanda growled his name under gritting teeth, his patience wearing thin.

"It isn't about the kiss. What I cannot forgive is how you just let it be without doing anything. Then what about me? Do I mean nothing to you?" Lavi questioned with a hurtful expression.

"I have already told you that it only happened for a second before he fainted! What more do you want me to explain?" Kanda snapped in frustration, thinking that the redhead was more than just being paranoid and stupid. This was simply ridiculous. There was no need to explain to a fool who couldn't even understand and did not bother to understand his words.

"Do you like Allen?" Lavi suddenly asked.

"WHAT?" Kanda raised his eyebrow in absurdity.

"Answer my question."

"You are crossing the line, Lavi," The raven-haired man warned.

"Then does this mean that you are avoiding the question? That deep inside your heart, Allen does hold a place inside―"

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone fell silent as they turned to the white-haired teen who stood up, his hard fists slamming on the table which sent all the food trays flying away. Allen's silver eyes were glowing dark red as he approached the two of them. He then gripped onto Kanda's wrist, clenching it down so hardly that Kanda winced in slight pain, releasing his hold on his sword which fell on the floor loudly.

"That's enough for the both of you. Aren't you all ashamed of the damages that are caused by the two of you?"

"Do not even dare to intervene, Moyashi," Kanda growled. Allen turned, that pair of red eyes glaring at him in dark fury.

"Do you want to test me then, Kanda?" Allen asked coldly. Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda found himself unable to say anything under that intense gaze. He then turned to Lavi who just sat there, slightly stunned and astonished at the white-haired teen's sudden change of behaviour.

"Do you really want to know that badly, Lavi?" He asked.

"Allen, I―"

"Didn't Kanda say that it is just a mistake? Why do you refuse to believe it? You think that Kanda would be disloyal towards your relationship to him? Is that so?" Allen questioned.

"Stop it, Moyashi," Kanda hissed, grabbing his hand in an attempt to take him away, but Allen yanked his hand away as he stood in front of the redhead, his eyes narrowing in determination.

"Yes, it is true that I like Kanda! I like him way before you like him, Lavi! I know him way before you came into this town! Our relationship is established way before you came in, Lavi!" Allen confessed at the top of his voice, his cheeks burning red in anger. Everyone stared at him in shock, not expecting this sudden outburst to happen.

"But..." His words trailed off as he paused, that pair of silver eyes softened with sadness.

"But...I have never wanted to come in between the two of you. I have always wished for the two of you to be happy. Isn't it...enough? Why couldn't the two of you give me a chance to explain? Why...do the two of you have to make me become so pathetic at the end, as though my feelings meant absolutely nothing to the both of you..." His voice gradually became a murmur as tears fell from his eyes uncontrollably. Emerald eyes then widened in realisation at what he had exactly done.

"I'm sorry, Allen. I―" Lavi reached out to him, but Allen turned away.

"It's okay. Just...do not fight again. Please," Allen said softly. As he was about to turn and leave, a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him back all of a sudden. Silver eyes widened slightly as he turned and stared at Kanda who had stopped him in astonishment. Kanda just glared at him for a moment, before he started dragging him out of the cafeteria against his will.

"Kanda, what...what are you doing! Let me go!" Allen hissed, trying to pry his hand off, but his grip tightened even harder as the raven-haired man pushed the doors open roughly and pushed him out of the cafeteria. Lavi and Lenalee stood at their positions for a moment, none of them saying anything. The redhead just stared ahead in a daze, before he looked up at the olive-haired girl who was glaring furiously at him.

"Why couldn't you just let this go?! Must you bring this up to Allen in order to get the answer that you wanted?" She turned and left, and before she opened the doors, she paused for a moment.

"Lavi, I will definitely not forgive you for this."

Lenalee ran out of the place to search for the white-haired teen. Lavi just stared at the mess silently, instantly regretting on raising this argument which should be kept to himself instead. It was probably an excuse―to blame everything onto Allen when their relationship was at a rocky edge, almost crumbling down at any time. He wanted someone to feel guilty for what he had done, but it was then when he realised that he had completely ignored Allen's feelings in this situation. He was the one who ruined their friendship.

And there was no way everything would be the same again.

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"Let me go, Kanda! Let...me go!" Allen shouted, stumbling in his steps as he had to keep up with the raven-haired man's fast pace. He had no idea where Kanda was bringing him to, and why he would be so angry. Didn't he clear up the misunderstanding between him and Lavi? He should at least be grateful for what he had done, so what more did he want from him?

Before he knew it, he was released harshly, and Allen stumbled backwards, his eyes widening as he recognised this place which was none other than the garden and he and Lenalee came by this afternoon. His back touched the edge of the stone table, and as he faced the front, Kanda had already approached him, slamming his hands on the table as he trapped him in place. Their gazes met, and Allen looked down, unable to stare directly into that pair of sapphire eyes.

"Why did you say that out, Moyashi?" Kanda asked. He was slightly astonished, because Kanda wouldn't even care about anything except for himself. Maybe...slightly about Lavi, but definitely not him.

"I was clearing up the misunderstanding between you and Lavi. I...do not want to see the two of you fighting because of me..."

"Because of you?" He scoffed.

Silver eyes widened as he looked up at Kanda who was staring at him ridiculously. A smirk slowly formed on his curved lips as he released his hands on the table and stepped back, chuckling lowly to himself. Allen frowned, not getting what he really meant by what he said just now.

"Why must you be such a busybody? It's none of your business that me and Lavi are fighting. It is just something between lovers; something which you should not intervene," Kanda said in a cold tone. Silver eyes just stared at him in absurd, stupefied by his harsh words. He knew it wasn't the case; that the both of them were still disturbed by what happened between him and Kanda, and they could not come to a mutual agreement. He was just trying to help, and Kanda just treated it as something useless?

"Why must you say that out? Why must you let Lavi know that you also have feelings for me?"

His heart wrenched at his next sentence. Was Kanda treating his feelings as nothing but a total nuisance? Allen stayed silent for a moment, breathing heavily through his trembling lips as he tried to control the tears which were already welling up his eyes. He then forced out a weak and bitter smile as he looked up at Kanda.

"Is that wrong? Can't I have feelings for you too? Is Lavi the only person who is allowed to love you, Kanda?"

Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda found no words to answer back. Silver eyes then narrowed in anger as his glare hardened.

"Do not be so full of yourself, Kanda Yuu. These are my feelings and emotions. I can do whatever I like; to fall in love with the person I like. You do not have the right to stop me," Allen hissed in anger. He then walked past Kanda, only to stop as something gripped his wrist. Silver eyes narrowed at the warmth he felt which he now hated as the white-haired teen slowly clenched his hand and yanked it away hardly, walking out of the place without turning back.

He found himself standing in front of the school gates, seeing Lenalee there waiting for him with his bag in her hands. Slowing down his footsteps, Allen suddenly found himself unable to move further. He gradually stopped in front of her and fell on her shoulders, causing the both of them to stumble backwards as they landed on a wall behind them.

"Allen?" She asked hesitantly, but he did not answer. His head hurt, his chest hurt, his heart hurt, and he just wanted all of these to end. For the first time, he was getting tired of his heavy feelings which were beginning to weigh him down. They were nothing but a burden to everyone, and he wanted to abandon his emotions, to throw everything away once and for all. But despite all that, his heart still refused to let it go.

Violet eyes widened in shock as Lenalee stared at the trembling figure in front of her. Her shirt was gradually wet from the pouring tears, and she just did nothing but lend him her shoulder to lean onto as he cried his hearts out for the rest of the evening.

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_A/N:_ Guys, I cannot describe just how happy I am when I saw the lovely reviews. Thank you so much for showing the support!

All of you are curious to whether Allen will become blind or recover fully. Well, I can only say that he will recover at some point of time :)

And it's YULLEN WEEK for 2012! Are you all currently reading the stories dedicated to this couple? Apparently, even though I'm currently busy, I have decided to participate in this for the first time, because I just love the both of them! *hugs* It will be a series of one-shots, and the first chapter will be out either today or tomorrow! Yeah, I know it's kind of late, but do look forward to it? :) I will mostly be writing optional themes, so the updates will not be as frequent.

So here is the next chapter, dedicated to all of you readers/reviewers! Once again, please tell me your opinion regarding the chapter! I'm sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Please do tell me if there is any :) Everything is deeply appreciated!

**-SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**WithoutWingsX:** Update for you! You will be expecting more angsty scenes, because there will not be much happy scenes in this story (For Kanda and Allen). So sorry... :(

**MercenaryCrime:** *hands you more tissues* I know. I cried myself as I wrote :/

**Tiger723: **Thank you! Cross Marian has not appeared in this story, and I probably will not add him inside as well, so Allen will not know him, and it is his first time drinking that much so yeah, the nasty hangover will be there. Oh, we can't forget about his stepfather who raised our dear Allen by his own, do we? We have to thank him for keeping Allen so that he can meet Kanda in the future and they will become a couple *cough cough*

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Thank you! Yes, his secret is leaked! The chapter is here for you :)

**Digimagic: **Aww, your review makes me so happy! Thank you so much for liking my story. Aah, I cannot tell you how the story is going to end... I have given a little hint above at my author's note though :) Here is the next chapter! :)

**Nonumaru: **You will expect more tears and crying as you read the rest of the chapters, because this story will be angst overloaded, and will meant to be this way. I have given a little hint at the author's note above. Wonder whether you will like it :)

**Mystery Dream: **As I wrote, I just knew that it will be the best scene for Allen (who is drunk XD). I have given a little hint at the author's note :)

**Before the petals fall: **Haha, thank you! Yes, this story is kinda related to the seasons as I wrote, and all four seasons will be included in this story as the main themes. THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY REVIEW! You can't imagine how happy I am when I read it again and again! :D Here is the next chapter for you!

**Zoe Whiteraven: **Here is the next update! :)

**Vhyna sii semelekete: **Thank you for your review! Here is the next update for you! :)


	4. Fading Colours

**Chapter 4: Fading Colours**

"_He was like a shattered stained-glass window: something beautiful that's broken; a million colours fallen on the ground where no light can get through."__―__Glenda Millard, A Small Free Kiss in the Dark_

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"How are you feeling? Can you still cope with your current lifestyle?" The doctor asked with a smile as Allen came for his weekly consultation. The white-haired teen stared at him for a moment, before he forced a weak smile in return as he sat down, nodding his head in silence. His hands reached out, and as he slowly took his spectacles off, his vision turned completely blurry and foggy. He could no longer be able to see what was in front of him clearly, like how he should be able to see his doctor but yet he could only make out a faint, blurry figure in front of him.

"I'm fine," He said.

The doctor nodded his head and did the regular examinations as usual. He prescribed him the eye drops for his eyes and advised him not to expose his eyes too much to the sunlight which might speed up the deterioration.

"You might also try not to cry too much. The tears will trap too much liquid in your eyes and clog up the channels inside, speeding up the deterioration."

Blank eyes just stared ahead as he said nothing. After a few minutes, Allen walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He slowly sank down on the seat as he waited at the pharmacy to collect his medication and pay the fees. He stared at the potted plant placed across him, raising his hand as he slowly took his spectacles off. The image and colour of the green plant slowly faded into an unclear fog, the light gradually slipping away from his eyes.

_Why must you say that out? Why must you let Lavi know that you also have feelings for me?_

"Allen Walker!"

His gaze hardened as he wore his spectacles and stood up, walking over to the counter. After paying for the medication, Allen exited the hospital, walking his way back home. The warm afternoon breeze blew by, and he brushed his white fringe aside, stopping at the traffic junction between a group of people who were waiting to cross the road. He turned, glancing at a couple who were standing just a few steps away. The girl just stared ahead, while the guy were constantly holding her arm, stroking her hair in affection. He whispered something in her ear, and her eyes widened slightly, before a faint blush was seen on her face. She turned to him, but her eyes did not seem to look at him directly. Her hand reached out, seemed to be roaming for a moment before clasping onto his hand.

Silver eyes widened in shock. The traffic pedestrian lights turned green, and everyone started crossing the road. He just stood there, watching the couple in silence as the guy guided the girl across. The traffic light continued to flash for a few minutes, before it turned red. The roars of engines rang at his ears as vehicles began driving at the road junction.

His lips slowly broke into a bitter smile as Allen started chuckling to himself. This was it. Like shattered glass, everything was over and done with. His three years of unrequited love was gone just like that. No, it should have been over a long time ago, when Kanda gave his heart to someone else. He was just deceiving himself; giving so many excuses just to hold on to this string of feelings for just a little while more.

But now, there was no more reason for him to hold on to it anymore. Just like how he confessed everything to Kanda, he had to throw those feelings away as well. He should be feeling relieved that this heavy weight was finally taken off his shoulders, but ironically, his heart felt so light and so empty that he wondered whether the feeling of the heavy heartbeats he was getting were even real. Was his heart really there, inside the ribcage located at the left side of his chest?

Allen opened the door of his house, throwing the keys on the counter as he closed it behind him. Putting his canvas bag on the couch, he sank onto the sofa, leaning against the soft cushion as he gazed at the blank ceiling above him. How long had he been living in this house; in this neighbourhood? When Mana was still here, this home had always been a cozy place to him; to remind him that he had somewhere that he belonged to. He met great friends, and he fell in love.

However, he knew very well that he could not stay here any longer. The last thing that he wanted was his friends knowing his condition and taking care of him because they needed to. He did not want to be of an inconvenience to others. Furthermore, after revealing his feelings to Kanda and Lavi, he just did not want to face them again, knowing that telling them probably wouldn't change anything. Allen let out a sigh, standing up as he grabbed his keys and went out for a breather.

Before he realised it, he was back under the tree in the park, peering at Kanda who sat at his usual bench with a book in his hand at this hour. The white-haired teen did not intend to move forward as usual, and just continued to watch him in silence. The only time when Kanda was able to make such a peaceful expression was now, enjoying his quiet time alone in his reading. He was silently glad that Kanda still had the mood to come here despite the things that happened between them.

How long had he been watching him? Three years? Or perhaps more than that? But there was one thing which he was certain of.

"This will be the last season...I will be coming here to see you, Kanda," Allen murmured softly, his voice gradually drowned by the coming wind. He knew it would be hard, but it was time to let it go. A faint smile gradually formed on his lips. He stared at his hand which was touching the tree, before he gradually stepped back, turning to leave.

He had to.

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Sapphire eyes snapped up as Kanda turned and stared at the tree which was swaying slightly from the wind. He wondered whether he might be hearing things when he saw no one there. The raven-haired man just blinked in slight astonishment, turning back to his opened book as his hand felt his heavy chest which tightened uncomfortably for no reason. At that particular second when the breeze came by, he was certain that he heard Allen's voice and thought that he might be here.

He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, putting the book down on his lap. Just what was with him these days? Why was he thinking of that beansprout without any reason? Was it because he knew his feelings, or was it due to the agonising expression that he saw on his face when he accidentally confessed his feelings for him during that night? His brows furrowed at recalling the tears falling from that pair of silver eyes as his eyes snapped open, staring at the trees in slight annoyance and frustration.

Why was he thinking of Allen when he knew that there would be nothing happening between the two of them? Why did he stop him at the last moment when the white-haired teen was going to leave? Why did his heart waver slightly when he saw the pained look reflected in that pair of fury eyes glaring bitterly at him?

_Do not be so full of yourself, Kanda Yuu. These are my feelings and emotions. I can do whatever I like; to fall in love with the person I like. You do not have the right to stop me._

His low, hardened voice pierced through him like razor knifes when he said those words. It wasn't the same as their usual quarrels. Allen was beyond angry and hurt, and he saw through his feelings instantly. He was sure that he did not like him in that way, but what was the tinge of pain that he felt when Allen stared at him with an indifferent gaze?

Why did he stop Allen at that time?

_Why?_

Kanda took down his spectacles and stood up. The opened book fell on the white ground with a loud thud. He looked down and stared at it in a slight daze, before realising that he had forgotten all about it. The raven-haired man bent down and picked it up, before he began heading for home. He passed by the cafe, and remembered that Allen came here for his part-time job after school hours. Kanda stopped in his footsteps as he peered through the glass doors, searching for a certain white-haired teen who might be inside, but he seemed to be not around. Shaking his head as he wondered what he was doing, he turned and walked his way out of the park.

"I heard that Allen went to see a doctor, which explains why he isn't in today."

Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stopped.

"Really? He is always looking well, so why is he visiting a doctor all of a sudden?"

"I don't know. I hope that he feels well again. He isn't as cheerful as he used to be. I wonder what bothers him lately."

"Let's go inside." The girls entered the cafe. Kanda made his way out of the park, before he stopped at the bus stop. He sat down on the bench, pondering about the conversation that he heard from the girls working in that cafe. Was that beansprout sick? From years since he knew him, Allen hardly fell sick. He possessed monstrous strength enough to carry five carton boxes in one go and even had a monstrous appetite to fill up his stomach which seemed to be a bottomless pit. In order to pay his own expenses, he could not afford to get sick―which was what he said.

_'Wait, am I worried for that irritating beansprout?' _He thought. Kanda shook his head vigorously at his answer. Unless the world was collapsing in front of his eyes, there was no way he would be concerned for that beansprout. The raven-haired man let out an annoyed huff as he stood up, waiting at the side of the road as the bus approached. He boarded the vehicle and went to the back, sitting by the window.

He stared at his phone, seeing a message on the screen. He opened to read it, realising that it was sent by Lavi.

_Are you free to meet me now?_

Ever since that incident happened, Lavi was another person whom he did not want to see. Besides being awkward, he somehow could not forgive him for saying such nonsense in front of Allen. Kanda deleted the message and slipped the phone back to his pockets, letting out a frustrated sigh. He felt vibration from his pocket again, and he ignored it this time, knowing who the sender was.

Seeing that his house was nearby, Kanda pressed the bell and alighted. As he walked along the pavement leading up to his house, he recalled that particular night when he found the white-haired teen who seemed to be lost, walking aimlessly on the street. He looked rather pale as he stared into his hazy eyes which seemed to be staring elsewhere instead of him.

_"Can you lead me back to my home?" _

Allen looked so helpless at that time, and he who never asked for anything from him pleaded to him for the first time not to say anything and just bring him home. Till now, he wondered why Allen was there, and why he wanted him to lead him home. Did something happen to him? He wanted to ask, but the words were stuck at his throat. He did not want Allen to think that he was concerned about him. But...

"Yuu."

Kanda stopped and looked up, seeing Lavi at the front door of his house. Not surprised that the redhead would show himself here, the raven-haired man walked past him as he started opening the door.

"Why are you here?"

"It's because you aren't answering my messages and calls."

"Well, am I supposed to answer your every command? Even if I am your boyfriend, I have my own life," Kanda hissed as he opened the door. As he was about to close it, a hand stopped it as Lavi forced it back. Sapphire eyes glared at him hardly.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Are you avoiding me?" Lavi asked, ignoring his question.

"If you know the answer, why do you still come?" Kanda questioned back.

"Is it because of yesterday's incident?"

Kanda just stared at him in silence. Lavi let out a soft chuckle as he looked down.

"So I was right. I'm really sorry for doing that, Yuu. I just...do not know what was happening to me these days. I really want to apologise to you for it."

"Are you feeling insecure?"

Emerald eyes widened as Lavi looked up at him in astonishment.

"What?"

"I said, are you feeling insecure? That I would fall in love with the Moyashi after he kissed me? Is that it?" Kanda questioned. Lavi swallowed as he just looked down again in silence, not able to say anything. Seeing his obvious answer written all over his saddened face, Kanda wasn't sure whether he should laugh or cry at this absurdity that he was seeing.

"Are you playing around with me, Lavi? Do I look like someone who would fall in love immediately just by a mere kiss? Seriously... I am starting to doubt whether you are serious in this relationship."

"I am serious!" Lavi exclaimed in shock, gripping his shoulders tightly. "I am always serious in this relationship! You know that I fell in love with you when I first saw you, and that you will be my only love in my whole life!"

Kanda just rolled his eyes and snorted, slapping his hand away.

"Yeah I know that, which is why you should not even suspect me in the first place! And why do you have to bring the Moyashi into this mess? You know this isn't his fault."

Lavi let out a sigh as he ran his hand through his hair, nodding his head.

"Yeah, I know. It's...just an excuse."

Lavi was a rational person, which was why it shocked him slightly at seeing the redhead showing his temper so easily when he found out about the accidental kiss between him and Allen even though he knew it was mainly caused by the alcohol. He wondered whether he was angry about the kiss or the person who kissed him. Why would Lavi show such jealousy over someone like Allen...

Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stared at Lavi in shock.

"Don't tell me you knew about it...!"

Lavi let out a weak smile as he chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Allen is just too obvious. I was amazed why you haven't found out about it."

Kanda did not know what to say. He certainly did not realise it till now. Was it because the white-haired teen had some skill in hiding his feelings from him, or was he too focused on detesting his hateful existence that he failed to notice it?

_"No. I just think that you are funny." _

_"You are still the same, Kanda. Can't control that temper of yours?" _

_"You win, Kanda." _

Sapphire eyes widened. Was Allen concealing his feelings right from the start?

He felt something warm moving up his arm, and as Kanda looked up, he was greeted by Lavi's lips as the redhead leaned towards him, pushing him back against the wall. The raven-haired man shifted his weight slightly, letting out a soft grunt as he opened his mouth and allowed his tongue to slide in. He slowly closed his eyes, trying to find back the old feeling, but all he could recall right now, was the light, chaste kiss that Allen planted on his lips during that night.

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His head felt as though it had literally split open.

Allen grimaced at the migraine which had been haunting him for the entire morning, pressing the bell as he alighted at the bus stop which was in front of his college. He staggered slightly as he stopped at a tree, catching his breath. It felt so horrible that he wanted to stay at home and do nothing, but the common tests were around the corner, and he couldn't afford to skip classes at this critical period.

Getting a hold of himself, the white-haired teen managed to enter the school gates, approaching the school halls. He went to his locker to get his textbooks and notes, before he took his belongings and went to the lift to go to his class for his morning lessons. Allen peered at his watch, glancing at the lift in impatience which was taking a long time to come down to this level. He let out a frustrated sigh, and just as he was about to take the stairs instead, he heard the familiar ring coming from the lift as the doors finally opened.

As he was about to enter, he stopped. Silver eyes widened as he saw Kanda and Lavi standing inside. The two of them stopped talking as they turned to stare at him. They were in their usual moods, and they seemed to be comfortable standing beside each other. He was glad that they finally made up, but somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be happy.

Allen stepped inside, and the doors slowly closed as the lift started ascending. None of them said a word, and the white-haired teen peered at the glass in front of him, wishing that the lift could reach his floor quickly. He bit his lip, his hand unconsciously reaching up to his tightening chest as he gripped onto his loose shirt. Standing in this small space with the two of them, this heavy feeling which had trapped him for years was strangling him alive. He let out a soft gasp, shutting his eyes as the migraine started hammering his head once again.

"Allen―"

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and then he picked up a familiar light jasmine scent from behind. Silver eyes snapped open and the white-haired teen slapped it away furiously without hesitation, before realising what he had done. Allen stared at the floor in horror, his body starting trembling out of its own accord. He did not know whether it was due to his migraine or his fear to face them, but he just wanted to get out of here. Now.

The lift stopped, opening the doors. Allen rushed out immediately without a word. He did not turn back, his feet continuing to run until he reached his classroom. He placed his bag under the desk and sat down, panting heavily.

"Allen."

He jumped as someone tapped his shoulder. His classmate, Timothy, just stared at him in slight astonishment.

"I'm sorry," He apologised, looking away.

"No. Anything happened? You look very pale," He asked in concern. Allen winced as he shut his eyes, clutching his hurting head for a moment. He then opened his eyes again, only to stare ahead, horrified.

"Allen?"

His shaking hands reached up and waved a few times in front of his eyes. His vision darkened, the colours fading into dull gray, black and white. He blinked for a few times, seeing the colours returning to his eyes a few seconds later. Allen then turned to his classmate and gave a smile, telling him that everything was alright. He looked down at his opened book, that smile soon faltering from his face as he started trembling in fear.

Was this how it was going to end before everything became complete darkness?

The white-haired teen turned to the windows facing the corridor, seeing a group of third year students walking past the classroom. Although it was just a short glance, he spotted Kanda and Lavi among the crowd, talking to each other with smiles on their faces. Allen turned back and faced the blackboard, and as he stared at his teacher who was scribbling something on it, he wished that he could run away from here―from everything. He was glad that the both of them were together again, so why was his heart wrenching in pain instead?

The school bell rang, and he was supposed to meet Lenalee and the others in the cafeteria for their usual lunch session. Allen walked down the stairs, and as he opened the doors of the cafeteria, he saw the group sitting at their usual place. Lavi was fooling around as usual, Kanda was snapping at him to shut up, while Lenalee just ate her lunch in silence, getting used to their bickers. After that, the three of them were laughing heartily among themselves.

His stomach growled, but he could not bring himself to eat. Allen turned and left, and he wandered aimlessly, wondering what he should do to spend the time. He then went to the library, finding himself a book to occupy himself as he sat at a corner. He opened the book, yet he found himself unable to concentrate, his mind drifting back to that particular scene when he saw his friends laughing happily to themselves. At that moment, he just knew that he could not go to them; to erase away the only laughter that had been forgotten ever since they quarreled.

His vision blurred as the colours faded once again, turning into images of black and white. Like something which was in the past, his life would soon become like that, slowly turning into a complete blank before everything faded away into nothing. Silver eyes looked up as he stared at the glaring fluorescent lights above, ignoring the burning pain that pierced into his eyes. After Mana died, after he ruined the friendship between them, after he finally gave up his feelings for Kanda, he already had nothing left. Was God going to take away the only thing that allowed him to see the beautiful world he was currently in?

Seeing that it was time to return to his classroom, Allen got up and put the book back on the shelf. He walked out of the library, and stopped abruptly as he saw Kanda and Lavi walking past in coincidence. They saw him and stopped as well.

"Allen! Why didn't you join us for lunch? Lenalee has called you for so many times! Did you see your phone?" Lavi asked.

"Is it? I'm not hungry," Allen lied as he forced out a smile, not looking at them. He couldn't bring himself to face them. As the white-haired teen was about to leave, a hand grabbed his wrist, stopping him in place.

"Are you avoiding us, Allen?" The redhead asked. Allen just stared at the ground, silent. He wanted to forget; to forgive the two of them and move on, but somehow, he couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Lavi."

He couldn't bring himself to see the both of them together.

Lavi slowly released his hand, and the white-haired teen walked off, heading back to his classroom. Allen sat down, and for the rest of the lessons, he just stared at his notes blankly, recalling the moment when the three of them met. After an hour passed, he requested to go to the washroom. The white-haired teen went inside an empty cubicle as he locked the door behind him, leaning against it. His body started to tremble uncontrollably as he slowly slumped onto the floor, tears overflowing his eyes as they streamed down his face.

_"You might also try not to cry too much."_

He knew. He knew, yet he could not stop crying. It was painful holding on to these feelings, yet it felt even worse when he wanted to let it go. And even though he confessed his feelings out, Kanda did not even react much to it. He just knew, and everything just moved on from there. His feelings were forgotten just like that as he continued staying by Lavi's side as though nothing happened between them. He was rejected completely, without leaving any place for consideration.

Before he knew it, it was the end of school. Allen took his bag as he was walking out of the school gates. He made sure that he left early, such that he would not see them as they walked down the stairs to the ground floor. He followed the crowd to the traffic junction as he stopped at the side of the road. His eyes were swollen and puffy from the crying, and it was lucky that his fringe was long enough to cover them from view. He stared at the other end of the junction in silence, hearing the engines dying down as the traffic light for the pedestrians turned green.

His vision started to blur. Allen took a step forward, walking across the road. The colours faded as the light was gradually disappearing from his eyes. The traffic light turned red, yet he continued to move forward, staring at the wide ranges of colours which were brightening up his life ever since he was born. His hand slowly reached out to the blinding sky as darkness was seeping in, trying to catch as much light as he could before everything disappeared completely.

Suddenly, he felt something grabbing his arm as he was pulled back roughly. Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen found himself landing into Kanda's embrace seconds as the vehicles started moving on the road. His body jerked slightly as his vision flashed, the light returning back to his eyes.

"What do you think you are doing, you idiot?!"

He could hear Kanda's furious yell echoing at his ears. Allen just stared ahead, shocked and slightly stunned at what had exactly happened. Realising what they were doing, he then attempted to pull his hand away, only to no avail as Kanda refused to let go.

"Let go."

"What is wrong with you? Why are you like this?" Kanda demanded, ignoring his words.

"I said let go, Kanda," Allen hissed in a cold, sharp tone.

"Not until you tell me what has happened to you."

"What the fuck, Kanda?! Please, just leave me alone! Why are you treating me this way? Why must you continue to hurt me over and over again?!" He screamed out furiously in sheer frustration, getting tired by Kanda's carefree attitude of wanting things his way. What did he want? What _exactly _did he want from him?

"So you expect me to watch as you are about to be hit by a car?"

"You can just ignore me like you always do!"

"You know that I can't!"

"Why?" Allen growled angrily. "Because you love me?"

Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stared at him in astonishment, speechless. He wondered why he had to look so shocked whenever he asked this kind of question. Why did he have to act so surprised every time when he already knew his feelings for him? At this, Allen couldn't help but let out a bitter chuckle, mocking at his own stupidity.

"As I thought, nothing comes out of this. Really, what am I thinking..." He muttered softly, turning to leave, only to be stopped again by a warm hand wrapping around his wrist firmly. Silver eyes narrowed in anger.

"Kanda―!"

"I just cannot leave you be, Allen."

Allen froze, his eyes widening in shock at his words. The both of them just stood in the middle of the road for a moment, silent. He badly wanted to ask for the reason, yet those words couldn't come out of his throat. He might be delighted to hear this in the past, but now, he wished to get out of these entangled feelings which were gradually suffocating him. Why did Kanda have to tell him this now? Why now, when he had decided to give up on him completely?

The traffic light for the pedestrians turned green once again. His grip loosened, and his hand gradually slipped out of his warm grasp. Surrounded by people who were crossing the road, Allen turned and followed the crowd, walking to the other end of the junction. He continued to move forward, not knowing where he was exactly going. When he found himself staring at the dead end of an alley, he finally stopped in his footsteps.

_I just cannot leave you be, Allen._

"Liar. Don't treat me so kindly..." Allen muttered, looking up as he stared at the dull sky above.

_...when you have already given up on me right at the very beginning._

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_A/N_: I'm completely speechless at the reviews that I'm receiving. Really, thank you all so much for supporting this story! It may look like Kanda and Allen will never be together right now, but there is always be a twist in a typical story plot which may give you all a complete shock, so...please look forward to it? :)

I hope that all of you will not misunderstand and come to hate Lavi and Kanda after reading chapter three. Especially Lavi. I'm definitely not writing him this way to bash him because he is in the way of the Yullen pairing. I just think that anything can happen when it comes to love. Anyone would be selfish for a moment when he found that someone also likes his/her lover right?

For Yullen entries 2012, frankly, I'm struggling with the writing. I'm not even sure whether I can even finish two themes due to lack of time. Apparently, I have missed a deadline for one of the entries and I'm not sure whether I can publish it at this time. If it is not possible, I will publish it as a general one-shot. I think the idea that I have applied to the story (one-shot) is rather unique and I really want to share with you readers :) So seven themes or not, I will write as much as I can!

Unlike my other stories, it is most likely that this story can be updated weekly, because I already have some ideas on how this story is going to progress. I just need to type them down whenever I have the free time.

Okay, so once again, please tell me your opinion on this chapter! I'm sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Please tell me if there is any :) Everything is deeply appreciated!

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**Reviews:**

**Tiger723: **Ahaha, really thank you so much for this review! Well, I haven't thought of Lenalee slapping Lavi or Kanda yet. Not yet, for now... Here is the next update for you! :)

**White Guardian: **Hello! Thank you for reviewing and liking my story! Aah well...this story is going to be filled with many angst scenes as I have warned in my profile page and through the author notes and review replies if you take note of them. Here is the next update for you! :) *hands you more tissue*

**MercenaryCrime: **Thanks for the review! Here is the next update for you! ^^

**WithoutWingsX: **I have to agree with you on this! The two of them just fits so perfectly no matter what they do to each other! Yullen will always be my OTP for life! And so...here is the next update for you! Hope you love it! ^^

**sunshineandmoonlight: **That is the main point which I want to focus and portray it out in this story; that love does not always come with happiness all the time. Well... I really wish to tell you a hint, but... you will find out soon as you read on! ^^ Here is the next update for you!

**Jolen Yuuni:** Haha, thank you for the review! Well, anything can happen when it comes to love right? Here is the next update for you! :)

**Clocked002: **Wow, I really appreciate your review! Thank you so much for liking it! Here is the next update for you! :)

**God-d-e-ss Eternity: **Haha, yes I cried too! Thank you for the review, and here is the next update! :)

**Mystery Dream: **Haha, he definitely will! Here is the next update for you! :)

**SasuSakuisforalways: **Hello! Apparently, I put the three of them in a complicated relationship on purpose. Haha. I have to apologise but due to little time I have (mentioned in author's note), the Yullen one-shots will be posted at later dates. They are mostly optional themes which can be published at any time so I will try to get them ready as soon as possible, probably one chapter before the week ends? Thanks for liking this story, and here is the next update for you! :)

**Before the petals fall: **No, I don't mind your long review! It just makes me so happy! (with the other reviews as well) I feel that it is only right for me to reply back and thank them for the encouraging words since you readers make an effort to review at the end of the long chapter :) I agree with you as well. I feel that Lenalee is someone who cares deeply for her friends and family. She is such a nice girl, so I'm really confused on why she is being hated so much and is used as someone who will interfere and break up other people's relationships. Well, not that I am criticizing on such stories as everyone has their own opinions in their writing. I think Kanda is more of a tsundere type who acts really cold yet deep inside, he actually cares, even if it is only a little bit. And Lavi...well, I'm definitely not writing him this way to bash him because he is in the way of the Yullen pairing. It's just well, when it comes to love, anything can happen right? Anyway, thank you so much for your lovely review! Here is the next update, and I hope you like it! :)

**Nonumaru: **Thank you! Yes, Lenalee is really a great friend, whether it is in the manga or in this story. I think she is really nice and caring. Anyway, here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Digimagic: **I agree with you! Allen really deserves his happiness! But it's just not now yet. As I put in the author's note, I'm afraid that I will only publish the one-shots for Yullen Week at a later date due to little time I have. So sorry about it! They are mostly optional themes which means that I can post the stories at any time, but I will try to post at least one chapter before the week ends. Thank you for this lovely review, and here is the next update for you! ^^


	5. Last Spring

**Chapter 5: Last Spring**

"_I know I am but summer to your heart, and not the full four seasons of the year."―Edna St. Vincent Millay_

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He heard the shatter of glass, and Allen stared at the broken pieces on the floor. He let out a sigh, bending down as he began picking them up, careful not to cut his fingers in the process. This was already his third glass that he broke this week due to his deteriorating vision which made him unable to see the things in front properly. The white-haired teen threw them into the bin, before he reached out for another empty glass to pour his milk in. Two pieces of bread popped out of the toaster, and he put them on a plate, sitting at the table to eat his breakfast.

He flipped the newspaper, and recently, he found it harder to read the printed words which looked so much tinier than usual. His vision was turning hazy more often, leading to frequent blunders and mistakes he made which could have been avoided. Allen grimaced as he paused for a moment, touching his forehead which was starting to hurt again. Ignoring the migraine which had become part of the morning routine, he cleared the table, preparing to go to school.

Allen stopped at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to come. The faint sunlight shone into his eyes, and he turned away, walking to a shaded area instead. His eyes turned rather dry at times, and he had to apply the eye drops frequently to give moisture to them.

The bus arrived, and a large crowd of people were already waiting at the front as the doors opened for them to board. Allen followed the crowd closely―perhaps too closely―and his face knocked hardly against a shoulder of someone who stopped suddenly. He winced in pain, yet he couldn't examine his nose because the queue was still moving. He almost stumbled between the steps, but he got hold of himself and boarded the vehicle safely. The white-haired teen went to the standing area, leaning against the railing as he peered out of the window listlessly. His eyes watered slightly from the glaring sunlight, and he wiped them off, peering at the scenery outside once again.

Four months had passed since his confrontation with Kanda, and before he knew it, it was the beginning of spring. He opened the window slightly, peering at the small leaves and grass sprouting out and the blooming flowers as he breathed in the faint yet refreshing scent of morning dew. The snow piled up at the side of the road had almost melted. The breeze was getting warmer, welcoming the beginning of a new season.

In the blink of an eye, it was graduation day for the third-year students tomorrow. After that, he wondered whether he had the chance to meet Kanda again.

The bus stopped, and everyone began to alight. He stepped on the stone pavement, walking towards the college within a distance away. Allen peered at the white jasmine decorating the entire field of the school premises, kneeling down as he touched the petals which were still wet with morning dew. He stared at it, his fingers feeling its smooth texture.

_"By your current condition, you have to do surgery as soon as possible."_

He touched his forehead, wincing as another wave of migraine rushed to his head. His vision flickered, a series of distorted colours dancing in front of his eyes which worsened his headache. Then, everything slowly faded into colours of grey, black and white. Silver eyes slowly widened as the bright sapphire colour from the butterfly gradually faded into a blank, emotionless colour.

"Allen! Over here!" Hearing Lenalee's voice, Allen slowly stood up and turned, staring at a small, blurry figure in front of him who was presumed to be her. He pulled out his signature smile which he had perfected through the years as he walked over to her.

"Where are they?" He asked, his eyes searching for a certain couple.

"Oh, you mean Kanda and Lavi? I'm not sure too. Maybe they have some matters to attend at the moment," She replied with a smile. Allen wasn't sure whether he should be glad that he would not be seeing them for now. He stared at the ground, deep into thoughts.

"Allen?" Lenalee questioned in slight bewilderment.

"It's nothing," He answered. His body started trembling on its own as his vision darkened slightly. He followed Lenalee behind, trying to calm himself down as he stared at the people around him. With his eyes unable to recognise the colours, the people and the things that he was seeing suddenly became so foreign and strange, as though it was a completely different world he was currently in. Allen flinched at a slight touch on his shoulder, biting his lips as he tried to fight off the fear invading his body.

They walked up the spiral staircase to the second floor, and as they reached the first junction, a group of seniors walked out with books in their hands, and Kanda and Lavi were among them.

_I just cannot leave you be, Allen._

What did Kanda mean when he said that?

"Oh, it's Lenalee and Allen! Are you going for class?" Lavi spotted them and called out with the usual grin on his face. They stopped, and Allen continued to stare at the ground, his gaze never in contact with them.

"Yeah. Looks like the two of you are very busy with work," Lenalee replied, staring at the white-haired teen in slight hesitance. Lavi just smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah. I see the two of you later for lunch!"

He remained silent. The two of them turned at the corridor, and his hand brushed lightly against his as he walked past Kanda. Kanda did not say anything, and he did not stop him either. That particular touch felt so warm, and Allen unconsciously clenched his hand, not wanting to think about it. He and Lenalee parted at the next corridor, and the white-haired teen entered his classroom, placing his books on the table as morning lessons soon began.

Ever since that particular day, he and Kanda did not talk to each other. Kanda did not address him by his infamous nickname, and he could not bring out a single sarcasm towards him either. The two of them just treated themselves as non-existent beings as they walked past each other, not even bothering to greet each other with their usual exchange of vulgarities. Till now, it was still hard for him to face the fact that the two of them would never be the same again, but it was probably the best for everyone; for everything to revert back to its starting point. Kanda and Lavi would be happy together, and he would slowly put down his feelings and move on.

But...can it really be done? Just leaving it be and moving on like this...could he do it?

Time passed quickly, and it was already afternoon. Allen was walking along the corridor, helping one of his classmates to carry the books to the science laboratory. The two of them chatted along the way, and he wished he should have done this a long time ago―to spend his time fruitfully with his friends around him. After all, what could he do when he was completely blind? Staring into the complete darkness, he was nothing more than a burden to everyone.

"Look out, Allen!" She suddenly shouted, but it was too late. He collided into someone and fell, the books scattering all over the floor. Cursing under his breath, Allen looked up in a hard glare, his anger dissipating instantly as he saw the person who was none other than Kanda standing in front of him.

"Damn, look where you are going!" Kanda snapped, only to stare at him in shock when he realised it was Allen whom he collided. The two of them stared at each other in awkward silence. Allen then looked down, picking up the books from the ground as he stood up, shaking slightly from the fall. He felt light-headed all of a sudden, swaying to the side as a hand grabbed his arm to prevent himself from falling over.

His warmth gradually seeped into his skin. It felt so comforting as always, bringing him reassurance and calmness as the migraine was soon forgotten in an instant. At this moment, he wondered whether this was really it. He shouldn't be selfish. After all, Kanda had noticed him, and it was more than enough. Furthermore, Kanda should not waste his time on a person like him who was only going to be a bother to him in the future.

Love was only for a short, fleeting moment, and he had no choice but to give it up. But he was still content that he was able to fall in love. He was glad that he was able to get to know Kanda in his life, and he would cherish this relationship forever.

The hand slowly let go of his arm, and the white-haired teen walked past Kanda without a word. After leaving the books in the laboratory, he told his classmate that he had some matters to attend to and needed to go somewhere for a moment. Allen went to the ground floor, and he found himself standing in front of the administrative office. His hand slipped into the pocket, taking out a white envelope which had to be handed in today.

_"Okay. I will take up the surgery." _

Allen took a deep breath, before he walked forward and opened the door, entering the office.

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The beansprout was acting strange.

Kanda stared at Allen who was laughing with Lenalee as they were discussing on the variety shows that they were recently catching. The white-haired teen was describing the scenes with his hands as he made weird funny faces at the same time, and the both of them burst out into fits of laughter again, shaking their heads and hitting the table as they tried to control themselves.

He could not figure out what it was, but there was definitely something strange in the white-haired teen. Allen still had that same disgusting smile plastered on his face, but recently, he began to realise that the strained smile which he forced out was getting more obvious. The more he saw him flashing out that smile, the more he felt irritated.

"Yuu, what are you thinking?" Lavi munched on his burger as he peered at him in curiosity.

"Nothing," Kanda grunted as he picked up his chopsticks and started eating his soba.

"What? Don't mind sharing it with us?" Lenalee popped out the question, interested in the topic. Kanda said nothing, continuing to stare at Allen who focused on eating his food on the tray. He wondered when it was the last time that they had fought and quarreled with each other. He did not know how he should face him, and Allen seemed to be avoiding him recently as well. The white-haired teen was unusually quiet towards him, and he knew that something was wrong, but he could not figure out what it was.

"But you are rather quiet lately, Allen. I haven't seen you quarrelling with Kanda for days," Lenalee said with a slight frown, her violet eyes peering at her friend in concern. The redhead was silent at the corner of the table, choosing not to comment.

"It's nothing," He simply replied, continuing to eat his food. Minutes later, Allen emptied the entire tray as he stood up, taking the tray in his hands. A chilling feeling sank into him as the white-haired teen walked past, his hand brushing against his shoulder in the slightest touch. Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda turned around, seeing him walking out of the cafeteria without a word. He then turned back to face his plate of soba, his hand reaching out to his chest which felt unbearably tight all of a sudden.

"Are you okay, Yuu?" Lavi asked in concern.

"I'm fine," Kanda snapped, feeling extremely irritated. He stood up, clearing his tray as he threw the remaining soba that he couldn't finish into the rubbish bin. He rinsed his mouth at the sink, hearing footsteps as Lavi stood beside him and was doing the same thing. Kanda cleaned his lips with a tissue, his mind drifting back to that particular moment when Allen walked out of the door with an expressionless face.

_I just cannot leave you be, Allen._

What exactly did he mean when he said those words at that particular time?

"Let's go, Yuu!" Lavi said, grinning. Kanda grunted as he turned and headed back to his classroom. The afternoon lessons started, and they were boring as always. He turned, staring at Lavi who was sleeping on his desk as usual. He let out a soft sigh, flipping open his book as he stared at the rows of words blankly. The wind whistled softly, and Kanda looked up, peering at the clouded sky.

Before he realised it, spring arrived in front of his eyes. Now that he remembered it, it was around that time which he met Allen for the first time. It was so sudden, and the two of them just met before they realised it. At that time, he was searching for his silver bracelet which had somehow dropped while he was on his way to the park. He did not know where he was going, his eyes trailing along the thick bushes and grass as he looked for the accessory.

_"Is this..."_

He heard a voice. It was clear and soothing, vibrating deep into his ears. Kanda slowly looked up, seeing a white-haired teenager with silver eyes standing in front of him. He just stared at him in slight astonishment, wondering what this pleasant yet tingling sensation in his heart that he was getting right now was when he stared into that pair of silver eyes that attracted him instantly. It was the first time he felt this way towards someone.

_"...yours?" _The teenager questioned, showing his silver bracelet on his palm. His eyes widened slightly for a moment, before he reached out and took the bracelet. His fingers grazed against his skin for the briefest moment, the burning warmth jolting him slightly as he redrew his hand.

_"Thanks."_

He could not understand these feelings he was getting towards this person. What exactly were these feelings which were gradually triggering his emotions buried in the depths of his heart?

_"Are you studying in Cambridge College?" _The white-haired teen asked hesitantly, gasping out a few seconds later as he looked away, his face flushing in slight embarrassment. Kanda stared at him skeptically, wondering why he knew where he was studying from. He had been stalked by girls and guys since he was young, and it certainly wouldn't be surprised if someone like this beansprout had the nerve to stalk him so openly.

_"Are you stalking me?"_

_"O-Of course not!" _The warm flush on his face darkened as he stammered out, not knowing what to say. Kanda just stared at him in silence, wondering what was it that was gradually attracting him to this person in front of him. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his blood veins, and it was scaring him slightly.

_"Che." _He turned and walked out of the area, not caring if he would receive a reply or not. Right now, he just wanted to erase those irritating feelings which could mess up his thoughts in an instant, preventing him from thinking rationally. He just knew that he could not meet this person, in order to act as himself once again.

To his utter dismay, the white-haired teen was his junior in his school, and the two of them soon bumped into each other in pure coincidence. Allen looked slightly stunned yet happy to see him again, while he wished that he could just disappear out of his sight immediately. The overwhelming emotions were slowly surfacing and he did not know what to do. It was irritating, annoying, and simply a bother to him. He did not want to face it.

_"Yeah, it is nice to meet you, Moyashi."_

From then onwards, they started bickering whenever they met. Everything about Allen Walker just pissed him off. The pleasant sensation was gone, the strange emotions were completely forgotten, and he only saw the white-haired teen as an eyesore and nothing else. The fake smile that he wore was getting so obvious that he was sick of staring at it. He couldn't help but mock at him with harsh words, escalating into another fight again. But no matter how much he hated his existence, he still wanted to bicker with him, and he did not want this to stop.

Until Allen accidentally confessed to him by mistake. He could still remember the large amount of tears that fell from his eyes when he mouthed out the words painfully, lost in his overwhelming feelings as he continued to cry hardly. The smile was gone, and the emotions that were bottled up for a long time were completely exposed. He couldn't help but clean his tears away, not wanting to see him like this. Then, Allen kissed him on his lips, and he could only stare ahead in horror as the white-haired teen collapsed. The warm sensation on his lips was still there, and it was gradually bringing back the forgotten feelings he got when he met him for the first time.

"Yuu!"

Kanda blinked, snapping out of his thoughts as he turned and stared at Lavi in a slight daze.

"What is it?"

"The lessons are over." His eyes widened slightly, before he stared ahead, seeing that the teacher had already left. He peered at the clock, realising that it was already three. Loud cheers could be heard in the background as everyone gathered together, happy that their college life had finally ended, while some of them burst into tears as they were dealing with their overwhelming emotions over the moments as a college student. Kanda stood up, throwing all his stuff into his bag messily as he went out of the classroom.

"Hey, I need to meet a friend now, so I will drop by your house in the evening," Lavi said, patting his shoulder as he walked beside him.

"You don't need to come and see me every day," Kanda replied with a low snort.

"Why? You know that I will miss you terribly," The redhead said with a seductive grin, squeezing his hand tightly as his fingers entangled with his. Kanda said nothing, and his hand slowly slipped out of his grasp as Lavi went ahead first, disappearing within the flock of students heading out to the school gates. He stopped halfway, turning around as he peered at the college once again, and he wondered whether he would miss this place, and the life that he spent here.

Before he knew it, it was graduation day tomorrow.

Kanda went to the bus stop, his eyes unconsciously searching for Lenalee and Allen who would be here around this time. He wasn't really surprised only to find Lenalee as she waved to him. He approached her, wondering why he felt a tinge of disappointment when the white-haired teen was not here.

"So how are you feeling when you are graduating tomorrow, Kanda?" Lenalee asked in curiosity. Kanda was not sure how exactly he should reply. He stared at the students who were sobbing to themselves at a corner with an indifferent look, wondering why they had to cry so hardly over something that was so insignificant and meaningless. So what if college life was over? Life still had to go on, no matter where they were, and what they were doing.

"It feels normal," He replied in a monotone voice, getting annoyed by the loud cries from a group of girls behind him as they wailed on something about not able to be with their charming seniors and so on. One of them even stole a glance at him with a creepy smile. Kanda almost rolled his eyes as he turned elsewhere, wondering when the bus was arriving.

"Are you intending to go to a university then?" She asked. Kanda frowned at that particular word and grunted, running his finger through his hair. He had always disliked studying, mainly because the lessons were terribly boring, the teachers were extremely irritating, and the girls were plainly annoying tailing behind his back wherever he went. But studying aside, he was not certain what he wanted to achieve in his life yet.

"I don't know."

The bus came, and everyone boarded it, moving to the back of the vehicle. He was stuck in between, with girls surrounding him as they stared at him hungrily. Lenalee couldn't help but giggle at this sight, and Kanda shot her a glare, telling her inwardly to stop laughing. The warm breeze entered the bus, and he slowly closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling tickling along his skin.

Before he knew it, he was back in the park. Kanda gripped his sling bag by his shoulder as he walked along small path filled with blooming flowers, gazing at the green leaves on the trees. The entire place was empty, and he found himself at his usual bench once again. Kanda sat down, peering at the scenery as he reached out, catching a white jasmine flower by his palm.

He wondered how long it had been ever since he came here to spend his idle time. His home had never been a place for him to have a peace of mind, and before he realised it, he had been visiting this place every afternoon, enjoying the beauty of the nature and the tranquility that it brought him. The cooling breeze that lulled deep in his ears and the unique scent that it brought him always calmed his heart down, washing all of his frustration away. He had always wondered what this intoxicating scent was. He thought that it was the flowers, but somehow, it did not feel right.

"Kanda."

Kanda looked up, seeing Allen in front of him. The white-haired teen was wearing the uniform for his part-time job, and he remembered that he had already been working in that cafe for quite a long while.

"You are here again," He said with a smile. The wind picked up, sweeping the lying flowers up in the air as the white petals brushed past his silver eyes, touching his lips lightly. Sapphire eyes widened, and his heart throbbed slightly at what he was seeing. Allen let out a loud sigh as he sat down beside him, peering at the trees which were swaying together with the wind.

"Beautiful..." He muttered softly, his gaze softening as Allen stared at the scenery in front of him. That pair of silver eyes which always glared angrily at him was now shimmering so brightly in the sunlight that he found it slightly blinding to see ahead. Kanda squinted his eyes, seeing his thin lips curving into a faint yet genuine smile as Allen slowly closed his eyes, blending into the environment perfectly.

"I wonder whether I can see you again."

Kanda said nothing. He would be moving to the city in May to stay with an irritating old man who kept proclaiming himself as his father and his two step brothers. He thought of living alone since he was used to a solitary life without anyone to bother him every day, but after hearing ten consecutive video calls from that old man who literally pleaded with running tears, he gave up and decided to move in with them just to shut his mouth up for once.

"I guess...I will really miss you a lot," Allen murmured quietly with a saddened face. Kanda just stared at him, before he let out a low grunt and turned elsewhere, not liking what he was seeing. He wondered why he wasn't getting used to seeing the white-haired teen behaving like this.

"Che. It isn't as if we would not meet again." The unique scent was getting stronger, filling up his lungs as he inhaled deeply. He closed his eyes, enjoying this particular moment as he let himself sink together with this feeling. Everything just felt so right at this moment, and he somehow did not want to leave this place. Perhaps...having Allen here wasn't as bad as he thought to be.

"No. I am really glad to be able to get to know you, Kanda."

Sapphire eyes snapped open as Kanda turned and stared at him, slightly stunned at his words. Allen played with his fingers for a moment, before he looked up at the sky and let out a sigh.

"Finally...I'm able to talk to you like this. Can you believe that I'm feeling extremely nervous right now?" Allen said with soft chuckles escaping out of his parted lips.

Kanda remained silent.

"Well... I'm sorry for what had happened between us. Although I still..." He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Although I still cannot put down my feelings for you, I don't regret falling in love with you. And now, I'm content to be able to see you before you leave."

Allen turned to face him, his lips forming into a wide, radiant smile.

"Thank you, Kanda. Thank you, for everything."

Kanda did not know what to say as he continued to stare at him, shocked. His words echoed repeatedly in his mind, and he couldn't erase that smile off his mind. He did not know whether these were really Allen's true feelings when he said them, or was he hesitant to believe that he was going to forget him and move on for good? His eyes drifted to the ground, searching desperately for answers. At this moment, why did Allen's words sound as if this would be their last time together?

"I have to go back." Allen stood up, but was stopped instantly by a hand grabbing his wrist. Silver eyes widened slightly, before he turned to Kanda who was staring at him.

"Kanda?"

Sapphire eyes widened. He had no idea what he was doing. His hand just moved on its own, stopping the white-haired teen from leaving. His heart which was always hardened with resolve was starting to waver. He had a feeling that if he did not stop him now, it would be too late, but what exactly was it? What was it between him and Allen which defined the bond that they shared?

His hand slowly let go of his hand, and Allen smiled before he turned and left. Kanda just stared at the disappearing shadow across the path, wondering what exactly this null yet miserable feeling was. He felt so cold and so empty all of a sudden, as though something which had been filling up his heart all these while was forcefully taken away. He wondered whether it was because Lavi wasn't here with him today. But somehow, it wasn't right either.

Kanda then wondered what it was which made him fall in love with Lavi. Was it his foolish, annoying grin which he always wore on his face? Or was it his persistent attitude of confessing his love for him every single day? At the moment when Lavi kissed him for the first time at the park, he remembered that the scent was the strongest; so addicting that his senses were numbed, and his mind turned completely blank. He thought the scent was from Lavi, and before he knew it, they became lovers.

He had always thought it was his scent that drew him to the redhead. But after Allen came, he then began to realise just how wrong he was.

And it was then when he realised that the scent was getting fainter, until it was no more.

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All of the third-year students were inside the school hall, waiting for the graduation ceremony to begin. All lessons were stopped temporarily as the freshmen and sophomores gathered outside the corridors, and their families sat at the top level of the hall, anticipating this event which was about to start in a few minutes.

Kanda stood in the queue, tapping his feet impatiently as he wondered why it was taking so long for this meaningless ceremony to start. Lavi wasn't with him. Apparently, the redhead had won the scholarship and was entitled first place among the whole cohort of the country. Damn him and his eidetic memory of remembering things with extreme precision. He did not even need to study and could still pass the examinations with a perfect score.

The hall was filled with screams and shouts, mainly from the irritating girls above who just wanted their beloved seniors' attentions. He could even make out his name through the deafening noise as he ignored them completely. Kanda peered at the corridor, seeing Lenalee smiling as she waved at him. He let out a grunt, wondering why he hadn't seen Allen around these days.

The principal finally walked up the stage, clearing his throat as he tapped the microphone for a moment. Everyone was silent immediately as he began to read out the speech regarding the moments that they had spent in this school and it was time to move on to a different path which would determine their future. He wished them all the best as they walked closer towards their dreams.

A video of their lives in school were played, and some of them were already in tears, murmuring something among themselves as they hugged one another in comfort. Loud shrieks were heard next, and his eyebrow twitched as he saw a picture of him and Lavi being taken down when they were doing their chemistry project. When was this photo taken, and how did it happen without him realising it? Kanda turned to glare at his classmate who was a photographer in the media club, making sure to get back at him later for this.

The graduation ceremony officially started as students went up to the stage to collect their certificate from the Chairman of the school. Loud roars and cheers pierced through the entire hall as Lavi's name was called and the redhead walked up to get his scholarship and certificate. Lavi stood in the middle of the stage, showing his wide grin as he bowed down. As he stared at him, Kanda couldn't help but let out a light smirk, admitting that the days with him weren't really that bad.

The names were called out, and before he knew it, it was his turn to get his certificate. Kanda stood in front of the stairs, staring at the long stretch of road leading to the Chairman as the person in front of him walked down at the other end of the stage.

"Kanda Yuu."

He straightened his posture, taking a deep breath as he began to take his first step. Shrieks and screams from the girls, and cheers from Lavi and his classmates echoed throughout the entire place as he gradually stopped in front of the Chairman. Showing his two hands, Kanda took the certificate and turned to face the front. As he stared at the students below, everything seemed to come to a standstill.

His eyes drifted to the corridor, and he saw Allen standing there, smiling.

_I don't regret falling in love with you. _

Kanda took a bow and proceeded down, joining Lavi and the rest of his classmates. He turned to peer at the same corner where he saw him, but Allen was no longer around. The raven-haired man frowned, wondering whether it was his imagination just now.

The graduation ceremony finally ended, and as the clock struck twelve in the afternoon, everyone was gathering at the green field located at the school gates, taking pictures with their friends, family and teachers. The girls were asking their seniors for their second button, and this included him as well as a flock of them were already queuing up in front of him just for that stupid button.

"Aww, there isn't anyone whom you want to give, Yuu?" Lavi teased with a playful smirk, dealing with his own group of girls surrounding him.

"Shut up, Usagi," Kanda muttered in annoyance as he chased away another girl who even dared to hug him shamelessly from behind. He frowned, staring at Lavi who was welcoming them with opened arms as he thanked them for their support through the years.

"Although I love all of you too, but my button is already reserved for someone else."

"Who is it?!" Kanda literally winced at their piercing voices. Lavi's grin just widened as he let out a loud sigh.

"Of course, it will only be and forever be my Yuu-chan. Please accept my button, my dear Yuu," Lavi said with a low baritone voice rumbling deep in his throat as he turned to him and knelt down, pulling his second button off his shirt as he showed it to him with both hands. Kanda stared at his disgusting smile in extreme horror as he slapped it away without hesitation. The button rolled along the ground, before it fell into a nearby drain.

"No way in hell."

Lavi could hear his own heart shattering into a million pieces as he went to a corner and moped in depression.

"Lavi! Kanda!"

Both of them turned to see Lenalee running to them, breathing heavily. She looked up, showing a terrified expression on her face as her eyes were filled with panic and fear. The olive-haired girl gasped between breaths, trying her best to talk properly.

"Allen... Allen has left the school! He isn't studying here anymore!"

Sapphire eyes slowly widened as Kanda stared at her, shocked.

"What... What did you just say, Lenalee? What do you mean by that?" Lavi stammered slightly, not believing what he had just heard from her.

_I am really glad to be able to get to know you, Kanda._

Kanda rushed into the school immediately, running up the flight of stairs leading to the classrooms for the first-year students. Seeing his class just at the next corridor, he turned and reached out for the doorknob, slamming it open. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him in astonishment. The teacher blinked at his sudden presence, her hand with the chalk stopping in mid-air.

"Uh, how...can I help you?"

He turned to stare at his empty desk at the window, the curtains fluttering slightly in the wind. Kanda muttered curses under his breath as he slammed the door shut and ran back to the green field where Lavi and Lenalee were waiting. Ignoring their cries, Kanda rushed out of the school and boarded the bus which just arrived at the bus stop, dialing his number at the same time, but the phone just continued ringing with no one picking up at the other end.

_Well... I'm sorry for what had happened between us. _

The bus stopped at a bus stop, and Kanda alighted at the roadside. Making sure that there was no vehicle on the roads, he sprinted to the other end of the junction, his eyes staring ahead throughout the entire time as he headed his way to Allen's house which was just a few streets across his.

_Although I still... Although I still cannot put down my feelings for you, I don't regret falling in love with you. And now, I'm content to be able to see you before you leave._

Reaching his door, Kanda raised his foot and kicked it open, stepping inside. Sapphire eyes slowly widened as he peered at the house which was completely empty. Kanda opened the door to his room, only to be greeted by the hollow whispers of the wind from the opened windows. Everything in this place had been cleared out, leaving nothing behind, as though Allen Walker did not exist here at all.

Lavi and Lenalee came a few minutes later, but Kanda did not notice, staring at the large space in silence where Allen used to be around. His scent was completely gone, together with the person.

_Thank you, Kanda. Thank you, for everything._

And with that, Allen removed himself from his sight.

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_A/N: _Regarding the second button, it is said that people (the girls usually) want the second button because it is nearer to his heart (the guy that she likes).

Hello! I was just staring at the reviews and I'm just so speechless. Really, thank you all so much for supporting this story. It makes me want to update faster, but due to little time I have, I can only update weekly the most. Please forgive me for that.

So well, I am unable to finish the stories for the Yullen Week 2012 on time. I am so sorry! *bows head continuously* so I guess for the one-shots that I have finished, I will post them as general one-shots because I want to share with all of you the ideas that I picked up for the stories :)

Please tell me your opinion on this chapter once again! I'm sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Please tell me if there is any :) Everything is deeply appreciated! :)

**-SingingBlues**

**Reviews:**

**MercenaryCrime: **Yes, and here it is, the next chapter just for you! I'm so glad that you love this story :)

**White Guardian: **Uh, I'm not the one that's cruel. _Love_ is the one that is cruel. Just to clarify that love does not always come with happiness most of the time, which unfortunately, is the main highlight of this story. I'm sorry for that. But for now, the cruelty on Allen is over :D

**Zoe Whiteraven: **No, I haven't mentioned on adding any Noah, and they have not appeared yet. I'm not sure about this, but new canon characters are definitely coming out after this chapter (well, after Allen leaves). Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Aah, I remember that quote! I love that anime/manga! It is simply fantastic. But this story is not written based on this concept. Thank you! Please look forward to it, and here is the next chapter for you! :)

**anakarockerster: **Hello! Aah, it will, as you said. Thank you for the review and here is the next chapter! :)

**bluemoon3: **Haha, I can't tell you that. What do you think would happen? Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Sentouki: **Hello! Thank you! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Before the petals fall: **You watched this anime too?! How is it?! I saw the summary and I thought of watching when my friend recommends this too! Aah sorry for the angst by the way... Haha, you have to read on as you find out! Yeah it seems hard to hate Lavi actually, but well, you only hate him at chapter 3, so it stops at there. I love Kanda among all the characters (Allen is ranked second) and yeah, Lenalee needs more love! From people like us I guess. And yeah, your mistakes aren't that serious so don't worry too much about it ya? :) Here is the next chapter for you!

**Nonumaru: **Hey there! Thank you for the review! Well... I can only say that Allen will recover at a particular point, so please continue reading the story! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Jize: **Hi there! Thank you for liking my stories! Though, most of them are in the temporary hiatus status due to little of writer's block and little time I have, which is why I started this story as a change. I will definitely finish all my stories :) Here is the next chapter for you.

**p junchai: **Hello! Yeah, a heart breaking story that I'm trying to write for the first time. So glad that you love it! And I also cried as I write! Can you imagine how much these emotions affect me? :( Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Mystery Dream: **It's true that they have not really understood his feelings yet (except Lenalee), but they will understand in the future. Haha, at this stage, Kanda is more of confused at the foreign feelings that he's getting from Allen rather than saying he _likes_ him, because Kanda hasn't liked Allen yet. For now. Thank you for your review, and here is the next chapter! :)

**WithoutWingsX: **Thank you! And well, I can't tell you whether he will be blind, but... Here is the next chapter for you to find out! :)

**the midnight requiem: **Hello! Thank you for your lovely review! You seriously just made my day :) Thus said, here is the next chapter for you! Hope you like it :)


	6. Autumn Rain

**Chapter 6: Autumn Rain**

"_Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you're heading."__―__Jodi Picoult_

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_Four Years Later, early September _

_Hamatonbetsu, Hokkaido_

"Allen!"

The figure shifted slightly beneath the warm blanket at the loud voice coming from the opened windows. The morning breeze whispered softly, lulling another round of lullaby as he was gradually drifting back to sleep. The sounds of the running water at the river echoed in the quiet environment as birds flapped their wings and flew towards the brightening sky whereby morning was arriving.

"Allen!"

The old alarm clock placed at the side table started blaring loudly at the exact time of five. There was a few shufflings in the bed as a hand slowly reached out, knocking the annoying moving gadget off as it crashed on the ground, before it slowly slipped back to its comfortable blanket, the entire body curling up further inside. A few seconds later, there were a few continuous knocks at the door.

"Allen, if you don't wake up soon, you will be late for your work!"

The covers were pulled aside immediately, revealing a sleepy man with his white hair terribly dishevelled beyond recognition. His sweater were pulled up to his chest, revealing his flat stomach partially, and his pants were slightly down his thighs as he shivered slightly at the coldness stinging his bare skin in the open. He let out several yawns, squinting his heavy eyes as his hand felt whatever was on the table, taking the pair of black framed spectacles and putting it on.

"Okay, Baa-san. I'm getting ready now." Pulling his sweater down to his waist, Allen slowly got out of bed, slipping his feet into his slippers as he dragged himself to the toilet to wash up. He scratched his head, putting toothpaste onto his toothbrush as he began brushing his teeth, tidying up his hair at the same time. After washing his face and cleaning himself up, he stepped back to his small room as he went to the cupboard to get his clothes for the day.

"Breakfast is ready on the table," She called out to him from the kitchen. Allen threw whatever that he needed into his canvas bag placed on the chair, pulling his tight jeans up to his hips as he wore a belt around it. He then wore a plain white shirt with a dark green windbreaker over his shoulders, grabbing his bag as he sprinted out of the room, seeing the tray of Japanese food on the table. Allen swallowed slightly as he sat down, taking up the chopsticks in his hands.

"_Itadakimasu_," He said, bowing down slightly before he started tucking in, gobbling everything down in large bites. Finishing his meal in exactly five minutes, he cleared the utensils into the sink as he rushed back to the toilet in his room, taking off his spectacles as he put his contact lens into his eyes instead.

"Have fun working, Allen," The aunt who had prepared breakfast for him came in, a smile on her face.

"This season will be its peak period, so it wouldn't be that fun working till late in the night, Baa-san," Allen whined as he stepped out, brushing his fringe away from his face as he pulled her into a gentle embrace. "But I will try to relax and enjoy myself," He murmured, his lips curving into a smile.

"That's good to hear. Now off you go. Call me when you reach Tokyo." She patted his back softly, and her motherly presence reminded him so much of the days when Mana was still with him. He was thankful to have her around. Allen nodded his head as he wore his long black boots and headed out of the door, stopping at the steps for a moment as he closed his eyes, breathing in the refreshing scent of the air in the morning. Silver eyes slowly opened, seeing the faint golden shimmers of the sunlight flashing clearly in his vision.

"I'm going off!"

Allen gripped his bag as he rushed down to the empty road, making his way to the bus stop to take a bus to the train station. He greeted his neighbours living nearby on the way, gazing across as he saw flocks of white swans on the clear waters of Lake Kutcharo, basking their wings in the sunlight. He couldn't help but grinned at this breath-taking sight as he reached the small bus stop at the side of the road, standing together with a crowd of people as they waited for the first bus to arrive for the day.

He opened his bag and took out his phone, checking for emails regarding his company's matters that he needed to attend later. Many documents had been sent to him for checking, mainly for the preparations as a new design manager would be coming to their company tomorrow. Apparently, their company decided to bring in someone from headquarters who had the superior skills in design to earn more revenue since they hadn't been doing well last spring.

Allen sighed as he slipped his phone into his pocket. He heard from his colleagues, mostly female, that this mysterious person was very well-known in the design world, his projects receiving at least millions of revenue each year. Not only that, he had flawless looks and stunning eyes which would capture your entire soul away. Simply said, this guy was _perfect_...

...which he almost wanted to bark out in ridiculous laughter. This world was not perfect. There was definitely no Mr Perfect Guy existing in this universe...well, not that he had heard of at this moment. At the thought of it, Allen let out a low snort, almost rolling his eyes as he imagined who he might be.

The bus soon arrived, and Allen went to the back of the vehicle, sitting by the window. As the bus started to move to its next destination, he peered outside, staring at the red leaves falling to the ground with the accompaniment of the light breeze. Autumn had arrived once again, and as his hand reached out, his fingers touching the surface of the fallen leaf, his memory drifting back to that period when he first came to Japan.

It had been four years since the completion of his surgery. It was successful, and the deterioration of his vision had stopped, controlled by the medication which the doctor prescribed for him. Every single day, he was thankful that he was still able to see; to view the world and all the beautiful things surrounding him with his own eyes. Till now, the decision that he made was hard, yet he did not regret it.

The bus shook slightly from the little bumps on the narrow road as it diverted to another lane and entered the bustling town area, and he could hardly see the front as more people boarded. His head leaned against the wall of the vehicle slightly, his eyes sliding shut for a moment as he hugged himself from the cold. Even after he did the surgery, his eyes weren't as good as before, unable to focus ahead for long periods of time.

He wondered how they were doing now. Lenalee, Lavi...

_Moyashi._

His clenched hands tightened as he appeared in his mind, at that moment he stopped him for the last time when they were in the park. He had a hunch that Kanda knew, yet he did not have a choice. It did not even matter if he hated him for leaving him in the end. But even so, despite telling himself for countless times that it was finally time to forget, deep inside his heart, he was wishing that he was doing well.

"How are you doing, Kanda?"

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His fingers were busily typing out the proposal that he had to show to his client as he briefly looked up, keeping track of the time which was slowly slipping away. His right hand reached out for his cup of latte, drinking it as his eyes never left the screen of his laptop. It was only when someone dropped a wallet in front of him did he stop as he looked up, seeing a lady bending down to pick it up, revealing her curved hips slightly in the open.

"I'm sorry."

He did not say anything and turned back to his work. Brushing his long, raven strands away from his eyes, Kanda put down the empty cup as he finally finished the proposal with all the necessary details listed out. Saving it into a folder, he stopped typing and stretched his arms and legs which were getting sore from sitting too long. Sapphire eyes peered at his phone which was vibrating, seeing a familiar name registered on the screen. He ignored it, tidying up the papers on the table as he put the folders into his sling bag. The phone stopped vibrating after a certain time, but it vibrated again a second later, to his sheer frustration.

Sapphire eyes narrowed as he picked it up.

"What?"

"You finally answered, Yuu-kun!" He heard faint sobbings at the other end. Kanda was about to hang up immediately when loud screams were heard, begging him to wait just for a second. He frowned, putting his phone back at his ear again.

"What is it, old man?"

"No, I just miss you, since you rarely call home."

"Che. You know that I do not have the time to answer your meaningless calls when I have businesses to attend," Kanda answered with a light scoff. Light chuckles rang at his ears at his reply, and Kanda wondered whether that old man was pretending or just plainly stupid not to understand the sarcasm hinted in his sentence.

"You seems well at the other side. Boarding the plane soon?"

"Yeah." Kanda took out his passport and flipped it open, staring at the air ticket for the flight to Japan tonight. Apparently he had to meet a Japanese client there who could not make it to Canada next week, and his boss is officially transferring him to their branch in Japan from tomorrow onwards. Shutting off his laptop and putting it into his bag, he took it by his shoulder, clearing the tray of the remaining food into the rubbish bin. The raven-haired man then pulled his luggage and headed to the departure halls, handing his passport to the policewoman for checking. He turned back, taking a final glance at the land of Canada which he had stayed for the last three years.

"Dear passengers, flight no EZ201 heading for Japan will be departing in thirty minutes..."

"Yuu-kun?"

"Stop calling me that. I call you later," Kanda said as he hung up, taking his passport as he went inside. He walked along rows of gift and beautique shops, stopping halfway as he peered at the shelf of magazines, seeing the face of a certain redhead in the highlights of the front pages. His vision blurred slightly, bringing him back to those days when the both of them were together. The memories were hazy, their soft voices echoing faintly in the background as their shadows were gradually disappearing into the darkness. He couldn't remember much, yet he couldn't forget either.

Kanda slowly turned away as he took his luggage and continued to move forward, away from the bookstore. He soon reached the gates, peering at the queue of people who were waiting to board the plane. He joined the queue, taking out his passport from his pocket once again. Kanda looked up, his eyes widening slightly at seeing a teenager in front who coincidentally had the same pair of silver eyes as someone he knew.

_Thank you, Kanda. Thank you, for everything._

His words haunted his mind repeatedly. He suddenly left, leaving him completely bare and empty, as though something important was missing in his life. It was then when he began to realise that he had always been searching for his presence all along despite himself not knowing about it, or that he just did not want to admit that Allen Walker had already become part of his life before he realised it.

Kanda stopped at the gate, handing the air stewardess his air ticket. He wasn't surprised when she blushed slightly just by looking at him alone. Well, it couldn't be helped. He was just born this way. After tearing the ticket and giving it back to him rather shyly, Kanda pulled his luggage as he went inside, entering the plane. He walked to the window seat at the middle as he put his luggage on the shelf above, before he sat down on his seat. After putting his earphones at his ears, Kanda laid back, peering at the blank ceiling for a moment.

"Dear passengers, the plane will be ready for take-off within a few minutes. Please remember to fasten your seltbelts..."

He slowly closed his eyes, drowned by the soft music playing from his phone as he gradually fell asleep.

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After several attempts of pushing himself through the large crowds in the train, Allen finally got out, stumbling slightly in his steps as he stopped to catch back his breath. He swallowed, taking a deep breath as he stared at the underground platform ahead, a smile forming on his lips. It was currently 8.30 in the morning, and he had successfully reached Shinjuku Station, which was situated in Tokyo, the central city of Japan. He looked around, joining the moving crowds as he exited the station, stepping into the open.

"Allen!"

He turned, seeing a blue-haired guy around his height waving at him. Allen smiled as he walked down the steps, stopping in front of him as he pulled him into a tight hug.

"It has been a long time, Tim."

"Yeah, me too! I miss you so much!" Timothy replied cheerfully as he returned the hug, giving his shoulders a light squeeze. After a while, they pulled away, walking their way to the office which was just a few streets away. His friend munched on the bread in his hand as he began to describe his life in Tokyo while he was away.

"It has been so boring without you around! Some of the female colleagues are already pestering me on the date when you are back so that they can ask you out. Damn, I'm so envious of you! How do you catch their attention so easily?" He asked with a frown. Allen could only chuckle slightly, not knowing how to reply. It wasn't as if he wanted their attention. They just somehow came to him, and being a nice and polite person, he couldn't just push them away without a reason.

"Aah, you know that there will be a lot of things that are needed to be done today right?"

"Yeah, the new design manager for our department will be coming in tomorrow. We have to prepare everything by then."

"I wonder how he looks like. Those girls are saying that he's damn gorgeous," Timothy said as he tapped his chin, pondering about it. Allen frowned as he let out a low snort, not liking where this conversation was going. Just what was it about this man which made everyone, even guys, like him? They hadn't even seen him before!

"Oh, are you perhaps...jealous?" Timothy questioned with a light smirk, nudging his shoulder for a response. Allen just gaped at him in horror as he brushed him off immediately, not believing that he could say something that was completely ridiculous.

"Of course not! Why would I be jealous of him?"

"You are. Just admit it."

"No, I'm not."

"You are _sooo _in denial, Allen Walker."

"Timothy!" Allen turned and snapped at him, getting extremely irritated. Timothy held his hands up in surrender before his friend could do anything dangerous to him. The both of them approached the office block, taking their cards as they tapped it to go into the main lobby. They greeted some of their colleagues on the way as they waited for the lifts to come down to the basement floor.

"Allen! Tim!"

They turned, seeing a woman with deep brown locks waving vigoriously as she approached them hurriedly. She almost tripped between her steps, which frightened them slightly as they could not reach to her from the distance between them, not to mention the large crowds which were blocking their way. Luckily she did not fall and came to their side safely.

"You almost scare us just now, Rou Fa," Timothy muttered, heaving a sigh of relief.

"I'm so sorry!" She apologised profusely.

"It's okay, Rou Fa," Allen said with a smile. She looked up, staring at him in a rather dreamy gaze for a moment. The white-haired man just chuckled to himself, totally not getting what this awkward atmosphere was right now. Rou Fa continued to stare at him in silence, while Timothy slapped his forehead in a defeated sigh, wondering whether Allen was just plain oblivious not to realise her feelings for him throughout the entire time.

They entered the lifts which brought them to their respective floors. As it stopped at the twelfth floor, they were greeted by several people running all over the office as several papers were literally flying around with no one bothering to pick them up. Allen just blinked in slight amazement as he, Timothy and Rou Fa entered the place, not knowing how to react to this.

"What is happening here?" He asked one of his colleagues who was attempting to carry a large stack of design books back to the shelves. She squeaked in slight fright, the books in her hands almost toppling over as she stopped, peering at him from the side view.

"Oh, it's Allen! Well, apparently the new design manager who will be coming tomorrow wants us to give him all the old and new records of the designs that we have done, with the references that we have taken down. We are basically digging out everything that we could find." Allen and the others stood aside quickly as a blond whizzed past with a document in his hand, not noticing their presences at all.

"Isn't that person...Bak?" Allen questioned with a raised eyebrow. Both Timothy and Rou Fa nodded in response. The blond, who was the company's general manager, had always been serious in his work, but he did not expect him to be so focused till he totally did not know that they were right in front of him.

"Well, it's what you are seeing right now. Everyone's busy in their work." She turned and left, and Allen and his friends were trying very hard to get out of everyone's way as they approached their own respective desks, getting ready for work. He switched on his computer, seeing numerous emails coming into his mail box within seconds.

Time passed very quickly, and it was two in the afternoon. He had already lost count on how many times his stomach had growled. Allen slumped down to the floor weakly, wondering when this was going to finish. All of his breakfast had been completely digested till there was nothing left inside it, and he needed food now. He peered across his desk, seeing one of his colleagues munching a fruit pie as he was doing his work. The white-haired man swallowed, controlling himself from drooling in front of everyone as he struggled up to his feet.

"Well, I guess we could stop here for now and go out for lunch?" Everyone looked up at Bak who suggested it with a smile on his face. Allen literally jumped out of his seat instantly as he gave the blond a tight hug in gratefulness.

"Thank you so much, Bak-chan!"

"Hey, I told you not to call me that, Allen!" He sputtered out, his face flushing slightly in embarrassment. Everyone headed out of the office as they entered the lift, discussing on what they should eat later.

"Shall we just go to Mcdonalds and eat quickly before we come back to the office later? There seems to be a lot of work that are not done yet."

"How about we eat Korean cuisine this time? I totally love their spicy kimchi!"

"EVERYONE!"

Everyone stopped talking as they turned to Allen who spoke out all of a sudden. The corner of his mouth twitched, and Timothy could only let out a groan, knowing what he was about to say.

"Let's go to Jerry's―!"

"Allen, of _all _places in Japan, why do you want to go there again?" Timothy asked with a strained smile that he was desperately trying to hold out. His lips slowly curved into a wide smirk as he turned to him.

"Because his food is simply the best!" He exclaimed loudly, showing a thumbs-up sign with his hand. Timothy just stared at him in a daze, at a total loss for words.

"I don't mind going to Jerry's place. After all, his food is certainly delicious, and his restaurant is only a station away. Well, we can make it back to the office in time to finish up our tasks on hand. Furthermore, we certainly need a little boost to last us for the rest of the day right?" Bak suggested with a thoughtful smile.

"You so totally get my point, Bak-san!" Allen piped up in glee. Everyone was already chatting among themselves, looking forward to a delicious and filling Japanese cuisine when they reached the destination.

"You just want to eat the mitarashi dangos right?" Timothy muttered, which hit the nail instantly as Allen winced at his comment, laughing sheepishly.

"Aah, you caught me," He said, sticking out his tongue playfully. The lift doors opened, and they proceeded out of the office building, heading over to the subway station which was just a few metres ahead. He took a few minutes of silence to gaze at the surroundings, capturing every single thing that he saw with his own eyes. He couldn't help but stretched his arms out, basking himself under the blinding light which he once desired to have. The wind swept past his feet, and red leaves from the trees along the roadside started to fall.

A low rumbling roar echoed in the air. He looked up, seeing the clouds gradually moving aside as a plane emerged from view. A smile appeared on his face as Allen just watched in silence as the plane descended within the tall shadows of the buildings, on its way to the airport.

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Kanda pulled his luggage and entered the arrival halls of the airport, feeling slightly lethargic after sitting in the plane for long hours. He stopped and looked around, before he entered a shop and took whatever guidebooks and brochures he could find, before he went up to the cashier for payment. After that, he went to purchase a transportation pass at a counter and got pissed off by a stupid attendant who had mistaken him for a girl instead.

Tapping the pass to get himself through, Kanda went down to the train station connected to the airport, peering at the many colourful lines that were available to take him to the central city of Tokyo with a deepening frown. Frankly, he hadn't expected this trip to Japan to be this tedious and troublesome. He let out a frustrated growl, giving up as he took out his phone and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Kanda."

"Oh, you have arrived? You should have asked me to wait for you at the airport!"

"There isn't a need to. There are so many fucking lines here. How the hell do I go to Shinjuku station from here?" Kanda snapped in extreme irritation, not caring about the number of gazes he received from the people around him as he swore loudly in front of everyone.

"Geez, can you be more civilised, Kanda? Please do not forget that you are no longer in the lands of a Western country."

"Don't waste my time, Marie!" He hissed, staring at the screen as the trains would be arriving in exactly three minutes.

"Calm down Kanda. First, you need to take the Narita Line in sapphire blue to Tokyo station. Then, you change to the Line 11 which is the Chuo Line in dark orange to Shinjuku station. Please take note that there are different Chuo Lines, and you are supposed to take the Rapid Service train instead."

Kanda just stared at the lines in the train map as though they were completely foreign to him. At the same time, the train from the Narita Line had approached the platform, opening the doors for people to go in. Still not understanding what was going on here, Kanda cursed under his breath as he stepped into the train hurriedly, deciding that he would just act upon his instincts when the time comes.

"Kanda?"

"Okay, I got it," He said as he hung up the call. The doors soon closed, and the subway began to increase its speed, moving out of the station. Kanda leaned against the wall, peering at his own reflection from the glass panes. He then closed his eyes for a short moment, enjoying this peaceful silence. He had heard from others that it was considered very rude to speak loudly in trains in Japan, and he somehow liked it this way.

He drifted in and out of sleep, feeling exhausted and unable to focus properly as the jet lag was starting to hit him hardly. Sapphire eyes opened warily as he peered at countless of people strolling inside. Kanda shifted himself closer to the corner of the carriage, noticing that he was gaining attention as usual, mainly from the high-school girls who were giggling among themselves as they stared at him. He wanted to shoot them a hard glare, but decided to ignore it completely as he was simply too tired to budge.

"The train is reaching Tokyo station. I repeat..."

Taking note of the announcement, Kanda squeezed himself out of the train when the doors opened and started searching for that particular orange line that Marie told him earlier to take to Shinjuku station. He peered at his watch, realising that he was running out of time. He was meeting his client at 3pm, and it was already 2.45pm. Worse, he still could not find the train line which he had to take!

After asking many people along the way, to his pain of frustration, he finally boarded the right train which was swiftly moving along the treks to his destination. Kanda let out several soft gasps, catching back his breath. His life had never been in such a rush, and somehow, it felt rather new to him. The life in Japan would definitely not be as relaxing as the life in Canada, but he was willing to take the challenge and bring himself up to the next level.

The train gradually stopped at Shinjuku station, and the raven-haired man walked out, noticing that another train had also approached the other side of the platform at the same time.

"Aah, his mitarashi dangos are still the best!"

Kanda rushed up the small flight of stairs, his shoulder brushing against someone as he pushed himself through the thick crowds. Not turning back, he rushed up the small flight of stairs as he disappeared at a corner, taking the escalator to the exit above.

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"Aah, his mitarashi dangos are still the best!"

After an hour indulging in the heavenly delicacies prepared by Jerry, Allen and the others were finally back in Shinjuku station, completely charged up and ready for the next round of work coming their way. Allen was happily chatting with Timothy about how creamy the desert tasted like in his mouth when he suddenly bumped against someone slightly. He was about to apologise when he froze, his silver eyes widening slightly as he picked up a familiar scent that he knew of.

"Allen?" Timothy stared at him worriedly, wondering why he stopped all of a sudden. Allen turned and stared at him for a moment, and after realising that they were blocking the way, he started to move forward again, taking the escalator which would bring them up to the exit. The silver-haired man took a last glance at the crowd once again, wondering whether it might be his imagination.

"Are you alright?" Rou Fa asked in concern. Allen just nodded his head, staying silent for the rest of the journey. They went back to their office, resuming in their work. Allen slowly sank onto his seat, staring at the bright screen in a slight daze as he was unable to concentrate. He then chuckled bitterly, knowing that he must have mistaken. After all, it had been four years. If they had the slightest chance, they would have met earlier.

Till now, he had been apologetic to Kanda for leaving like this. He knew Kanda would be burdened by his sudden departure, and he knew that he would be detesting him more for becoming a coward at the end, but he would rather be hated by him instead. No matter what happened, he could never reveal his illness to him or to his friends. The moment he made this decision, he was already prepared to live the rest of his life alone. Whether his surgery would be successful or he would become blind, those particular moments of his life were already over.

Even so, no matter how hard he tried to forget, some part of him still remembered. The raw emotions burnt at the reminiscence, and he could not help but clenched his shirt unconsciously, trying to chase this horrible feeling away.

"Allen!"

He looked up to see a lady with pink hair staring at him in slight displeasure, Allen just showed a small smile to her.

"What is it, Fou-san?"

"What the hell are you doing, daydreaming here? Everyone is working so hard in their assigned tasks right now! There is no time for you to slack around!" She snapped sharply. He grimaced at her piercing voice, feeling slightly guilty for letting his thoughts drifting off elsewhere when he was supposed to be focusing on his work.

"I'm sorry," Allen muttered softly, looking down at his desk. Fou stared at him in slight astonishment, before she shook her head and cleared her throat, putting a large brown envelope on his table. He stared at it in bewilderment, before he looked up at her with a questioning gaze.

"One of our clients, Caltech, wants this to be delivered to them by 4.30pm in the evening. Rou Fa is supposed to be doing this, but she couldn't leave her seat at the moment, so I thought of entrusting this to you. I supposed you can complete this task right?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. Allen nodded his head, and he found himself out of the building, standing at the bus stop in front of it.

After a few minutes, the bus came and he boarded it, sitting at the far corner of the vehicle, peering out of the window. His heart continued to pound at his chest in heavy thuds, sending his entire body trembling slightly on its own. He stared ahead blankly, and for the first time in his life, he started to question himself whether he had really abandoned his feelings when he left at that particular time. It seemed so easy when Kanda was not around, but what if Kanda appeared? Could he just push him away like what he did four years ago?

He alighted in front of the company, going inside as he handed it to the person at the counter who would give it to their boss. Allen then walked out to the open, shivering slightly in the cold as a strong gust of wind blew past. He then noticed people walking up the slope to a park filled with maple trees. Despite knowing that he had to rush back to finish up his work, curiosity got hold of him and he decided to visit it for a little while.

The sky darkened slightly, with several light gray clouds hovering above. Allen arrived at the entrance of the park, his eyes slowly widening in shock and awe at the stunning sight that he was currently seeing. The entire path was filled with red and yellow leaves falling from the trees continuously, and when he peered upwards, it looked as though they were literally raining down from the sky. Children were seen running around the place, while couples were sitting on benches, talking among themselves quietly. A cafe was situated there as people went in to relax and have a warm cup of beverage.

Somehow, it brought him back to that particular time when he was still living in the small district in England. Allen stared ahead, slowly taking a step forward. He stared at the waiters who were relaxing outside, recalling his past when he was also working at the counter in the cafe, serving food and beverages to the customers. The breeze whispered melodiously at his ears as he came out for a short breather, and he would be eagerly searching for someone who would sit on the bench with a book in his hands leisurely...

His fantasy stopped momentarily as Allen stared at a wooden bench which was empty. It was then when he realised one painful truth. Yes, despite everything being the same, there was certainly one thing which had changed, no matter how much he had remembered, and how much he actually wanted those memories to happen once again.

Kanda was no longer here.

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After the meeting with his client, Kanda walked out of the shopping mall, feeling extremely exhausted that he needed something_―_anything_―_to loosen himself right now. He looked around, before he spotted a cafe at the park located at the top of the hill. A nice, warm cup of latte popped inside his mind, and he smirked, making his way across the road as he approached the area. What he did not expect was the scenery in front of his eyes that captured his whole attention instantly.

Kanda began to walk around, peering at the rows of benches available in the park. He slowly stopped at an empty one, seeing some dry leaves on its wooden surface, moving slightly in the wind as they fell to the ground. He slowly turned and sat down, leaning back on the bench as he gazed at the falling leaves ahead in silence. Time seemed to slow down at this moment, and his heart stirred slightly at the familiarity of this routine which he would always take when he was still in his hometown in England. The raven-haired man gradually closed his eyes, hearing the soft lulls of the breeze as though it was calling him back home.

Everything seemed to come to a standstill, and he did not care what was happening right now. All he wanted right now, was to sink deeper into this feeling which seemed so right.

Suddenly, there was a loud rumble from the sky, and before they knew it, rain began to fall, landing on their shoulders heavily. Kanda stood up and opened his bag, rummaging through the things inside before he took out a dark blue umbrella, opening it. The entire park was soon decorated with different vibrant colours from the umbrellas that they were holding, and frankly, if it wasn't raining right now, he would have drawn this spectacular view down on a paper.

He stared at the group of families and children in front of him who were blocking his way. Kanda let out a snort, before he followed them behind as he proceeded his way out of the park. However, something caused him to stop in his footsteps abruptly. After pondering for a moment, he then began to realise what it was.

That unique scent which had been missing for the past four years was back, right in this park he was at.

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Allen frowned as raindrops started hitting his shoulders hardly, and he took out his transparent umbrella, opening it to shelter himself from the heavy rain. He was reluctant to leave this place, attracted to its tranquility that it brought to him. He could have stayed longer, but the rain had also reminded him that he had to return to his office soon.

He let out a sigh, standing up as he was preparing to leave. The silver-haired man walked together with the group of families and children in front of him, before he realised that he was walking in the wrong direction. Allen stopped in his footsteps, allowing them to walk past first. Before he stepped out of this park, he took a last glance at the wooden bench once again, remembering the last conversation and the last words that he said to Kanda before he left.

_Thank you, Kanda. Thank you, for everything._

As he turned and looked up, he froze in place, his silver eyes widening in horror at the person standing a few metres across him. Their memories four years ago slowly began to surface, one by one. The feelings which were almost forgotten came back at full force, and this time, he was unable to stop it. He knew that this day would eventually come, but he did not expect it to be today, and in this place they were in.

His trembling lips slowly formed into a smile.

"Hello, Kanda."

He did not expect to see Kanda again.

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_A/N: _Hello! OMG guys, can't you believe it? 32 reviews I received in total! All of you have no idea just how happy I was when I see the reviews that I was getting on that day I posted the last chapter. Thank you all so much for loving this story (even though I made Allen leave).

All of you might be slightly confused on where this chapter was heading. The four of them (when they were young) were living in England, and now, Allen was living in Japan after his eye surgery was successful (aren't you glad that our lovely Allen survived?) while Kanda lived with Froi Tiedoll, Daisya and Marie (hinted in chapter 5) in London for a year before going to Canada for his work, and then he came to Japan as well. Regarding the second button, I wrote it because the tradition is plainly interesting, but I totally forgot that they were still in England and not in Japan, so I'm sorry for this little error everyone...

Many of you have been asking me whether I am still continuing my other stories beside this one, so I shall answer it here. As I said in my profile and in some of the replies, I do not intend to abandon my stories. I have met a little of writer's block and thus I am writing this story for a change. Also, I will not update a chapter when I feel that it is not ready yet. For Colourful Moments, Chapter 17 is already 75% done. There is only one big problem that I need to write for the LaviLenalee pairing, and if this is not solved, I cannot post it.

I guess I shall stop here since I need to reply many reviews. So once again, please tell me your opinion regarding the chapter! I apologise for the grammar/vocabulary mistakes. Please tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is deeply appreciated :)

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**Reviews:**

**Zoe whiteraven: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**White Guardian: **Yes, as I have stated above, I will not abandon my stories. Here is the next update for you!

**WithoutWingsX: **Ahaha, I love the suspense, and I love _making _the suspense too. Oh, well, Kanda is just starting to realise what was truly going on between him and Allen, so he isn't that oblivious anymore XD Thank you so much for your lovely review! Here is the next update for you! :)

**MercenaryCrime: **Aah, the angst. Yup, and here is the next update for you! :)

**Guest: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you :)

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Thank you! And OMG, really?! I was so shocked when they just stopped it there (like is Yuuko going to come back to resume in her job?). I know it isn't an ending, but it just ended there, to my horror! So happy that they are resuming it!~ Here is the next update for you! :)

**Nonumaru:** We can just say that Kanda isn't as oblivious towards Allen anymore XD Thank you! Here is the next update for you! :)

**the midnight requiem: **I always love long reviews, so thank you for sending me such a long one! :) Yeah, there is a rather complicated relationship among the three of them (excluding Lenalee) which I want to focus in this story. Now it's still hard to know who Kanda would choose in the end, so you have to read on! Hmm, I don't really have a problem with Yuvi. It's more of a mature pairing to me. Laven is more brotherly, while Yullen is just...the perfect OTP. LOL. Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**ShimmeringCrimson: **Hello! Thank you so much for liking it! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**God-d-e-ss Eternity: **Yes, one of the points which I want to convey in that chapter. That aside, Kanda and Allen will not be separated for long because they simply have to be together! :) Here is the next update for you!

**anakarockerster: **Ahaha, he did not disappear for long, as you read this chapter. Here is the next update for you! :)

**JJxMusicxLover: **Kanda will definitely find him, whether in manga or in my story alone XD Allen is the main character of the story, so he definitely will not be gone for good. Here is the next update for you!

**Mystery Dream: **As you see in this chapter, they meet again :) His operation is successful...for now. Here is the next update for you! :)

**Bluemoon333: **I am guessing that you are the anonymous reviewer bluemoon33 right? If I did not remember wrongly. Haha, thank you so much for your long and lovely review! Oh yeah, as I have said earlier, Lenalee does not deserve to be hated, no matter how I think of her. Rather, Chaoji is the one that I truly dislike (not saying to hate him to the extent because he is still of some value to the Black Order tskk). Thank you once again, and here is the next update for you! :)

**Jolen Yuuni: **Ahahaha me too! I'm sad for Allen too, but sometimes, there isn't a choice to choose from. Here is the next update for you! :)

**Chibi-Dears XD: **Hello! I'm so happy that you are touched with this story! Yes, understanding Allen is easier than understanding Kanda, because well... Kanda is a more complexed person with a complexed mind XD Thank you so much, and here is the next update for you! :)

**Alissa Lee: **Hello! Thank you! No, of course not! A new beginning is awaiting for the both of them! Here is the next update for you! :)

**xXxLilDarkxXx: **Hello!Thank you so much for your lovely review! I totally appreciated it! :) Here is the next update for you!

**Princess of Love and Hate: **Hello! Ironically, I also have the same taste as you XD Thank you for your lovely review, and here is the next update for you! :)

**p junchai: **Yes, made to be very angst is the main motto of this story. Aah I know I'm bad but... the angst is really needed. Thank you, and here is the next update for you! :)

**Before the petals fall: **IKR! Those characters in K Project are so damn gorgeous! The drawings is simply fabulous! (which is one of the main reasons I got so interested in this anime/manga *stares at them dreamily) Yes, I shall watch it when I have the time!

Of course, Allen isn't gone for good yet, or else it would be the end of this story :/ aah well, let's just say that Kanda isn't as oblivious when he realised the feelings Allen had for him XD and thank you! I have been wanting to add this idea of Kanda who have mistaken Allen's scent for Lavi's. But it's not obvious who he will choose at the end yet. And well, I think it's not surprising that he would avoid Lavi for the time being due to what happened among the three of them, and Lenalee will be their pillar of support! Well, for Allen...

Thank you for your long lovely review (it makes me happy always) and here is the next update for you! :)

**Jize: **Yes, I agree with you! Angst stories are still needed! And thank you for your encouragement. I just feel that I should not let you all wait for so long since all of you love this story and are anticipating for the next chapter :) Here is the next update for you! :)

**Xiao Yue Er: **Hello! As I have said above, I do not intend to abandon any of my stories. The last two chapters on Colourful Moments are not ready yet, and I do not intend to post them until I'm satisfied with the chapters. Anyway, thank you for your review, and here is the next update for you! :)

**seven: **Thank you for your review! Here is the next update for you! :)

**AllenxKanda2: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**Digimagic: **Hello! OH MY, thank you so much for your review! Kanda, of course, will not give up in Allen, and Allen just deserves his happiness. Ahaha, my saying only. You have to read on the chapters to find out! Thank you once again, and here is the next update for you!

**shia suzaku: **Hello! Aah, well, you have to read on to find out yeah? :) Thank you for your review, and here is the next update for you! Please read my author's note regarding the updating of my other stories :)

**I'm a Big Bee: **Hello! Thank you so much for this lovely review! Here is the next update for you! :)

**nowherekids: **Hello! Thank you so much for your review! Here is the next update for you! :)

**Slave-Of-Boredom: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**GuestxD: **Aah just received your review minutes ago! Thank you! I'm so sorry for not updating Colourful Moments, but there is some problem I have met regarding the writing, and it has to be solved before I can post the chapter. Your English is perfectly okay, so don't worry too much ya? :) Here is the next update for you! :)


	7. Change

**Chapter 7: Change**

"_This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change."―Taylor Swift_

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The rain continued pattering down heavily, the loud roar of thunder rumbling deeply beneath the dark clouds at the sky. Loud footsteps hitting the large water puddles on the ground echoed clearly in the silent air as everyone was rushing to the nearby cafe for shelter. The shadows were gradually disappearing, and his face features became more obvious as the street lamps started to light up along the empty path he was standing in.

Allen stayed silent, his eyes staring at Kanda who was now in front of him. The raven-haired man was obviously taller and more masculine. The sharp and lean curves at his face cheeks, together with his long raven hair strands that glided along his shoulders, brought out the feminine side of him. Simply said, Kanda looked stunningly beautiful as always, and his appearance had never failed to steal his breath, his heart fluttering away.

"Moyashi."

That low baritone voice mouthed out his name in the deepest tone, jolting his dormant feelings at its wake as his body began to react to the heated emotions which should have already been lost four years ago. His past which he tried so hard to forget soon came crashing down onto him hardly like a tidal wave, pulling him back to that particular moment when he had to force himself to let go of his feelings for Kanda and leave.

"Hello, Kanda."

The rain became heavier, his voice drowned by the tremendous howls of the thunderstorm. The raindrops which were on Kanda's face slowly made its way along the curves of his cheeks and the corner of his pursed lips, before the water gradually fell onto the ground with soft splatters. The ends of his hair strands were damp from the rain, fluttering in the raging wind. His heart surged at this sight, and he was happy that he was well through the years.

The raven-haired man walked towards him, his hand reaching out to grab his wrist in such a firm grip that it startled him slightly. Kanda then turned, pulling him along the wet, slippery pavement as they walked to the cafe which was the only available shelter in the vicinity.

The door opened, the small bell attached to its handle jingling away as they entered the crowded cafe, surprisingly finding a vacant table right at the corner of the place. His grip at his wrist tightened as he pulled him to it, releasing him on the chair roughly without caring much about his current state. Allen winced as his butt fell hardly onto its wooden surface, his eyes narrowing into a glare as he stared at Kanda who sat down across him with slight disdain and a little tinge of disappointment. Despite being an adult, that self-centered attitude of his still did not mature in the least.

After he put his dark blue umbrella at the edge of the table, Kanda turned, that stunning pair of sapphire eyes was fixated on him once again. Allen fidgeted slightly in his position, wondering why he wasn't used to it despite spending the last four years of his teenage life with him. Despite looking almost the same, there was something in the raven-haired man that had definitely changed.

"Moyashi." Allen's eyes snapped up at the call of his name.

"Yeah?"

"Where were you for the last four years?"

He was not surprised at the first question which came out of his lips. After all, he was the one who walked out of him all of a sudden without any reason, leaving nothing behind, and Kanda was a person who would pursue things he couldn't comprehend to the very end, no matter what cost it takes. Allen was silent for a moment, before his lips slowly formed into a smile.

"I've moved to Japan to live with my relatives."

The frown on his forehead deepened at his simple answer. Again, he was not surprised that Kanda felt skeptical towards his reply he had to believe for now. It wasn't a total lie―he did have distant relatives related to his stepfather Mana Walker living here. Even though he did not live directly under them, he would go and visit them once in a while.

"Hmm." Kanda just dismissed it with a soft snort, and Allen gaped at him in horror at his surprisingly calm response when he would usually deny it without hesitation, pursuing it till the end until he got the answer which he wanted.

"Aren't you going to ask me for the reason, Kanda?"

"Is it necessary?" Kanda asked him in return. Allen blinked for several times, slightly taken aback by his answer. His eyes then slowly drifted to the clock hung on the wall as he rubbed his forehead absentmindedly.

"No...I guess?"

Their conversation was somehow unexpected. It was calm, going at a smooth pace as they just said out the words that they wanted to convey to each other naturally, without any need to conceal their emotions. Allen couldn't help but smile as he stared at Kanda, realising that he too had changed. The tone in his voice was not as painfully blunt and cold, and the gaze reflected in that pair of sapphire eyes was not as rejecting when he was looking at him.

"What are you smiling at, Moyashi?" Kanda asked with a frown, finding his smile extremely disturbing.

"You," Allen simply answered, his smile widening as his fingers curled slightly, the tips of his nails touching the surface of the table. Kanda said nothing as he stared back at him, and Allen slowly found himself lost in the deep sea pools of his eyes once again, and this feeling was exactly the same when they were in college. His breath hitched for a slight moment, his heart thumping lightly at a particular warm sensation which invaded his chest.

"Oh!I forgot about it!" Allen exclaimed in realisation, breaking the gaze between them as he opened his bag and took out his phone which had been vibrating for the last few minutes. The screen flickered, and he just stared at the numerous calls from Timothy and his colleagues which he had missed earlier. He looked up, peering at the rain which was not going to stop any time soon with a troubled expression.

"What is it?" Kanda asked.

"No, it's just..." His words trailed off, looking down at his phone as his fingers began tapping the keyboard of his phone quickly, sending a message to them that he would be back late. After slipping his phone into his pocket, he looked up, staring at Kanda's slight puzzled face as he realised that he only finished his sentence halfway.

"I have to return to my office now, but there is no way I can do that when the rain is still pouring heavily."

"Che. Let's go." Kanda stood up, grabbing his umbrella as he headed towards the exit of the cafe. Allen blinked in bewilderment, getting up as he followed him behind. The both of them stepped out on the wet ground, and Allen winced at the piercing sounds of the rain hitting his umbrella. Kanda then headed off without a word, and he hurried to catch up to his quick paces as he walked beside him.

"WHERE ARE WE GOING, KANDA?" He yelled through the deafening roars of the wind, his hand shielding himself from the heavy rain splattering all over his face.

"DON'T SPEAK, MOYASHI."

"WHAT?"

"WHAT WHAT? DAMN, I CANNOT FOCUS WHEN YOU ARE TALKING AWAY, MOYASHI!"

"YOU CAN JUST TELL ME WHERE WE ARE GOING! AND MY NAME IS ALLEN, NOT MOYASHI―!"

Allen gasped in slight shock and surprise as his foot slipped all of a sudden, and he soon realised that he was at the edge of the stairs. His body fell backwards, his arms flailing in the air as he let go of his umbrella that he was holding on. His vision was blurred from the rain, and all he could see was a hand reaching out and catching his waist before he plummeted down for real.

Then, before he could even comprehend on what was going on, he felt himself being pulled up, his face landing directly on the warm chest belonging to Kanda. Allen froze instantly, his wide eyes staring at whatever was in front of him. The lingering jasmine scent filled his lungs as he breathed in, his eyes clouding slightly as he felt light-headed all of a sudden. A fierce blush soon appeared on his cheeks as he finally realised the positions they were currently in.

"My... My umbrella..." He muttered in a saddening pout, trying to reach out for his umbrella which slowly fell off, disappearing to the ground below.

"Just forget about that umbrella!" Kanda snapped, pulling him back to his side which was sheltered by his umbrella. The raven-haired man then led him away, clasping his hand tightly to make sure that he was with him. Allen remained silent, pressing closely to his body as he could hear the faint breaths from his parted lips and the soft thuds of his heartbeats. His hand felt extremely warm, bringing him back to that particular time when Kanda was taking him back to his home when his eyes could not see in the dark. The same emotions which he felt at that time flowed within his body once more, jolting every of his senses which was slowly spiraling out of control.

He heard a door opening, and he was shove inside a car before he knew it. Allen shot a glare at Kanda who went in at the other side, ignoring him completely as he started the engine with a twist of the key in his hand. The raven-haired man threw a towel over his head, and he took it to dry his wet hair.

"Buckle up the seat belt," Kanda said, turning the wheel as he drove out to the main road.

"I know that," Allen muttered as he strapped the seat belt at his waist. Seriously, was Kanda actually thinking that he was an idiot who had not familiarised with the basic stuffs? The car jerked, and he let out a yelp as he felt himself being thrown back, his head knocking on the headrest hardly. He groaned softly, rubbing the bump inflicted at the back of his head.

"Where is your office, Moyashi?"

"I told you that my name is Allen!" Allen snapped in annoyance. Kanda almost rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I got it. So where the hell is your office?"

"It is at Aioshi Avenue, just right in front of Shinjuku Station."

Kanda let out a grunt in acknowledgement as the car entered the expressway. Allen peered out of the window coated with raindrops streaming down, wondering what was wrong with the both of them. Kanda wasn't someone who would just offer his help without any reason, and he wasn't someone who would accept it willingly as well. He might really miss Kanda, but it was definitely not because of love. As far as he knew it, it was already over, and he was not going back anymore.

"How's Lavi?"

Water splashed at the side of the vehicle as the car turned at the junction, entering Tokyo district. As much as he did not want to mention his name often, Lavi was still his best friend who had spent most of the times with him in his teenage days. It was only right to ask how he was after so many years had passed.

"Kanda?" Hearing no reply from the other, Allen looked up and stared at him in a slight frown.

"He's...okay," Kanda merely replied, not intending to say further. Allen raised his eyebrow, wondering whether it might be his imagination, because Kanda sounded rather hesitant, as though he was avoiding this conversation. He then wondered what had happened between the two of them when he left. Was everything okay? Did they get closer after he was gone? Allen took a glance at Kanda, before he stared at the ground, a strained smile on his face.

"We are here." The car pulled over at the side of the road, and he could see the building of his company right in front of him. Allen was about to get off when he noticed that Kanda was staring at the office building, his face showing a complex expression he could not identify.

"Kanda? I'm going off now," He called out, opening the door as his feet stepped on the wet ground outside.

"Are you working here?" Kanda suddenly asked.

"Yes. Which is why I ask you to drive me here," Allen answered with a slight frown, not getting what he really meant. The scowl at his lips slowly faded into a neutral expression, before Kanda turned to him, a wide smirk appearing on his face.

"I guess I shall see you tomorrow then, Moyashi," He said in a soft, enticing murmur. Silver eyes widened, and he almost sputtered at what he had just heard from the other.

"You think too much, BaKanda. There is _no way _we will meet each other again. And my name is Allen, not Moyashi!" Allen retorted, thinking that he must be insane when his heart leaped in anticipation at his words. Kanda was mostly probably teasing him for the fun of it, like always.

"Well, thanks for the ride, and have a nice day ahead." The white-haired man bowed slightly, before he turned and walked into the building, not caring whether Kanda was replying him or not. His face was flushing slightly at his last comment, and he slapped his cheeks hardly, telling himself inwardly to forget about him this instant. After all, this was not the time to think of anything else when he had more work to complete by tonight.

He took the lift, and when the door opened, Timothy literally pounced on him with running tears, blabbering quickly about Fou using him to vent off her anger when he was not back for hours to finish up his work and how difficult he had to bear with her until he returned. Allen went into the office and apologised to Fou for not notifying her earlier that he would be late. She just let out a soft sigh, dismissing this matter with a wave of her hand. Allen sighed, going back to his desk as he took out a new set of clothes from the drawer which he always kept whenever he needed to stay in the office over the night.

_I guess I shall see you tomorrow, Moyashi._

He almost laughed at this slight absurdity. There was simply no way he would be seeing Kanda again. Allen chuckled, shaking his head as he went to the washroom to get himself changed.

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Allen groaned, grimacing at the piercing glare of the sunlight shining through the glass panes. His silver eyes opened slightly, staring at the clear blue sky and the blinding light as he realised that it was already morning. He struggled up as he stretched his aching arms, wiping away the remains of his drool at the corner of his mouth. Most of his colleagues were already here, and they hadn't notice him yet, probably because he was hidden right behind tall stacks of documents that he had organised for the entire night.

"Did you stay up for the night, Allen?" Rou Fa came to him and asked, astonished by his disheveled look. Allen just smiled at her in silence as he reached to his drawer and opened it, taking out his toothbrush and toothpaste that he had placed in the office just in case he stayed up for the night. He let out another yawn, rubbing his empty stomach as he stood up from the chair.

"I go to the washroom for a moment." She simply nodded his head in response. Allen dragged his feet out of the office doors as he headed to the washroom which was just a few metres at the corridor. He went inside, slamming the toothpaste at the side of the sink as he washed the toothbrush, before he coated it with toothpaste and started brushing his teeth in slow movements.

"Allen?" His puffy eyes stared at Timothy from the mirror who was behind him. He turned on the water tap and began rinsing his mouth clean, wiping the water at the corner of his parted lips.

"I was worried when you did not return home for the entire night! You stayed in the office till morning?" He asked in concern. Allen let out a breathless sigh, touching his heated forehead as he was getting slightly dizzy from the continuous work till five in the early morning.

"If I don't, my work can never be done by today." The white-haired man shook his head, slapping his cheeks to wake himself up. After inspecting his face and showing a determined look to motivate himself for the day, Allen took his belongings and walked out of the washroom, with Timothy following him behind.

"But you are okay right? You look rather pale."

"I'm alright, Tim. I talk to you later. I have some letters that I need to send out in the morning."

"But the design manager will be coming in any moment!" Timothy exclaimed.

"I know! I will be back as fast as possible," Allen said, shooing his friend away as he went to his desk, taking several envelopes with him. He greeted his colleagues on the way as he ran out, pressing the lift button as he waited for the lift to come to the floor he was in. A few minutes later, the lift doors opened, and he stepped inside. While the door slowly closed, the lift at the other end reached the twelfth floor, opening its doors to reveal a raven-haired man holding to a suitcase as he walked into the office.

"Who is it..." Timothy blinked at the folders falling onto the floor, staring at Rou Fa who was staring at him in shock. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the new person who came in. Some of the female colleagues were already starting to swoon over his attractive figure.

"Rou Fa―"

"Why did you come so early, Kanda-san?!" She exclaimed, walking up to him as she took a slight bow in respect. Timothy just stared at her in bewilderment, finding the name rather familiar as he wondered when and where he had heard it before.

"Che. Where is the General Manager?"

Rou Fa excused herself as she rushed into his room located at the back of the office. Seconds later, the door slammed open as Bak ran out, stopping abruptly in front of the raven-haired man as he stretched his hand out, bowing slightly.

"It's nice to see you, Kanda. Welcome to KK Architecture Limited."

His eyes slowly widened, finally realising who he really was. Everyone, who seemed to realise it as well, straightened their bodies as they tidied their hair and clothes neatly to present themselves to their new design manager. Timothy observed Kanda in a closer glance, agreeing that this man in front of him had his unique charms which somehow had the ability to draw attention to him. Not only that, he looked composed and confident, his eyes showing such a strong gaze when he talked to people.

He was definitely a professional.

"Everyone! Since the new design manager is here, I shall introduce him to all of you right now," Bak shouted, clapping his hands to get their attention. The ladies were first to stand in front of Kanda, some of them patching their make-up while the others just smiled sweetly at him. Bak began introducing them to him, and Kanda only grunted in response, not intending to shake any of their hands.

Meanwhile, Allen threw the envelopes into the mailbox at the street, before he went back into the building once again, shivering slightly at the chilling wind outside. It was only early autumn, but the temperature was dropping rather drastically for the last few days, and this year's winter would be approaching earlier than usual. He stepped into the lift, pressing the button as the doors closed and the lift gradually ascended.

As he went out of the lift which stopped at the twelfth floor, Allen peered at the group which gathered in the middle, wondering what was going on inside. He slowly entered, his eyes narrowing slightly as he saw someone he hadn't seen in this company before. He was probably the new design manager coming in today, and he was curious on how he looked like.

Allen walked closer, his eyes widening in absolute disbelief as his mouth fell open at seeing the raven-haired man at the front of the crowd.

"This is Timothy Hearst," Bak said, and Timothy walked up to the raven-haired man, a smile on his face.

"By the way, where is he?" The blond leaned to him and whispered at his ear.

"Uh, he is..." Timothy looked around, and soon, his blue eyes landed onto him. Allen flinched, shaking his head as he waved his hands vigorously to tell him not to say anything out. He could not believe that he would actually meet Kanda again, and in a place like this. Not to mention he was their new design manager of their department.

_I guess I shall see you tomorrow then, Moyashi._

His face flushed in deep embarrassment, and he wished to jump into a hole instantly. Allen swallowed, slowly turning around as he made his way out of here quietly, making sure that no one could hear him.

"Aah, there you are, Allen!"

Timothy winced slightly at the trip of his foot over a card box lying on the floor as Allen stumbled in his steps. He stiffened, knowing that there was nowhere to escape. The white-haired man stared ahead for a moment, before he started laughing awkwardly as he turned around, forcing his feet to move despite the pain at his ankle.

"This is Allen Walker, the assistant manager of the design department. He is currently in charge of all the matters in the department after the previous manager has left the company."

"It's nice to meet you. My name is Allen Walker," Allen muttered as he stared at Kanda with a hardened glare, his silver eyes narrowing as he tried to tell the other inwardly not to mention their current relationship to everyone, or else he would bear the deadly consequences. Kanda just stared back at him with a blank expression, and to his utter dismay, his lips slowly curved into a light smirk.

"The both of you...know each other?" Bak asked in a questioning gaze.

"NO, of course not!" Allen answered immediately. Kanda's smirk only widened as he reached out and took his hand, to everyone's horror.

"It's nice to meet you, _Moyashi_."

"My name is Allen and not Moyashi, BaKanda!" He snapped, before his eyes widened at the words which slipped out of his mouth. Allen berated himself inwardly for making such a grave mistake.

"You know him, Allen?" Timothy questioned with a raised eyebrow. The entire office was deadly silent, all gazes onto him. Allen fidgeted uncomfortably, not knowing how to explain this to them.

"It's just...well...we are friends―"

"FRIENDS?!" Everyone exclaimed in total shock. Allen shot a dark glare at Kanda who was smirking in triumphant as he followed Bak into the conference room. Before he knew it, he was completely surrounded as his colleagues began bombarding him with endless questions regarding the raven-haired man. Allen let out a frustrated growl, and he swore that he would definitely get revenge for this.

After explaining to his colleagues for around an hour, mostly to the ladies, he finally had the free time to go to the pantry and get himself a cup of beverage to calm himself down. Allen peered at the coffee machine in fatigue, leaning against the counter slightly as he slouched at the surface of the furniture, resting his head on his arm. Frankly, if Bak did not come out and remind them to resume in their work, he doubted that the conversation would end so pleasantly like this.

"Are you okay, Allen?" He turned, seeing Rou Fa stepping in as she peered at him in concern.

"I'm fine, Rou Fa. What is it?" The brunette just stared at the ground, fingering with her frilly skirt at her waist.

"No, it's just... I'm a little envious of you who know someone like Kanda-san."

If he was not careful enough, he would have dropped his precious cup of coffee onto the floor. Allen just chuckled bitterly, not knowing what to say. He was completely amazed at how his colleagues could twist the facts and insist that he was just too shy to admit their relationship despite telling them for so many times that he and Kanda were absolutely not related to each other in any way.

"By the way, Kanda-san wants to see you in his office."

Allen let out a defeated sigh as he nodded his head, walking out of the pantry. He put his mug on his desk, before he proceeded to Kanda's room which was right beside Bak's. The white-haired man stopped at the door as he paused for a moment, taking deep breaths and brushing his fringe away from his eyes. He then knocked on the door, before he opened it and stepped inside.

The light scent of lavender rushed to his nose as he peered at the surroundings in slight curiosity. The room was dimly lit and surprisingly empty, with only the working desk and furniture to store the design works and reference books. Two black couches were situated in front of the desk with a small coffee table in the middle. Everything was kept neat and tidy, and he was certainly not surprised when he saw this. After all, Kanda hated doing his work in a messy environment.

"I never thought I will be seeing you again," Kanda said, putting the last book on the shelf as he sat on the chair, arranging the documents and folders on his desk neatly.

"Neither do I," Allen muttered, leaning against the wall as he folded his arms. He thought that those times happening in his teenage life had ended and he would not be touching on that side of the story again. And now, Kanda just re-entered his life so easily as though this was meant to be. Their story had to continue until it came to an ending, no matter how unfortunate it would be.

"Moyashi."

"It's Allen," He corrected, not having the mood to snap at him for the mistake. He could hear the small wheels of the chair rolling backwards, until it hit the shelf with a light thud. The sounds of footsteps echoed in the air, getting louder by each step as they gradually headed to where he was. Allen opened his eyes, and Kanda was standing right in front of him, their faces just inches apart. His eyes were watching him in silence, and he found himself unable to move under his gaze.

Kanda leaned closer, their hair strands entangling together in colours of blue and white. Allen pressed his body further on the wall, wondering what he was going to do. His heart was fluttering wildly, in a strong rhythm which he could not keep up. He swallowed slightly, his lips parted as he breathed in small gasps. Even so, he did not want to look away from that pair of sapphire eyes which were now staring at him solely. Him and nothing else. No one else, only him alone.

"Che. Are all the documents here?" Kanda questioned as he turned around, peering at the large stacks of papers and notes on the coffee table. His eyebrow twitched, and he almost wanted to hit him hardly for sending him the unnecessary signals. Allen slapped himself inwardly and chased those irritating thoughts out of his head.

"Yeah, unless there are more outside," He replied. Kanda stood up and walked over to the couch, sitting down as he started inspecting the records of their previous business deals over the years. Allen just stood there, watching him in silence. He remembered the times when he stood behind the tree, silently watching Kanda with a content face. Now, the distance between them was so much shorter, almost at an arm's length, enough to reach to him.

He raised his hand as he slowly reached out to him.

_Allen!_

Lavi's face appeared, and he found himself unable to move further.

"How is Lavi, Kanda?"

Kanda flinched slightly, his eyes widening in slight astonishment. The documents stayed in his hand, not moving for a moment. Allen frowned, seeing the same face expression that he saw yesterday when he raised the same question again. He began to suspect that something had happened between the two of them, and it was not good.

"Kanda―"

"You can leave," Kanda said, taking the papers in his hand as he went back to his seat. He instantly knew that he was lying, because Kanda showed his emotions out in the open, and he could tell that he was hiding something from him.

"What happened between you and Lavi? Where is he?"

"Didn't I tell you to get out?" Kanda said again, his eyes still fixated on the documents that he was currently reading. Silver eyes glared hardly at him, his hands slowly clenching in anger. Knowing that the last thing he should do was to make a scene in the office, Allen swallowed his frustrations down his throat as he walked out of the room without a word, slamming the door behind him. He returned to his desk, running his fingers through his hair in extreme irritation. He knew he should not probe further due to personal reasons, but somehow, he could not stop himself from wanting to know the answer.

Just what exactly was he anticipating?

"Hey, shall we organise a welcoming party for Kanda-san, since he is new in Japan?" One of his colleagues suggested. Everyone nodded their heads, agreeing in unison as they began to discuss the plans among themselves.

"We should ask Allen what Kanda-san likes, since he knows him?" Rou Fa asked. The office was silent instantly, all eyes onto Allen who just stared at them blankly in response. Despite knowing him for years, he did not know what Kanda really liked. Well, how the hell could he know when all they did was to fight and bicker whenever they saw each other? Though, Lavi might probably know. He stared at the ground, his heart wrenching slightly at the thought.

"Allen?"

"Let's go clubbing?" He said with a hesitant smile. He was not sure where Kanda liked to go to clubs, or whether he had even been to one before. Right now, he just wanted to do something to distract himself from the current problem. He would drink to his heart's content and forget everything, treating it as it was nothing to him. After all, no matter what the answer was, it was already impossible between the both of them, and he knew it very well.

"That's a good idea! Let's go to the one at Tokyo Station then?"

"Sounds great!"

He could not stop himself from wondering why he wasn't given any chance at all, even till now.

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The heavy beats of the techno music blasted through the night, the dimmed lights of different colours flashing at the dance floor as everyone was dancing among themselves, their bodies moving together with the solid rhythm of the music. Kanda frowned in slight disgust at a woman who rubbed against him so boldly, pushing her away as he made his way back to the lounge. He was forced to stop again as another woman came to him, this time hugging him blatantly at the front.

"Are you free tonight, Mister?" She whispered sweetly, her hand fondling his chest in extremely slow movements. Kanda cursed under his breath, wondering why his life had to be this difficult. He tried to walk, but her body just refused to budge as she pressed closer to him, leaning at his shoulder.

"Move," He hissed, grimacing at the revolting stench of alcohol from her mouth.

"Aww, why?" She whined, her hands sliding to his waist. Something within him snapped, and Kanda slapped his hand on her face as he shove her aside without a second thought, ignoring her cries of pain and protest. He seriously did not want to hurt anyone here, but she totally deserved it. Ignoring the gazes from the people around him, the raven-haired man turned at the left corridor and entered the third room.

He literally winced at the piercing screams when he opened the door. Allen was the very first to get drunk. The said man had apparently fastened his tie above his head, grabbing the food menu and moving his hand along the surface as though he was strumming a guitar. He, Rou Fa and Fou started yelling out incoherent words which somehow were the lyrics of Lazy Song sung by Bruno Mars, mimicking the dance movements in the clumsiest way.

"I apologise for this," Bak said, moving aside as Kanda sat beside him, staring at the white-haired man who was now holding on the remote controller as the microphone this time, switching to another song. Did that beansprout seriously have any common sense in him when he knew that he could not hold his liquor well?

"Oh, it's Kanda!" Allen shouted, giggling between hiccups as he waved at him. Kanda just raised his eyebrow in slight absurd. The white-haired man stumbled in his steps, touching his flushes cheeks as he suddenly announced that he wanted to dance. Some of them followed him behind, and soon, the room was rather empty with only a few people drinking among themselves.

"By the way, how do you know Allen?" Bak asked in curiosity. Kanda remained silent, his mind going back to that particular day when he first met Allen. At that time, he probably did not know, and did not realise how he truly felt towards him. His life took a complete different turn when he was gone, and frankly, he was struggling slightly to keep up with this pace which continued even though one had decided to stop at a certain place.

_Thank you, Kanda. Thank you, for everything._

His memory stopped at the last conversation that they had before he left.

"Kanda?" Bak stared at him in slight astonishment as Kanda suddenly stood up and went out of the room. He walked along the narrow corridor, the blasts of the music getting louder as he reached the dance floor. Allen was seen in the middle of the stage, his eyes closed as he ran his fingers along his white hair strands, his hips swaying rhythmically in the beat. His frown deepened as someone―a guy―approached him, standing dangerously close to him as his hands caressed his upper thighs sensuously. And that oblivious idiot just sighed in response, continuing to dance as though nothing had happened!

Kanda pushed himself through the crowd, his hand reaching out as he grabbed his wrist and pulled Allen out, leading him away from the dance stage. He led him to a quiet corner, making sure that he was at his side as he took his phone out and dialed Bak's number.

"Urgh... Let me go, Kanda! I have not finished dancing yet..." Allen whined, his fists hitting his chest.

"Hello?"

"It's Kanda. I decide to take Allen back first. You can ask them to go home now," Kanda said, trying his best to force the white-haired man back as Allen was now wailing like a child, kicking and struggling to get out of his grasp. To his utter embarrassment, he started singing out ridiculous names, and he clasped his mouth hurriedly as he took him away from the people who were staring at them weirdly.

"Kanda-chan! Kanda-pon! BaKanda-pi~! Kanda-Mmph...!"

"Oh okay. I will tell the rest about it."

Kanda ended the call as he pulled Allen by his collar, dragging him out of the place unceremoniously. The screams and shouts gradually became softer as they reached the parking lot, and Allen fell asleep on the car seat, his head drooping to the glass window. After strapping the seat belt for him, Kanda just let out a sigh as he started the engine, heading back to his home.

After about an hour, his car finally arrived at his apartment. Allen was partially awake, his hands fumbling with the door handle roughly. He then got out clumsily, falling into the drain as he retched everything out. Kanda locked his car and went over to him, seeing the white-haired man sprawling on the floor with the remains at the corner of his lips. He sighed as he pulled him up to his feet. Silver eyes blinked at the foreign surroundings he was in, before they landed on the raven-haired man who was in front of him.

"Kanda?" Allen asked hesitantly. "Why are you here? And where am I?" He muttered, wiping away the remains of the vomit with his hand as he rubbed it on his crumpled shirt. Kanda cringed in disgust, holding the hand which was clean as he brought him to the lobby. They went to the eighth floor, and Kanda stopped at a door as he took out the house keys from his bag.

"Where are we, Kanda?" Allen asked, staring at the bird ornament from his neighbour admiringly.

"My house, because you are horribly drunk. Get in," He said, taking his boots off as he stepped into his house. Allen threw his shoes all over the floor as he skipped inside, marveling at the furniture and decors in awe as though he was seeing them for the first time in his life. The white-haired man then turned around sharply, startling him as Kanda stopped abruptly, staring at him in astonishment.

"And I'm not drunk, _BaKanda_," He said, his silver eyes narrowing in slight displeasure.

Kanda rolled his eyes as he put his belongings on the couch and pulled Allen to his bedroom, finding clothes for him to change. Allen paced around the room, before he stopped at a photo album which had the four of them inside. He reached out and flipped the page, seeing photos of Kanda and Lavi taken together when they were in their teens.

"You have not answered my question yet, Kanda."

Kanda paused momentarily as he turned to him with a frown. Seeing the photo album which was opened, he understood what Allen meant.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Why?" Allen repeated, walking to him as he gripped his arms tightly, pulling him closer to him. His hands started to shake as his face slowly leaned onto his chest.

"Aren't we the best of friends, Kanda?" He whimpered softly. Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stared at his silver eyes were now staring at him in sadness, stunned by his words.

"No matter what happens, I have always hoped that the both of you will find happiness at the end..." Allen murmured, a faint smile forming at his lips. His frown slowly deepened as he realised what he really meant. Even after four years had passed, this idiot still wished for the happiness of others, even if it means not getting any for himself?

_I have never wanted to come in between the two of you. I have always wished for the two of you to be happy. _

His eyes flashed in anger and irritation as he suddenly pushed him to the wall. Allen let out a gasp, his eyes widening in shock as Kanda slammed both of his hands at the sides, preventing him from escaping.

"Since you are dying to know, I shall tell you."

"Kanda...?" Allen was fully awake now.

"Lavi and I broke up four years ago."

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_A/N: _Okay guys, I'm sorry to say this, but updates will not be put up consistently in a week's basis. I will still try to update weekly if I can, or else it would be a chapter every two weeks. Updates will be every thursdays/fridays.

And you all know how much I love you readers/reviewers? Thank you so much once again for supporting this story :) So once again, please tell me your opinion in regards to this chapter! I apologise for the grammar/vocabulary mistakes! Please correct me if there is any. Everything is deeply appreciated :)

**-SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**WithoutWingsX: **He does not have a scar in this story :) I did not mention anything about him getting into a tragic accident or something, so he is fine. Here is the next update for you! :)

**MercenaryCrime: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Oh, same as the last movie! I can't wait! :) Thanks for sharing this info! Here is the next update for you!

**the midnight requiem: **Probably the hints are the close relationship that they share, how Lavi can call him 'Yuu-chan' so easily and Kanda, although he dislikes it, begins to accept this because it is part of Lavi. One pairing which I cannot understand how it comes out is definitely Lucky. I mean, there isn't any sense to it :/

It' surprisingly calm, you may think right after you read this chapter. I don't want to make it very angst this time, because it's their new beginning as they start to work for each other again. Here is the next update for you!

**Clock002: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**Princess of Love and Hate: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**Our Secrect: **Hello! I'm so happy that you love my stories :) Thank you so much for your lovely review! Here is the next update for you! :)

**White Guardian: **Here is the next update for you!

**nowherekids: **Here is for you to find out! Here is the next update for you!

**Mystery Dream: **Wow, you watch Korean movies too?! Woohoo, I love Korea movies/dramas too! Hmm, I can't tell you that... You have to read on to find out! Here is the next update for you!

**anakarockerster: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**BlueMoon333: **Aah, I thought of writing him as a waiter at first, but I thought of a better idea XD Thank you! Well... what I can only tell you is that he's really okay for now :) Here is the next update for you!

**Guest: **Yeah, it looks that way right? But it's only the beginning for now... Here is the next update for you!

**Digimagic: **Thank you so much for your lovely review! XD Deeply appreciated for it! Yup, the happiest Allen chapter I've done! *proud* Here is the next update for you!

**ShimmeringCrimson: **It will be a gradual relationship between the two of them. This chapter is only the beginning of it, so there are more to come! Thank you! Aah, I'm really flattered by your words. Here is the next update for you!

**Jize: **Here is the next update for you!

**Nonumaru: **Ahaha, yes he is fine for now :) Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**xx Yuu-chan xx: **Hello! He is the assistant manager in the design department, as said in the chapter :) Here is the next update for you!

**Chibi-Dears XD: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**AllenxKandaness: **Thank you! Here is the next update for you!

**Metochocolate: **Aah I shall watch out then... Haha thanks for pointing it out! Here is the next update for you!

**ashterah: **They won't! Here is the next update for you!

**Darkspider: **HELLO! THANK YOU so much for this awesome review! Aah, I have currently put a little Rou Fa/Allen in this story. But it's most likely that Allen will be paired up with someone else outside the office. I haven't decide who it will be yet. Tyki, Road and the Noahs will soon appear as I mentioned Allen visiting his relatives in this chapter as a hint. Cross will not be coming out because I decided not to. And your answer you wanna find is the last sentence of this chapter...though, it wouldn't be as simple *muhahahahaha*

Here is the next update for you!

**Before the petals fall: **OMG, so someone will die in K? I don't really like tragedy anime/dramas, though I am currently writing one :/ well, you have to read on to find out! Here is the next update for you!

**MusicAngel13: **Hello! Well, he is well at the moment :) Here is the next update for you!

**Shukuto: **Hello! Thank you! Here is the next update for you!


	8. Faraway

**Chapter 8: Faraway**

"_Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. Solid flesh can never live up to the bright shadow cast by its absence. Time and distance blur the edges; then suddenly the beloved has arrived, and it's noon with its merciless light, and every spot and pore and wrinkle and bristle stands clear."__―Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin_

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_Lavi and I broke up four years ago._

His hand holding to the pencil slowly stopped, his eyes staring blankly at the sketch of draft he was currently doing. Allen let out a soft sigh, shutting his eyes for a short moment to drain out his thoughts and recollect himself. He opened his eyes once again, his hand busily drawing the curved outlines of a terrace house that his client wanted to see this week.

"Kanda-san, can you look at this for a moment?"

He heard several footsteps approaching his desk, getting louder at every second counted in his head. He couldn't help but glance sideways, seeing Kanda coming over with a folder in his hands as he was discussing some matters with one of his colleagues. His face turned to his direction, and Allen looked down again, staring at his draft as he felt the rush of the wind and his body scent of jasmine lingering around him. Kanda walked past, and despite how much he wanted to look up at him, he didn't.

_Lavi and I broke up four years ago._

He could not remember much on what had happened last night. The memory was fuzzy and unclear, and all he could recall was Kanda's angry yet pained expression when he said those words. He did not know what had made Kanda decide to say it out, but when he finally said the reason he wanted to hear, he did not feel happy in the least. Rather, he felt slightly disgusted by his own actions, that he had actually anticipated this with a little tinge of relief.

And somehow, he had a feeling that their break-up was related to him. Allen hissed, clutching his head in frustration. No matter how much he tried to escape, it always came back to him, reminding him of the painful memories along with it. He shook his head, concentrating on his final draft that he was finishing.

"Allen, it's time for the meeting." Timothy tapped his shoulder, before he went off to the the conference room.

Allen put the pencil down, gathering up all his stuff needed as he hurried to the conference room together with the others. Stepping into the room, his eyes met Kanda who was sitting at the centre of the table, reading the documents in his hand. He went to the seat at his left and sat down, taking his notebook out as he spread his stationary around him. People were still streaming in, and he found himself watching at the raven-haired man who was currently talking to Fou about the current market.

He had never thought that Kanda and Lavi would break up one day. Despite Kanda's stubborn attitude of not wanting to admit this relationship, the both of them could still go along with each other, sharing such a close bond that it made him slightly jealous. Lavi accepted every part of Kanda, and loved him wholeheartedly. This was probably the main reason why Kanda accepted him in the end.

Allen stared at Kanda who began to explain the summary of today's meeting in brief sentences. He peered at his broad shoulders which was blocking the light from the projector. His shoulders, where Lavi would usually leaned his head onto, looked a little heavier than before.

"Allen!"

Allen jumped slightly at the sudden shout, and as he slowly came back to reality, he realised that everyone was staring at him, including Kanda who had asked him for the proposal and he did not respond for the last five minutes. He flushed in embarrassment, flipping through the pages of the proposal that he had done as he listed out the requirements that were needed for the project. Kanda stared at him for a moment, before he turned to the screen, resuming in his presentation.

His heart pound painfully at his chest, feeling the horrifying weight of guilt sinking heavily into him as he realised what he had really done when he disappeared four years ago. And he even dared to demand for an answer when he knew nothing at all.

The meeting ended, and everyone was leaving the room. Allen took his things as he looked up, seeing that only he and Kanda were the ones remaining. He stared at Kanda, thinking―_hoping_―that he would at least say something to him, but to his slight astonishment, the raven-haired man just walked out without a word. The door slowly closed with a hollow thud, leaving him in this silence, unable to comprehend the situation he was in.

Was Kanda angry at him for forcing him to say those words out?

Allen went out of the room, proceeding back to his working desk. He put his belongings down, staring at the draft that he had just completed a few hours ago. He bit his lip, his hands clenching tightly. He knew that he had to apologise to Kanda for his ignorance in this matter. Even if he was in a state of drunken stupor at that time, he should not have persisted in it.

"Allen."

He turned, seeing Timothy approaching him with a file in his hand.

"I was supposed to follow Kanda to the site to take pictures of a shopping mall which is going to be renovated, but I have other tasks at the moment, and the others are not free as well. Do you mind taking over for me?"

Allen was silent for a few minutes, before a smile appeared on his face.

"Sure. Do you mind if I borrow your camera then?" He asked. Timothy frowned slightly at his request.

"Well...you have to promise me that you will not break it. I paid almost all my assets for this camera after you broke my previous one..." His hand slipped into his pocket as he slowly took out his locker key reluctantly.

"Thanks a lot, Tim! You are the best!" Allen said with a hard slap at his shoulders as he grabbed his keys and got up, running to the rows of lockers at the corridor outside the office. He opened it, seeing a black casing inside as he took it out gingerly, shutting the door with a hard slam as he locked it again. Throwing the keys back to Timothy who was practically yelling at him to take extra care of his precious camera, Allen stepped into the lift which slowly descended to the ground floor.

The doors opened, and he saw Kanda standing at the front counter, reading documents in his hands. Allen took a deep breath as he slowly walked forward, counting the number of steps that he took to reach the raven-haired man. His feet gradually stopped in front of him, and Kanda slowly turned to stare at him in slight surprise and bewilderment.

"Why are you here? Where is Timothy?"

"He has something to do right now, so I am here to take over his place," Allen replied, wearing the black strap over his neck as he secured the camera in his hands. Kanda stared at him with a slight frown, before he turned and walked out of the office building without saying anything. Taking that he did not mind him tagging along, Allen followed him behind, entering his car as he drove the both of them to the destination.

Allen stole a glance at Kanda who was focusing on the road with an indifferent face void of emotions. He fingered with the camera to distract himself from this awkward silence between the both of them, not knowing how to start the conversation. After filling his head with many thoughts that were mainly useless, he finally gave up, leaning back on his seat as he peered at the scenery outside.

The sound of the signal ticked softly as the car turned to the left, entering the expressway. In this silence, he could hear Kanda's breathing. He could hear his faint heartbeats, and he could smell the scent of jasmine lingered in the enclosed space between them. His scent. Allen slowly closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy this moment, even if it was just for a second. He smiled faintly, wishing that this was forever.

_No._

His thoughts began to wander dangerously further, and before he was lost in the endless stretch of darkness, silver eyes snapped open as he pulled himself back into reality, reminding himself of the current position he was in. Allen turned to the window, his warm breaths touching the cold glass, the autumn scenery blurring slightly by the water vapour.

_It is already over._

"We are here." He stared ahead, seeing a vacant building in front of him. Kanda was already outside, and Allen got out of the vehicle quickly. Their client was already there, and he led them inside, explaining the areas that needed to be focused on in clear details. Excusing himself for a moment, Allen went off to take pictures of its interior structure. He paced along the white corridors, and he found himself taking random photos of its decors and paintings on the way.

He stumbled into one particular room, gasping in slight surprise as he switched on the lights, seeing many paintings lying around the place. Allen stepped inside hesitantly, peering at the many collections available for him to see. He slowly stopped, staring at one of the paintings that showed the park with a small cafe situated at the corner of it. His hand slowly touched the bench drawn on it, remembering memories of his younger days when he watched Kanda from the tree, a few metres behind the bench.

"Moyashi."

Allen turned, seeing Kanda standing at the door.

"Isn't it strange, to be able to see this once again?" He said with a smile. Kanda just peered at the painting in silence, his frown slowly deepening as he took a closer look.

"That's my painting."

Silver eyes widened in slight astonishment. Allen stared at the painting for a moment, before he turned to him again, seeing Kanda stopping beside him as he stared at the painting with a distant gaze. Why would Kanda choose to draw this? To draw the park where they met for the first time; where he realised he had fallen for him; where he knew that his love would never be returned when Lavi appeared beside him. Was it really a memory which he could not put down even though they had parted ways?

Was it really that hard to leave it this way?

"Kanda..." The raven-haired man turned to him, and Allen shut his eyes, knowing that this was now or never. His heart pounded heavily at his chest, the words slipping out of his parted lips.

"I'm sorry."

Sapphire eyes slowly widened as Kanda stared at him in slight shock.

"I'm sorry...for last night. For forcing it out on you even though you do not want to talk about it," He murmured softly. To Kanda, Lavi was someone he once loved; a memory that he wanted to keep in his heart. It was terribly wrong of him to demand for a reason behind this, let alone telling him that he had always wanted the both of them to be happy when it was already impossible to do so.

"It isn't your fault," Kanda said. He remained silent, not knowing how to answer. He had a slight feeling that it wasn't that simple―that there must be some reason behind it, and he couldn't help but think that it was him who caused the both of them to break up. Allen looked up at him, his lips forming a weak smile.

"It's okay. I'm just..."

"Allen," Kanda warned in a low growl. It wasn't his first time he called him by his real name, and his heart always felt extremely warm and comforting at hearing it, as though he had also received Kanda's emotions when he said it. And he loved it, because this would also mean that the both of them would be closer than before.

But now, it was different.

"Let's go. Our client is waiting for us," He said, walking to the door. As he was about to open the door a little wider for him to go through, a hand reached out and slammed it shut, closing the only exit route. Silver eyes widened in astonishment as Allen just stared at the white bracelet on his wrist which was shaking violently.

The lights went out at the same time, leaving the two of them standing close in this darkness.

"Moyashi."

"It's Allen," Allen reminded him once again, his heart thumping in slight fear. The darkness paralysed him in place, his legs unable to move forward no matter how many times he commanded them in his head. He knew that the doorknob was just right in front of him, and he could just reach it and open the door to get out of here, but he just couldn't move. Not when Kanda was closely behind, so dangerously close that he could feel his hair strands falling onto his shoulders and hear his heartbeats thumping in this heavy silence.

"Why did you leave?"

His eyes widened in shock at the same question which was raised when they were in the cafe. His voice sounded so broken and so desperate, as though he was pleading him inwardly for an answer, to fill up the void inside him that had been left empty for four years. He thought that his disappearance did not matter. At least, not to Kanda. Wasn't it unnecessary, just like what he previously said in the cafe?

Allen remained silent, not knowing what to say. Kanda rarely showed his emotional side of him to anyone, and towards him, he only harbored feelings of disdain and nothing else. Furthermore, what could he possibly say? It was already impossible to stay by his side when his feelings was exposed. He could not face Kanda who could only sympathise him in return, and he could not face Lavi who felt utterly betrayed. In this love triangle, someone had to give way, and unfortunately, he was the one who had to leave.

"Kanda―"

His eyes widened at a warm touch which glided across his chest, feeling a force pulling him back gently as he briefly landed onto something solid and warm. His heartbeats were getting louder at every second that passed, ringing loudly at his ears. He then felt his lips touching his ear in a gentle caress, the soft sounds of his breaths echoing into the depths of his mind.

"No. You are here, and it is all that matters."

Allen froze, his wide eyes staring at the darkness ahead in shock.

At this moment, the lights flickered, brightening up the room once again. Allen reached for the door, his arms slipping out of his grasp as he walked out of the room. At the same time, the client was running to him in breathless gasps, apologising to him profusely for the incident.

"I'm so sorry for the sudden blackout! Is everything alright?"

"Everything's okay here," He replied. A soft creak echoed in the air, and Kanda stepped out, his usual frown at his forehead. Their gazes briefly met, and he turned away immediately, excusing himself as he walked out of the corridor, proceeding to the second floor. Allen then stopped at a corner, leaning against the wall. Despite how much he wanted to deny, he wanted to ask Kanda for the reason behind his last sentence. What it really meant, and how he really felt when he left at that time, but he was hesitant to take the first step.

He was afraid that this happiness he had obtained after so long would disappear again.

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He did not know how it happened, and why it happened. All he knew that after Allen left, he could no longer continue with this relationship anymore. It was slowly wearing him down, and staying with Lavi would only remind him of the tears that Allen had shed. He could no longer ignore the fact that the two of them could still be together because of him. It wasn't that he did not know. He had noticed it right from the beginning. It was just that he did not expect Allen to harbor such deep feelings for him, and when he disappeared, everything just crashed down on him hardly. Towards Allen, he did not know why he felt this way.

Ever since that day, he had been searching for him. The college which they previously studied in, the roads that he normally took on his way back to his house, the cafe where he worked, the park where they met for the first time...everywhere. His eyes darted at every corner of the streets, so afraid that he would miss him if he was not careful enough. He would run up to every person with similar white hair, only to realise that it was the wrong person. Yet, he did not stop searching.

Their last conversation had always been in his mind, and he could not ignore the fact that Allen actually meant something to him―something which felt totally different from the feelings he had for Lavi. He wanted to know why he disappeared on him and ran away, without giving an answer to explain his selfish actions. Yet, for what reason did he want to know? He did not have feelings for Allen, and his departure might be the best for all of them, so why did he want to get him back?

At the last week before he left for the city, he broke up with Lavi. Till now, he could still remember that horrified look on Lavi's face when he heard it from him. Lavi demanded for a reason, but he did not say anything. Rather, he could not say anything. After what had happened between the three of them; after seeing that content smile on Allen's face before he left, he could not differentiate love anymore. He wasn't sure whether he really loved Lavi all these while. He just wanted to leave, forget everything, and start his life afresh.

They eventually parted ways, and he did not know the whereabouts of Lavi since then. He only knew that he had become a famous figure who had succeeded his grandfather's family business a year later when he departed for Canada. At that time, he just wanted to focus in his career, but he did not expect to see Allen once again.

"Kanda-san?"

Kanda blinked as he looked up, seeing his client staring at him. They were in the middle of a discussion, and his thoughts had drifted off at a certain point.

"So you want me to refurnish the ballroom in a darker theme?"

"Yes. I also want some corners of the walls removed to make it wider for people to move around for the dinner and dance party, or for other special occasions," He said with a smile. They moved on, walking at every floor as the client continued to explain the other places that he needed to take note as well. After finishing the final round in the building, they went to the ground floor, where Allen was already standing at the entrance, waiting for them.

"I will inform you on the progress again," Kanda said, shaking hands with the client.

"Thank you so much. I look forward to it."

They headed to his car at the parking lot. His eyes drifted to Allen who was walking in front of him, recalling that particular day when they met each other after four years. It was purely coincidence, and even though he did not believe in absurd stuff such as destiny, he sometimes wondered whether everything was planned right from the beginning, as though they were meant to meet again.

Allen was still the same, with that annoying smile on his face. They chatted, and bickered slightly as usual, but something had definitely changed. Allen looked so much happier, and it wasn't just pretending. He was really happy with his current life and his friends around him, and after seeing that, he found himself unable to voice out the only question that had been in his head for the last four years. He thought that it was not necessary; that he could just move on after seeing that Allen was alright, but he realised that it wasn't the case. That same question just wouldn't get out of his head, and for someone like him who was still trapped in the past compared to Allen who had moved on, it felt rather ridiculous, but other than leaving it behind and moving on, what else could he do?

Kanda switched on the engines, and the car was driving its way back to their office. It was a peaceful and quiet evening, accompanied by the light drizzles of the rain in the autumn season. Allen remained silent throughout the journey, his head leaning against the window as he gazed outside with a blank expression. He glanced at his reflection through the front mirror, wondering whether he had really forgotten everything. Had he really erased his feelings completely and moved on?

An hour later, his car reached the underground parking lot of the office building. Allen got out of the vehicle, walking to the lift lobby without a word. After locking his car, Kanda headed over, noticing that he had gone ahead first. He let out a soft sigh, taking the next lift which arrived at the floor. Upon reaching the office, Kanda went to the CEO's office to report his current progress to his boss. Before he walked out, his boss suddenly spoke out.

"By the way, there is a client who specially appoints you to help him design a traditional house at the outskirts of Kyoto to be finished within two years. He's one of our biggest clients, so you have to see through your schedule again and plan it thoroughly." Kanda approached his desk, taking a folder which had the complete details from the CEO.

"You are to meet him at his office building in Fukuba Street located a few blocks away from here at three in the afternoon. As this is a big project, Allen will be assisting you."

Kanda frowned at the mention of the beansprout's name, but this thought was cast out of his head when he realised that his client's name was missing on the papers.

"What is his name?"

"Oh. He says he wants to keep his identity enclosed until you meet him tomorrow. It seems that he knows you, Kanda," His boss said. Kanda just stared at the documents, certain that he did not know anyone who was working in this district as well. Well, how the hell would he know when he just reached Japan a few weeks ago?

"Can you tell Allen about this as well?"

"I got it." Kanda nodded his head as he excused himself, walking out of the room. He peered at his desk, seeing that Allen wasn't around at the moment. The raven-haired man went back to his room, placing the folder on his desk as he sat on the couch, wondering who this person might be. Thanks to him, he had to reschedule all his appointments just to accommodate his request.

Kanda sighed, leaning back as he peered at the lights shining at his face. He recalled that particular moment when he embraced Allen out of impulse. He had meant to stop him from walking away at that time, but was it really because of that? He had tried to reason out for many times, and till now, he still couldn't figure out how Allen really meant to him.

He peered out of the glass door, seeing Allen back on his seat as he was talking with Timothy at the moment. Feeling tired and not wanting to get up of the comfortable couch, Kanda took up the phone as he called Rou Fa to inform Allen to come into his office. He looked outside again, seeing the brunette approaching his desk as he told him of this matter. The smile on his face faltered slightly, and he stood up and walked towards his room. A few minutes later, there were a few knocks on the door, before it opened.

"I heard that you are looking for me?" Allen asked, closing the door behind him. Kanda looked up, seeing his face wearing a serious expression. He wondered where that smile had gone to, and why he could smile so openly in front of his colleague instead of him. Now that he thought of it, Allen had never smiled at him once.

"Kanda?"

"Sit down," Kanda said, showing him the seat. Allen nodded his head as he sat down beside him.

"I'm taking up another project, and as this is a big one, you will also be assisting me."

Allen flipped through the papers that he handed him, scanning through the words quickly.

"Who is he? I don't see a name."

"The client chose to enclose his name until we meet him," Kanda said with a frown, muttering some vulgarities under his breath. Just who the hell this idiot was? He had more important things to do than to figure out who he was!

"We are supposed to meet him tomorrow at his office building in Futaba street at 3pm, just a few blocks away from here."

"Okay," Allen answered. "Is there anything else you want to inform me? If not, I will take my leave."

Sapphire eyes widened slightly, and Kanda wondered why he was searching for whatever topic just to keep Allen here for a little while more. He slid his finger between his eyes, and he could only nod his head as he watched Allen gradually disappearing from his sight. The door slowly closed with a light thud, and he stared at the seat which the beansprout previously sat on in a silence. His scent was still here, lingering in this room, reminding him that he was really here, with him.

But then, what would happen after this? He wasn't sure how he should proceed, and what he should do.

Kanda slowly closed his eyes, breathing in the last of his scent before it dissipated completely.

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It was evening, and everyone was walking out of the office, bidding farewells to each other before they returned home for the day. His fingers were furiously typing down the last document that he had to save in his computer before he stepped out of the office for today. As he was busily flipping through the pages, he heard a door opening from a room at the corner and instantly knew who he was. The CEO was already not around at five, and Bak had just left earlier, which left only one person he could think of.

"See you tomorrow, Kanda-san!"

"Are you perhaps free this evening, Kanda-san?"

Allen glared at a group of ladies from the sales department crowding over Kanda who appeared at the entrance. It wasn't even their business whether Kanda was free for the rest of the night, and he was the design manager of their department! Even if Kanda had the time, he should be going out with them instead! He bit his lip, growling lowly under gritted teeth.

Kanda suddenly looked over to his side, and Allen ducked down quickly. Realising what he had done―getting jealous over his female colleagues_―_he flushed fiercely in embarrassment. Allen shook his head violently, berating himself inwardly for behaving stupidly in public. The white-haired man laid low for a moment, before he slowly looked up, peering at that particular spot where Kanda previously stood. Kanda and the female colleagues were no longer there.

What was he thinking? Of course he wouldn't be here anymore. There wasn't a reason...for him to be here.

After shutting down his computer, Allen packed his belongings into his sling bag and walked out of the office, locking the door with several taps on the password keyboard. The lock clicked with a soft beep, and he took the lift, peering at the corridors of the office building through the glass pane as it slowly descended to the ground floor. The doors opened, and he walked out, bidding farewell to the security guard at the counter as he left for the day.

A rush of cold air greeted him when he stepped into the open. Allen shivered slightly, wrapping his white scarf around his neck as he went down the stairs to the underground subway station. He stopped in front of the doors, glancing at the side as he saw a couple in an embrace, the guy hugging the girl securely from behind as they talked quietly among themselves with smiles on their faces.

He turned around, remembering that moment when Kanda held him from behind. Although it wasn't as close, just briefly allowing him to lean to him, it felt extremely warm and secure, his radiating warmth burning into his cold skin, telling himself that Kanda was here, right beside him.

The train arrived at the platform with a loud screech as it braked along the treks. The doors opened, and he walked inside, standing at the other end of the cabin. The doors soon closed as the train gradually took up speed, proceeding to the next station. He stared at his own reflection from the glass panes, and his hands slowly reached up and touched his shoulder blades. He peered at his own reflection once again, and Kanda's faint reflection somehow appeared, standing at the same position as he put his hands at the same spots where he was currently touching.

He did not want to think about it. There wasn't a need to, yet he couldn't stop himself. He could not cast it away, knowing that there must be a reason behind his actions, and he badly wanted to know. Even though he knew he wasn't allowed to, he wanted to know why Kanda treated him this way, and what he really meant behind that particular sentence.

The train emerged out of the tunnel, and he peered at the night scenery, fascinated by the thousands of golden lights shimmering at the city below. The stunning sight was so clear that it felt unreal for a moment, and then he remembered that his vision had returned back to normal. Now that he realised, the main reason why he left was not because he couldn't face his two friends whose relationship became awkward due to his presence. He was losing his sight, and the last thing that he wanted was his friends taking sympathy for him, especially Kanda. He might love him, but he needed no pity from anyone.

But now that his sight had recovered, could he wish for this love which felt so faraway once again? The chance had finally come after so much time had passed. His relationship with Lavi had ended, and Kanda appeared in front of him again. Now, did he have the courage to reach out to him?

After around an hour of the journey, Allen stepped into Ukyo-ku, one of the eleven wards in the city of Kyoto. His home was just a few minutes of walk, and he took the time to enjoy the night scenery as the dimmed lights along the empty road led the way. He then arrived at the traditional house, unlocking the door as he pulled it aside. Allen walked inside, switching the lights on as he faced at the large living room in front of him. Apparently, Timothy was not back yet, and he probably would not return this early.

He took his boots off, slipping his feet into a pair of slippers set at the corner. Allen dropped his bag on the tatami floor, pulling his shirt out as he unbuttoned the first three buttons from the collar, walking to the other side of the house as he pulled the doors open. Soft rustles broke the silence as he was greeted by thousands of bright crimson leaves at the autumn trees located at the backyard. He slowly sat down by the door, reaching out as he took a red leaf which fluttered onto his opened palm.

_You are here, and it is all that matters._

Rain began to fall once again, but his voice continued to repeat the same words over and over again, filling his entire mind and drowning out every sound. As the cold mist started to gather in the air, Allen slowly closed his eyes, his hand releasing its grip as the red leaf fell out silently and landed onto the wooden ground.

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They reached the place where they were supposed to meet their client, and his mouth just fell open in plain horror as Allen stared at the grand and glamorous building which turned out to be the shopping center that had opened in Shinjuku just a few days ago. He had heard it from most of his female colleagues that it had all the international brands available all over the world, and their client actually owned the entire building?

Kanda slipped his car keys into the tight pocket of his denim jeans, walking beside him as the two of them stepped into the mall together with the large crowds of people coming in. Silver eyes were widening in amazement and curiosity for the entire time as Allen took a good look around, breathing in the refreshing scent of rose lingering in the air as he admired the structure and the decors surrounding him in awe. He was getting intrigued in seeing who their client really was.

"Hey, don't walk so fast, Moyashi!" Kanda shouted from behind.

"I am right in front of you! And my name is Allen, not..." Allen turned around, only to be greeted by hordes of people desperately squeezing their way forward to the attractive shops ahead. He was forced to move together with them, reaching to the customer's service counter at the front. He stopped at the directory panel beside it, looking around as he searched for Kanda, but in these bustling crowds, there was no way he could locate Kanda anytime soon.

He let out a sigh, slipping his hand into his pocket as he took out a piece of crumpled paper which had the venue written down just in case this happened. Allen peered at his watch, realising that the time was running out.

"I guess I have to find the place myself. Where is the lift lobby?" He muttered, staring at the signboards above. As he was about to take a step, everything spun all of a sudden, and Allen found himself swaying to the side as he grabbed the nearby railing for support. He shook his head to clear out the dizziness, and as he looked up again, his eyes widened as his vision started to blur for the very first time after four years.

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"That idiot..." Kanda muttered as he searched for Allen who somehow disappeared out of his sight a few seconds when he took his eyes off him. He shoved himself through the thick crowd of people, cursing under his breath as he realised that it was almost time to meet their client. Stopping at the lift lobby, Kanda took a last glance at the surroundings, before he stepped into the lift which arrived, deciding to head over and meet the client first. After that, he would go and look for Allen.

The lift stopped at the 30th floor, opening its doors. Kanda stepped into the narrow corridor, walking forward to the only company office available just a few metres ahead. He pushed the glass doors, approaching the front counter as he told the receptionist that he was meeting their boss. After making a call to confirm it, she stood up and told him to follow her.

Kanda went into the main office, peering at the large surrounding as everyone was almost sitting side by side, immersed in the work that they were currently doing. Some of them looked up in curiosity when they heard footsteps, their eyes widening slightly when they saw him entering. Soft whispers filled the air as they started talking among themselves, mostly the ladies as they stole glances at him again and again. He ignored them as usual, but something seemed to be off, and it was bugging him slightly.

"He is inside," She said. Kanda simply nodded and gestured her to leave. After she left, he raised his hand and knocked the door firmly.

"Come in."

Kanda opened the wooden door, revealing a dimmed room with many shelves filled with books and a large working desk right in front of him. He stepped in, and as he breathed in, he froze, instantly recognising at this particular scent which was extremely familiar. No, he could never forget this scent, even though he was the one who left first. Kanda stared at the chair which was facing backwards, seeing someone sitting on it. But it wasn't possible. It must be a mistake. They were supposed to meet their client here...

"It has been a long time."

The chair slowly turned around, his deep crimson hair strands fluttering between his emerald eyes as everything slowly came to a standstill. Sapphire eyes slowly widened as Kanda could only stare at him in shock, trying to gather his thoughts which were going out of control. His lips parted, and he finally mouthed out the name that he had not said for the entire four years.

"Lavi?"

At this moment, the door opened all of a sudden. Kanda spun around, staring at Allen who was entering the room at the same time. Their gazes met, and his eyes lit up as he sighed in relief, walking towards him.

"I'm sorry for being late, Kanda! I was lost on my way...here..."

His voice slowly trailed off, his gaze gradually falling onto the figure who was standing behind Kanda. He stepped out, and his silver eyes gradually widened in shock as Allen could only stare at his teenage friend who appeared in his life once again.

"Allen?"

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_A/N: _Thank you so much for waiting. I'm so sorry for not able to update this chapter last week due to the busy schedule, but it's finally here! To everyone who has been anticipating Lavi's arrival (or is it really anticipating?), he's back once again, this time as their company's client. There _is _a reason why Lavi appeared at such a perfect timing, so stay tuned for the next chapter! I will probably upload chapter 9 next week, but if I couldn't, it will be two weeks later as usual. I will update on thursdays/fridays, just to let all of you know :)

Please review and tell me your opinion on this chapter! Please tell me if you spot any spelling, grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Lastly, everything is deeply appreciated :)

**SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**WithoutWingsX: **Hmm, actually I haven't thought of it as I wrote this story. Thank you so much! Aah, feeling better now? Oh, is it related to your detective story that you created? It sounds really interesting. I will read it when I have the time :) Meanwhile, enjoy the new chapter! :)

**the midnight requiem: **Thank you for this awesome review! And I agree with you. I understand the relationship shared by the main four of the manga, but well, people tend to like non-canon pairings because they seem more refreshing compared to the others that are more common? Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! :)

**White Guardian: **Ahaha, yes like finally...until I give you such a cliffhanger. Lenalee will most probably appear after three or four more chapters. Oh, thank you for the comment. I think that Lenalee is really a good girl with good personalities. I mean, she cares so much for her comrades! That's what I think... Anyway, enjoy the new chapter! :)

**Lavi-Usagi: **Hello! Thank you! Enjoy the new chapter! :)

**Nonumaru: **Thank you! Thank you for understanding. Due to the busy schedule I had last week, I didn't have the time to write out the chapter and I can only upload today :( Thank you so much. Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**God-d-e-ss Eternity: **Thank you for your review! Yes, Allen is damn too kind for his own good! He should at least take care of himself and love himself a little more! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Digimagic: **Thank you! The Noah family will probably come in the next chapter. Yup, I love Jasdevi too! They are so damn funny! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Chibi-Dears XD: **Hmm, no. It does not make you a bad person. Anyone who ships Yullen will feel this way, including me XD but I am evil to make Lavi come back again. Hahaha. Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Guest: **Yes, I definitely will. Lavi has appeared now, and Lenalee will most likely appear in around three or four chapters more. Thank you! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**MercenaryCrime: **Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Here it is, Lavi's official comeback! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**ShimmeringCrimson: **Thank you. Just...thank you so much for your review. It really makes me so happy and motivated to finish this story. Why are you sad? Yes, his relatives are the Noah family. They will probably appear in the next chapter :) Now that you reminded me, this seems to be a good idea when you said you imagined Kanda's hair like Kuro's in K anime. I shall take this into consideration and maybe put it into this story. I know this anime, and I LOVED it. The characters are just damn gorgeous! And why do I get the feeling that K is similar to DGM (Kuro and the white-haired guy whom I forgot the name working together, and Kanda and Allen working together...you know...)

**xx Yuu-Chan xx: **Thank you! Here is the next chapter for you!

**Klare: **Hello! Thank you! Here is the next chapter for you!


	9. Rewind

**Chapter 9: Rewind **

"_No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories."―Haruki Murakami_

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Allen froze, feeling the first wave of nausea rushing up his throat as he gripped onto a nearby ceiling for support, getting a hold of himself. He grimaced, the painful memory of his illness coming back to him all over again as he shut his eyes, desperately pleading for it to get out and leave him alone. He let out a strangled gasp, opening his eyes as his blurred vision continued to swim. Distorted images flashed momentarily in his mind, and he hissed in anger, not wanting to remember any of it.

"Kanda..." He muttered under his breath. He had to go, or else Kanda would definitely give him a earful for being late for a client's meeting. His hand slowly let go, dragging his feet along the ground as Allen paced his way to the lift lobby a few metres in front of him. His vision flickered, flashing blindingly in his way, yet this did not stop him. He forced his eyes to open widely, his trembling finger reaching out as he pressed the button. The lift doors opened, and he stepped inside, pressing the button of the floor which he wanted to go.

Luckily for him, his sight returned back to normal after a few minutes. Allen stared ahead, wondering what had happened. He felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, his chest squeezing so tight from the uneasiness that came, but he shrugged it off immediately.

_'It shouldn't be much of a problem.' _He thought. After all, the doctor had told him that such incident would occur once in a while. The lift doors opened and Allen stepped out, walking to the office which was just right ahead. He opened the glass doors, approaching the front desk as he told the receptionist of his arrival. She nodded her head, standing up as she told him to follow her to the client's room.

"By the way, your other colleague has already arrived," She said. Noting that she meant Kanda, Allen nodded his head. They entered the main office, and people looked up briefly, wondering who was here this time. Allen turned away, not getting used to being in a foreign environment. Even if it was with his colleagues, it took him at least a few months to open up to them.

"This way," She gestured, and he followed her to the back of the office. They stopped in front of a door, and she told him that they were inside. The receptionist knocked on the door, and Allen fidgeted in slight discomfort, feeling nervous all of a sudden. It was his first time taking up such a big project, and he was working with Kanda nonetheless. He brushed his fringe aside, wetting his dry lips.

"That's strange. There is no response," She muttered with a slight frown, knocking the door for a few more times.

"It's okay. I just go in, since my other colleague is inside," Allen said, not wanting to bother her. She smiled, nodding her head as she turned to leave. He turned back to the door, taking a deep breath. Reaching for the doorknob, he opened the door, seeing Kanda turning around instantaneously, staring at him with a slight astonished look.

"I'm so sorry for being late, Kanda!" Allen said with a smile, closing the door behind him. "I was lost on my way...here..." His voice gradually reduced to a soft murmur as he noticed that someone was behind him. He frowned slightly, taking a few steps forward towards the figure hidden behind his shadow. His heart thudded heavily, and he couldn't erase the shocked look from Kanda's face just now, as though he shouldn't be here at this moment.

"Allen?"

Allen froze at the voice, stopping instantly. As he saw the figure stepping out into the light shining through the glass panes behind them, his eyes slowly widened in shock as he stared at the crimson hair of a man he had known through their teenage years. He swallowed dryly, trying to maintain his calm composure as he faced his friend whom he had not seen for the last four years. He bit his lip slightly, before he forced out a strained smile towards the other.

"Hi...Lavi."

"It is really Allen! I...I did not expect to see you again!" Lavi gasped out in surprise, approaching him as he pulled him into a hug, startling him. Allen stared at Kanda from his shoulder, noticing that the raven-haired man had been avoiding his gaze for the entire time. He slowly looked away, giving several soft pats on his friend's back.

"It's...great to see you again, Lavi."

"Me too! I really miss you, Allen!" Lavi exclaimed, pulling himself away from the embrace. "Where have you been for the last four years?"

"I..."

"It's time for the meeting, Lavi," Kanda suddenly said, walking over to the couch. Lavi gave a pout as he sighed, taking the documents he had prepared on his desk as he walked over as well, flopping himself on the same couch that Kanda was sitting. The redhead gave the other a foolish grin, to which Kanda ignored completely as he continued reading the documents that he handed him. Allen went over to them, choosing the seat across the two of them as he took out the company's documents from his bag.

"So you want us to design and build a traditional house for you?"

"Actually, it's a thank-you gift for Gramps who has been helping me all these years," Lavi replied. "It's supposed to be a surprise, so the two of you don't tell this to anyone," He said in a soft whisper, his emerald eyes twinkling as he put his finger at his lips teasingly. Kanda ignored him again, taking up his pen as he began to write down the things that the redhead requested.

"So...I didn't know that the two of you work in the same company. Is it a coincidence?" Lavi asked in curiosity. Kanda stared at his notebook, his hand stopping momentarily. Allen flinched at the question, not knowing how to answer. The redhead blinked in confusion at this silence which became rather awkward all of a sudden.

"What? Is there something which I should not know of?"

"Why are you asking unrelated questions? We are supposed to be working here!" Kanda snapped, his hand starting to scribble furiously on the paper again. Lavi made a face in slight displeasure as he leaned back on the couch.

"Okay, okay. You don't need to be so mad, Yuu. It's such a long time since the three of us could meet and talk like this."

"Do not call me by my first name," Kanda hissed.

"Aah, you are still offended at this till now?" Lavi asked with an incredulous look. Kanda slammed the pen on the notebook as he shot him a dark glare.

"Please do not cause a scene here, the both of you. You know that Lavi always acts like a fool, Kanda," Allen said worriedly, the statement coming out of his mouth by its own.

"Right, Allen? This guy here always gets the wrong idea...wait, what did you just say, Allen?" Lavi blinked, catching the last few words that he said as he frowned. Kanda let out a smirk in return.

"For once, this Moyashi is right."

"Hey! This does not mean that you can call me that!" Now, it was his turn to shoot a glare at the other. And in the midst of this heated tension, a light, bubbly laughter suddenly broke out, startling the both of them. They turned to stare at Lavi who was laughing away, his hands cleaning away the tears in his eyes. The laughter gradually reduced to a series of soft chuckles as the redhead let out a deep breath, a wide smile on his face.

"Hey, does it feel as if we return back to the days when we are still teenagers who like to bicker over little things among ourselves? Aah, if only Lenalee is here..." He murmured softly. His anger was gradually forgotten as Allen took in Lavi's words, realising that he was right. This old feeling that he got in their younger days gradually came back to him, bringing back the warm memories that they shared. He turned to Kanda, and when he saw the small smirk on his face, he knew that Kanda felt the same as well.

"Yeah, you are right," He said, his lips forming into a smile. "You are right."

The three of them continued in the discussion, and Allen just watched the two of them talking among themselves in silence, observing the different face expressions that they made when they exchanged words for the first time in four years. Lavi was joking around as usual, and as he looked closer, he could see his emotionless mask gradually slipping away as Kanda snorted and made a face of annoyance. Everything was returning back to normal, and he knew it too well where it would head to.

"Thanks for your help, the both of you! I will see you all soon!" Lavi said with a grin, shaking both of their hands. As their hands clasped together, time stalled for a few seconds when their gazes met. Even though it was a short moment, why did it feel so long to him? Through that silent gaze, what exactly were they communicating to each other?

Allen turned to the door, walking out of the room. Hearing the footsteps and the door closing behind him, he began to walk forward, his consciousness blocking out whatever was shown around him, his memory stopping at that particular time when they met one another. He then wondered whether everything was really over. His mind showed him several visions that might happen in the future, and he couldn't help but feel that time was slowly rewinding back to the painful past that he did not want to remember.

"Moyashi." Allen jumped slightly at the touch on his shoulder, realising that Kanda had been calling him for a few times. He turned around, seeing a slight worried look reflected in his sapphire eyes staring at him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah." He answered shakily, pushing his hand away. The lift arrived, and the both of them stood at opposite corners in silence. His hand gripped the metal railing tightly, forcing himself to forget. After all, it wasn't his business to care whether they would be together again. He was just Kanda's colleague and nothing else.

_'As long as it stays this way...' _He took a deep breath, calming his heart down. The doors opened, and the both of them stepped out, walking back to the parking lot.

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Loud shrieks and screams echoed throughout the office, and Allen instantly knew who he was, seeing that the commotion made by that person's entrance was as exaggerating when Kanda first entered their company. He ruffled his hair messily, looking up in slight exhaustion as he saw the redhead stepping inside with the usual lopsided grin on his face. He still greeted people with the same gentle and slight flirting tone, making all the female colleagues swooning over him in an instant.

"Oh, Allen!"

He called out to him with a wide smile, waving at him. Allen groaned and sank down on his desk, wishing that this wasn't happening. Not that he disliked him coming here almost every day, though he wondered why there was a need for him to come here so frequently when the first draft hadn't even started yet. Kanda was busy with his other projects, and he wouldn't be starting it any time soon.

_'Damn, Kanda is going to be so mad.' _Allen thought to himself. Apparently, something about Lavi made him snap and Kanda vented his anger and frustrations onto him for allowing a certain idiotic rabbit to come whenever he liked. Just because they were friends, and _just because _he was working with him in this project. At this, he hissed in anger, his hand accidentally crumpling the draft that he had just completed a few hours ago. Allen gasped in shock, releasing his hold as he tried his very best to straighten the paper again.

"What are you doing, Allen?" Lavi asked, peering at the corner of his desk in curiosity.

"You know you aren't supposed to come here, Lavi. The draft isn't going to be ready until the end of the week. Thanks to you, I'm going to get a scolding from Kanda again," Allen said with a frown, clearing the stationary on his desk as he took the draft and stood up, walking to the printer to photocopy it.

"Why can't I come here? My two best friends are working here! It's only right for me to visit!" Lavi replied with a gleeful grin. Allen just let out a defeated sigh.

"As I said earlier, you have visited _too many times_!"

"Is it?" Lavi pondered with a raised eyebrow. Allen just stared at him with an incredulous look. Did this guy seriously have no idea what he was doing?

"So the two of you are childhood friends?" Rou Fa asked. Within seconds, everyone from every department flew to their side, staring at the both of them with wide, sparkling eyes filled with curiosity. Allen groaned again, wondering how it had come to this.

"Oh, and Yuu too! The three of us are best friends since college days!" Lavi piped up. Allen shot him a horrified look.

"Yuu? Who is he?"

Lavi just laughed foolishly as though nothing had happened.

"Didn't you all know? Yuu is actually―"

Allen rushed over and clasped his mouth immediately before he could say something disastrous.

"Ahaha, let's talk outside, Lavi." He gripped by his collar, and ignoring his muffled cries and everyone's shocked stares, Allen pulled him out of their office unceremoniously. He dragged him to the corridor outside, before he finally released his hold, allowing Lavi to catch his breath as he coughed out hoarsely. The redhead blinked the tears away as he stared at Allen in horror.

"Allen!"

"Lavi, please," Allen said, letting out a heavy sigh. "Do not come here again until Kanda calls you for reviewing the draft."

"But why? Why can't I see the two of you again?"

"Don't you have things to do in your office? Aren't you the CEO?"

"But I don't have anything to do right now! It's so boring cooping up in the office with no one to talk to!" Lavi whined. Allen closed his eyes as he let out a hitched breath, his patience tolerating Lavi wearing thin. He knew very well why Lavi would come here every day, and despite how he did not want to say, he had no choice.

"The reason you always come isn't because you want to see the both of us."

The redhead fell slient, his eyes widening. Silver eyes opened again as he stared at him once again.

"You just want to see Kanda, right?"

Lavi's eyes were downcast, yet he knew that he had hit the nail instantly. Despite how he cherished the friendship between the both of them, Kanda would always be the priority, and he was getting sick of seeing this obvious excuse in front of him. The two of them could do whatever they wanted for all he cared, but definitely not in the office. After what had happened all these while, he did not want to get involved in this same mess again.

"Ahaha. I guess you found out already?" Lavi chuckled softly, before he bit his lip, touching his forehead in frustration. The both of them were silent for a moment, and after he exhaled, he finally spoke.

"He refuses to see me."

"The both of you can settle this after work," Allen said, turning around as he started walking back to the office.

"Do you still like Kanda?"

The last question halted him in his footsteps immediately. Allen stared at the ground, his eyes widening in shock. He then wondered what took him so long just to answer such a simple question. Hadn't he made his decision at that moment when he decided to leave?

"Moyashi?"

Allen looked up, seeing Kanda standing at the doorway. Sapphire eyes narrowed as he noticed Lavi who was behind him. He breathed in, staring at him with a frown.

"I already told you not to come here again right?"

"Lavi."

The entire corridor was silent, their eyes onto him. His lips parted slightly, before he let out a smile.

"I do not love him anymore."

Allen went into the office, his arm brushing against Kanda who hadn't said anything. He headed straight to the washroom, locking himself inside a cubicle. He leaned against the wall, biting his clenched fist in an attempt to stop the trembling. He then wondered why it still hurt. Why, after so many agonising years of trying to forget him, was the pain still refusing to leave him alone? Why, after erasing his name from his mind again and again, was he still thinking of him?

Why, after saying those words, was his heart hurting so much more than before?

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"I leave it to you, Allen!" His colleague said, handing him the document that he needed to settle with his client. Allen nodded his head and smiled, walking back to his seat. He sank on the chair, putting it aside as he stared at the computer screen blankly. He spun around for a few times, letting the chair move freely before it gradually stopped, directly in front of Kanda's room. He failed to look away, his eyes seeing the raven-haired man sitting at his desk, working on his projects at the moment.

_No. You are here, and it is all that matters._

Allen stopped himself before he could go further. He turned back to face his computer, staring at the cursor which was flickering at the screen in silence. He slowly closed his eyes, hearing his faint heart thumping away.

He had already promised himself, that at the moment he left that place, he was going to abandon everything behind. Those memories, those unwanted feelings―everything. He did not care whether the two of them would be together again.

He was not in love with Kanda anymore. His feelings had already been numbed and faded away through these four years, and he had no intention to remember it again.

"Allen." Timothy gave him a tap at his shoulder. "Kanda wants to see you."

He stared at the ground, silent. Allen looked up and smiled, nodding his head in acknowledgement. He slowly stood up, walking his way towards his room. Kanda's face was still downcast, his hand busily drawing the sketches on the paper. His concentration only broke when he knocked on the glass pane lightly, gaining his attention over. He gestured him to enter, and he opened the door, walking inside.

"I heard from Tim that you are looking for me."

"Sit down," Kanda said, walking over to the couch in the middle of the room. Allen went over and sat across him, observing his hands which were spreading the different drafts of traditional houses that he had finished. He couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment that he was being called out for this discussion regarding Lavi's request.

"What do you think of these?" He asked, showing him the drawings. Allen picked up one of them, peering at the respective rooms for the house. Each of the rooms portrayed a different theme, and he admitted that Kanda was really a professional to be able to think through everything that was required. He put down the paper, before he picked up another and took a look at it.

"It's good. But I think it would be better to make a small tea room beside the bedroom? I think Lavi's gramps would love it," He suggested with a smile, pointing to the spot on the paper. Kanda stared at him thoughtfully.

"You live in a traditional house before?"

"I'm currently living with Tim in his traditional house. I'm just his tenant," Allen replied. Kanda nodded his head in understanding as he made a note at the corner of the paper. His slender fingers ran through the drafts swiftly, clipping them together with a paper clip. Allen just stared in silence, his gaze following the movement of his hands which took the papers as he stood up.

"Okay. We will meet Lavi next week, since my schedule is already full this week. I will inform you again."

He stared at his expressionless face when he spoke to him, his eyes focusing at his desk as he took a brown envelope in his hand. His mouth just uttered a soft sound which Kanda did not notice as Allen stood up as well. He did not know why he was still here, and he did not know why he was still waiting for Kanda to say something more than just work.

What was he expecting from him?

"Why are you still here? You can go already," Kanda said, finally noticing that he was still here. Allen fidgeted awkwardly, nodding his head as he turned to leave, but his foot kicked onto something hard and he lost his balance instantly. Before his face hit the ground, a hand wrapped around his waist and pulled him back, and his wide, shocked eyes could only stare at Kanda whose face was just centimetres away. Both of them flinched in place, getting aware of the awkward position that they were currently in.

"I'm sorry―" Just as he was about to pull away, Kanda's grip tightened as he pulled him even closer. His breath hitched as their foreheads made contact in the slightest touch. Allen stared into that pair of sapphire eyes, seeing the deep blue irises which were only staring at him alone. His hair strands slid down his shoulder, and Kanda leaned even closer, so close that he could feel their body heat and hear his faint breathing from his parted lips. All of his strength suddenly left his body, and he found himself unable to move.

"Allen," He mouthed out his name in a soft whisper. His touches burnt, and the air around them felt so tight that he was suffocating. Silver eyes then widened in realisation at what they were doing. Before anything could happen, Allen pulled away immediately and walked out of the room. His face was still flushed from the encounter, his heart still unable to calm down after what he had faced just now. He slapped his cheeks and shook the heat off his face. At this moment, the door of his room opened as the raven-haired man stepped out and walked away. He did not look up, his eyes continuing to stare at the ground.

Just what did Kanda want from him?

His phone on the desk vibrated, and Allen peered at the screen, seeing an unknown number reflected on it.

"Hello?"

"It has been a long time, _shounen_."

Silver eyes slowly widened, a shaky breath escaping out of his lips as a smile gradually appeared on his face.

"Tyki?"

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He did not know what was into him recently. He did not know why he was unable to think right when it was about Allen. He did not know why he said those words when they were inside the dark room, why he thought of Allen instantly when Lavi was their client whom they would be meeting, why he couldn't utter a single sound when he said that he no longer loved him, and why he pulled him closer when he attempted to pull away. Somehow, after the meeting with Lavi, he had a slight feeling that Allen was stepping back, distancing himself from him once again. Thinking that he was going to run away, his body just reacted on its own.

Kanda peered at the clock, realising that it was half-past six in the evening. He pulled out his phone, scrolling his messages to the top as he saw the latest message from Lavi which was received two hours ago.

_Let's meet up. I see you at Aoi sushi restaurant at seven in the evening._

Kanda let out a groan, leaning back as he took off the spectacles, resting his eyes for a while. The sky was darkening, and street lights began to light up in the bustling town. He had thought of giving an excuse not to turn up, but he did not have anything else for the rest of the evening, and his work was already done. Furthermore, Lavi wasn't the person who would let it go so easily.

Giving up contemplating on useless thoughts, Kanda took his briefcase as he exited his room. He stepped out of the office building a few minutes later, running to the bus stop as he boarded the bus that just arrived, sitting at the far corner of the vehicle. His eyes stared at the bright lights from the town absentmindedly, wondering what he was really doing. He would be seeing Lavi later, and after seeing him, what would the both of them do? Chat like they were close buddies who hadn't seen each other for a long time?

The bus stopped in front of the restaurant, and Kanda alighted, stopping for a while as he stared at the place, wondering whether he should go in. There was still ten minutes before seven―enough for him to reconsider the decision and walk away. He could have, but he couldn't, because it would not solve the main problem between the both of them.

"Welcome!" The aroma of barbecued food and sake filled the air as waiters greeted his arrival. Kanda grimaced at the strong stench of food, knowing that he had to dump the clothes that he was wearing today into the washing machine later when he got home. It wasn't hard to spot Lavi who was sitting at the right far corner of the place, sipping a small cup of sake in his hand.

"You came!" Lavi said in delight as he stopped in front of the wooden table. Kanda put his briefcase down as he sat across him. The redhead shove him an empty cup as he poured the sake in it, shouting to the waiter for a plate of cold soba.

"I'm so glad that you came."

"What is it?" Kanda asked, staring at him suspiciously. Lavi just blinked at him.

"Can't the two of us meet up and chat? It has been a long time since we do this," He sighed, taking another sip of sake. A plate of cold soba was placed in front of him, with the sauce in a small bowl beside the dish. The raven-haired man did not make a move, his eyes just staring at him in silence.

"Why aren't you eating? This meal will be my treat!" Lavi said with a grin, gesturing him to tuck in. Loud sizzles of the barbecued food echoed at his ears as the people sitting beside them were tucking in. Kanda picked up the chopsticks, twirling the thin noodles slowly before dipping it into the small bowl of sauce and eating it a few seconds later. He then took his cup of sake, sipping a little of it. The sake burnt his throat slightly, bringing out the bitter flavour which he somehow loved.

"I thought that you would not come tonight."

Kanda looked up, seeing that Lavi's face was downcast. He then let out a grunt, continuing to eat his soba.

"If I don't turn up, who knows how long you would still be here waiting for me."

He knew that Lavi was still waiting, and he would continue to wait until he came, which was why he decided to turn up this evening. It had already been four years, and he did not want the redhead to wait for him anymore.

"Yuu―"

"Don't call me that," Kanda said, finishing his soba as he downed the remains of the sake, pouring another cup for himself.

"Sorry, I lied."

He drank the sake, before he poured himself another cup. The bells jiggled as another customer stepped inside the restaurant. He had lost count how many cups of alcohol he had consumed, and Kanda started to wonder why he was not drunk yet. Old memories started to play in his head once again, the scenes still so clear and vivid, as though everything just happened a day ago.

Allen's confession, the tears that he had shed whenever he was with them, the day Allen left, and the day he broke up with Lavi...

"I guess I still miss you." Lavi started chuckling foolishly, drinking his cup of sake quickly as he emptied the remaining alcohol from the glass bottle.

"Lavi―"

"No, Yuu. Please," The redhead pleaded to him softly, his emerald eyes staring at him sadly. Kanda found himself unable to say further as he just stared at Lavi in silence, seeing him taking the entire bottle to drink. He frowned, reaching out as he stopped him from doing so.

"You are drunk. Let's go."

"Why?" He asked. "Because you care for me?"

_Why? Because you love me?_

The words that Allen said on that day when he stopped him at the roads echoed in his mind. Sapphire eyes widened at the memory, wondering why he was thinking of this right now. It felt the same, and till now, he was unable to come out with an answer. He just could not ignore and pretend that nothing had happened when everything was shown right in front of his eyes.

"Why can't we start over again?"

"No," He simply said.

"Why not?"

His thoughts halted at the question, not able to come up with an answer. It was true that their relationship was already in the past, but what made him say that without hesitation? He was sure that some of his feelings―mainly the guilt―was still unable to be erased away, but what made him so certain that this relationship could no longer be salvaged?

"Let's go." Kanda stood up, and as he was about to take his hand, Lavi beat him to it, grabbing his wrist as he stopped him in place. The raven-haired frowned slightly, wondering what he was going to do now.

"Lavi―"

"It's true that I want to give something memorable for my gramps, but the main reason is you."

Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stared at him in astonishment. Lavi couldn't help but laugh at the stunned reaction that he was now seeing from the other.

"Yes. The main reason why I approach you as a client, is simply because I want to see you again."

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Allen entered the restaurant, staring at the obvious group at the front that he was meeting in the evening.

"Allen!" A teenage girl with blue spiky hair shot out of her seat and pounced onto him the moment he entered the restaurant. Allen stumbled slightly, his hands over her back as he patted her lightly, wondering how fast she had grown since he saw her in June.

"It's nice to meet you again, Rhode."

"Me too!" She piped up, grinning happily. He looked over her shoulder, seeing that most of his relatives that he was close to were all here, and they were making a ruckus among themselves as usual. The twins, Jasdebi and David, were arguing on the food that they wanted to order. Skin was drooling over the food from the table beside them, and Lulubell just sat there, stroking her thick locks of golden hair in silence.

"I told you that I am ordering takoyaki!"

"I thought of that first! You can order anything else but not takoyaki!"

"But I am the one that says it first, so the takoyaki belongs to me!"

"Can't the both of you order a plate of takoyaki each?" Tyki muttered with a frown at their meaningless bicker which had been going on for the last thirty minutes. The twins snapped up, shooting him a glare as they shouted the same answer in unison.

"NO WAY!"

"Yeah, yeah," Tyki said, sighing in defeat. He looked up, seeing Allen waving at him with a smile on his face as he waved back with a light smirk, knowing that it had been a while since he last saw him.

"ALLEN-NII!" Both Jasdebi and David exclaimed in excitement as they jumped out of their seats towards Allen who was trying his best to balance the weights of two children and himself. Jasdebi hugged his leg tightly, while David glared at Rhode who took his place and was still shamelessly holding onto him without intending to let him go.

"Get off, Rhode. You are in the way."

"No, I'm not," Rhode sang, clinging onto Allen tighter as she stuck out her tongue. His eyebrow twitched, and he pulled her pink blouse in an attempt to get her off of him. She shook her head violently, refusing to release her hold as she pressed her face at his chest. A slight rip was heard, and before it became something disastrous, Allen knocked their heads to get their senses back.

"Yeah, yeah. I also miss all of you, so can the two of you let me go so that I can sit at the table?" Allen asked with a polite smile―which spelt trouble because he rarely smiled so sweetly in front of everyone. Rhode and Jasdebi nodded their heads vigorously as they let go of him immediately. He sat beside Tyki, calling out to the waiter as he ordered a mountain of food like always.

"So how's your work?" The Portuguese man asked, ignoring the loud munching and irritating slurping of drinks from the family as he focused his attention on Allen.

"It's okay," Allen replied, finishing the fifth plate of soba as he began his first serving of curry rice.

"Even if it's with Kanda?"

The question took him by surprise. Allen choked on his food, coughing hoarsely. Tyki poured him a glass of water to which he grabbed it and gulped the water down his throat quickly. He patted his back gently, soothing his discomfort as the white-haired man blinked the tears away, before he stared at his uncle, wondering how the hell he knew the issues regarding him and Kanda. Then again, Tyki was one mysterious person whom he could not figure out, even till now.

"You are late, Neah!"

Allen looked up, seeing a younger man who was slightly tanned and had similar black curls as Tyki. His lips slowly formed into a wide smile as he stood up and walked to him, so glad to be able to see him again. He was closer to Neah, who was Mana's older brother, as he came to visit the both of them in England whenever he had the time. He could still remember the first time he saw him when he was still a kid.

"Allen!" Neah stretched out his arms, and Allen laughed, returning the embrace as they hugged each other tightly.

"Allen, have you grown again?" Neah asked, inspecting his body with a raised eyebrow.

"That's definitely not possible..." Allen froze at a hand which was busily groping his ass. He let out several chuckles, his brow twitching in annoyance as he grabbed that hand which was violating his body and twisted it, throwing Neah on the ground as he pleaded him for mercy. Even though that guy was in his mid thirties, his mindset still did not mature in the least.

"Aah, Neah just groped Allen's ass," David announced loudly, to his utter embarrassment. Jasdebi whistled a tune, Rhode was laughing from the blank reaction that he made after he had been molested, and Tyki just felt his forehead as he shook his head.

"Please, guys! Cut it out for goodness sake!" Allen hissed in displeasure, his face flushing as he walked back to his seat. Everyone laughed, resuming in their dinner as they started chatting among themselves.

"Sake, Allen?" Lulubell asked, offering the drink. Allen stared at the bottle of alcohol for a moment, before he smiled, declining it.

"Sorry, but I don't drink anymore."

"Why?" Rhode asked in curiosity, sipping her glass of orange juice. Allen remained silent, his gaze never left the cup of sake as the memory of his drunken confession in his younger days flashed in his mind momentarily. The bitter feeling that he received was something which he did not want to remember, and taking in the alcohol would only bring everything back.

He faced everyone, forcing out a smile.

"It's nothing. Let's continue to eat."

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Kanda pulled Lavi out of the restaurant, cursing under his breath as he tried his best to balance himself while supporting the redhead who was completely drunk. Loud cheers could be heard from the restaurant next door, as everyone was enjoying the night together with their friends and family. Lavi was yelling out incoherent words at the top of his voice, and he had to pull him away from the crowd to prevent him from doing something embarrassing in front of the people.

"Yuu... I love you..." He muttered softly, his head drooping over to his shoulder. Kanda did not say anything, allowing him to say whatever he pleased for tonight. He walked on the main street, and as he made sure that he was still securing Lavi at his shoulder, the raven-haired man looked up, seeing hundreds of stars decorating the night sky tonight.

_Star..._

He recalled that particular night when Allen stood in the middle of the road, standing on tiptoe as his hand reached towards the sky, trying to get the stars that looked so near yet they were too far to be touched. At that time, he was trying so hard to reach to them, and even though it was impossible, he did not stop trying.

Kanda stopped by an empty alley, putting Lavi down at the side as he hit his aching arms after carrying him for a long while. While waiting for the redhead to sober up a little, he peered at the bustling night town, leaning against the cracked wall as he watched the different hues of golden lights in the distance. Flashes of red and white whizzed past his eyes as vehicles were driving past, brightening up the dark alley momentarily for a few seconds.

_I do not love him anymore._

Those words, which he always found them hard to say in the past, came out of his lips so easily. Even though he addressed it to Lavi at that time, they were somehow meant for him to hear. Although he wasn't really surprised to hear it from him, the sudden rejection from Allen just stunned him completely. He wasn't sure whether he was lying as his face was downcast when he said it, and why he wanted to know whether he was lying.

_The main reason why I approach you as a client, is simply because I want to see you again._

He heard a slight shuffle, and as Kanda looked down, he saw that Lavi was regaining consciousness, his eyes squinting at the glaring lights reflecting from the town a few metres in front of him. The redhead let out a low groan, grimacing at the overwhelming pain hitting his head from the hangover as he struggled up to his feet, wondering where he was.

"Yuu?" He asked hesitantly with a slight frown.

"Let's go." Kanda was about to walk off when something tugged his coat, pulling him back. His boots shuffled roughly against the ground, and the two of them just stood in this silence, saying nothing for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Yuu."

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"Aah, it's so beautiful!" Allen sighed, staring at the stars decorating the night sky. He rubbed his hands together, blowing warm breaths onto them to chase the cold away. He had always find the stars fascinating to watch. They were like little lights which always guided him along the way, and as he gazed at them, he would also think of Mana who was probably in the heavens just right above the stars, and wondered whether he would be fine.

"It's a good day today."

"Why?" He turned to the voice beside him, seeing Neah cocking his head over his shoulder in curiosity. Allen smiled, his eyes softening slightly.

"Because there are many stars tonight." Silver eyes stared ahead, and he wished that the stars could guide him through the problems that he was facing right now. He played with his fingers, his fringe fluttering slightly across his eyes as his vision blurred slightly from view. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his coat, taking slow steps forward as Allen took his time to walk to the subway station just right ahead, enjoying the night scenery along the way.

"You really don't need to take the subway with me, Neah." Despite how much he objected, his uncle insisted on walking home together with him, saying that he wanted to spend more time with him now that he would be staying in Japan at the moment.

"It's really okay, Allen," Neah said with a smile. Allen just chuckled, giving up as he accepted his request gratefully. Although he did not like to bring inconvenience to anyone, for now, he was glad to have him accompanying him for this journey. The white-haired man stared at the ground, his hands gripping onto his arms in an attempt to stop them from shivering. Even though he had been alone for so long, for today, he wasn't used to the silence and the loneliness that it brought along.

"So how are things going on with him?"

He knew very well who Neah was referring to. Allen peered at the trees, not knowing how he should answer. He just wanted to forget everything once and for all, yet there was a small part of him which refused to throw those memories away, wishing for a miracle that would change everything. But he knew very well that if he hoped for more, he would also have to bear the consequences that weighed the same price.

_Allen._

His body trembled by its own as he recalled Kanda's voice calling out his name. His voice was like a fuel, spreading across his entire self as his feelings and emotions burst into overwhelming flames, burning beyond his control. He always got carried away so easily, and before he knew it, he had already sunk into the depths of darkness that he created.

"I want to forget him once and for all," He muttered weakly. Not wanting to be haunted by his own feelings and memories, he just wanted to be free. Furthermore, Lavi was back, and he knew why he was back for, so why should he repeat the same foolish mistake that he had made four years ago?

He felt warm fingers sliding between his, the warmth gradually accumulating in that particular grasp. Allen turned, seeing Neah showing a reassuring smile as he gave his hand a light and gentle squeeze, telling him that he would always be here for him, no matter what happened. The white-haired man smiled back, returning a soft squeeze at his hand. Even though Mana had left, even though he would be alone, he still had a family that supported him, and he was thankful for it.

"I believe that you can do it."

Allen peered at the sky, the smile never leaving his face. Suddenly, a car honked right beside them, startling him slightly. The headlights of the vehicle flashed for a few times, and his eyes narrowed, his head turning around to avoid the glaring light which had blinded his vision for a few seconds. He slowly stopped walking, opening his hazy eyes as he stared at a dark space which was the opening of an alley.

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"There is no need for apologies."

"Yes, there is! I should have stopped you at that time, no matter what!" Lavi exclaimed.

"It is already over, Lavi," Kanda said, frowning.

"Do you know how long I have been finding you, ever since you left?" A car drove past, and he saw the hardened glare flashing in his eyes as the headlights shone at his face for a second. Then, as everything became dark again, Kanda felt a push at his shoulders. Before he realised it, he was slammed onto the wall roughly, a warm presence leaning to him as warm lips pressed onto his.

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"Allen?"

The headlights flashed again, and as the place brightened slightly, his eyes slowly widened in shock at a clear view of Kanda and Lavi leaning against the wall, standing in an intimate position as they kissed. He let out a strangled gasp, his cold hands clenching tightly on their own as he tried to get hold of his remaining strength that he had left. The memory of the park, that particular bench, and the two of them kissing flashed in his mind. The only hope he had shattered instantly, and all he wished now was to run away from here, from this place.

"Allen?" Before Neah could look over his shoulder to see what had happened, Allen turned him around quickly, moving the both of them away from the area.

"Let's go home. I'm sleepy." He laughed sheepishly. Neah just raised his eyebrow skeptically, but he did not probe further. The both of them walked to the station in silence, and they parted ways soon after. Time seemed to pass quickly, and before he realised it, he was standing in front of his house, staring at the wooden doors in a daze.

"Welcome back! You are rather late today," Timothy called out, switching the channels with a hand while his other hand was grabbing the popcorn in the large bowl. Allen just walked in, slipping his feet out of his boots as he stepped inside, walking back to his room without a word. He threw his bag aside, walking into the bathroom as he turned on the shower. He dipped his head into the falling warm water and just stood there, drenching himself completely. His clouded eyes stared at the blurred mirror in front, his consciousness bringing him back to that particular moment when they kissed.

His lips parted, tasting the warm liquid which slipped into his mouth. His eyes were wet, yet he could no longer differentiate whether it was the water or the tears that had somehow accumulated. His hand slowly clenched, letting out a low hiss as he hit the slippery wall in anger. He was angry at how thin and weak his tolerance was, crumpling down in an instant. The decision that he made when he left four years ago was beginning to waver. Everything just gave way, exposing himself in the open completely. And it was when he realised one thing.

No matter how many years had passed, it would still be the same. Even though he still met Kanda first, he would always be a step too late, and he could only stare in helplessness, unable to do anything to change his fate. He felt so pathetic that it was laughable, but what could he do? What could he do, in order to wake himself up from this horrible nightmare which continued to play endlessly?

"Why...not me?" He murmured, holding his trembling body as he slumped onto the wet ground. It was useless, yet he couldn't stop questioning himself why it always had to end this way; why he could never get a happy ending.

"Allen? Allen, are you inside? Allen!"

"Why...not me..."

He closed his eyes and clasped his ears, drowning out every sound as he stayed still in this silence.

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He grimaced, stopping by the counter as another wave of migraine shot to his head. His hazy eyes stared ahead, his feet moving along the tatami floor as he went over to the table to eat his breakfast. Timothy came out of the kitchen with a glass of milk in his hand, staring at him with a frown on his face.

"You don't look good, Allen. Maybe you should rest at home today," His friend said in concern.

"I'm alright," Allen said, taking up his chopsticks as he took some rice, before he ate the fish which was in another plate.

"You obviously do not feel alright, Allen! I found you lying motionlessly on the bathroom floor last night!" He exclaimed in shock. After a few minutes' of silence, Timothy put down the rice bowl on the table, his serious gaze onto him.

"What happened yesterday?"

Allen munched on his food, not having the mood to explain to his friend. His throat felt raw and burnt as he swallowed, and he found himself unable to eat anymore. He put the chopsticks beside his rice bowl as he struggled up to his feet and walked to the main door in slow, wobbly steps, taking out his black boots which he usually wore for work.

"Allen, please! Something is going to happen to you if you continue this way!" Timothy pleaded, but he ignored it, walking out of the house as he closed the door behind him. He stepped on the small road as he started walking leading to the subway station. It had always been like this, and he was getting tired of wanting to change it when there was no way it could be done.

He breathed hoarsely, barely stepping into the train as he grabbed hold of the railing before he fell. His hands gripped on his arms, wondering why it still felt so cold even though it was a bright sunny morning today. Well, not that he cared anyway. Allen sighed, leaning slightly onto the wall as he closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the sharp throbs of his migraine hammering his head painfully.

He started questioning on what he had done and should do to change the result of his fate. He could think of a whole list of reasons, but it was only his thinking. The main decision was who Kanda chose, and he did not have the right to assume that it was unfair. After all, _love _was unfair itself.

"Dear passengers, we will be reaching Shinjuku station."

Allen moved towards the doors, his shoulders brushing against others who were standing in the way. He could feel his consciousness slipping away each second, his sight gradually darkening.

_No._

The train slowly came to a stop, before the doors opened.

_I have to work. There is no way..._

He looked up, seeing Kanda and Lavi coming out at the other side of the platform. His face paled instantly, and as his body finally took its toll, he collapsed onto the ground, his head hitting the floor. Surrounded by frantic voices of people who were asking whether he was alright, Allen tilted his head, seeing the two of them walking towards the stairs leading to the exit. He gasped softly, his hand slowly reaching out to the two shadows which were disappearing, absurdly hoping that Kanda would notice and turn around.

But, as he thought, it was only his side of wishful thinking.

_...No way..._

As his view was gradually blocked by another person, he could only hear the faint beats of his heart, before everything slowly came to a standstill.

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_A/N: _This long chapter is supposed to be posted next week, but I decide to post it, because it is a special occasion today! To all Chinese and Asian readers, a happy Chinese New Year Eve to you all! I was wondering if this chapter seems to be a little rushed, but there are some things which I think is necessary to put into this chapter.

And it seems that Lavi's arrival is expected. Well...

If you all squint, there is a slight Neah/Allen, and I was wondering whether I should introduce this pairing into the story officially. What do you all think? I just hope that you all will not come to hate Lavi more...urgh, I feel really bad making Lavi the bad guy here.

And thank you all for supporting this story once again! This story could never go far without the encouragements from all of you. Thank you once again :)

Please review and tell me your opinion about this chapter! I apologise for any spelling and grammar mistakes. Please tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything from all of you is deeply appreciated :)

**SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**MercenaryCrime: **Here is the next chapter for you!

**Nagisa4ever: **Thank you! Here is the next chapter for you!

**WithoutWingsX: **Aah, I don't have the time recently so I have not read your fic yet. So sorry! For now, enjoy this week's update :) I hope you like it.

**SeikaDragon: **Hello! Wow, you listed out every possible scenario which would happen... Well, I cannot tell you whether they would really happen, so you have to stay tune to my future chapters! Thank you for the review, and here is the next chapter for you!

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Here is the next chapter for you!

**White Guardian: **Thank you for the review! Here is the next chapter for you!

**Guest: **Ahaha, kinda expected right? Here is the next chapter for you!

**Alissa Lee: **Here is the next chapter for you!

**Sentouki: **Here is the update! Hmm, that I cannot tell you. You have to read on to find out :) Yes, the main point is the **_drama_. **Lol. Thank you for your review, and here is the next chapter for you!

**ShimmeringCrimson: **Well, you reviewers make the time to write a long and good review for me. I'm really happy for it :) I hope that you like the story part whereby Allen and the Noah were eating dinner together. I am only going to focus on some of the Noahs, who are mainly Tyki, Neah and a little of Rhode. And well, I'm not sure whether I'm disappointed when all of you kinda know that Lavi will make the appearance but, well... Haha. You won the bet right? :)

Actually, I haven't watched K due to my busy schedule. They should really make a season two! The episodes in season one are just too little! Oh now I remembered, his nickname is Shiro. I read their wiki profiles (spoilers omg lol). I was wondering if the main character Yashiro is dead? Because his status said that he is deceased from his profile, so I was slightly confused... Thank you for your lovely review! I really hope that you will like this chapter too! :)

**Lalxnello: **It isn't really confirmed at this chapter yet, so you have to read on. Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Darkspider: **Actually, no, the Noah family and Lavi are totally not related in any way. Rather, Kanda and Tyki are acquaintances in the earlier years when he left England, which explains why he could guess the complicated relationship he had with Allen. As to how they meet, this will be explained in future chapters. Thank you for the review, and here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Nonumaru: **Aah, yes. Lots of drama I guess. Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**xx Yuu-Chan xx: **Lenalee is probably coming in around one or two chapters? It's faster than I expected. Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Error: **Hello! Thank you for the review! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**the midnight requiem: **THANK YOU ^^ Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Before the petals fall: **Hello! Aah, I can understand. I hardly write my stories when I was still studying. Nooo you aren't telling me? But well, I also do not want you to give me the spoilers. Guess I shall watch it when I have the time :) Thank you so much for your lovely review! I'm really flattered. I'm glad that you have the time to read through my chapters despite your busy schedule regarding school. Oh? Sorry because I haven't been catching up with the manga chapters for a while. Yes, he indirectly cares for him in a way...well, that is a good sign isn't it?

Thank you again, and here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Alguien22792: **Hello! Thank you so much for the reviews! Here is the next chapter for you! :)

**Izzywing: **Hello! Thank you for the review, and here is the next chapter for you! :)


	10. Courage

**Chapter 10: Courage**

"_Courage isn't having the strength to go on - it is going on when you don't have strength."―Napoleon Bonaparte_

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"I got it. I will be there at two to check on the building site. Yeah, I call you back later," Kanda said, ending the call as he opened the door and stepped into the office. People greeted him with a slight bow, and he nodded in silence, walking to his room as he opened the door and entered. He took off his sling bag, putting it on the couch as he took off his coat, hanging it by his chair. Kanda slowly stopped by the window, staring at the sky which looked exceptionally dull today. His eyes narrowed slightly, seeing the faintest sunlight disappearing behind a hovering cloud.

_I'm sorry, Yuu._

His memory slowly rewinded, back to that moment when Lavi kissed him. Everything just happened so fast that he was stunned for a second. When the headlights of a car were flashing at the both of them, he then realised what they were doing and tried to push the other away. Lavi refused, and as he continued apologising again and again, his determination slowly died down, his hands gradually stopped at his shoulders as he just allowed him to kiss his lips.

_I'm so sorry, Yuu._

Unlike the warm kisses that they shared in the past, this kiss was particularly cold, the burning chill coursing through his bruised lips only reminded him of how tragic their relationship had ended. It only showed how desperate Lavi was, and he could no longer receive the heated feelings that he was trying so hard to send to him. The warmth was lost four years ago, and was already gone. And it was when he realised that it couldn't continue like this.

He gripped on his shoulders once again, and this time, he pushed him away.

_"I'm sorry, Lavi."_

This morning, he bumped into Lavi again, and the redhead just grinned and greeted him as though nothing had happened. At that time, he was probably drunk and not at his current state of mind, but he knew that Lavi would never forget anything that was related to him. He knew that Lavi was pretending, and as much as he wanted to end it all, he couldn't. He was his client, and he knew it better not to mix his personal affairs with business.

Kanda sighed, turning back to his seat as he sat down, switching on his computer. He took his iPad, checking through the appointments that he had today. It was currently ten in the morning, and he did not want to waste any more time dwelling in umimportant matters. The raven-haired man took up the office phone as he dialled the secretary's number.

"Yes, Kanda-san?" Rou Fa answered at the other line.

"Is Timothy in?" He asked, flipping through the documents as he realised that a folder was missing.

"Aah, well, that is..."

"What is it?" Kanda asked again, frowning at her hesitant answer. The document that he handed him a week ago was supposed to be put at his desk this morning before he came to the office. He had the whole week to do, so there shouldn't be any excuse for him to hand up his work late.

"Uh... Timothy is currently not at his desk. No, he...he hasn't shown up for work yet."

"He has reported for sick leave then?" The raven-haired man questioned, supporting the phone by his neck as he began typing an email to one of his clients simultaneously.

"No. He hasn't contacted us for the entire morning," She replied. His frown deepened, wondering what had happened.

"Okay, I got it. Ask Allen to come in then."

"Uh, for that..."

"What is it again?" He snapped, getting irritated by her stuttering.

"Allen hasn't shown up for work as well. And he did not apply for sick leave either."

Sapphire eyes widened slightly. He did not know about Timothy, but he knew that there wasn't any reason for Allen not to report to work. After hunging up the call, he took out his mobile phone and was about to dial Allen's number when it suddenly vibrated, an unknown number flashing at the screen.

"Yes?" He answered.

"It's Timothy here. I'm sorry for this sudden call, but I would like to take leave today."

"Is there any valid reason for you not to turn up for work today―"

"Allen is hospitalised."

Kanda froze, his voice gradually trailed off as his eyes widened in shock.

"He fainted at the station this morning. I have to take care of him, so I have to apply leave today. I'm so sorry if this brings you inconvenience..." His voice continued on, yet the words could no longer be registered in his head. All he was thinking right now was Allen and whether he was alright. He opened his mouth, wanting to ask for the address of the hospital that he was in, but no matter how he tried, no words came out of his throat.

"Kanda?"

"Okay, I got it." His trembling hand holding onto his phone gradually fell to the side of his body. Kanda just stared ahead in silence, his mind in complete blank when he heard the sudden news. The tasks which he wanted to do in the morning was forgotten in an instant. He just continued to stand at the same position in a daze, and it was until Rou Fa shouted his name did he turn around, realising that she was calling for him for the past few minutes.

"Kanda-san? Are you alright?" She asked in concern. Realising that he was still working, Kanda snapped himself out of his thoughts as he took the documents from her hands, returning to his seat.

"Apply a day's leave for Timothy and sick leave for Allen."

Her eyes widened at his words.

"What happened?" She asked worriedly, but Kanda did not answer, staring at the computer's screen which showed the drafts of the traditional houses that were sent from Allen just two days ago. He let out a low hiss as he stared at his desk, pinching his nose in slight frustration.

At this moment, his phone vibrated. He stared at it, seeing the words appearing on the screen.

_If you want to visit Allen, he is currently staying at Chiba Central Hospital. _

Sapphire eyes widened, answering all of his current frustrations and uneasiness. The hospital was just a few stops away from the office, and he would also be seeing a client around the area as well. There wasn't any more excuse not to go, yet for some reasons, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Something within him was hesitating, and he was not sure what to do.

Rou Fa had already left the room. Kanda occupied himself with the paperwork to distract himself from unnecessary thoughts. He moved in and out of the office frequently, and before he knew it, it was already afternoon. The raven-haired man walked over to a nearby cafe, glancing at the side as he saw the hospital that Allen was staying just right across the road.

_Allen is hospitalised._

Kanda slowly halted in his footsteps, peering at the white building which was a few metres away. Part of him wanted to go to the hospital right now, yet another part of him was hesitating, not wanting to proceed further. He forced himself to move a few steps upwards, but the fuzzy images of the car crash that happened four years ago flashed in front of his eyes, and he flinched slightly in response, the accident still vivid in his memory.

His hands clenched, and he shut that memory away for good. Kanda let out a hitched breath, pulling his gaze away forcefully. His phone vibrated, and seeing that he needed to move off to the next client meeting, he told himself that Allen would definitely be alright to ease his guilt, before he finally turned around, walking back to the parking lot to collect his car.

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He stared at the ceiling above blankly, breathing in the overwhelming stench of chlorine and other medicine in this white ward―a place which he did not want to step inside again. Allen slowly turned to the side, staring at his right arm which was pierced with a small tube for the intravenous drip that he needed. Although he still felt slightly hazy, the migraine he had since morning was already gone. He just continued to lie at the same position until he heard a soft creak at the door, before a figure came inside.

"You are awake."

Silver eyes opened a little wider, and he realised that it was Timothy. Slightly relieved that it was his friend who was contacted after he lost consciousness, Allen showed a faint smile in response and nodded his head. Timothy pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down, gripping his hand as he peered at him worriedly.

"The doctor says it was probably fatigue that causes it. How are you feeling now?" He asked, touching his forehead to check his body temperature.

"Better." He could barely utter a word, grimacing at the raw pain that he was experiencing from his dry throat. Timothy noticed and told him not to speak anymore. Allen smiled again, before his gaze drifted to the windows, remembering that moment when he saw Kanda and Lavi walking out of the train at the opposite platform. His hands slowly clenched beneath the sheets, a bitter smile forming at his lips as he realised how hateful he really was. Although it played a part, the main reason why he collapsed wasn't because of the migraine. The shock that he got when he saw the both of them together was too overwhelming that his body just gave way on its own.

"I see. Just rest for today." Timothy got up and was about to go when his hand reached out and pulled his coat, stopping him in place.

"It's okay. I...want to be discharged."

His friend turned around, staring at him in astonishment.

"No. You have to rest―"

"I rest at home. Is it okay?" He asked again. Timothy just stared at him in slight astonishment. Allen slowly turned to the side of the bed in silence. He could stay anywhere, but definitely not here. Not in this white room which brought him back memories of his past illness that had haunted him for years and the car crash which only reminded him of Kanda's sympathetic gaze whenever he looked at him.

"Alright. I'll talk to the doctor whether you can be discharged early." Seeing his pleading eyes, Timothy did not know how to refuse him.

"Thank you, Tim," Allen said with a smile as Timothy walked out of the ward. After the door slowly closed, that smile slowly faltered as he stared at the ceiling once again. He knew that Timothy would inform the office that the two of them would be taking leave today, and there was no doubt that Kanda would be the first person to hear about it. He then wondered how Kanda would react when he received the news that he was hospitalised. Would he be astonished? Would he be at least surprised?

Would he even notice at all?

The door opened and Timothy stepped into the room once again.

"The doctor says that you are fine and can be discharged early. Geez, I expect you to be resting at home instead of wandering out on the streets. Do I make myself clear?" Timothy told him sternly, his eyes staring at him hardly to make sure that he heard his words. Allen just chuckled softly and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I will."

After he finished the IV drip, they walked out of the hospital. The faint sunlight shone at his face as Allen closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh cooling air that somehow cleared out the revolting stench of medicine on his body. Timothy flagged for a taxi, and they sat in silence throughout the journey back to their home. The vehicle passed by their office building, and he couldn't help but steal a glance at the glass pane of his room above, wondering whether he would be there. It ended within a second, and Allen stared at the front seat where Timothy was currently sitting, gradually lost in his own thoughts.

The taxi stopped at the front of their traditional house within an hour. He slowly stepped out, stumbling slightly as he tried balancing his wobbly legs. After paying the driver, Timothy went to his side, supporting him as the both of them stepped into their home. Allen sat by his favourite spot by the door which showed the backyard, marvelling the beauty of the autumn trees as he sighed in content. Timothy came to him with a warm glass of water placed on the tatami floor beside him, before he sat on the floor, searching for the remote control.

"I wonder what there is to watch in the early afternoon..."

"Tim, I'm alright now, so you can return back to the office," Allen said with a smile.

"But you are not feeling well, Allen. It's right for me to take care of you when you are sick."

"It's okay," He murmured, staring at the crimson leaves that fell. "Just go. I wish to be alone now."

Timothy stared at him in slight doubt for a moment, before he nodded his head and took his belongings, heading to the main door. After reminding him to take a good rest for the day, the door closed with a soft thud, his footsteps getting softer and softer as he walked out of this place. Allen just continued to gaze at the scenery, and at this moment, the feeling was just right, and he wished that he could be swept away together with the wind, bringing him to a faraway place where there was no memories to begin with. Nothing to remember, and nothing to forget.

Allen shook his head, standing up as he decided to clean up to make himself as busy as possible. Now, doing things was the only way to distract himself from other thoughts. Work would be the best substitute, but he was sure he would be scolded by Timothy if he found out that he was not resting.

He washed the dishes, cleared the laundry, and around an hour later, he found himself standing in the middle of the backyard, surrounded by red trees which shaded him from the sunlight. Allen swept the ground, the dry leaves fluttering in the air as more fell from the rustling trees above. He then came across an empty bench and stopped momentarily, staring at it in silence. A faint figure of Kanda sitting on it slowly appeared, bringing him back to the days when they were still in college. The raven-haired man turned, and he did not move, letting their eyes meet each other like this.

He couldn't help but wonder, that if Kanda saw him four years ago, what would their ending be now? If Kanda had met him first, what would the outcome for the both of them be?

After he swept the yellow leaves into neat piles, Allen left the broom in the shed and went back to the house. There was already nothing for him to do, and he lazed around for a while, his mind filled with thoughts which he wasn't conscious of until now. The kiss between Kanda and Lavi appeared, and he wondered what happened after that. Did they got together again? Even if they came out of the same train this morning, it did not mean that they were offically together. It was a question with no definite answer, and it was just meaningless to find out when it totally did not concern him.

Getting bored at staying in a house with no one to talk to, he finally could not take it anymore and decided to go out of the house for a breather. Allen faced the opened windows of the bus, feeling the rush of the wind blowing against his face. The slightly long sleeves of his grey sweater which covered his hands entirely provided enough warmth to drive out the cold in the evening. His eyes lit up at the rows of market along the streets, and he reached out to press the bell, alighting at the next stop.

It was a bustling street filled with people of young and old, and he walked together with them, peering at the merchandise that were displayed with curiosity and intrigue. Due to his busy work schedule, he seldom had the time to look around, and such outing never ceased to fascinate him, sending shivers of excitement along his body. The light atmosphere, the hearty chatters and the bubbly laughter surrounding him was able to take his frustrations away for the moment.

"Allen?"

Allen turned, his eyes widening in surprise at seeing Neah in front of him. The said man was also slightly shocked to see him here as Neah approached him.

"Neah! Why are you here?"

"I should be the one asking you this. Why are you here when you are supposed to be working..." He stopped talking as his eyes peered at him closely, his brows curving into a deep frown.

"What happened? You look pale," He muttered worriedly, touching his forehead. Allen laughed nervously in response as he pushed his hand away lightly, covering his fatigue with a bright smile on his face. Because Neah had taken care of him when he was young, his intuition was mostly right, and the last thing that he wanted was for him to be worried over such a trival matter.

"You must have mistaken it for the sunlight. It's exceptionally bright today for the autumn season," He replied. "Furthermore, I want to rest, so I took leave today." He hoped that the reasons that he had given were satisfactory enough to take Neah's suspicions off his mind, and to his relief, the adult did not question him further. The two of them began to walk along the street.

"Why are you here?" Allen asked.

"I want to walk around the city, just like you," Neah said with a cheeky grin, his hand reaching out to ruffle his hair teasingly. Allen shot him a glare and frowned in displeasure, wondering why he was still treating him like a child even though he was already an adult like him, though he did not really mind his pampers which showed his affections towards his nephew.

"So I heard that your new book is coming out soon?" Allen asked. He had read the article regarding his new book from the Internet. Neah was a writer, and even though his writing were mostly on random things, his books had been receiving good reviews from the readers all over the world, and most of them were anticipating his next book.

"Yeah, in just a couple of months. Oh, I am surprised that you read the news about me," Neah drawled out, nudging his shoulders lightly. Allen flushed slightly in embarrassment and turned away, still not getting used to his teases yet.

"What is the title called?"

Neah slowed down his footsteps, glancing at the balloon flying in the sky as a faint smile gradually formed on his lips.

"_**Love**_."

Silver eyes widened slightly at his words. They stopped by a cafe, deciding to have a short coffee break. After Allen bought two mugs of warm latte, the two of them sat at one of the round tables outside, with an umbrella sheltering every one of them. Neah popped two sugar cubes into his beverage, while he just put one. After stirring the coffee, they resumed in their last conversation.

"What does it mean?" He asked in curiosity. Neah took the metal spoon, stirring the beverage before he slipped it into his mouth, licking the remaining sweet coffee taste away. His black eyes softened slightly, stopping the stirring as he just watched the swirling surface of the coffee in silence.

"There is a time when we think that love is something that we can conquer easily. After all, it is just a feeling. Simple and straightforward. And because of this, we also think that love can be forgotten easily. But when you finally fall in love, you realise it is different from what it should be. It is so sudden, and so overwhelming that you are completely thrown off, not knowing what to do."

Allen remained silent, his gaze on his mug of coffee which was left untouched.

"Sometimes we can never forget their feelings towards the person whom we love. Sometimes we have no choice but to leave those feelings behind and move on. Love is never perfect, but as long as we keep on trying, we will definitely find the love that we truly seek for."

Neah's voice gradually trailed off, and as he became aware of the surroundings that he was in once again, he forced out a smile, not knowing how he should react. It was true, yet it wasn't as if he wanted to give up on it in the first place. He tried, and he tried, and he tried, and every single time it would go all wrong till he started to question himself whether he was even doing right. And even so, he did not want to let it go.

"Allen, happiness does not always mean staying by that person's side."

He saw through his hesitance instantly, and silver eyes widened at his words, his hand stopping in mid-air as he was about to take the metal spoon in his mug. Allen felt the comforting warmth on his hand once again, and as he finally looked up, Neah's warm gaze from his eyes were onto him, a reassuring smile forming on his lips.

"Love is simply having the courage to grasp it, and having the courage to let it go."

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Sapphire eyes widened as he stared at Timothy who was standing at the door of his room, waiting for his return. Kanda frowned slightly as he sat at his seat, watching the other in silence as he walked up and put the documents that he needed to hand up this morning on his table.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"Allen wants to be discharged early, and even though I want to take care of him, he insisted that I should go back to work while he stays at home to rest for the rest of the day. And I...have a feeling that he wants to be alone," Timothy replied. Kanda said nothing for the moment, somehow guessing the discomfort Allen would feel staying in the hospital after the car crash that suddenly happened four years ago.

He just nodded his head in silence. After Timothy made his leave, the entire room fell silent once again, his mind wandering dangerously back to the contemplations of whether Allen Walker was really alright. Well, if his friend came back to work, it also meant that he was definitely okay. Kanda let out a sigh, leaning back as he gazed at the dull sky outside.

After running around for four years, he knew that it shouldn't carry on like this. He had been avoiding Allen's feelings for him, and he knew that it was time to stop and face it. He knew it very well, because at that time when he suddenly left, he regreted instantly for pushing him away, when he was already affected by him long ago. He still did not know what it really was, but it was finally time to find it out for himself.

Now that he thought about it, Allen would not reveal his real feelings to anyone so easily, including Lenalee who was his closest friend, so there was no way he was going to believe what he had said at the corridor. Furthermore, his face was downcast when he said it, which only showed how much he wanted to hide himself at that time. That stupid fool was probably trying to pair him and Lavi up, and he hated him for doing that.

The faintest ray of sunlight shone through the glass pane as the clouds gradually cleared. Kanda resumed in his work, finishing up whatever he had to do to catch up with his busy schedule. His tired eyes blinked at the numerous drafts that he had done, and just as he was about to take a short break, someone was knocking on his door. He looked up, seeing Timothy opening it as he pointed to the clock.

"It is time to meet the client at Kyoto, Kanda."

Kanda peered at the time, realising how fast it had been. He cleared his desk, taking the necessary papers as he put them into his sling bag and walked out of the room. They proceeded out of the office building, walking down to the underground subway station. He slowly stopped in front of the platform, and as he let his eyes wander, his gaze stopped at a particular place, a frown forming at his forehead. Now that he recalled, there was a commotion going on in the train station this morning, but he was rushing to the office at that time, so he did not notice it.

"Allen collapsed around that area." Timothy answered it for him, as though he saw through his thoughts. Kanda froze for a moment, wondering whether he was hearing correctly. His wide eyes just stared ahead in shock for a moment, before he slowly turned to the other.

"What?"

The train approached the station swiftly, opening the doors a few seconds later. The both of them went in, standing by the opposite door at opposite ends. He stared at the ground, ignoring the surrounding around him as those words echoed in his head again and again. It just happened right in front of his eyes, and yet he did not notice it at all! Kanda let out a low hiss, grimacing at the unknown feeling surfacing at his chest once again.

"Kanda, what is your relationship with Allen?"

He looked up at Timothy who asked the question all of a sudden. The train entered an overhead bridge, crossing its way to the city of Kyoto just a few metres away.

"To be honest, I'm really curious. The both of you do not look like close friends since the both of you hardly talk to each other, yet at the mention of the other's name, you and Allen will respond weirdly." Timothy paused for a moment, as though he was hesitant to continue what he was about to say next. His eyes narrowed, before he gradually shut them, letting out a sigh.

"When Allen was half-conscious at that time, he continued to call out your name again and again."

Sapphire eyes widened.

_I do not love him anymore. _

They remained silent for the rest of the journey. The subway gradually stopped at Kyoto station, and the both of them stepped out, walking to the exit. A rush of the wind blew at his face, stopping him for a moment as he breathed in the fresh scent of autumn leaves surrounding them right now. Their client was already waiting for them at a bench, and he came over, bringing them to the place to have his designed house built.

Kanda took his time, pacing along the bricked pavement leisurely as he used his camera to take pictures of the traditional houses that had already been here for generations. He had always wanted to visit Kyoto which was one of the best preserved cities in Japan. Great histories which last for centuries laid in this city, and he wanted to witness them all, taking them down as pictures to be kept as a memory.

"Here is the place." The client showed them an old traditional house at a quiet corner of the street, and the two of them stepped inside, inspecting on the condition that it was currently in. Kanda peered at the teared walls closely, his hand moving across its brittle surface. The structure of the house was still sturdy for a long time, so they only needed to refurnish the insides according to the design that their client requested.

"It's good," Timothy murmured, opening the slide doors as he came to the living room. Kanda nodded his head as he went to the client to tell him that everything was alright and that they could carry on as planned. They discussed on the materials that they would need to use, and after an hour, they had concluded their decisions and made their way out of the house, exchanging handshakes with each other before they went separate ways for the day.

"Aah, good weather~" Timothy sang out, stretching his arms as he basked himself in the warm evening light. It was already five in the evening, and they needed to make another trip to get their stocks checked before they returned home for the day. They boarded a bus that just arrived at the bus stop, sitting at the far corner of the vehicle. Kanda gazed at the passing buildings and streets in boredom, his mind thinking back to Allen once again.

_When Allen was half-conscious at that time, he continued to call out your name again and again._

He was slightly amazed at how Allen could lie so boldly when his feelings were totally different from his intentions. Maybe like Lavi, Allen was desperately trying to throw away the lingering feelings he had for him for the seven years that they had known each other, and the haste quickened when Lavi made his appearance.

Timothy tapped his shoulder, telling him inwardly that they were alighting. The both of them got out of the bus as they stared at the bustling street ahead for a moment, before Timothy slapped his fist on his other hand, remembering something all of a sudden.

"Oh, I forgot! There is a festival this evening, which explains why there are so many people today." Kanda frowned, staring at the crowds in disdain, having second thoughts of stepping onto the main street which was practically filled with hordes of people. The thought of being squeezed around with him irked him greatly, and he had even decided on the excuses he made to get out of here, but he wouldn't have the free time to check the stocks after today. The raven-haired man just stood there, contemplating for a few minutes.

"Are you coming, Kanda?" Timothy shouted, waving at him. Before he could think further, someone pushed him onto the streets. Knowing that there was no way back, he had to force himself to move forward, following Timothy behind closely. They passed by many different stores, and as the blue-haired man gasped out in excitement, Kanda just stared at the displayed things in slight curiosity, seeing the smiling faces of teenagers as they chatted and laughed with one another. His vision faded, bringing back an old memory of the four of them celebrating Christmas together.

The place was deafening with voices all over the place, and he was literally squeezed at both sides, yet he couldn't bring himself to dislike it, for some particular reason.

The crowds were getting thicker, and he wasn't surprised when he could not see Timothy who was supposed to be walking in front of him. Kanda sighed, grimacing at the discomfort around him as he tried to search for a quieter area for him to call Timothy to ask for his current location. To his relief, the narrow street was opening up ahead, splitting into two paths. The crowds were also dispersing into two groups, and the raven-haired man slowly halted in his footsteps, getting a breather for the moment.

As he was about to get his phone, his gaze stopped at a small cafe in front of him.

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"Neah..." Allen stared at him, shock registered in that pair of silver eyes as he began to wonder what exactly Neah was trying to imply through the words that he previously said to him. He thought that they were just the brief information to the chapters of the story, but it was when he realised that those words were actually meant for him to hear. His gaze slowly drifted to the table, not knowing how he should reply, what he should reply, and whether there was a need to reply when he was still not ready yet.

"Allen, you can never give up your love to someone else. It's yours and solely yours alone. You have the right to pursue the love that you want, but if this love only brings nothing but misery in the end, for the sake of the both of you, you have to let it go and move on," He said, putting his hand on his shoulder to comfort him. His hands slowly clenched in response as he realised that he was right. All the time, he had always wanted to forget everything and move on, yet he couldn't seem to do it.

"Do not hesitate anymore, Allen. You have hesitated for seven years. It's time."

Allen remained silent for a moment, before he let out a deep breath, shutting his eyes.

"You are right, Neah. It has been seven years, and it is time to put it down."

It might seem difficult to forget those memories, but he was working hard. His heart was still wavering till this day, yet he was determined not to dwell in the past anymore. After all those years of remembering, after all those years of hesitating, he knew that he could not continue like this any longer.

"You want to forget him completely?" Neah questioned.

"Yes," Allen answered, this time in a firmer tone. He bit his lip, fighting back the trembles regarding the strong decision that he was about to commit himself into. He had to do it. "I want to forget him, and start afresh. I realise that I have been hesitating for a long time. I was really foolish," Allen murmured, clasping the mug of coffee with both hands.

"After forgeting him, you are confident that you will not fall in love with him again?"

He looked up, noticing that Neah was staring at a particular direction. Allen turned, his eyes slowly widening in shock as his gaze fell onto Kanda who was standing in the middle of the crowds, a few metres away from them. His heart wrenched tightly as fear sank in, and he knew that he was starting to regret what he had just said. That feeling was terrifying, yet he could no longer stop. He swallowed nervously, gathering all his strength and every ounce of his courage he could master to answer.

"No. That's why..."

Black eyes slowly widened as Neah turned to peer at his trembling hand clasping tightly to his, before he stared at him in complete astonishment. Allen breathed out shakily as he forced out a smile, taking a last look at the man whom he loved.

_Love is simply having the courage to grasp it, and having the courage to let it go._

"That's why..._help me_." He bit his lip harder, tears falling out of his eyes.

"Help me forget him, Neah."

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_Please._

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A/N: Hello guys. I took the last two nights and this morning to type out and edit the chapter, so don't be surprised if you see mistakes along the way.

And some of you may have misunderstood my previous comments regarding the Neah/Allen pairing, or that I might have phrased it wrongly. No worries, Yullen will _still_ be the main pairing at the end (damn, am I revealing the spoilers). Adding the extra pairing is just to spice things up. And I'm so glad to ask you guys for opinions regarding this pairing. Thanks to the responses, I have decided to keep Neah/Allen pairing as brotherly romance, close to love romance. You can also consider it as slight slash if you all wish :)

I was really worried whether Neah is OOC in this story. Because his personality (concerned for his nephew and family) is completely different from his sadist side in the manga, I have a hard time figuring out how I should write him. Please tell me if you feel that his character is OOC.

As always, I am so happy to receive lots of encouraging reviews from all of you readers! Progressive Yullen for the next two chapters or so, so stay tuned to the next update which will probably come out around a week later. Or else it will be two weeks later as usual. Updates will always be on Thursdays/Fridays, but I may post on Saturdays if there are delays :(

And lastly, regarding the descriptions of love that I mention in this chapter, I referred to the lyrics of a particular song before I wrote them down, so if you think the concept that I'm conveying isn't correct, please tell me and I will change accordingly :)

So once again, please review and tell me your opinion about this chapter! I apologise for any spelling, grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is all deeply appreciated! :)

**SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**MercenaryCrime: **Thank you! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**alguien22792: **Aah, yes, they will definitely realise it one day :) Thank you for the long review! I'm so glad that you love the story :) Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**the midnight requiem: **It's all explained in this chapter, mainly on how Kanda reacted to Lavi's kiss and his thoughts on it. Frankly, I have a hard time figuring out how Neah should progress in this story. His personality completely differs, so it's quite difficult to keep him in character. But I do hope that you readers are okay with it. Thank you for the review, and I hope you like this chapter! ^^

**Nonumaru: **Aah yes, but not now. From this chapter onwards haha. Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**Guest: **Thank you for your comment! Deeply appreciated :) Hope you like this chapter!

**BlueMoon333: **Thank you for your review! Yeah it's basically to annoy Kanda. It would be a challenge to write Neah/Allen pairing since I am writing it for the first time, but I will try my best! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**ShimmeringCrimson: **Ahaha, I'm so glad that you love the adding of the Noah family! I'm still thinking whether Neah might be OOC in chapter 9, but it's kinda hard to figure it out since his character completely differs from the him in the manga.

Oh is it? I know that Shiro is the reincarnation of the Silver King, so maybe the deceased status refers to the king instead of the current white-haired teenager now. I may be wrong as well. Oh yeah, I'm kinda confused with the information that wiki provides, but damn, Kuroh's rare power is so damn cool! Fell in love with him already... :X Do you know when the season 2 is coming out? :)

And I love you too for sending such a long and nice and fantastic review! It makes me so happy all day! So, your long reviews make me happy as well. Thank you once again, and hope you like the chapter! ^^

**Guest: **Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**Zoe Whiteraven: **Thank you for the review and the comment! Deeply appreciated :) Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**White Guardian: **Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**Vhyna sii semelekete: **Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**Before the petals fall: **Yullen is still the main pairing, so no worries :) Neah/Allen will still be added as a side pairing, mainly to fuel Kanda's jealousy haha. Yup, I will definitely watch K when I have the time, just that it's not now though. Do you know that there will be a season 2 for this? :) And yes, I understand what you mean. I think it applies to all dramas and tv shows as well. Aah stressed at school? I'm glad that my story helps you to relieve some of your stress after a busy day in school :) Hope everything's okay. And well, Kanda is kind of dense in this area, but from this chapter onwards, he's going to find out how he really feels towards Allen! Finally, progress for the two :'(

Thank you for your superb long review, and hope you like this chapter! :)

**GuestXD: **Thank you! I thought of this scene at the last day before I submitted the chapter, so I'm glad that it turns out okay :) Thank you for the review once again! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**xtwoheartsx: **Hello! Thank you for your encouraging words! They really make my day :) No worries, Yullen will still be the main pairing at the end. Neah/Allen is the side pairing, mainly to fuel Kanda's jealously muahahaha. But I appreciate your long review regarding this issue. Thank you so much for reviewing, and I hope you like this chapter! :)

**Narutopokefan: **Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**Guest: **You are right about this point. Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**WithoutWingsX: **Ahehee. I simply love cliffhangers :) No worries, Yullen will still be the main pairing, while Neah/Allen is the side pairing :) Thank you so much for your lovely review, and I hope you like this chapter! ^^

**lalxnello: **Not yet for now... But I cannot reveal further :) Thank you for the review! Hope you like this chapter! ^^

**TheVictoryAngelofStrife: **Oh you got one of the points which I wanted to convey through the writing! :) The reaching out for the stars during that drunken night and the relationship between him and Kanda is kinda related. Aah yes yes. Love is never a bad thing, just that the both of them fell in love with the same guy. Kanda is just confused with his feelings towards Allen and Lavi. But he will figure that out soon. And Yullen will still be the main pairing, so no worries for that :) Thank you so much for this lovely review, and I hope you like this chapter! :)

**SeikaDragon: **Oh yes, it's one of the angsty chapter that I have written for this story. And regarding the chapter, yes, the meaning of the lyrics is almost similar to how Allen is currently feeling towards Kanda. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this long and lovely review! Hope you like this chapter as well! :)

**Jia: **Thank you! Hope you like this chapter too! :)

**Guest: **It's never too late :) I will always update on Thursdays/Fridays weekly or every two weeks, so you just need to keep a lookout when the date is near :) Thank you! Hope you like this chapter as well! :)

**boxeshero: **Hello! Thank you so much for this review! I'm glad that you intend to try out this pairing, and I'm happy that this story is your first DGM favourite story. Thank you so much for supporting once again! Hope you will like this chapter as well! :)


	11. Pretense

**Chapter 11: Pretense**

"_You go on. You set one foot in front of the other, and if a thin voice cries out, somewhere behind you, you pretend not to hear, and keep going."__―__Geraldine Brooks, March_

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"After forgetting him, are you confident that you will not fall in love with him again?"

Allen looked up at Neah in slight astonishment, only to realise that the adult wasn't looking at him when he said those words. He slowly averted his gaze to the front, and as he stared at the moving crowds, his eyes slowly widened in shock at Kanda who was standing there, staring at him. His heart wrenched tightly in response, and he was afraid that he would take back his words instantly. But even so, he could bring himself to turn away.

"No. That's why..."

His trembling hand slowly reached out to the other, clasping his hand shakily as though he was seeking for his silent support. Black eyes widened for a fraction as Neah turned and stared at him in astonishment.

"That's why... _Help me._" Allen bit his lip harder, tears falling out of his eyes as he tightened his grip.

_"Please."_

Allen felt something gripping his shoulder all of a sudden, and as he turned around, his silver eyes widened in shock as Neah leaned to his face, kissing the tip of his nose. His eyes were closed, his dark curls brushing against his ears in the briefest touch. Then, seconds later, that pair of black eyes opened, and that penetrating gaze alone was enough to send shivers along his skin. He suddenly felt uncomfortable seeing this side of Neah. He might have pampered him at times, but he never showed it openly.

And the worse thing was, Kanda witnessed every bit of it, his sapphire eyes narrowing into slits as he started walking towards them. His instinct acted by its own, his hands pressing on Neah's chest as Allen tried pushing him away, but Neah's arms just refused to budge. Allen shot a confusing look at the other, and Neah only smiled at him in return. In the midst of trying to get out of his grasp, he failed to hear the footsteps which gradually stopped in front of the table.

"And who might you be?" Neah asked in a teasing tone, fondling his silver hair. Silver eyes widened, and as he slowly turned, he met Kanda's sharp gaze which seemed to be colder and slightly fiercer than usual, as though he wasn't liking what he was seeing right now. Allen brushed Neah's hands off his shoulders as he looked away.

"Aren't you supposed to be resting at home after the discharge?" The sudden question from him startled him and Neah as the adult turned to him with a slight frown, his bewildered look on his face telling him inwardly to explain this situation. Allen shot a glare at Kanda, wondering whether he was doing this on purpose. His wide eyes looked around, before he suddenly stood up and grabbed Kanda's hand.

"Sorry, Neah! I need to talk to him about something!" Allen apologised quickly, not waiting for the other's reply as he pulled Kanda to the empty alley at the back of the cafe. Realising the position that they were in, he released his hand and kept a safe distance from him, leaning on the wall as he stared elsewhere. The two of them were silent for a moment, before he finally raised the first question.

"Why are you here?"

"I should be the one asking you. Why are you here when you are supposed to be resting at home?" Kanda asked. His eyes widened for a moment, wondering how he raised this question so easily. Why could he say those words so easily, as though it was out of obligation as a friend who was concerned over his health. But Kanda wasn't a person to show concern over people, especially towards him.

"I'm fine," Allen simply replied.

"Who is he?"

His tone was slightly hostile and angered, especially at the mention of the word 'he' which referred to Neah. Allen raised his eyebrow in slight bewilderment for a while, before he realised what he was talking about. He hung his head, his hair strands covering his face partially as he stared at the ground.

"He is my uncle. Mana's brother."

There wasn't any reason to hide since Kanda, Lenalee and Lavi knew about his childhood story in the past. He could see his long raven strands fluttering slightly in the wind from the side view, and he began to wonder why Kanda would even raise such a question. He was a person who would care less on anyone. Not swayed by other people's feelings, he chose his own path he wanted to take and moved forward. He wouldn't be bothered by such insignificant things around him, let alone Neah who wasn't even related to him in any way.

Allen felt something warm touching his forehead, and as he looked up, his eyes slowly widened in shock at Kanda's hand which was there as the raven-haired man leaned a little closer, his brows pressing together in a slight frown. His slender fingers slipped into his silver strands, and Allen gasped softly, his feet stepping back on their own as he stared at Kanda warily, not understanding what he really wanted.

"I see. You can go back to him now."

Before he realised it, Kanda was already gone. Silver eyes widened as Allen watched him walking out of the alley. He just stood there in a slight daze, trying to comprehend what had really happened for the last few minutes. The lingering warmth was still there, and he wasn't sure what he should do about it.

Allen let out a defeated sigh as he walked out of the alley. He glanced to the right, seeing Neah sitting at the same table, peering ahead with a frown on his face. He wasn't sure how he was going to convince him regarding the statement that Kanda slipped out at that moment. After tidying himself, he took a deep breath and started walking towards the cafe.

Hearing faint footsteps coming from his side, Neah slowly turned, seeing Allen flashing out a smile as he pulled the chair beside him and sat down.

"Is everything alright?" Neah asked, gazing at him worriedly.

"Yeah," Allen simply replied, taking his mug of latte which was turning cold as he drank the beverage. His fingers rubbed against the smooth surface of the mug in a slow rhythm as he peered at the nearby fair ahead, enjoying the breeze brushing past his ears lightly. As time slowly passed, his vision blurred slightly, his mind gradually bringing him back to that moment when Kanda touched his forehead. It felt so comforting, so secure, and so gentle that he almost lost himself into this feeling; that he almost forgot the promise that he had made.

"What did he mean by 'resting at home after discharge'?" Neah questioned.

"I went to the hospital for a check-up only. It's just influenza, nothing special."

Neah just stared at him doubtfully, and Allen stared at the empty mug, not knowing how to continue. After a few minutes of silence, the adult finally let out a soft sigh and smiled faintly.

"I see. Then you have to rest well when you reach home."

Allen turned to him and grinned. The two of them got up, walking on the streets as they decided to go home for the day. He took a glance at Neah who was staring elsewhere, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Till now, he was still slightly shocked at the kiss that Neah initiated. It certainly gave a fluttering feeling, and his face would naturally turn red from the embarrassment, but what was the gentleness that he felt at that particular second when his lips descended on the tip of his nose softly? He did not need to resort to this just to prove to Kanda that he had moved on.

They got out of the large crowds, walking to the bus stop. The evening sun was exceptionally glaring today. Allen frowned as his eyes narrowed, noticing that Neah was staggering slightly for a while. His feet stumbled, and he gasped, grabbing his arm before he fell onto the ground. He was about to hold him up when he felt his hands being pushed away.

"It's probably the sun. Aah, it feels so hot even though it's late autumn." Neah let out a sigh, walking forward. Allen just stared at his silhouette with a slight frown. It might be his imagination, but when he watched him once again, the adult looked so much paler than usual.

"Allen, there are no such thing as guarantees in the future."

He looked up at him, his eyes widening slightly at his statement. Neah did not notice though, as he peered at the sky above.

"You might wish to give up on him, but what if that destined person has been at your side all these while? After all, you need to overcome all obstacles to find true love."

He intended to ask, but his thoughts were cut off as the bus arrived at the same time. The both of them ran to it, and after they boarded the vehicle, the doors slowly closed as the bus went off to its next destination.

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He wasn't sure whether he regretted going for the festival last evening after he met a certain beansprout who was supposed to be resting at home, and he was chatting so happily with someone else as though nothing had happened. Kanda stopped typing halfway, peering at Allen who was laughing with his colleagues through his glass door. His eyebrow twitched in irritation, and he snorted, turning back to his report as he continued typing away.

His fingers jabbed the keys hardly as many thoughts ran in his mind, and most of them were endless questions on why he would be concerned for the beansprout when he obviously did not need to. He was shocked that he was worried for him, and the shock gradually turned into mortifying horror as he saw him with someone else together, not to mention the comforting kiss that he bestowed on his nose.

Kanda let out a sharp hiss, slamming the enter button to save his report as he stood up, walking over to the couch as he sat down, pinching his nose in slight fatigue and frustration. The cold air from the air conditioner blew on his face lightly, and he let out a sigh, staring at Allen who was doing his work through the glass door once again. His index finger trailed along the soft material lightly, remembering that moment when he reached out and touched his forehead. It was warm, and the feeling felt nice, so nice that he wanted to put his hand there for a little while longer.

His breaths were shallow, that pair of bright silver eyes fixated onto him for the entire time as time gradually went still. His hand slipped into his thick locks of silver strands, his heart stirring slightly at the little sparks of warmth that he felt at the tips of his fingers. He had never felt like this when he was with Lavi, and it was slightly intriguing. It had always been fun and interesting with Allen, mostly with the teases, but he hadn't pondered on why he would feel this way.

He took the documents and returned to his working desk, putting them in proper order such that he could refer to them whenever he needed to. His eyes drifted to the calendar that was scribbled messily with the schedules he followed, realising that it was time to visit the building site. It was the current peak period for their company, and he could not afford to waste his time thinking of matters other than work.

Kanda took his bag, grabbed his brown coat hanging by the couch as he opened the door and walked out of the door. Ignoring the people walking around in the background, he went out of the office, stopping by the lift lobby as he waited for whatever person who would be tagging with him today. Footsteps stopped beside him, and as he turned around, sapphire eyes widened slightly to see Allen standing there with a camera in his hands.

"As everyone is busy with their work, I will be the one accompanying you today, if it's okay with you," Allen said with a smile. Kanda remained silent, not sure how he should reply, and whether he should reply. As far as he knew, he had been indirectly avoiding him, and it felt weird now that he approached him by his own will.

"Hello? Kanda? Are you alright?" Allen called out, waving his hand at his face. Kanda grunted in irritation as he took a step back, his brows curved into a deep frown. Allen's face was within inches, and he definitely did not want to remember that embarrassing moment that he had done last evening.

The lift doors opened, and Kanda went into the lift without a word, ignoring Allen who was grinning for no reason. They did not speak to each other during this silent journey, standing at opposite corners as the lift stopped at some floors and people stepped inside to fill up the space between them. After a long moment, they finally reached the ground floor, walking out of the lift after everyone had done so.

"This time we will be taking bus there."

"Why?" Allen exclaimed in slight shock. Kanda just frowned instead.

"My car has been sent for maintenance."

"Aah, just when I am looking forward to sitting in your car..." Allen mumbled with a slight pout.

"Since when do you like sitting in my car anyway?" He asked, stepping out of the office building first as he walked over to the bus stop at the side of the road.

"The entire time?" Allen beamed, a smile on his face. "It is comfortable, nice, and extremely good to sleep in." The two of them stopped at the bus stop, and Kanda checked his bag once again to make sure that he brought the right things for the inspection later.

"Of course. Because you are the one doing nothing while I'm driving it." He thought it was a stupid answer, and he almost called him a Moyashi at the end of his sentence just to further emphasise this fact, but he held himself back, not wanting to say a name which would trigger unnecessary emotions that would make him remember what he did last evening.

The bus arrived―a double deck one―and Allen nearly squealed out loud as he hopped inside it, tapping his card to pay the fare as he ran up the stairs to the top deck. It was rather empty at this period of time, and after he paid the fare as well, he walked up the stairs, facing a completely empty deck with only Allen sitting at the far back, waving at him vigorously for him to come over. He sat behind him, not understanding why Allen looked so happy right now, as though he had never sat on a double-deck bus in his entire life.

"It's the first time I am sitting at the top deck of a bus with no one around! Except you, of course," Allen beamed, peering at the surroundings in awe. His silver eyes were shimmering in curiosity, and Kanda just watched him in silence, finding his reactions intriguing and slightly amusing. His different face expressions, ranging from happiness to sadness, had never ceased to surprise him even till now. Those expressions were the purest, completely different from the masks that he always wore, and as he stared at him, he started to wonder who Allen really was. Was he the one who showed everything out in the open, or was he someone who could conceal his lies beneath the facade that he had made?

The journey was smooth and quiet. No one boarded the bus after the two of them, and they spent the time talking about the buildings that they saw on the way. Allen discussed with him on the highlights in Japan that he had to visit, and surprisingly, Kanda found himself getting interested in that particular topic. He had no idea why he even bothered to listen instead of taking a short nap. Perhaps he hadn't the mood to sleep, or he was simply bored. But whatever. He just stared at Allen in silence, listening to him anyway.

The bus was travelling on an expressway, and Allen was asleep, his head leaning slightly on the glass. He still did not have the mood to sleep and chose to stare ahead, watching his head drooping heavily to the side as the bus jerked slightly on the road. A soft groan escaped out of his parted lips as Allen turned, and he could see his partial face from view. His eyes were closed, his strands of silver hair falling down to the tip of his nose. Sapphire eyes blinked, and Kanda looked elsewhere in slight awkwardness, wondering why he had to think of that. But he couldn't help but turn back, observing his face for a little while.

"Dango..." His ears perked up at the first thing he said, and he wondered what it was. Allen moved his lips, before a faint smile appeared on his face.

"My mitarashi dango..."

Kanda almost snorted. Was this beansprout thinking of food even in his dreams? It was so like him. His lips curved into a small smirk, and his hand reached out, brushing a hair strand away such that he could see him clearer. The brief movement caused him to stir slightly, and his hand stopped halfway, not knowing what to do if he woke up. Fortunately, Allen just mumbled something under his breath, before he turned back to the glass pane and continued to sleep. The raven-haired man slowly sank back to his seat, wondering what the hell he was really doing.

_Kanda, what is your relationship with Allen?_

He had always thought that they had nothing to do with each other. Allen was somewhat an acquaintance who entered his life so suddenly, and there was no reason to think about this when there was simply nothing to remember. Then he realised that it wasn't the case when he saw Neah kissing Allen on his nose. Something within him instantly snapped at seeing this scene, and all he felt was unknown anger at that time.

Kanda let out a sigh as he briefly stared at the scenery outside. Seeing that the bus wasn't reaching that soon, he gradually closed his eyes, wondering if he finally had the mood to sleep. All he saw was darkness, but he was feeling himself being drawn into another consciousness shortly. He was dwelling at the same question for a while, before he finally fell asleep.

Allen must have meant something to him, but...

_...what was it?_

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He was suddenly awake after the bus jerked, silver eyes studying the road of the expressway. He then wondered how long he had slept. After making sure that they hadn't reached their stop, Allen heaved a sigh of relief, a smile hanging loosely at his lips. He noticed three or four people sitting at the top deck, but no one was sitting at the back yet. He turned and was intending to talk to Kanda when he was met with a sleeping face of the raven-haired man whose head was leaning against the glass.

Intrigued by the face expression he was currently wearing, Allen continued to watch him in silence, admiring the calm and peacefulness of it. The usual frown wasn't there, and his lips parted slightly, his shallow breathes echoing at his ears very clearly. The raven-haired man looked completely relaxed and unguarded, as though everything had been lifted off his shoulders in this dream he was currently in. Allen slowly leaned forward, resting his arms on the edge of the seat as he wondered what dream he was having right now.

The bus moved to the left, exiting the expressway. Kanda's head shifted slightly, his long fringe sliding down as the strands covered his face partially. Allen couldn't help but smiled at this sight. Making sure that no one was watching, he climbed on the seat, his hand slowly reaching out to touch his raven strands of hair. It felt so soft and so smooth. His fingers ran along them for a while, before he brushed them aside, tucking the strands behind his ears such that he could see him clearer.

Silver eyes softened as he observed his face features quietly. It was rather rare to see him making such a vulnerable expression, for someone like him who always wore a scowl wherever he went. Allen stared at him in slight hesitance, before he slowly reached out, his index finger touching his right eye lightly. His finger gradually trailed down, stopping at his slightly parted lips.

Despite how long time had passed, Kanda still looked extremely beautiful, jolting his emotions so strongly at its wake. Even if he was within reach right now, it still felt as though he was rather far away. But even so, he still sought for him unconsciously, to the point which he could not control himself anymore. Was this one of the obstacles that he had to overcome? Because as far as he knew it, he had been trying to overcome it for years, yet he couldn't do it in the end.

His finger curled slightly, and just as he redrew his hand halfway, a hand reached out and grabbed his wrist all of a sudden. Before he knew it, sapphire eyes were already open, staring at him in an intense gaze. Silver eyes could only stare at him in shock as Allen realised that he was finally caught.

"What are you doing?"

His mouth opened slightly in an attempt to explain, but under that gaze which had seen everything, he did not know what to say to cover up his actions.

"I... I just want to tell you that we are reaching soon." It wasn't really a lie, because the bus was indeed reaching their client's place in around two stops. His heart was pounding frantically at his chest, and it was so loud that he hoped the raven-haired man would not notice it. Kanda just continued to stare at him in silence, and he tried his best to stare back at that pair of unreadable eyes, not intending to reveal his emotions to him either.

The bus gradually stopped at the traffic junction, and it was then when Kanda finally let his hand go. Allen took his aching hand as he turned around and sat on his seat once again, his face flushing in embarrassment. The atmosphere around them suddenly turned rather awkward. He reached out, pressing the bell to alight at the next stop before he stood up, proceeding down to the basement. Kanda followed him behind, and the two of them stood at opposite ends, waiting for the doors to open.

The bus stopped, and they stepped out in the open. Allen grimaced at the cold wind blowing at his face, and he slipped his hands into the warm pockets of his coat to block out the cold. Kanda walked ahead first, leading the way. He followed him behind, and the two of them were silent for the entire time.

They reached the building site, and the two of them walked separate ways, each having their assigned job to do. A terrace house that Kanda designed was currently building in progress, and they were here to check that everything was done correctly.

"Here." One of the constructors handed him a white helmet for safety purposes, and Allen thanked him before he wore it, strapping it securely on his head. He was in charge of checking the stocks and materials that they needed for the project. The constructor then brought him to the warehouse, and he looked through everything, jolting them down on his notebook.

He heard voices outside, and he turned around, seeing Kanda talking to the project manager. The vulnerable expression that he saw was already gone, replaced by a stern and serious-looking face, and his frown was back. He found himself watching them in silence for a moment, somehow impressed by how hardworking he was. After all, Kanda took pride in his job as a designer, and he would never allow any mistake in his projects.

"Have you finished checking the materials yet?" The constructor came back and asked him. Realising that he was still in the middle of his job, Allen muttered an apology, turning around as he resumed in his work. He did not realise that Kanda had noticed, glancing at him through the door for a moment before he walked away.

After he checked through all the stocks, it was already late evening. Allen walked out of the warehouse, noting down the materials that they needed next week. At the same time, Kanda exited the office, and the two of them met each other. He looked away hastily, and Kanda did not say anything either. They walked to the open road, deciding to take a taxi back for the day instead.

It had been a few minutes, and they had tried flagging down any taxi that passed by, but to no avail. It was currently the peak hour, and everyone was going home at the same time as they were. Kanda eventually got tired and slightly pissed at this, and Allen gladly took over, focusing on the road as he searched for empty taxis available.

"Moyashi."

"It's Allen," He said, not turning to face him as he continued flagging for taxi.

"What were you doing at that time?"

"What is it about?" He knew very well what he meant, and he did not want to talk about it. At least, not for now, because even he could not figure out what exactly he really wanted.

"What did you do in the bus just now?" Kanda asked again.

"I already told you that I want to wake you up because the bus is approaching our stop―!" Silver eyes widened as something gripped his arm and spun him around forcefully, meeting sapphire eyes which were staring at him hardly.

"When are you going to stop lying to me?"

It was a lie, and yet it wasn't. His eyes slowly narrowed into slits as Allen glared at him.

"I am not lying."

"You were touching my face at that time."

He looked up, staring at him in shock. Was Kanda awake for the entire time when he did that? Allen hissed as he wrenched his arm away from his grasp, turning back to the road as he finally saw an empty taxi coming in their direction.

"If you knew it, why do you still bother asking me?" He asked. What was Kanda trying to prove here? And even if he had gotten what he wanted, did it really matter? Their relationship would forever stay the same, as long as Lavi stayed in the picture. And he wasn't someone who would compete with his friend.

"To confirm how you truly feel towards me."

The taxi stopped in front of them. Allen stiffened for a second, his eyes widening in shock. Those were the last words from him, and the two of them sat inside the taxi, silent for the entire journey. Rather, it was more like he was avoiding a conversation with him. Allen glanced at Kanda who sat at the front, before he sighed, his head landing on the window with a soft thud as he leaned on it. As he peered at the trees that passed by, he couldn't help but wonder what those words really meant.

He clenched his hands, shutting his eyes as though he shut everything out of his mind. There was no way he could turn back.

No, he could no longer turn back.

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Neah made a surprise visit to the office, and it certainly wasn't surprising when everyone made a total fuss, asking him endless questions on how he was related to the infamous Millennium Earl who was one of the millionaires in the world. Allen groaned, looking up from his work in slight fatigue as he stared at the adult who sent him a teasing smirk, causing every woman who was present here to scream in sheer envy.

"Neah, why...why are you here?" He muttered, massaging his forehead as he tried to bear with the pain which was pounding hardly at his head. He had taken three consecutive days and nights to finish up his current project which was due this evening, and he was so exhausted that he did not have the strength and mood to react to Neah's playful tease.

"Of course, it is to have a lunch date with you," Neah said seductively, smiling charmingly. The women screamed again, and he had to cover his ears to prevent their shrieks from worsening his headache further. Allen raised his eyebrow incredulously, wondering what he was playing this time.

"Who is this, Allen?" He turned around, intending to shrug this person off who was probably curious about it when he realised that it was Timothy, and to his horror, Kanda was standing beside him, his eyes seemed to be glaring at a particular direction which he did not want to take notice. Allen turned back, biting his lip in slight panic. Why, of all times in the 365 days, must Neah appear at this moment?

"Everyone, he is Neah Walker, my...uncle." It was certainly a lame introduction, but it had at least answered to most of their questions they had in mind.

"Allen, you have such a suave uncle!"

"Don't mind if you introduce him to me?"

"How lucky you are, Allen!"

The conversation was certainly getting too long. Allen stood up and was about to pull Neah away when he felt dizzy all of a sudden, almost stumbling to the side as Neah noticed this and grabbed him by the waist before he fell on the ground. He mumbled an apology, his hands trying to push him away to prevent more misunderstandings among the others, especially from someone who was still standing behind, seeing everything. He struggled frantically, and it was only when Neah gripped his wrist tightly did he calm down slightly, startled by the sudden reaction.

"Calm down. It's only an act." He leaned even closer, and Allen could only freeze in place, not daring to move. His lips formed into a smile, before he whispered at his ear.

"After all, aren't you the one who is intent on forgeting him? I am just helping you."

Silver eyes widened, and the memory which he promised himself and sought for Neah's aid flashed in his mind. He let his eyes wander, stopping at where Kanda was. How could he actually forget the promise that he had made? Allen swallowed, slowly reaching out as he wrapped his arm around the other hesitantly. He then looked up, flashing the brightest smile on his face.

"Yeah, I almost forget that! Let's go, Neah! There is a cafe which I really have to introduce to you!"

He wondered how it had come to this―that they had to lie in order to make everything work between them. But then again, he had already started this four years ago, when he knew that Kanda and Lavi became lovers. His life in front of Kanda was nothing but a facade and pretense that he created, and before he realised it, he had been pretending that everything was okay; that it was fine without Kanda; that he did not love him anymore.

"Allen?" He peered at Neah who was staring at him worriedly. Allen flashed out a reassuring smile at the other, before he looked down at his only plate of curry rice that he ordered for lunch. Despite how terribly hungry he was, he did not have to mood to enjoy his meal this time. His spoon was jabbing the white rice as he just stared at it in silence, before he finally put the utensil down.

"I'm sorry."

"What are you apologising for?"

"For ruining the lunch date when you have the free time," Allen replied, not knowing what to say. It was certainly his fault that he was spacing out right now. He took a spoonful of curry rice and forced it into his mouth, chewing the food slowly. Neah just stared at him silently, before he put the spoon down.

"Don't think too much and eat. You seriously need to eat more. Would you even be full with just one plate of curry rice?" He asked with a frown, ruffling his white hair with his hand. Allen smiled slightly, taking more spoonfuls of curry rice as he finished his meal quickly. Neah understood him better than anyone, and he was glad that he was at his side when he needed help the most. Noting to himself that he shouldn't be distressed anymore, Allen gobbled up all his food, before he raised his hand to the idle waiter standing at the counter.

"Another extra large serving of curry rice!"

After lunch, they went over to the ice-cream shop, deciding to buy the sweet dessert for snack. Allen bought a vanilla cone ice-cream first, and while he waited aside for Neah to order his share, the adult suddenly announced that he decided not to buy anymore.

"Why?" Allen asked, licking the tip of his vanilla ice-cream which was already melting halfway. It instantly melted inside his mouth, and as he slowly savored the creamy vanilla, his skin tingled at the sugar rush that went straight to his head, making him slightly light-headed. He grinned, making sure that he would get his same dessert tomorrow.

Neah turned, and seeing that there was some ice-cream staining both corners of his lips, he began smirking devilishly.

"You will know soon enough."

They were walking back to the office when they spotted Kanda walking with Timothy, probably to settle their late lunch. His face was rather pale, and he began to worry whether he might be falling sick. He had seen him working overtime together with him, and there were days when Kanda wore the same clothes, which also meant that he had stayed in the office for the entire night. Silver eyes widened, and Allen stopped at the middle of the street.

Then again, why should he care? His issues were absolutely none of his business, and it did not matter to him in any way either.

"Allen."

Allen looked up, only to stiffen as Neah leaned to his face, using his index finger to wipe away some of the milky cream off his lips. The adult gripped his shoulder and pulled him closer to his side, and silver eyes could only widen in shock as he licked the creamy substance off his finger, right in front of the two of them as they watched them in silence.

"Mhm, nice."

He was flushing in sheer embarrassment. Timothy's jaw just fell open, too shocked to comprehend what had really happened. Kanda just stared at him with an expressionless face, before that pair of unmoving eyes turned elsewhere and he walked away. Shutting his jaw back, Timothy hurried after him, giving him an apologetic look. Neah peered at them for a moment, before he turned to Allen who was staring at the ground.

"Allen?"

"Why did you do that?" Allen asked accusingly. His smile faltered as Neah stared at him with a stern expression.

"You said that you want me to help you isn't it? Are you regretting it already?"

"I don't know. I really don't know," Allen muttered, not knowing what he should do anymore. He was trying so hard to forget, yet the indifferent expression that Kanda wore just now made him reconsider his actions. Why was he trying so hard when he did not seem to be affected in the least, as though what he did was all for nothing. It was simply humiliating, and he had never felt so shamed in his life.

"Sorry." Handing him the melting ice-cream, Allen went into the office building without turning back.

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Kanda had gone on a business trip after that day, and they hardly met each other because of work. The raven-haired man was hardly in the office as well, meeting clients every now and then. Allen sighed as he drew his draft, before he paused for a moment, his eyes glancing at his room which was empty for the last few weeks. Now the raven-haired man had currently gone for another business trip to Canada, and it was already a month since he last saw him.

"I wonder whether he is alright..." He muttered, staring at his paper as he wished he hadn't said out loud.

"What?" Timothy asked, hearing his words as he went to his side.

"Nothing!" Allen smiled, chasing that thought off his head as he continued in the sketching. He got the peace and silence he wanted, and he wouldn't be seeing Kanda as often as he wanted. Wasn't it the best option that he sought? Allen let out another depressing sigh, his hand with the pencil moving along the drawing as he fought back the urge to turn around and glance at the empty room again.

"Actually, his trip should have ended three days ago." Everyone looked up at Rou Fa who was coming over, her finger tapping her chin lightly as she pondered hardly on this. "He hasn't called into the office, and no one answers when I call his home. This is worrying..." She murmured softly. Everyone turned to each other, concern shown on their faces. Allen just stared ahead blankly, not sure how he should react.

"Someone must check his home. Kanda has come back on time but there is no news after that," Bak called out, approaching them with an envelope in his hand. "We can not have him here when the company is at its busiest period."

"I'll go get his contacts and his home address!" Rou Fa exclaimed, running back to her desk. His women colleagues were all raising up their hands, volunteering to go to his apartment to see how he was doing. The blond did not take note of them, his eyes settling onto Allen who was still in a slight daze.

"Allen."

Allen slowly looked up, staring at him in puzzlement.

"Yes?" Rou Fa soon returned with all the contact details, and Bak smiled as he handed it over to him, to his complete shock.

"Kanda is your friend right? Rather than us, you should be the one checking on him," He said. Allen took the papers, not certain what he should do.

"No, I―"

"Go, Allen. You have been glancing at his room for so many times till I cannot stand it. Go and check on him if this ceases your worries," Timothy said, pushing him out of the seat as he gestured him to hurry. Allen just stared at them, before he sighed, running to the lift lobby outside as he jabbed the button, waiting for the lift to come. He flipped through the pages, reading his address details which was at the bottom of the document. The address was the same as the one he went after he got into a drunkard state, and he groaned, feeling guilty for not informing his colleagues that he already knew where he lived.

He wasn't really concerned about him. His colleagues had mistaken him and wanted him to check it out only. That was all. He did not care what really happened to Kanda. It was only something which Bak wanted him to do.

Allen flagged a taxi and sat inside, telling the driver to go to the location. He peered out of the windows, his hands gripping the folder with the documents tightly to fight off his anxiety. It felt as though he was visiting his apartment for the first time, and he wondered why this felt worse compared to the first times he was meeting his clients.

The taxi stopped at a private estate, and Allen alighted, thanking the driver for the journey. The vehicle drove off, and the entire place fell in a deadly silence as he stared at this spectacular view incredulously and in slight envy once again. He should have known that Kanda was rich, but he did not expect him to be this rich. This private estate was one of the most expensive apartments in Tokyo, and certainly not many people could afford it.

He walked inside, approaching the security guard as he wrote down his contact details as a visitor. He then walked to the main lobby, entering a lift as he pressed the floor which he wanted to go. The doors slowly closed as it gradually ascended at a mild speed, and Allen stared at his reflection from the walls, wondering how he should explain himself when Kanda opened the door.

The lift doors opened, and before he knew it, he found himself standing in front of a door. Flashbacks of his behaviour when he entered the house ran in his mind, and he flushed in embarrassment, not believing that he was so rude and so improper. Slapping himself softly to get him back to reality, Allen reached out and pressed the doorbell hesitantly. The doorbell rang from the inside, and he waited, dreading this silence which was making him more nervous.

He pressed the doorbell again when no one came, starting to worry whether there was really something happening to Kanda. It was his first time in Japan, so he should not have many friends here, except Lavi, and would return to his apartment after work.

"Kanda! Kanda!" He gave up pressing the doorbell as he banged hardly on the door instead, his anxiety at its peak. Just as he was about to get the security guard to open his door, the door suddenly opened. Allen slowly stepped back, and as Kanda finally revealed himself, he just stared in shock at the current state he was in.

"What?" Kanda muttered, his voice slightly cracked and raw as bloodshot eyes stared at him.

"What...happened to you, Kanda? Are you sick?" Allen exclaimed, stepping forward as he reached out and touched his forehead. It was extremely warm, and from the warm flushes he saw on his face, he instantly knew that he was running on a fever.

"What exactly have you been doing when you are running a raging fever, may I ask?" Allen questioned with a frown, kicking his shoes off as he took his wrist and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. He stared at the messy table which was filled with paperwork and documents. The kitchen wasn't in a good state either, the sink filled with dirty utensils and plates. It was definitely shocking, because Kanda always kept his house clean without a little speck of dust around.

In conclusion, despite being a successful international designer, Kanda hardly knew how to take care of himself. Allen let out a sigh, bringing him to the couch to let him rest while he went to the kitchen to get the medicine.

"Kanda, where do you keep the medicine?!" He shouted, rummaging through the shelves and drawers.

"The top...top left corner..." Kanda said in a rasp voice. Allen tiptoed and opened it, seeing a box of medicine inside. He went back to the dining table, opening the box as he took out whatever medicine that he could eat.

"First, the fever..." He took the tablet, getting a glass of warm water as he went over to Kanda, putting the medicine and the water on the small coffee table in front of him.

"Have you eaten yet?"

From the daze reaction that he got from the other, he knew that Kanda hadn't fixed his breakfast yet. Allen ran back to the kitchen, searching through the place as he finally found a loaf of bread and a carton of milk inside the fridge. He took a slice out, pouring a mug of milk as he put into the microwave oven to heat it up. After that, he brought the food over to him.

"Eat it, or else you cannot eat the medicine."

Kanda just stared at the food in slight dread, before he shook his head. His frown deepened as he settled beside him, shoving him the mug of warm milk.

"Then at least drink the milk! You cannot recover if you don't eat your medicine, Kanda!" He demanded sternly. Kanda slowly clasped the mug in his hands, before he slowly drank everything down his throat. Allen then handed him the medicine, and he ate it, grimacing slightly at the bitterness that remained at his tongue.

"Why are you here?" He asked, seemed to be surprised to see him here.

"To see whether you are dead or not, of course. If I did not come, you might have really died!" He chided. Kanda said nothing, and he just stared at his pale face in silence, wondering whether work had finally taken a toll on him.

"Let's bring you back to bed." He pulled Kanda up, supporting him by his shoulder as he brought him back to his bedroom. Pulling the cover over his chest, he watched until the raven-haired man fell asleep, before he started tidying up the house and buying fresh food ingredients to fill up the shelves and the fridge. Even if Kanda did not make quite a fuss about the messy house, it was because he wasn't in the right state of mind. When he was more awake, he would probably scream instead.

He informed his colleagues that Kanda just caught a flu and would be resting at home. After the call, he cooked warm porridge for his lunch before his second intake of medicine. Allen smiled, putting the cover over the pot as he took it to the dining table which was completely clear of papers. He then went back to the bedroom, and after several attempts to pull him out of bed, Kanda finally sat at the dining table, staring at the bowl of porridge in silence.

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes, you are. You have to eat before you take your medicine later." Silver eyes narrowed as he leaned a little closer to him.

"Or do I have to feed you instead?"

Kanda was silent for a moment, his sapphire eyes gaining a little shimmer back as his lips curved into a slight smirk.

"I don't mind though, Moyashi."

His eyes widened slightly, fighting back a blush as Allen hit his head lightly. Kanda winced and shot him a weak glare in response. Telling himself that he shouldn't pick a fight with someone who was sick, Allen sighed, taking up the metal spoon as he scooped a spoonful of porridge, looking away in slight awkwardness as he brought it up to his mouth. He nudged the spoon lightly at his lips, and after a moment, he felt something on it, and the content was gone. Kanda swallowed the lukewarm porridge, staring at him with the same smirk on his face.

"It is delicious, Moyashi."

"I told you to call me Allen!" Allen snapped in annoyance, scooping another spoonful of porridge as he held it at his mouth. Again, he felt something on it, before the content was gone. He glared at Kanda, wondering why he was enjoying every moment of this despite being critically ill.

After the embarrassing meal, Kanda ate the medicine and he tucked him back in bed once again. It felt nice seeing that vulnerable look at his sleeping face again, and Allen found himself watching him for a few minutes, hearing the muffled snores escaping out of his lips as Kanda slept very soundly. Pulling the cover closer to his neck for warmth, he stood up and left the room.

Having nothing to do, Allen used this chance to explore around his house, marveling at the exquisite design of the apartment that he was staying in. The place was rather plain and simple, and he wasn't surprised. It was so like Kanda, and he couldn't help but smile, walking into his study room. His hand trailed along the old and yellow books, before he stopped, seeing the familiar novel which Kanda would read whenever he was at the park.

He took it out, flipping the pages as he wanted to find out what he was reading at that time. The bookmark which Kanda would always put was at a specific page, but he started to realise that the bookmark was still at the same page, at the moment when Lavi came. He hadn't been reading all these while, so what was he doing in the park then? With the book opened at the same page, what was Kanda waiting?

Was he there, just to see Lavi again?

It was already evening, and he prepared dinner. Kanda was awake this time, wandering to the living room as he stole a glance at the kitchen where Allen was, wondering what he was doing. Allen came out with another pot of porridge, and upon seeing him, he flashed out a smile, putting it on the table.

"You are awake." He went to him, reaching out as he touched his forehead again. The fever had subsided, and the warm flushes on his face were also gone. Allen let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm so glad that you are alright. I supposed you can eat your dinner on your own. I need to go back to the office to finish up my work." He turned and was about to get his bag when a hand grabbed his arm, stopping him in place.

"You aren't supposed to be here. Why are you here, Allen?" Kanda asked again, this time in a demanding tone. Silver eyes widened as he pondered on this question as well.

Why was he here?

"To take care of you, of course. The company needs you around at this period of time," He said with a sheepish laugh, but it did not feel right either. Did he come here just to make sure that Kanda was alright? Was it just because of a concern for a friend?

"Kanda, I need to go―!" Allen gasped as Kanda pulled him back, and he collided at his chest very slightly, that very pair of silver eyes staring into alluring sapphire ones. Allen wondered whether it was Kanda's fever that was making the heat between them overwhelming, and he could not tear himself away from that intense gaze as Kanda leaned closer, slipping his hand into his locks of hair.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Kanda let out a frustrated hiss, and Allen stepped away immediately, upon realising the close position that the two of them were in. The raven-haired man ran his fingers through his hair as he walked up to the door and opened it.

"Kanda! I heard from your boss that you are not feeling well!" Lavi exclaimed, stepping inside. He looked up, his emerald eyes widening in slight surprise as he saw Allen who was also staring at him in slight shock.

"I didn't know you are here too, Allen."

"Yeah. Me too, Lavi." His eyes darted around as Allen searched for his bag, before he grabbed it as he hurried to the door, slipping his feet into his shoes.

"I have to go." Without waiting for a reply, he exited the apartment, walking swiftly to the lift lobby as he pressed the button. The lift doors opened, and just as he was about to enter, something grabbed his shoulder and turned him around forcefully. He let out a gasp, staring at Kanda in shock.

"I was wondering when you are going to stop lying to yourself."

"What do you mean―" He wanted to ask, but Kanda wasn't intending to finish just yet.

"You are still in love with me right, Moyashi?"

Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen stared at him in shock. His lips parted for a moment, and he stared at the ground, fighting back the trembles from the lie that he was going to come up.

"No."

After all, it was the only way that could keep them together.

"No, I am not in love with you anymore, and I will never fall in love with you again," He said in a firmer tone, wrenching his arm away as he turned and walked into the lift.

"That's easy."

Allen paused for a moment, before he turned around and stared at him, the lift doors closing in. His lips slowly curved into a confident smirk as Kanda stared back at him.

"I just need to make you fall in love with me once again."

His eyes only widened, before the lift doors closed completely.

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_A/N: _Hello! It has been a long while since I updated. I promised that if I don't update weekly, I will post a chapter at least two weeks later. So, here it is! And it came at the right time, because it is my birthday today! I am very happy and pleased with this chapter, and I do hope that you all enjoy it as much as I do too! :)

I'm so glad that you all are alright with Neah's current character! It has been hard writing him, and now I am feeling a little bit of accomplishment after reading all of your encouraging words! ^^ Of course, I will try harder to portray his character in this story better, so do look forward to it :)

Once again, I want to thank all the reviewers for spending their time to review my story. I cannot believe that this story is so successful. It is going to reach to 200 reviews very soon! Thank you so much for your loves and encouragements once again!

Please review and tell me your opinion about the chapter! I apologise for the grammar, vocabulary and spelling mistakes that you may notice. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is all deeply appreciated! :)

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**Reviews:**

**WithoutWingsX:** _I don't blame you if you dislike him. Actually I dislike him as well, but there is so much which we do not know about him, so he may not be as bad as what he really is. But anyways, thank you for your review once again ^^ I have read your detective story, and it is simply amazing. Sorry I do not have the time to leave a review. I will make sure I do that when I have the time! _

**alguien22792: **_It always brightens me up when I read your lovely review. Thank you! I might seem to be slightly inaccurate at the concepts of love because everyone has different opinions on it, but I am so glad that everything went well :) And no, no one knows about his illness yet, but it is about to be revealed soon *winks*_

**BlueMoon333:** _Thank you! It has always been a worry whether I portray him right, but I'm glad that it's okay. Thank you for this lovely review ^^_

**Zoe Whiteraven:** _Thank you! I will try to update weekly, but sometimes it isn't up to me :( _

**Guest:** _Thank you! Hope that you will like this chapter ^^_

**TheVictoryAngelofStrife: **_Thank you ^^ There is someone which I want to pair him up with. It's sort of a hinted pairing and would not be revealed much in this story. I am planning to finish this story in around 20 chapters, but it is only an estimation. I just see how it goes :)_

**SeikaDragon:** _Yeah, Kanda is rather dense at times, but well, at least he isn't as dense now. Yes, it is finally time for Kanda to get jealous and confront his true feelings. It's okay to be crazy sometimes. We all do :) Thank you for the lovely review once again._

**GuestXD:** _Thank you! Hope that you will love this chapter :)_

**Darkspider:** _It seems harder to write as the chapters progresses, and I was trying to figure out when is the good time Kanda finally realises his feelings for Allen and when Allen finally decides to give up for real. They will get to know his illness in times to come, and nope, his colleagues did not know of his relations to the Noah and the Millennium Earl, but now they knew XD Yeah I know right. Haha. _

_You are saying Neah and Allen together? Yep, I also thought that this pairing is rather striking aside from the Yullen pairing XD but I totally ship Yullen for life haha._

**ShimmeringCrimson: **_Wooo such a long review! XD I'm so glad that you like this side of Neah in this story :) He didn't really freak out though... _

_Uh, okay. I was seriously having this '-_-' face when I read your review regarding your twisted way of interpreting the chapter. I agree that your joke kinda fails... and what exactly are you thinking! The two of them are decent! ...for now XD But then! Thank you so much for such a long and lovely review! Of course I am happy ^^ Thank you again, and hope you like this chapter :)_

**Nonumaru:** _I agree! K is just too similar to DGM :/ I'm so glad that you are okay with Neah's character! Aah well, Timothy doesn't know about their relationship so... _

_Thank you for the review, and hope that you like this chapter!_

**sunshineandmoonlight:** _Thank you^^ I hope you like this chapter :)_

**Narutopokefan:** _Thank you for your review! I hope that you will like this chapter ;)_

**Lavi-Usagi:** _Thank you! Hope you like this chapter as well! :)_

**Before the petals fall:** _I was so glad to see your lovely review! What do you mean by 41 heartbreaks and 15 breakdowns? I'm so glad that you are okay with Neah/Allen pairing :) I do agree that they are more compatible in a brotherly relationship, but you can also consider it as slight slash if you want. Uh yeah, it sounds a little creepy that Allen is Neah in the manga and that if they kiss, Allen will be kissing himself... _

_I'm grateful that you review despite how busy you are in school. Thank you so much for continuing to support this story ^^ and I hope you will like this chapter :)_

**Jia:** _Thank you! ^^ Hope that you will like this chapter as well :)_


	12. Day Moon

**Chapter 12: Day Moon**

"_I thought about the days I had handed over to a bottle, the nights I can't remember, the mornings I slept through, all the time spent running from myself."__―__Mitch Albom, For One More Day_

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_I just need to make you fall in love with me once again._

Silver eyes opened, staring at the faintest ray of morning light shining through the tiny gap of the fluttering white curtains. The white strands of his fringe moved together with the wind, brushing against his eyes lightly. Allen stared ahead for a moment, his hand slowly reaching up as his finger made in contact with the radiating warmth that touched his skin. It felt exceptionally warm, and he found himself smiling as he enjoyed the tingling feeling that it brought.

It was the same as usual―lying on the bed as he watched the first ray of sunlight shining through the glass pane of his room, but it somehow felt different today. Rather, everything changed completely at that moment when he said those words. He wasn't sure how he should react. It just happened at that split moment. Kanda was rarely persistent, and he was utterly confused.

He shook his head as he sat up, pulling the curtains aside. His eyes narrowed at the sudden glare of the sun which was facing his direction. He blinked for a few times, before he slowly opened his eyes a little wider, getting used to its brightness. Allen stared at the golden hues colouring the horizon, frowning slightly as he stared closer. He then wondered whether it might be the clouds that were blocking the sun, because the vision wasn't as bright as it used to be.

He tossed the covers aside and stepped out of bed, walking to the cupboard to get himself a fresh set of clothes. After preparing himself properly for work, Allen went out of his room, standing on tiptoes as he stretched his head a little higher, wondering what they would be having for breakfast today. To his slight surprise and disappointment, there was none on the table. Timothy was standing at the counter, holding onto the phone with a troubled expression.

"I have already told you that I am not interested!"

Allen halted in his footsteps, slightly startled by the harshness in his voice. As far as he knew, Timothy had never raised his voice at any circumstances, and this was the very first time he had seen him this frustrated. His hunger was soon forgotten as he just watched his friend who turned slightly from his position, continuing the conversation with the person at the end of the receiver.

"This is my final decision, and that's that!" Timothy slammed the phone down hardly, biting his lip in extreme irritation. He then turned around, slightly astonished to find Allen standing at the back, staring at him with a bewildered face.

"Oh, it's Allen... Ah, I forgot to prepare breakfast!" He panicked, realising that the table was completely empty.

"Are you okay, Tim? Who's that on the phone?" Allen asked in concern, putting his bag at the edge of the table as he leaned slightly on it, looking at him questioningly. Timothy fidgeted uncomfortably, his hand unconsciously reaching out and slipping some blue strands of hair that was blocking his view behind his ear. He then flashed out a smile.

"It's nothing! I guess we have to buy food at the nearby convenience stores near the office building." Silver eyes followed him as he walked past, stopping by the porch as he took out his shoes from the cupboard and wore them. Taking out the house key from his pocket, Timothy opened the main door and turned around, realising that Allen had not moved from his current position for the entire time.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. Allen blinked and nodded his head, grabbing his working bag as he hurried to the door, slipping his feet into his boots. The two of them walked along the quiet street, none of them saying anything along the way to the train station. He stole a few glances at his friend, not certain how and whether he should raise the question. It was always Timothy talking to him most of the time, so he felt rather awkward in this kind of situation.

"The peak period is finally over..." Timothy sighed, looking upwards as he slowly breathed in the faint scent of the late autumn season. Allen jumped slightly at the sudden conversation as he stared at him in slight bewilderment, not knowing how to answer. They entered the main junction and stopped, waiting for the road to clear.

"Timothy..."

"I'm really alright, Allen." Timothy turned to face him, smiling. The smile then faltered slightly as he stared ahead for a few minutes.

"My parents called this morning."

Silver eyes widened. Those words felt so heavy, as though he was forcing them out of his throat. His shoulders were trembling slightly when he said it, and Timothy looked down, his fringe falling to the side of his face, as though it was to hide his emotions that were surfacing against his will. Allen slowly reached out to his clenched hand, squeezing it lightly.

"I'm sorry," Timothy could only mutter quietly, his head still cast down. Silence gradually filled the surroundings that they were in, with no vehicles in sight. He knew that Timothy wasn't in good relations with his family, and it was one of the reasons why he followed him to work in the same company. There were a few times when he explained to him about the complications in his life, and despite how worried he was, he knew that he had to wait till he was willing to talk about it.

"If you want to talk, you can come to me at any time. You know that right?" Allen said softly, leaning closer as he gave his friend a tight embrace. Timothy turned to him, a grateful smile slowly appearing on his face.

"Thank you, Allen," He simply said, returning back the hug. The two of them continued their way to the station, and as usual, Timothy was chatting with him excitedly on any random topic that he could think of.

"I think Bak and Fou are together."

Silver eyes widened for a fraction, and Allen almost laughed as he stared at Timothy with a raised eyebrow.

"How would you know that?" He asked incredulously, chuckling softly.

"Although they are quarrelling most of the time, but their gestures totally show everything!" Timothy exclaimed, knitting his brows as he pondered hardly. "I bet that they have feelings for each other. Everyone already knows. I mean, isn't it very obvious?" He questioned with a frown.

His lips curled into a strained smile as he stared at the ground that they were currently walking on. Those memories came to him once again, no matter how much he did not want to remember. How many times had they quarrelled, and how many times had he tried to turn away from his feelings towards him, but to no avail? Before he realised it, it had been seven years, and nothing had changed between them at all.

"Come to think of it, you and Kanda also bicker whenever the two of you meet." Allen stiffened at that statement, and Timothy only snickered as he leaned to him, his lips curving into a smirk.

"Is there something which I do not know of?"

"There is nothing between him and me," He replied instantaneously, brushing his friend off as he took out his train ticket from his wallet. They entered the station and walked up the stairs to the platform above. Allen stopped behind the safety line, taking out his phone as he browsed on the emails that he had just received in the morning. His finger then stopped at Kanda's mail which was sent to him just a few minutes ago.

_I just need to make you fall in love with me once again._

He knew that it was simply stupid. How many times was he hurt by that carefree attitude of his, and now he expected him to believe that―to foolishly hope for more? His hand holding the phone clenched tightly at that thought, and Allen shook his head, telling himself to forget it and move on. But at times, he found himself holding on to those words, thinking that there might really be something to it; that he might really mean _something _to Kanda.

"Allen!"

He snapped himself out of his thoughts, peering at Timothy who was already inside the train. Silver eyes widened at the announcement saying that the train was departing, and he ran for it, skidding through the moving doors before they closed completely. Relieved that he was still in one piece, Allen turned to his friend who was staring at him in displeasure.

"I'm sorry, Tim..."

"Just what exactly are you thinking, Allen?" Timothy snapped. He opened his mouth and was about to shoot out another excuse when his friend cut him in. "Don't give me excuses, because I have already seen you spacing out like this for the past few weeks!" His friend paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

"What is wrong with you?"

The train jerked slightly, and Allen touched his forehead, wincing at the sudden throbbing pain that came. The cabin was fully packed with people, and the tight space among them wasn't making him any better. He forced back the nauseous feeling at his throat, his hand reaching out on its own as he gripped onto his friend's arm for support.

"It is really nothing," He slowly said, lowering his head slightly to ease his headache. "I'm just... I have been thinking a lot these days." The surroundings darkened as the train entered the tunnel, and he blinked his eyes, wondering why the lights seemed to be dimmer than usual, as though there was something clouding in front of his vision. The train jerked again, and his grip tightened, trying to chase away the uneasiness at his chest.

At this moment, he suddenly thought of Kanda. He remembered the feeling of his large hand that took his in a wholly, comforting grasp as he led him back to his home. He wasn't certain why he would be thinking of him at this kind of situation which was totally not related, but recently, he began to realise that he was rather dependent on the raven-haired man, and he would unconsciously seek for his presence when he met with an obstacle that he was afraid to step over. It was ironic, because all he wanted was to run away from this person, yet he couldn't stop himself from coming back to him again.

"It looks like I also have to wait until you are ready to speak up."

Silver eyes slowly widened as Allen looked up at Timothy in slight surprise. Timothy just chuckled at the bewildered look on his face, his lips forming a smile that was all too familiar.

"If you want to talk, you can contact me at any time."

Allen stared at him in silence for a moment, before he broke into soft chuckles at realising the situation that he was now in. He nodded his head, giving his friend's hand a firm squeeze to tell him inwardly that he was grateful for it. The two of them continued to chat for a while until the train arrived at Shinjuku station. At that moment, he couldn't help but think that he was so fortunate to be able to meet such a good friend like Timothy, and he hoped that the two of them could stay together for a long time.

After buying food from the convenience store beside the station, they arrived at the office. The place definitely looked different than usual, with lesser documents spreading out on their desks and more satisfied grins from everyone's faces. Allen went to his desk and sat down, tearing the wrapper open as he munched on the bread. After the entire month's of sleepless nights rushing through the projects, they had finally got over the peak period, and everyone was now anticipating the results that would be announced early in the morning.

"I have a feeling that it will be good news!"

"I certainly hope so!"

A smile graced over his features as Allen watched his colleagues talking among themselves in silence. Most of their clients were satisfied and pleased with the results, and he had also heard from Bak that the company had earned lots of revenue compared to the previous year, so things were certainly looking good. Silver eyes looked around, searching for a particular person who would be making his appearance very soon. His gaze soon halted at Kanda who was stepping inside with the CEO beside him.

"They are here!" Everyone stood up and went over to where the two of them were standing, wanting to know how the company fared for this year. The CEO chuckled, telling them to calm down as they were going to announce the results shortly. Allen remained at his seat, swinging his legs slightly. Even though there were so many people crowding at the front, he could still see Kanda very clearly. The raven-haired man's face was expressionless as usual, staring at the people with a slight irritated look. He had cut his hair, tying it into a neat ponytail which stayed at his shoulder. His long fringe covered his eyes slightly, some of the raven strands tucking behind his ears.

His eyes suddenly turned to him, and Allen found himself staring back. Ever since Kanda said those words on that day, the raven-haired man was looking at him in a different way. That pair of sapphire eyes which was always cold and rejecting towards him was now shimmering with a different emotion which he could not identify.

But then again, he wasn't even sure what Kanda really meant when he said it. Did he truly feel that way when he said those words? Why would he even say that to him in the first place? It wasn't as if he meant anything to him. Allen turned away, clasping his loose shirt as his chest felt unbearably heavy all of a sudden. He had a hunch that if he stared into that pair of sapphire eyes for too long, he would be trapped in them again, and this time, he would no longer be able to escape.

"I am pleased to announce that the company has fared extremely well this year, earning a total of 1.5 million, which is at least five times more compared to the previous year!" The CEO said. Everyone cheered, relieved and happy that they had finally made it. The CEO then cleared his throat, and everyone went silent, waiting for him to continue his speech.

"To mark this occasion as well as to thank our colleagues for the hard work, the management has decided to treat all of us to a 3-Day, 2-Night stay this coming weekend at Yunoshimakan, a traditional Japanese inn at Gero. All the expenses will be fully paid by the company."

Everyone just stared at him dumbly, their eyes as wide as tennis balls. No one dared to say anything, and it was until a few minutes later when someone finally raised his hand shakily, his trembling lips opening as he tried his best to speak properly while he was recovering from the shock.

"Yunoshimakan... You mean that _Yunoshimakan_?"

"The place which is famous for the _onsen_, and what's more, it is one of Japan's three best _onsen _in years of history?" Another gasped out in horror. They stared at the CEO's face for a long while, and when he finally nodded his head, loud cheers echoed the entire office as papers and whatever stuff they had in their hands were instantly thrown in the air. The women were shrieking madly, and the men were hugging one another, literally crying in pure bliss. The situation was chaotic, but he did not care in the least. Thinking of the fatty tuna, fresh salmon and seafood delicacies was enough to make his mouth water.

"Allen!" Timothy pounced onto him, and Allen slowly let himself fall back to his seat, too dazed to comprehend what had really happened. As their cries echoed at his ears loudly, everything slowly began to fall into place, telling him that this was real; that they had finally did it. His chest heaved in great relief, and he screamed his friend's name, stretching out his arms as he hugged his shoulders tightly, his lips curving into a wide grin. The feelings of joy and satisfaction were so overwhelming that he couldn't think properly. All he could think of right now was that it was over, and they succeeded.

After a few minutes, everyone was gradually calming themselves down. Some of them were still slightly jumpy, while others were completely worn out from the excitement. The day still felt extremely long and dragging even though they would be going tomorrow. Allen sighed, his face lying on the table as he started pondering on what he would be doing when he reached the inn.

"But I heard that Kanda would not be going."

Silver eyes widened slightly, his ears perking up at the words he heard.

"Really? But Kanda has to go. After all, he is the one who helps our company to get so many clients in just a short period of time. Without him, we wouldn't be able to earn so much revenue to cover up our expenditures for the past few months."

Allen stared at the table, his head still laid down. It was true that this trip to the hot springs wouldn't have any meaning if Kanda wasn't present. He knew how much Kanda disliked socialising other than work, but this was different. How many times had they worked together to be considered as mere acquaintances? How many discussions had they exactly gone through to make the results into perfection? Now, they weren't just colleagues alone, but friends who helped each other through thick and thin.

"Allen!" He wasn't surprised when it had come to this. Allen sat up and turned around, seeing the anticipating smiles on each of their faces. And he truly hated those smiles.

"Aren't you a close friend of Kanda's? Can you help to convince him in coming for tomorrow's trip for us?" She said, clasping her hands together pleadingly. He stared at her, slightly hesitant in accepting the request immediately, which he would normally do it. It just seemed to be pointless. After all, nothing could move Kanda if he insisted on something, and that included not having the interest nor care to go for typical outings like this.

"Please, Allen! It wouldn't be fun anymore without him around. Besides, we really want to thank him for being such a great help!" Another one of his colleagues added in, and he found it even harder to decline the request, because what they had said was simply right. There was no meaning to it if Kanda was not present for the celebration trip.

"O-Okay," He muttered quietly. They cheered happily, wishing him the best of luck as they pushed him all the way to the door instantly. Allen let out a sigh, before he peered through the glass. Kanda was sitting at his desk, busy with his work. That guy was occupying himself with piles of work as though this was the only thing he could do. Did he seriously have nothing to do during his free time beside work?

He raised his hand and knocked on the glass. Kanda looked up, and upon seeing him, he nodded his head. Allen opened the door and entered, closing the door behind him. He fidgeted in slight awkwardness, his hands unconsciously clasping onto his shirt as he slowly walked over to his desk.

"What?" Kanda asked, his eyes still focusing on the computer screen as he was busily typing out a report to be handed in by next week.

"Why aren't you going?"

"Where?" He asked again, his eyes still at his work. Silence filled the entire room for a few minutes, and it was then when Kanda finally stopped what he was doing and looked up, seeing Allen who was staring at him.

"Why aren't you coming with us to the hot springs?"

"You know how much I dislike outings," Kanda merely replied, his gaze returning back to the computer screen as he resumed in his work. Allen almost hissed in slight irritation, his brows knitting into a deep frown as he stepped closer to the desk, trying to gain back his attention.

"But it is partly organised for you! It is because of you that the company is able to recover its loss for the previous months!"

"It is _my _job to make sure that the company gets business, which is why I come here in the first place," Kanda corrected, adjusting his black-framed spectacles as he spun his chair sideways, reaching out for a book on the shelf. He then spun back to the front, flipping through the pages as he started reading the sentences quickly. Allen peered at him with a dejected look, wanting to just dash out of this room and forget this. He could not believe that he was trying to persuade Kanda and was actually failing.

He then glanced at the door, seeing his colleagues crowding outside as they pumped their fists in the air, cheering him on. This was _definitely _not helping him at all.

"The onsen at Gero is famous! The water will make our skin extremely smooth and incredibly nice to touch!" Allen exclaimed, rubbing his arms in a dramatic way as he forced out a blissed expression when he imagined himself soaking inside the lukewarm water.

"Not interested."

His smile instantly fell at that answer. Allen gritted his teeth, clenching his hand tightly. He wasn't going to give up just yet!

"Okay! How about a total of eighteen courses of heavenly delicacies and fresh seafood which will be served for three meals? Of course, your favourite _cha _soba will be served as well." Kanda flinched at the name of the food, his fingers halting in mid air. Allen slowly smirked in triumphant. This was definitely his fatal weakness. How could he _not _be tempted by the one and only dish that he loved for his entire life...

"No."

His mouth fell open as he stared at Kanda who was tidying up his papers, putting them into a neat pile at the side of his desk. He could not believe that his tactic of using his all-time favourite food had _actually _failed. He couldn't even understand how it could fail in the first place. Allen bit his lip, trying to think of another solution while ignoring that particular crowd outside.

"Um, how about its magnificent autumn scenery?"

"Do I look like a person who would go to such a faraway place just to stare at the scenery?" Kanda questioned him with a frown. His patience was slowly wearing thin as Allen huffed, leaving his current position as he stepped even closer to where Kanda was.

"Can't you just go? I'm sure it will be a nice and relaxing trip for you!"

"It's not convincing enough," Kanda said, glancing at him with a small smirk playing at his curved lips. Allen hissed, losing all his patience as he finally snapped.

"FINE! I want you to go! Is it enough?!"

Those few words echoed loudly at his ears, before the room fell into silence entirely. Sapphire eyes widened, before Kanda slowly turned to him, staring at him in astonishment. Allen blinked, his eyes widening in shock at the sudden outburst. He hadn't meant to say it, and out of sheer frustration, those words just slipped out of his mouth.

"Ahahaha! It's just my saying! Actually you can just decline it," He laughed nervously, realising that if he did not get out of this room right now, something bad was going to happen to him. Allen slowly took a step back, and just as he was about to turn and run for the door, Kanda stood up, grabbing his arm as he pushed him to the shelf, slamming his hands at both sides to prevent him from escaping.

"So, the reason why you are desperately trying to persuade me to go is because you actually want me to go?" He asked softly, sending shivers along his skin.

"I am not desperate!" Allen retorted, only to stiffen instantly as Kanda leaned dangerously closer to his face. He shot a warning glare at the other, not understanding what he was doing.

"There are people staring at us, Kanda!"

"So you do want me to go? Is it, Moyashi?"

"It's for everyone! And my name is Allen!" He hissed sharply. Allen pressed himself closer to the wooden shelf, glancing at the direction of the door. It was definitely lucky for him that the water dispenser was blocking the view.

"Answer me, Allen," Kanda simply said, his serious gaze onto him. Silver eyes widened slightly for a moment, and he finally looked up, staring at him in silence. A few minutes later, Allen turned away, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Yes."

His hands slowly clenched, his lips forming into a thin line before he finally muttered out the sentence in the softest whisper.

"I want you to come."

His eyes were looking elsewhere, and he wished that Kanda would stop staring at him this way. It was embarrassing and weird, because he had been getting all of the unwanted attention from him even though he hadn't sought for any. Allen pushed the raven-haired man away, walking to the door where his colleagues were making a hasty retreat.

"I will go."

Silver eyes widened as his hand halted at the doorknob. Allen slowly turned around, peering at Kanda who was leaning on the shelf.

"If it turns out boring, you'll have to take responsibility," He said, his lips curving into a light smirk, as though he was really smiling. He wasn't sure what made Kanda change his mind, but he was certainly glad that he could make it. Allen just stared at him in silence for a moment, before a wide grin appeared on his face.

"You bet."

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Upon reaching the destination, Allen could only gape silently as he stood in front of the Yunoshimakan, one of the oldest ryokans which had been established since 1931. Despite being around for many years, the entire traditional Japanese inn which consisted of three large connected buildings were maintained very well.

"Wow." After a few minutes' of silence, he finally breathed out, slowly admiring the spectacular view in front of him. Many tourists like them were streaming into the main halls, and the rest of his colleagues were at the waiting area located at the side, waiting for Bak and Rou Fa to settle their accommodation for their next two days of stay.

"Don't just stand there like an idiot and come in. You are blocking the way," Kanda said, walking past with a black canvas bag by his shoulder as he went inside. Allen made a face at his usual sarcasm, and after giving a last glance at the entrance of the inn, he entered into the main hall. Silver eyes then widened in slight awe at its interior surrounding which was totally not what he had expected it to be. The theme was much simpler, with the walls having a plain yet serene colour and old portraits hanging around.

"Are you really that amazed?" Timothy asked in curiosity, intrigued by the expressions he made which were sometimes exaggerating no matter how he thought of it. Allen just nodded his head vigorously in response, his eyes still staring at a particular bamboo painting that he had been seeing for the last ten minutes.

"Hey everyone!" Bak called out, walking towards them with a bunch of keys in his hand. "Here are the keys to the respective rooms that all of you will be staying for the weekend. Two people will be allocated to a room."

"Let's sleep together, Tim!" Allen said, skipping to his friend's side as he gave him a light hug. Hearing nothing from the other, he looked up, slightly puzzled by the troubled face that Timothy was making as he glanced at Bak nervously. The blond nodded his head silently and cleared his throat.

"Uh, Allen. I'm afraid that there might be a problem."

"And what would it be?" Allen questioned with a slight frown.

"Well..." Bak said, shifting uncomfortably as his gaze drifted somewhere for a moment, before he sighed, turning to him again.

"Apparently, you will be sharing a room with Kanda."

The whole place was silent, all eyes onto Allen who seemed to be too stunned to say anything. Silver eyes blinked for a moment, and after he recovered slightly from the shock, he slowly turned to Bak who was somehow giving him an apologetic look.

"Are you serious?" He simply asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Allen―"

"I object to this!" Allen said, raising his stand firmly. "I certainly have the right to choose what I want! Why am I the only one who is allocated, and it is none other than _that Kanda_?!"

"It is Kanda who requested for it. We are greatly surprised that he is willing to come for this trip, so is it okay if you bear with it for a while?" Bak asked pleadingly. His words caught him by surprise, and his eyes widened in astonishment. Allen glanced at the corridor, seeing Kanda standing by the wall with his eyes closed, wondering whether he had heard everything. The struggles in his inner feelings grew, and he did not know what he should do.

"But..."

"Isn't he your friend? Don't you want Kanda to enjoy this holiday trip as much as we do too?" Rou Fa asked in return. His eyes widened, and he realised that she was right. Kanda deserved to enjoy his holiday, and he certainly had no right to refuse it, no matter how much he disliked it. It was also partly because of him that Kanda had agreed to come today.

"I..." His gaze drifted to Kanda once again, realising that Kanda was staring at him this time. His sentence echoed clearly in his mind, word by word, endlessly reminding him of the complication in their relationship, and he had to end it once and for all. Furthermore, for what reason was he disagreeing with this? He was just a friend.

_Yes, a friend, and nothing more. _

"Okay," Allen finally muttered in a deflated tone, and adding to his sullen mood, everyone cheered loudly instead. Bak only smiled in gratefulness as he handed him a key, before he turned to the others to distribute the rest of the keys. He peered at the small metal key on his palm, and after letting out a sigh, Allen walked over to Kanda who was waiting for him, looking seemingly satisfied.

"Happy?" He asked sarcastically, to which Kanda ignored it completely as he turned around and starting walking to the room that they were assigned to. Allen grunted irritably at his lack of response, following him behind as the both of them walked along the main corridor, passing by other narrower passageways and a flight of stairs before they finally stopped at a door of a rather luxurious room.

"Is this...really our room?" Allen asked hesitantly, staring at it blankly as he wondered whether they had actually gone to the wrong room.

"Just open the door," Kanda said. He nodded his head and put the key into the lock, turning it until he heard a soft click. Removing the lock, he placed his hands at the edge of the slide doors, and after taking a deep breath, he slowly opened them.

A light and refreshing scent of jasmine wafted to his nose almost instantly, and Allen just stood there, staring at the large 8-tatami matted room in front of him with wide, stunned eyes.

Kanda stepped inside first, taking off his shoes as he slipped his feet into one pair of slippers which was placed at the front steps, before he went inside. Snapping himself out of the daze, Allen entered as well, closing the doors behind him. After wearing the last pair of black slippers, he walked into the main room, peering at the exquisite furniture which were made of teak.

He stopped in front of a small _shoji _located at the left corner of the place. Running his fingers along the smooth surface of the paper and stopping at its wooden edge, he opened the sliding door, revealing a twin bedroom for them to sleep in. A dimmed golden lamp was placed on the mini drawer between the beds.

Allen stepped inside, peering at the surroundings in curiosity. Seeing light coming in from a small gap ahead of him, he walked forward, his hand reaching out to open the door a little wider for him to see. Silver eyes widened as he saw the open-air bath which was situated near to the window and a small shower room at the other side for them to wash up. He stepped into the empty bath, walking to the window as he peered outside, breathing in the fresh air coming from the woods below.

He exited the bedroom, eager to continue with his little adventure around the room which fascinated him to no end. He paced along the warm wooden floor, his fingers entangling together at his back as he followed the soft lulls of the breeze which was getting louder as he proceeded ahead. Silver eyes lit up as he finally saw white, translucent curtains fluttering out. He stepped out cautiously, his eyes widening slightly as he saw Kanda standing at the veranda, his body leaning against the railing. His hair was untied, his dark raven strands stirring ever so slightly as the wind blew past. His eyes were somehow clouded with unknown emotions as he gazed at the empty blue sky.

He stood behind the moving curtains, watching him in silence. How long exactly had he been staring at his silhouette, just like this? His back view looked so heavy, and he had always wanted to walk over to him, but every time, he would stop himself. He had no right, because the person who claimed the space beside him was Lavi. There was simply no reason for him to be there.

_But Lavi is gone._

Silver eyes widened. His trembling lips slowly parted as he took a sharp inhale, and he took a hesitant step forward. His foot was exposed in the open, and he shivered slightly at the cold. The glaring light stung his eyes, and all he could see was a blurring shadow of his figure. He constantly told himself that it was alright. It was alright, because Lavi was no longer around, and that space beside Kanda was empty.

_Help me._

He knew, yet he found himself unable to move after the first step.

_Please._

He gritted his teeth shakily as he swallowed heavily.

"Allen?"

His vision darkened for a moment, and his eyes narrowed, faintly seeing his shadow turning around. His hand slowly reached out in an attempt to pull the curtain aside such that he could see more clearly, but he stopped, feeling the smooth and thin material brushing against the tips of his fingers lightly. Then, he slowly redrew his hand, and he chose to remain here instead.

"I was just wondering where you have gone to." He slipped out a smile, stepping closer to the doors of the veranda as he leaned against it lightly. His brow raised in a slight frown as Kanda released his hold on the railing, his hands slipping into the pockets of his loose pants as he started walking over to him.

"And I was wondering whether you might be lost."

"I am not lost!" Allen snapped, shooting him a glare at that statement. That irritating smirk just grew wider at his answer, and he hissed at that annoying expression which was only meant to mock him. The sunlight shone glaringly in front of his eyes, and he was forced to turn away, wincing slightly at the blinding flashes that he was currently seeing. His vision spun, and he shut them for a moment, trying to calm himself down.

"Are you okay?"

Silver eyes snapped open, and through the blurry view, he realised that Kanda was already right in front of him. His eyes widened, and his feet stepped back on their own, the curtain slipping out of his fingers as the translucent material fluttered between the both of them. Sapphire eyes widened in slight astonishment, his hand halting in mid-air as though he was about to reach to him. Allen turned away, not certain how he should react to his words of concern if he really said them.

Suddenly, they heard several knocks on the door. Greatly relieved that there was something to distract them from the current situation, Allen hurried to the door and opened it. Two women wearing kimono were standing in front of him, holding trays of fresh seafood and Japanese delicacies in their hands.

"Oh, the food has arrived, Kanda!" He shrilled, clasping his hands together in delight. A few minutes later, Kanda appeared at the matted room, watching them in silence as they put the plates of food and a bottle of sake on the table, wishing them a good day ahead before they excused themselves out of the room. Allen swallowed, peering at the large spread in front of him hungrily as he sat down, getting ready to tuck in.

"Let's eat! I'm hungry!"

"But you just ate snacks on the way here," Kanda muttered with a frown, slightly amazed by the beansprout's stomach capacity despite his small-built body which looked so light that he could actually carry him easily in his arms. He then frowned slightly at this particular thought, walking to the short table as he settled across him. Allen slipped the fatty salmon into his mouth, munching it very slowly before he swallowed it down his throat.

"Delicious. Simply delicious." After licking the remains at his lips, he took another sushi, popping it into his mouth. Allen let out another groan, shivering in pure bliss at the spicy taste that was lingering at his tongue. His eyes then darted around, and making sure that Kanda was not looking, he secretly took the fatty salmon from his plate and ate it.

"I saw that," He muttered, sipping the small cup of sake in his hand.

"Saw what?" Allen asked, feigning ignorance as he took a raw scallop sushi by his chopsticks, delivering it to his mouth quickly before his hand could slip halfway. He munched on the chewy meat, closing his eyes at the same time when Kanda glared at him, savouring the fresh seafood with another wide smile on his face.

"You took the fatty salmon on my plate."

"I didn't do that."

"Wow, what a fat liar."

"You must have mistaken it, Kanda," Allen said with a grin, his silver eyes twinkling mischievously as he watched the raven-haired man who snorted at his answer, turning to the left to get the bottle of sake placed at the edge of the wooden table. His hand shot out, successfully gotten the fatty tuna in his chopsticks. But unfortunately, the sushi fell onto the surface of the table before he could even redraw his hand. He almost sighed out loud, staring at the wasted food with a saddened frown. And the worst of all was, Kanda had witnessed all of it.

"_That_, must be Karma," He said, his lips curving into a wide smirk as Kanda cupped his face with his hand, watching his embarrassing face in amusement and enjoying every bit of it. His flush darkened at his scrutinizing gaze, and Allen turned to his glass of water, gulping the liquid down to clear off the heat. He slammed the empty glass on the table, and as he turned back to his plate of food, his brows gradually knitted into a deep frown.

"Where's my fish roe sushi?"

Kanda raised his eyebrow at his question, swallowing whatever he was eating as he took his plate of cold soba. Allen stared at him in silence, his question gradually forgotten as he found himself watching his every movement. His posture was straight and firm, his hand holding the plate delicately as he slipped the chopsticks with the thin strands of noodles into his mouth. His sapphire eyes glimmered in a slightly dark colour as he took his time to chew the food, and after swallowing it down, he would put the empty plate down gently and took up his _ochoko _of sake, sipping the liquor lightly as though he was savouring the taste at the same time.

A small smile slowly appeared on his face, and he wished that he could see more of this every day. How was Kanda's lifestyle really like? What would he usually do during his free time besides work? As he discovered more and more of the raven-haired man's habits, he realised that he wanted to seek more―to get to know this person in front of him fully.

"What is it?" His voice broke his thoughts, and he stared at him once again. Allen shook his head and peered down, his smile still remaining at his lips.

"No, I just...find this rather strange."

"Strange?"

"That I am getting along with you in a calm manner right now instead of the usual sections of bickering that we would always start." He paused for a moment, his hands clasping together tightly. He had always wanted to get along with Kanda, but the progress between them was unexpectedly smooth all of a sudden that it felt so unreal, and this frightened him.

"It feels scary."

His voice resonated loudly in this silence, and the two of them stayed like this, neither of them saying anything. He knew that Kanda was staring at him, and his intense gaze was getting to his nerves. Allen shifted uncomfortably, his eyes drifting to his chopsticks on the table which looked particularly interesting right now. He peered at it closely, and it was only a few seconds later when he finally noticed a very small orange fish roe sticking on its black surface of the utensil.

"Kanda, did you like eating fish roe?" He asked, peering at it suspiciously.

"I don't particularly dislike it," Kanda answered as he continued to watch him with a rather weird face expression which he could not identify. His frown deepened as he shook his head continuously.

"No. I remember that you don't really like it. When we were still in college, Lavi tried to spoon-feed you with the sushi and you just slammed it right at his face."

"That stupid usagi totally deserved it. You can still remember?" Kanda asked, staring at him with deep intrigue. Allen did not reply, biting his lips in slight frustration as he tried to recall. Now that he thought about it, there was only one fish roe sushi on the tray. Kanda hardly touched the sushi tray at all, his attention focusing mainly on his favourite plate of cold soba. And he _did _take it, if he did not remember wrongly. After all, he always made sure to take at least one of them out of the different assorted sushi.

Allen looked up, seeing his slight curving lips which definitely began to look suspicious.

It was then when he finally remembered that particular moment when he raised a question on how his fish roe sushi could just vanish mysteriously into thin air. Silver eyes turned to glare at the culprit in front of him who started to chuckle.

"You...!"

"What took you so long to realise, Moyashi?" Kanda asked, taking a chopstick in his hand as he secured the utensil between his slender fingers. He then leaned towards it, his lips parting as his tongue slid out, licking across the surface in a deliberately slow rate until it found the fish roe, before it rolled the small, orangey bead into his mouth as he swallowed it completely. That pair of sapphire eyes was constantly onto him, wanting to see all of his reactions.

"Delicious. Simply delicious," He mouthed out the same words, smirking.

Allen just continued to stare, his mouth falling open on its own. His mind was totally blank, and it was only a few minutes later did he finally realise what was exactly going on. His face went red in anger and embarrassment as he glared darkly at the other.

"Kanda!" He could only sputter out his name, too shocked to say anything to the other. Kanda's smirk widened, and finding this situation terribly embarrassing, Allen chose to stuff himself with the remaining sushi on the tray to distract himself. Just as he was about to put another salmon into his mouth, he felt a slight brush at the corner of his lips. He stiffened, his eyes meeting sapphire ones as Kanda was leaning towards him, his hand hanging in the air.

"There is...mayonaise at your lips." He slowly redrew his hand, cleaning his finger with a tissue. Allen looked on the ground, trying his best to hold out his emotions which were spiraling out of control. It might seem to be the same gesture as what Neah did when he cleaned off the ice-cream stain on his lips, but he did not expect such a simple gesture to send his heart into fluttering beats, causing everything to become hazy, as though he was still delirious.

"Moyashi?" Allen looked at Kanda, slightly dazed. Kanda just sighed, shaking his head.

"Are you really okay? It looks as though you lost it."

Silver eyes widened, and he scowled instantly at his words. The cocky smirk was still there, but when it gradually faltered into what seemed like a smile, everything was instantly forgotten, and he found himself lost in that particular smile which was slowly attracting him in.

"It's Allen, BaKanda!"

He did not know how many bickers they had exchanged after that. Kanda teased, he sneered, Kanda mocked him with his usual sarcasm, and he counter-attacked with his taunts which escalated the entire thing into another round of heated quarrel. It went on and on, until the two of them could not think of anything to insult each other. They glared at each other for a moment, and after realising how stupidly they had acted just now, the two of them found themselves laughing out, their hearty laughter filling up the entire room. It was just like in their teenage years, and it truly felt nice.

And for the first time, he wished for those memories to return.

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Kanda sat on the armchair, staring at the falling autumn leaves with a listless gaze. The windows were opened slightly, and he could hear the soft rustles of the trees which was accompanied by the light hums of the evening breeze. He slowly closed his eyes, listening to the lulling whispers as he allowed himself to relax completely. Facing the darkness in front of him, many questions came to his mind, and there was particularly one which was bugging him.

_I just need to make you fall in love with me once again._

At that moment when he saw the flicker of sadness in his eyes before Allen chose to leave without giving any words of explanation, he just knew that if he did not chase him this time, he would lose him forever. His body moved on its own, ignoring Lavi's loud cries as he rushed out of the door, running to the lobby. Allen was there, and without any hesitation, he reached out to him.

His silver eyes were staring at him in astonishment, not expecting his presence. He stared at him in silence, trying to catch his breaths for a few seconds. He could feel the time slipping away beneath his fingers, and at any moment, Allen could get out of his grasp and leave. After all, no matter how many excuses he had made between the both of them, he could never deny any of them, because it was partly his fault that they ended up in this current state.

_"I was wondering when you are going to stop lying to yourself." _

He was frowning in bewilderment at his statement, as though he hadn't had a clue to what he was saying. Or he pretended that he did not know and just played along with his words. He realised Allen loved to do that, and he was getting irritated by how he could shrug their problems off so easily when his expression was so obvious right in front of him.

_"You are still in love with me right, Moyashi?"_

His eyes widened in horror, as though the secret which he had been trying terribly hard to hide all these years was finally exposed, and it was revealed by none other than him. His parted lips started to tremble, his expression slowly contorted into a grimace as Allen stared at the ground, his hands clasping together tightly as though it was to gather enough courage to say out another lie.

_"No."_

He hissed out the word loudly, clear enough for him to hear. Allen then looked up, his eyes glaring furiously at him as he bit his lip to fight back the tears that were about to fall. And as he stared at that pained expression filled with bitterness, his determination to get him back slowly faltered, and the words that he wanted to say were gradually forgotten. Time slowly winded back, to that particular moment when he confessed to him.

_"No, I am not in love with you anymore, and I will never fall in love with you again."_

His fingers slipped out of his grasp, and he just watched as he got further away from his reach. This particular emptiness really hurt, and for the first time, he started to fear this feeling. He stared at his retreating shadow in the lift, and out of desperation to get him back again, he shouted those words which the both of them least expected to hear.

_"I just need to make you fall in love with me once again." _

"Kanda?"

He slowly opened his eyes, his vision gradually clearing as he found himself back in the room. Kanda turned, and as he looked up to where the voice was, he saw Allen staring down at him. He was standing so close to him that he could feel his radiating warmth from his body, enough to remind him that he was here with him once again.

"Let's go. Everyone's waiting."

They exited their room, walking to the main reception hall to meet the others. Kanda stared at his sihouette from behind, observing his fingers which would have a habit of twirling the ends of his silver strands and hearing the soft shuffles of his shoes on the ground. His bubbly voice hummed deeply inside his ears as he called out to the colleagues, and he started to wonder when the beansprout had such a crisp clear voice.

"You are so slow, Allen!"

"Sorry, sorry! Let's go then!"

Fou was frowning in displeasure, and the white-haired man continued to apologise to her profusely. The frown slowly disappeared, and she just let out a huff as she turned and walked out of the inn, with Bak walking behind as he teased her for being such a softie. She hissed, and everyone burst out laughing as they heard a painful howl ahead. The smile was on his face all the time, and he found himself wishing that he could see this more often.

"Hurry up, Kanda!" Allen turned around, his hand at his ears to brush away the flying white strands of his hair as he shouted at him to walk faster. Kanda didn't seem to care, his gaze focusing on his smile formed by his lips. Noticing that he had been staring at him for a while, his face reddened slightly, and he showed another small smile which was more of awkwardness, before Allen turned around and continued his conversation with his colleagues.

They walked down the dry trail of slope to the bus stop located below the mountain to take a bus to the town of Takayama. It was currently the Takayama Festival, and they did not want to miss the parade whereby large ornate floats, or _yatai_, would be roaming around the entire town in the night. The floats were specially carved, each with different unique designs that were similar in style to art from Kyoto during the Momoyama period, and blended with elements from the early Edo period.

Kanda peered at the red and yellow leaves scattering all over the dry floor. He looked up, seeing more falling down from the trees that were almost bare. He had always loved the sceneries of the autumn season, but its melancholic display also reminded him that everything, no matter how beautiful and perfect they were, would always come to an end. He looked ahead, seeing Allen peering at the falling leaves which brushed past his stretched hand. His silver eyes softened, revealing an almost pitiful smile.

"It's coming to an end..."

They reached the bottom of the mountain, at the same time when the bus arrived. The seats were almost filled, and the last seat had to be beside Allen. He walked towards it and sat down, and Allen did not seem to mind either.

The one hour journey was smooth and quiet, with no one saying anything as they admired the peaceful view outside. Allen continued to peer out of the window, and he just let himself stare ahead, his vision blurring slightly as the bus trip towards the building site on that particular day replayed in his mind.

He could still remember the nimble touch of his finger moving along his face. It felt hesitant, yet it did not stop, continuing to trail down until it reached his lips. He pretended that he was still asleep, and as he waited, he wondered what this was. What was this constricted feeling that he was getting whenever he was with Allen? Even though they were right next to each other, it felt so distant, as though they were complete strangers. Allen had pushed him away, to the point which they could no longer return to where they once were. And what frustrated him the most, was that he continued to push him further even though he still had feelings for him.

The bus jerked, causing their shoulders to bump into each other. Allen jumped slightly, mumbling an apology by his lips. Kanda did not say anything, his blank gaze still focusing ahead. The vehicle turned at a traffic junction, and the streets became much livelier as it gradually stopped at their destination. Everyone stood up and alighted the bus, walking into the bustling town.

His eyes peered around the place in slight curiosity. There were many stalls along the street, selling different kinds of traditional products which were hard to find in Tokyo. The fresh aroma of cakes and snacks filled the air, and Allen was already nowhere to be seen, probably at one of the stalls buying his favourite desserts. His gaze stopped at a particular small sponge cake that the baker was currently making, and his stomach growled in response at its tempting appearance.

"Want to eat?"

Kanda turned around, and before he could comprehend what had exactly happened, a soft and warm cake was stuffed into his mouth. Sapphire eyes widened, staring at Allen who was holding a paper bag of sponge cakes that he had just bought, a wide grin on his face.

"It is nice right?"

Kanda stared at him for a moment, before he slowly ate the small pastry, feeling the warm custard cream melting at his tongue. He then swallowed it, finding himself craving for more. The raven-haired man snorted, taking another one from his bag as he munched on it.

They continued to walk on, seeing a lot of stuffs that they hadn't seen before. Allen dragged him to every store, showing him the things which he found it interesting to see. The both of them discovered many secrets, and made many new memories. Time passed quickly, and Kanda found himself enjoying every moment of this holiday trip―the fresh air of the late season, the new things that he discovered, and surprisingly, the accompaniment of Allen throughout the entire journey.

The sky darkened, and night eventually arrived. The streets were emptied in preparation for the start of the festival, and after a few minutes, it finally began. Many _chochin_ lanterns of different colours and sizes were lit on each of the floats as they were gradually pushed into the town. Puppets were seen performing on the floats, and people wearing kimonos or _hakama_ were walking alongside them, inviting others to join them in the parade.

"Let's join them, Kanda!" Allen said, pulling him by his hand as the two of them joined the crowd of people. They walked along the concrete path, surrounded by loud cheers echoing in the air as everyone celebrated this joyous season with smiles on their faces.

"Did you enjoy it?"

He could hardly hear Allen's voice as it was drowned by the shouts and cries of people, but he knew what he was going to say when he stared at his current expression. Kanda grunted, muttering something under his breath.

"What did you say?" Allen yelled, straining his ear such that he could hear what he said more clearly. At this moment, the crowd was getting larger, and just as he was straying off his path, his hand reached out and pulled him to his side, his arm wrapping around his shoulder protectively. Kanda then leaned towards his ear, whispering softly.

"I said, I enjoy it, Moyashi."

He could feel the other tensing up at his sudden intimate gesture. A smirk gradually formed at his lips, and the two of them just walked together like this in silence. A sharp sound burst into the sky, and as they looked up, several fireworks lit up the entire night sky with its bright colours. His silver eyes widened at the magnificent display, and the two of them stopped for a while.

"This is the best holiday that I have spent this year, and I am so glad that you are here with me, Kanda."

As the bright hues of light flashed in front of his eyes, he caught a slight glimpse of Allen's smile which was solely for him to see. Sapphire eyes widened, his mind bringing him back to the last Christmas celebration which the four of them had four years ago. The scene was almost the same, surrounded by all the loud cheers and laughter in the background. But this time, Allen was the only one who was here, and his heart thudded in response, together with the unknown emotions that sparked within him.

If this is not love...

_...then what is it? _

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Allen was walking along the quiet corridor, on his way to the baths. It was currently twelve in the early morning, and he had no intention to sleep just yet. Not before he soaked himself inside the hot bath to mark the end of the day. He wore a long shirt which hung loosely at his waist and pants, his hand holding onto his belongings as he finally reached the hot baths.

Peering around to make sure that no one was here, he slipped inside quietly, putting his stuff on the shelf as he stripped to the bottom. He brought his small towel along as he went to the bathing station located at the side to wash and rinse his body. After cleaning himself thoroughly, he stood up, smiling to himself as he walked towards the open-air bath outside which he had wanted to try when he lived in Japan. He certainly hoped that no one was around―after all, he chose this timing such that he could enjoy the bath by himself.

He stopped in his footsteps, his eyes widening in disbelief as he saw someone inside the bath, and it was none other than Kanda! Now that he thought about it, Kanda was nowhere to be seen when he returned to their room after the festival celebration. He certainly hadn't expected him to act this fast. Allen forced out a smile as he approached the bath, slowly slipping his foot into the lukewarm water before he soaked himself completely.

Kanda did not seem to notice his presence, his eyes closed as he leaned onto the hard rocks which were along the edge of the bath, his arms spreading out widely. Allen stayed at where he was, watching him in silence. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to fathom what he was really thinking. The raven-haired man was surprisingly quiet during this trip, saying nothing as he just followed him along. Although it was weird, he was glad that he had enjoyed it.

He dipped his face halfway into the water, his silver eyes staring solemnly at the reflection of the moon from its clear surface. The night was extremely quiet, letting him reminisce on the memories he had with Kanda. There were new ones which they had created recently, and old ones which he couldn't bring himself to forget. He had a reason to forget, because it was already over, but Kanda's last words made him reconsider again.

_I just need to make you fall in love with me once again._

"What are we exactly?" Allen murmured, staring at Kanda whose eyes were still closed. The three of them had been stuck in this never-ending cycle, and he was getting tired of it.

"Allen?" Sapphire eyes were opened, staring at him.

"Hey, Kanda." He slipped his body further into the water, sighing softly in content. The two of them didn't say anything, and after a few minutes, Allen found himself glancing at Kanda again, seeing him reaching out as he took a small cup of sake from the tray. The raven-haired man sipped the liquor, grimacing at the slight bitterness as he gazed at the moon above.

"Why did you break up with Lavi?"

The question took him by surprise, and Kanda turned to stare at him in slight astonishment. He wasn't sure why he asked this either, yet the only time he made this kind of solemn expression was when it was regarding Lavi. Even if it was because of his existence, he wanted to know what had really happened to the two of them which led to the end of their years of relationship.

"It isn't because of you."

"I know."

Yet, he _had _to know, before he could really move on.

Kanda was silent for a moment, before he let out a sigh, taking another sip of sake from the _ochoko _in his hand.

"There isn't any reason. We are unable to continue it. It just...ended," He said softly, putting the empty cup back on the tray. Allen didn't say anything, tilting his head to the side as he chose to stare at the scenery instead. The hesitance in Kanda's voice hinted that he hadn't totally forgotten about it, and he wasn't sure what he should say. But what really baffled him was, why would Kanda say that when he hadn't got over it yet? Was he like a distraction, just like how he used to be in the past?

"Then what about now?"

Sapphire eyes widened at his next question. His eyes widened as well, wondering what he was talking about. Allen chuckled softly under his breath. Resting his head on the rock, he peered at the moon which looked exceptionally bright and beautiful tonight. It was no wonder Kanda brought his favourite sake to indulge in this spectacular view. He smiled, stretching out his hand towards the other.

"What?" Kanda asked, not getting what he meant.

"Don't you bring an extra cup along?" Allen snapped lightly. Kanda raised his eyebrow, turning around to get the empty _ochoko_ on the tray. The lukewarm water moved slightly as he handed him the cup, before he poured the liquor into it. Allen held it at his nose, breathing in the light refreshing scent, before he brought it to his lips. The alcohol slowly travelled down his throat, warming up his entire body instantly. He swallowed, letting out a soft sigh.

"The view is nice tonight."

Kanda did not say anything, peering at the moon as well. The slight bitter taste of the sake was still there, and he wondered how long they could stay this way.

Allen peered at the raven-haired man, and in the dimmed moonlight, his vision flickered slightly. He grimaced at the slight pain in his head, shaking it slightly.

"Are you drunk?" Kanda questioned.

"Of course not! What makes you say that?" Allen snapped, glaring at him. He wouldn't collapse just by the first cup of sake!

"Your behaviour. It is exactly the same as that day when we went to the nightclub."

He paused for a moment, and after recalling the entire thing, Allen flushed in embarrassment.

"Y-You don't have to remind me of that!"

"Oh, so you _did _remember?" Kanda said, smirking widely. Allen groaned, dipping himself into the warm water instead. He looked up, staring at the fading reflection of the moon above. Like the reflection, the happiness that he was experiencing right now was blurry and unclear, and he was not certain whether he should hold onto it. He exhaled, watching the bubbles travelling up to the surface, before his silver eyes closed, not wanting to think about it.

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He let out several huffs, collapsing onto the tatami mat. All the warmth was shooting to his head, making him slightly light-headed and hazy. Allen let out a soft groan, opening his eyes as he stared at the blurry ceiling which looked as though it was literally floating. He grimaced, shutting his eyes as he tried to recollect himself, wondering whether he might have soaked in the bath for too long.

"Are you okay?" Silver eyes opened as Allen glanced to the side to see Kanda standing beside him, a frown evident on his face. Seeing that the raven-haired man was completely alright even though he left the bath later, he let out a frustrated grunt, deciding to ignore his question as he concentrated on calming himself down. Hearing no reply from the other, Kanda raised his eyebrow, stepping across him as he walked back to the bedroom instead.

"That cold bastard!" Allen hissed in slight fury, glaring at the door as he decided that he would never ask any help from him again. Gasping breathlessly, he grabbed a pamphlet that was on the table beside him and closed his eyes, fanning vigorously in an attempt to reduce the temperature quickly.

Suddenly, he felt something cold thrown on his forehead. Allen let out a gasp at the stinging pain, his eyes snapping open as he only saw darkness in front of his eyes. Removing the thing which turned out to be a soaked towel, he peered at it in slight bewilderment, before he looked up at Kanda who was back again.

"Use this to cool yourself down. I didn't expect you to collapse just by this amount of heat," Kanda snorted lightly, a smirk on his face. Allen hissed, struggling to stand up to his feet despite the giddiness that he was experiencing. He then forced his head up to face the raven-haired man in a hardened glare, not willing to give in.

"Oh yeah? Well, you are wrong! This heat means nothing to me―!" Silver eyes widened as he saw white light flashing in his eyes. Everything spun, and before he knew it, he was falling back to the floor, only this time he was bringing Kanda down as well. While he was trying to balance himself, his hand unconsciously reached out and grabbed the other's arm, and the two of them landed on the tatami matt with a heavy thud, groaning loudly in unison.

"Kanda―!" He opened his eyes, only to be greeted by the face of the other in front of him. Silver eyes widened as he stared into that pair of deep blue eyes, hearing the soft breaths coming from his parted lips. The unbearable warmth came back once again, and the flush on his face darkened as Kanda leaned even closer, their foreheads touching each other. His hand slowly moved, trailing along his loose _yukata_ as it stopped at his neck. His fingers slid along his warm skin, and a muffled moan escaped his mouth on its own.

"Moyashi?"

He was staring ahead, horrified. Allen pushed him out of the way quickly, getting up to his feet as he rushed to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. His heart was beating wildly, and he could not erase that particular heated moment when Kanda had almost kissed him. And what exactly was the soft moan that he had emitted, as though he was enjoying every bit of it?

Hearing footsteps approaching the room, he staggered towards the bed at the far corner quickly, ignoring the sharp pain he felt at his toe when he stumbled at the foot of the furniture. Allen jumped onto the soft mattress, lying on the pillow just as Kanda opened the door and went in. The door closed with a soft click, silence filling the place. He knew that Kanda was staring at him, and he held his breath, pretending that he was asleep. There were a few shuffles, before he felt something warm covering his body. After that, the lights were switched off, and he just stared in the darkness, trying to comprehend what had really happened.

"Good night, Allen."

Silver eyes widened for a moment, before he shut them, driving those thoughts off his mind. The burning touch was still there, unable to erase away. Through these three days which the both of them got to know each other once again, he started to wonder how it would really happen.

"Good night, Kanda."

He did not want to cross over the line.

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It was early morning, and Allen was pacing on the pebble pathway at the backyard outside the inn. The sky was completely clear, its horizon coloured with a light tint of blue. He was greeted with different types of bright, flamboyant colours of the autumn trees and plants surrounding him, with the accompaniment of the morning breeze. Shutting his eyes for a while, he inhaled the fresh air deeply, grinning to himself before he opened his eyes and continued his exploration around this place.

The backyard was like a small labyrinth, and at every corner he passed, he would never cease to be amazed at what he would discover. Allen would stop every now and then, using his camera to take down pictures of plants that he saw for the first time and breath-taking sceneries which he would never forget. He stared at the crimson leaf which he was currently holding, letting out a sigh as his fingers slowly let it go, wondering whether he ever had the chance to come here again.

He took a left bend, sighting a pavilion which was just metres away. Allen stared at the old structure which had been here for many years, and its design was hardly seen in the city anymore. He stepped inside, looking at its interior for a moment. He then peered outside from where he was standing, admiring the greenery which looked brighter and more enticing than before.

Allen moved on, following the small pebble trail until he reached an opening. Autumn trees were everywhere, raining down the autumn leaves as they fell onto the ground. A bench was seen at the far end, and someone was sitting on it. His eyes narrowed, and as he walked closer, he instantly recognised the raven colour of his long hair.

"Kanda..." Kanda was sitting there, holding a book in his hand. Soft rustles rang at his ears, and it went back to the days when they were still college students in England, whereby he would visit the park, peering at him from afar. It might be the same, but it was seven years ago, and this time, he would not hesitate to walk over to him.

He smiled and was about to approach him when he realised that the raven-haired man was talking on the phone. His right hand remained at the page where he had stopped, while his other hand was fingering with his fringe. The expression he was wearing right now looked peaceful, and he wondered who the person was at the end of the receiver.

"I know." Kanda looked down, his voice sounding like a soft chuckle.

"I know, Lavi."

Allen stopped walking, his eyes widening slightly. He hadn't expected it to be Lavi. He started to hesitate, and after contemplating for a long moment, he lost to his inner feelings. His body turned around on its own, his feet moving away from the area.

"Moyashi?"

He froze. Allen slowly turned around, seeing Kanda staring at him.

"Yeah. I see you around." The raven-haired man hung up the phone call, putting the book aside. He then stood up, walking over to him.

"You are early today."

"Yeah," He simply replied. Silver eyes stared at the damp ground, trying to curb the urge to ask him the question which had been disturbing him for a long while.

"Work?"

Kanda stared at him in slight bewilderment, and after realising what he was talking about, he just nodded his head absentmindedly, not intending to say anything as usual. Allen inhaled sharply, getting frustrated at where this was going to. He couldn't understand why he refused to say anything regarding Lavi. Why would he even bother holding him back if there was nothing to look forward to in the beginning?

"Why won't you say anything?"

Kanda turned to stare at him questioningly. Allen smiled faintly at the other. He could have ignored everything and start afresh with this man, but he realised he couldn't. He could never forget the cold treatment that he would get from Kanda in his younger days which was meant to isolate his feelings. He could never forget how the two of them showed their happiness blatantly in the open, as though it was meant for him to see; to remind him that everything he did, and tried to do, was futile. And he expected him to accept that particular statement he made when they were at his apartment?

"Why won't you say anything to me regarding Lavi?"

Sapphire eyes slowly widened in realisation. And even when Kanda finally realised what he meant, he was afraid to hear his answer.

"It's okay. I'm just...curious," Allen said quickly, turning around. His head spun slightly, and his vision began to blur. He hissed, touching his head in slight pain.

"Moyashi―"

"It's Allen, you bastard! Why can't you get the names right?" He hissed angrily, turning back to face him. "If you can't even get the facts right, then just leave them be!"

Silver eyes widened, realising what he had slipped. He attempted to run away, only to be caught by his hand as Kanda stopped him.

"I meant what I have said at that time."

"No, you don't." He answered instantaneously.

"I do―"

"No, you don't!" Allen snapped, tears clouding his eyes. "You are just delusional at that time. You don't mean what you said, because you are having a raging fever and you can't even differentiate what's real and what's not!" He screamed out, gasping heavily under his breath. The tears had fallen, streaming down his face. His emotions were completely messed up, and he could not control himself. He was afraid that he could no longer reject him, and the only way to get away was to destroy their relationship which was recently mended.

Kanda did not say anything. Knowing that this was the end, Allen turned and began to walk away. Then suddenly, he felt a hand grabbing his wrist. His vision spun, and before he knew it, Kanda's lips was onto his. His eyes widened, and he tried to struggle, but he gripped his hands firmly, refusing to let go. The warmth gradually seeped into his skin, and he found himself giving in. He peered at the sky, seeing the moon which was gradually disappearing into the light.

His hand slowly reached out, trying to get to the fading light. It was then when his vision darkened, to the point which he could only see Kanda in front of him.

Then, everything went black.

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_A/N: _I must apologise for this terribly late update. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, I went overseas for the first two weeks of April. Then when I came back, I fell sick and it is only these few days when I start to feel better. It took me a longer time to get back to this pace after a long break from writing. Furthermore, this chapter is one of the longest chapters I have written, and I have to make sure that everything is clear and presentable. I tried to shorten it, but realised that most of the points are necessary for the progress between Kanda and Allen.

I appreciate all reviews, and even though I was unable to write at that time, I read the reviews and check those who have favourited/followed this story. Thank you so much for supporting it. I do hope to get back my old reviewers though. So sorry for the long wait once again.

As usual, this story will be updated every two weeks. The next update will be on a Saturday this time, as I have something on Friday.

Please review and tell me your opinion about the chapter. Apologies for the grammar, vocabulary and spelling mistakes that you spot on the way. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is all deeply appreciated :)

**.**

**Reviews:**

**MercenaryCrime: **Thank you for the review! Yes, he isn't, and I certainly hope that everything would be well between them! Hope you would like this chapter! :)

**WithoutWingsX: **Thank you! I guess because he is kind of desperate to get to Allen before he runs away haha.

I just need someone to pair up with Allen to fuel Kanda's jealousy, and I have been thinking of pairing Neah with him for a while. Even now, in the manga, I was wondering how Neah really felt towards Allen and his family.

I'm so sorry that you have to experience this again! Thank you once again, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**Nonumaru: **Yup, but love doesn't come so easily. Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**BlueMoon333: **Actually I haven't expected to write this ending as well. I thought that the two of them couldn't just continue running away from each other because of their past. Someone must make a move, and I guess it's Kanda who's doing that! :D Aah yes, I laughed as well when I wrote that part. Allen is too adorable for our own good lollol

Thank you so much for your review! I am still improving on my writing, and I really need opinions like yours to make it better. Thank you once again, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**Alissa Lee: **Thank you! The confession is implied, so you can see it that way :P Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**Ashterah: **Thank you! Hope you would like this chapter! :)

**Alguien22792: **Ahaha. About what was going to happen to Neah, this will be explained in later chapters. Yup, Kanda really don't know what he wants do he? But of course love can't be attained that easily. At least not for Allen.

Yes, this is one of the point which I want to make in this story. Kanda's persistence will eventually make things worse between the two of them. And well, it's drama! Lavi's entrance is just the perfect thing to happen LOL.

Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**sunshineandmoonlight: **Hmm, it's implied, if you see it that way.

Nope! It's out already?! :O How is it?!

**Fate Alitheia: **Aah you changed your acc name? It's okay :) It's implied, so you can see it that way. Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**KiiroUsagi-sa: **I think I see you somewhere. You write too right?

Haha, it's okay! I'm glad that you love this story! Of course you can't neglect your studies as well! It's as important! XD Thank you for the review! I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**GuestXD: **Thank you! Oh, I don't know whether I should accept this praise from you haha. I'm still improving on my writing, and receiving opinions like yours is like a gift to me! Thank you once again, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**JJxMusicxLover: **Thank you! Hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**melode: **Thank you! I will certainly bring out more of Neah's story in future chapters! Please look forward to it! :)

**kuroshiroxyullen: **Thank you so much! :) Hope you will like this chapter too!

**ShimmeringCrimson: **LOL. Guess your teacher is dense XD

I can't even imagine how I wrote Timothy this way. Is Timothy even the comical type? I was like thinking this for a long while XD but despite the heavy angst, a little humor is needed to lighten up the mood. And yes! I always thought that Neah is rather suave-looking! Well, a little more suave compared to Allen, but Kanda is still the first for me XD

I know right. Kanda is too sexy for our own good *faints*

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**Chibi-Dears XD: **Yup! He has finally realised, though it's more of implied. Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**TheVictoryAngelofStrife: **I guess he finally wakes up and realises his inner feelings for Allen. Haha XD Thank you so much for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**Shirogane Kaze: **Don't be depressed! As I said, the ending is still Yullen. Maybe the angst is too overwhelming, but in this story, it is necessary.

Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**redinblue: **Thank you so much for reviewing! Your opinions are deeply appreciated, and I really hope that you would continue to support this story! I'm so sorry for the late update again, but well, I have reasons for this :(

**Darkspider: **Ahahaha. Thanks for the smacking :P Yes, it's implied, but I feel that love isn't attained so easily. Like you would get this person after the first confession of something, and this is something which Allen knows very well.

No worries, I get what you mean! Yup, so far they only get to know Neah, but after you have said that, I was wondering whether to write a scene whereby Road and the others come to his office and find him *grins* Yeah I agree to that too! The three of them are closer to one another, and somehow when Allen was trying to escape, they just knew how he felt at that time. That's what I'm thinking regarding the manga. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Aah, regarding what would happen to Neah, this will be explained in future chapters. I was considering your idea, and I went to research, but for glaucoma, it seems that only surgery can help to treat it temporarily. Eye transplants are not mentioned, so I'm not sure whether it can be used here.

Well, something needs to fuel Kanda's jealousy, telling him that Allen will not always be there for him! Yes, Tyki knows Kanda way before they meet in Japan, and will be mentioned soon.

Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**the midnight requiem: **Thank you so much for your review! The progress is slow, but it's almost there! Almost...

I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**BlueberryFridge: **Woah, I am rather flattered by your review! You mean you don't want to fall in love?

I am so glad that you love this story, and I hope you will continue reading it! Thank you once again for giving me such a lovely review! I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**hotxhotguy: **Yup. Love isn't attained so easily. I guess Kanda has to work harder to get Allen back :/

Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)

**DDD: **Thank you! I hope you would like this chapter! :)


	13. Reason

**Chapter 13: Reason**

"_A void in my chest was beginning to fill with anger. Quiet, defeated anger that guaranteed me the right to my hurt, that believed no one could possibly understand that hurt."_―_Rachel Sontag, House Rules_

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He just stared ahead, horrified.

"Moyashi?"

His wide eyes stared at this darkness in front of him, desperately trying to comprehend what was exactly happening right now. It was completely pitch black, and no matter how hard he tried to search for any source of light at every corner available, there was none. Even though he knew he was in the middle of the garden; even though Kanda was standing right in front of him, so close that he could hear his soft breaths ringing at his ears, he could not brush away the heavy intensity that was growing within him, telling himself that something was terribly wrong. He had never expected this.

That he could not see anymore.

"Allen?"

His body began trembling on its own upon this realisation, and his hands which were on Kanda's coat tightened as he gripped onto the other shakily, trying to ignore the growing fear as recollections of his past illness and the nightmares that it brought flashed in his mind repeatedly. He told himself that this was only temporary, and if he waited patiently, his vision would come back to him gradually. Allen forced out a smile, getting a grip of himself as he started to count in his head. But as each second painfully passed, the horrifying darkness was still there, wiping out every ounce of confidence he had in an instant.

"Are you alright, Allen... Allen!"

Allen let out several breathless gasps, his legs giving way as he fell onto the ground. Everything just caved in, the sounds around him getting softer and softer till he could barely hear a whisper, including Kanda's panicked shouts as he tried calling out to him. He was losing his senses, and as he stared at the darkness, hearing the hollow thuds of his heart beating slowly in the silent background, he wondered whether this was it.

He felt himself being lifted up onto what felt like his back and shoulders, his arms secured around his neck firmly as something started to move beneath him. His blank eyes narrowed, hearing the faint breaths of the other as he started to run. Allen stared ahead, moving his fingers along his skin as he realised that it was slightly wet. Then, from the heavy gasps, the strong rush of the wind against him as he ran, and the sweat on his skin that accumulated, it suddenly dawned upon him that Kanda was actually panicking. He was really worried for him, and he did not know how he should feel about this.

The wind gradually quietened down, and he found themselves stopping. The sound of a car door opening rang at his ears, and before he knew it, he was shoved inside, the door slamming hardly beside him. He winced as pain started hammering at his head. The faint scent of jasmine present in the car could only help to ease his headache a little. Allen tried to stare ahead once again, and after a few seconds, something within the darkness finally moved. Light began to break through, and he was able to see something ahead very slightly.

He started to wonder what this was. He knew that his illness could never be cured fully, which was why he always had to return to the hospital to follow up on his current condition. But as far as he knew, glaucoma would never lead to blindness unless it was very serious.

_What if..._

His eyes widened, and he erased that thought immediately. He had never once tried to think that far, and even till now, he wouldn't.

The door opened, and he felt a presence sitting beside him. Seconds later, the engines roared into life as the vehicle sped off.

"Where are we going, Kanda?" He asked, not used to the silence between the both of them.

"To the hospital, of course."

Allen froze instantly at that answer. He gripped onto the sides of the seat tightly, chuckling nervously under his breaths.

"There...isn't a need to go to a hospital. It's...probably fatigue, Kanda," He tried to say it convincingly, but apparently Kanda wasn't going to listen to his side of the conversation as he started the car engines and began moving out. He shut his eyes, biting his lips to force back a whimper as the swerve of the vehicle was worsening his headache. His trembling hand touched the glass, his heart hammering in thundering beats as they were getting nearer to their destination.

"Stop the car."

"You are not going to argue out of this, Moyashi."

"Kanda!" He yelled in anger, glaring at the blurry figure beside him.

"I'm sending you to the hospital, and that's that!" Kanda hissed, driving to the right as the vehicle entered the main road. Allen growled in sheer frustration, turning to the window as he chose not to say anything further. His vision flickered, and the remaining light was about to be swallowed by the darkness once again.

A few minutes later, they finally reached the nearest hospital in the area. He was already breaking out in cold sweat, trying his best to bear with the excruciating pain from the migraine. The door opened, and he felt himself being carried in the arms of the other as Kanda closed the door with a slam, rushing into the hospital. Several voices echoed irritably at his ears, and before he realised it, he was lying on a bed, being examined by the doctor. There was a flash of bright light, and his vision was gradually returning.

"Does this happen rather frequently?" His eyes narrowed, seeing the dark shadow of a person in front of him who was presumed to be the doctor. Allen then widened his eyes in realisation as he sat up quickly, swaying slightly as he grimaced from the pain in his head. The doctor held him by his shoulders to prevent him from collapsing.

"Do you have any history of eye problems?"

He stiffened at the topic. Allen slowly slipped out a small smile as he turned to the doctor.

"I'm alright, so you do not need to check on me anymore."

"But your eyes are unable to see at that time―"

"Don't tell him of my condition," He muttered, his grip on the white coat tightening. It was supposed to be something in the past, and he thought that he would never bring it up to anyone after he took the surgery three years ago. After they met again, the last thing that he wanted Kanda to know was this.

_"Please." _

There was silence for a few minutes. The doctor was still staring at him disapprovingly, but he finally let out a sigh as he handed the report to the nurse who was standing beside him.

"Okay, I will not tell your friend, but I would advise you to go for a thorough checkup to make sure that your eyes are alright."

Allen straightened his clothes as he got out of the bed, smiling in gratefulness. The curtains were pulled aside, and Kanda walked up to the front, hearing the doctor's explanation on his condition. After telling the raven-haired man that he needed to go to the washroom, Allen walked out, his pace quickening as he rushed into the washroom. He stood at the sink, his calm face expression faltering as he looked down, breathing heavily from the splitting pain.

He reached out to the tap, turning it as he heard the water flowing down the drain. Then, he unzipped his bag and emptied whatever was inside it, taking the eye drop in his hand as he dripped the solution into his eyes. He blinked them, seeing that his vision was getting clearer. After that, he reached out for his bottle of pills which he would bring it everywhere just in case this happened. Allen opened it, his hands trembling uncontrollably as he desperately tried to shake a pill out of the white container, his eyes focusing at the door every now and then to make sure that no one entered.

_It's alright. It is alright. It would be alright. _

His vision darkened slightly. Allen hissed in impatience, cursing under his breath as he shook the container harder.

_It is alright, it is alright, it is alright, it would be alright, it would be alright, it would definitely be alright―!_

The door suddenly opened. He gasped, dropping the container as it fell onto the counter with an echoing thud, the white pills spilling all over the surface. His wide eyes stared at the entrance in horror, seeing a patient who was staring him in the same way. Somehow relieved that it wasn't Kanda, Allen turned back hastily, muttering an apology. The man did not say anything and just proceeded to one of the empty cubicles ahead. The place fell silent once again, and after regaining his composure, he took a pill and swallowed it, putting the rest back into the container. He then began to wash up and tidy himself, tucking his strands of hair behind his ears neatly.

Allen stared at himself in the mirror. It was a reflection of a sickly man with pale features. He did not even know that he had become like this. He slowly revealed a smile, straightening his sagging cheeks to make himself look a little better. He widened his eyes, making sure that his vision had completely recovered. He then began to wonder why he was freaking out over these symptoms which would happen once in a while.

"It is alright." The smile on his face widened, and Allen took his bag, stepping out of the washroom. He sighted Kanda sitting at the seats in front of the clinic and began walking over to him. Kanda stood up upon seeing him, and the two of them exited the hospital, walking back to his car. Surprisingly, Kanda did not say anything regarding his condition, and he was thankful for that.

"Where do you live? I send you back," Kanda said, sitting at the driver seat as he buckled his safety belt.

"Just drive me to the nearest station." Allen looked behind, seeing his packed belongings lying on the empty seat. Kanda frowned, letting out a sigh of frustration as he turned to him.

"Moyashi―"

"It is really okay. Send me to the nearest station," He said. He could tell that Kanda was not pleased with his answer, but he decided not to probe further as he started the engine and moved out of the place. They did not talk to each other during the entire journey, and upon reaching the train station, Kanda just dropped him off at the side of the road and left without a word. Allen took his travelling bag and entered the station, walking up to the platform. As he waited for the train to come, he took out his phone and sent a message to Timothy, telling him that everything was alright. He slipped the electronic gadget into his pocket, peering at the exit of the tunnel where the train was approaching.

He reached his home in around two hours. Allen stretched his aching arms, throwing all his stuff aside as he went to his room, collapsing onto his bed. Even though he hadn't done much today, he felt rather exhausted. He grimaced at the light shining through the window, peering at the ceiling blankly. The events that happened this morning flashed in his mind, and before the memories finished playing, he shut his eyes, ending it. It was already over, and he was still here. Everything was fine.

Everything _would _be fine.

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Weekends had passed quickly, and it was a new day of the week. Allen shifted his legs beneath the warm covers, rubbing his sore neck as he slowly opened his eyes which were somehow stinging in slight pain. His vision slowly cleared, the colour and warmth of the sunlight greeting him. It was the usual morning, and he was glad that it started out good today. He stretched out, stepping out of his bed. As he was about to walk to the washroom, his foot tripped onto something. Within seconds, he tumbled to the floor, knocking onto his head in the process.

Muttering a string of curses under his breath, Allen glared at whatever was in his way, only to realise that it was none other than his travelling bag which he brought over to the holiday inn. He peered at it with narrowed eyes, wondering why he would even stumble on it even though he knew where he put it. He winced as he slowly stood up, and it was only when he stared at the clear window when he realised that something seemed to be slightly amiss. The feeling of the warmth was the same, but somehow, the light was a lot dimmer than he thought to be.

_Do you have any history of eye problems?_

He shook his head, getting out of the room as he walked to the washroom which was just a few steps away. It was harder to see ahead. He had to narrow his eyes to focus closely, and he would trip and knock onto stuffs occasionally which he failed to notice. Allen groaned at the bruises that he had on his body, dressing himself up for work as he went to the dining table where Timothy was.

"What was the commotion just now, Allen? It's rather noisy in the early morning," Timothy questioned, popping an egg roll into his mouth. Allen smiled apologetically, his hand moving along the surface of the wooden table as he slowly sat down.

"It's nothing. You know how clumsy I am." He took his chopsticks, failing to grip it properly as one of it slipped out of his fingers and fell onto the table. Timothy stopped eating, and the both of them just stared at the fallen utensil for a moment.

"That is more than just clumsiness, Allen. Don't tell me you have forgotten how to use the chopsticks?" Timothy asked incredulously. He flushed in embarrassment, taking up the utensil as he started eating his rice. His friend started chuckling in amusement, adding to his annoyance. Allen peered at his hand, clenching and unclenching it. His reflexes seemed to be alright, and his estimation at distances was always accurate, so why was he acting strange lately?

_Is there something wrong with your eyes?_

He stiffened, his hand stalling in mid air.

"Allen?"

"It's nothing." He flashed out a smile, finishing his breakfast quickly. Allen returned to his room and was about to take his contacts when he stopped, peering at the black spectacles lying on top of the drawer.

_I would advise you to go for a thorough checkup to make sure that your eyes are alright._

Timothy was standing at the front of the door, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Allen, why... why are you wearing spectacles to work?"

His movements halted as he pondered on his friend's question for a moment. Allen then turned to face him.

"Why not? It's a trend nowadays, and I want to look different once in a while. Don't I look good with it?"

The excuse that he used was exactly the same, back when he tried to cover it up during his college days when Kanda noticed that he was acting strange and started to suspect something. It felt so ironic that he wanted to laugh, but then, his life was rather contradicting itself, and he had no idea where it would lead him to.

The two of them reached the office exactly on time. While Timothy went off to do something, he went to his desk, barely sitting on his seat as he almost landed on the floor. Allen breathed in huge relief, so glad that no one was around to witness his embarrassing moment. He pulled his chair closer to his desk, switching on his computer as he prepared himself for work.

"Allen?"

He turned, seeing Rou Fa staring at him rather weirdly.

"What is it?" He asked with a smile, sending a blush across her face. She muttered apologies under her lips, forcing back the heat as she turned to face him again.

"I was surprised when I saw you. I didn't know that you wear spectacles as well."

Allen blinked, touching the edge of the black frame as he realised what she was talking about.

"Is it nice?"

Her eyes widened slightly at his question. She gasped, turning around again as she started muttering something under her breath which he did not catch on.

"Of course it looks nice on you, Allen..."

Silver eyes widened at the familiar voice in the office. Looking up, he saw Kanda entering the place, nodding his head as everyone greeted him along the way. Their gazes briefly met, and he looked down immediately, his hand taking off the spectacles as he opened the drawer and threw it inside, shutting it hardly.

"Allen?" Rou Fa was now staring at him with a slight frown, and he did not know what to say, silently praying that Kanda would walk quickly without noticing what had really happened. The raven-haired man walked past his desk, and making sure that he was making eye contact with him, he greeted him just like what the others did. Kanda did not react, entering his room as he closed the door behind him.

"Allen?" Realising that he had completely forgotten about Rou Fa who was still here, Allen turned around sharply, his eyes narrowing as he tried to find where she exactly was. Reaching for his drawer, he opened it and took out his spectacles, wearing it in a calm manner.

"Sorry, what is it?"

She stared at him, and before she could say a word, Timothy shouted to him across the tables.

"Allen! It's time for the meeting!" Nodding his head, he gathered all the documents that he needed for this morning's meeting and got up to his feet, walking to the conference room.

"I'm sorry, Rou Fa! Let's talk later!" He closed the door behind him, walking over to his seat which was right beside Kanda's. The meeting started as per normal, and everyone was flipping through the papers as Kanda started to discuss on the projects that the company would be taking up for the next distribution. Allen tapped his finger on the table in slight boredom, peering at the raven-haired man with a slight frown, having a slight feeling that he was forgetting something rather important.

"As what the proposal has highlighted, taking up this project would..."

Allen stared at his moving lips which looked undoubtedly sexy right now. He then blinked in slight horror, wondering why he was ogling over someone's lips when he should be focusing on the meeting. His eyes blinked again for a few more times, seeing a memory that he did not want to remember. He gasped, clasping his mouth as he wondered why he hadn't recalled it till now.

"Allen?"

Everyone was staring at him, including Kanda. That pair of scorching eyes fell onto him, and he apologised for his behaviour, looking away. The meeting went on, but he couldn't erase that particular moment, and that particular comforting warmth on his lips when Kanda kissed him.

"Tim, can you pass me a pen?" He asked. Timothy nodded, placing a black pen beside him. He whispered a word of thanks, his hand reaching out towards the stationary which was among the sheets of paper that were spread out on the table. He frowned slightly in irritation, his eyes straining to get an accurate position of where it was, until he felt it brushing by his fingers. Silver eyes widened as he turned to Timothy who was raising his eyebrow.

"I got it for you, since you didn't notice that it was just a few centimetres beside your hand."

Allen held the pen, not sure how he should explain. He turned back to his documents, staring at the rows of words in front of him blankly. He was beyond shocked, not knowing what he should do. He could just continue to keep denying and telling himself that it was alright, or he could accept the fact that he did have a problem and needed help right now. But even if he wanted to lie, it seemed to be rather difficult according to his current condition.

The meeting ended two hours later, and he stood up, holding his papers in his hand as he exited out of the conference room. Just as he was about to step out, something grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He turned back, glaring at Kanda who had done so.

"What was that, Kanda?"

Kanda just frowned, before he pointed to the wall in his direction.

"If you continue to walk, you would have hit the wall."

Allen froze, his eyes widening in shock as he stared ahead, realising that if he really continued to walk in his current direction, he would have hit the wall instead. He stared at the wall in slight horror, totally not understanding this. He had estimated the distance well before he moved from the table, so why would he ended up going towards a wall instead?

"Che. You should thank me, Moyashi." With that, Kanda walked out of the door, leaving him here in this silence as he started questioning himself, unable to deny himself anymore.

Why were his eyes still like this even though he wore his spectacles?

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It was currently lunchtime, and he was supposed to meet Neah for their usual lunch sessions. Allen stepped out of the lift lobby, walking slowly towards the exit as he made sure that he would not bump into anyone. He went out of the building, shivering slightly by the cold as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his warm coat, waiting for the adult to arrive.

Several minutes had passed, and he still did not see him around. Allen began tapping his feet in slight worry, checking his watch every now and then. Deciding to give him a call, he reached out for his phone, only to see a shadow hovering in front of him. He looked up, smiling instantly at the sight of the man.

"Neah!"

Neah gave a smile in return, and the two of them walked towards the same cafe where they would always have lunch together. He frowned, showing a displeasured face as he demanded why he was so late today. Neah was obviously shocked at his angry tone as he stared at him in complete astonishment. Hearing no reply from the other, Allen folded his arms and let out a grunt of irritation, turning away as he continued to play around.

"Why didn't you reply? Have you finally realised that you are wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Allen. I was in the wrong."

Allen stopped in his footsteps, turning around to see an apologetic look on his face. His silver eyes widened in slight surprise, and he couldn't help but laugh out in response at his sincere answer, leaving Neah standing there in bewilderment, not knowing what was going on. He patted his stomach, controlling his laughter as he peered at his uncle who was still staring at him blankly.

"No, no. I just...couldn't get used to this side of you. You would normally tease me every time, so this just feels rather strange to me."

"If you are angry, I am really sorry about it. I have something on in the morning and―"

"It's okay. I was just playing around, Neah," Allen said with a smile. Somehow, he just couldn't get used to the serious side of Neah. He slipped his hand into his, clasping it tightly as he pulled him along. Gold eyes widened in slight shock as he peered at the hands which were holding together, not knowing how to react.

They reached the cafe, and Allen ordered a huge list of orders as usual. As they began to tuck in, he peered at Neah, realising that he was eating lesser than usual. His skin was paler and he looked terribly tired, as though he hadn't had sleep for the entire night.

"Neah?"

He looked up, staring at him.

"What is it, Allen?"

That pair of golden eyes which he loved wasn't as bright and lively as they used to be, and he was starting to wonder whether he was really alright.

"Are you alright? You look extremely pale."

Neah just stared at him, revealing a smile which was more of comfort and reassurance before he continued to eat. Allen continued to watch him in silence, realising that this outing was completely different from the usual ones. There was no talking, no laughter, and Neah looked so sickly, reminding himself of the condition he was in. For the first time, he hated this silence which seemed to be drifting them further apart.

After finishing their lunch, they chose to use the remaining time to walk around. He was the one who did most of the talking, while Neah just smiled and listened attentively. The both of them laughed at some times, somehow clearing the tense atmosphere between them. Allen spotted the ice-cream shop where they went during Neah's first visit and stopped, smiling at the faint memory.

"I remembered those times that you comforted me when I was down. And even till now, I am still thinking of him."

Neah stared at him with a slight frown, and knowing what he would say, Allen shook his head lightly.

"Yes, I might still be thinking of him, but it is already a past. Even though we meet again, it is already impossible between us..." He peered at the ground, his vision flashing slightly as the light in his eyes dimmed. Now that he thought about it, their fate might have already been set from seven years ago.

"Even so, I will still protect you, Allen."

He looked up, his eyes slowly widening in shock as Neah descended upon him, kissing him on his forehead. The kiss lingered for a few seconds, before he finally pulled away, his bright eyes shimmering with emotions which he couldn't identify. His heart thudded in response, and Allen looked away, his face flushing on its own.

"Even if it would eventually be impossible, I will still protect you. Please remember that, Allen." His eyes widened at those words, and he turned around, only to find Neah already walking away. He stood there, his hand touching the spot on his forehead where he was kissed. The feeling was completely different, and no matter how he wanted to believe that it was his own way of showing his love to his nephew, he couldn't.

Why did he do that?

_Neah, why...did you kiss me like that? _

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Kanda sat in his room, peering out of the clear windows. It was currently lunchtime, yet he did not have the appetite to eat. He peered at the documents which he needed to finish by the end of the day, before he glanced through the glass door, seeing an empty office with little people around. He let out a soft groan, leaning back on his chair as he stared at the ceiling for a moment.

Thinking back, he wondered why he had initiated the kiss. It was so sudden, and before he could even comprehend what he was really doing, he pulled Allen back, kissing him on his lips. Allen wasn't thinking radically at that time, and it was probably out of impulse to calm him down and shut his mouth for once.

He wasn't sure why he was unhappy, unless he had overheard his conversation with Lavi. At this, Kanda let out a frustrated growl. Why must he think too much regarding this matter? What happened between Lavi and him was already in the past, and it would never happen again, so why was he feeling so insecure? Had he been feeling like this throughout the time when they were together?

Kanda picked up a pen and began spinning it randomly, pondering deeply in his thoughts. He remembered that particular morning when Lavi called him all of a sudden, whining to him on why he did not bring him along to the hot springs as well. He should have guessed the persistence in the redhead's character even though he rejected him. He thought of ending the call such that he could continue to enjoy the peaceful moments in the garden, but it somehow became a conversation that surprisingly flowed rather well. They chatted on random stuff, and Lavi even tried to crack some lame jokes, to his horror. Then, they discussed about work, and it was then when he realised just how much he missed those early days in college, whereby they could talk without anything in their way.

If Allen hadn't confessed, would he and Lavi still be together? If Allen hadn't confessed, would he even realise that his feelings for the other wasn't the same as what he thought to be?

_"Speaking of that, can you still remember that time when the carrot juice was accidentally spilled onto the discipline master? Oh my God, can you imagine the horror on his face? The both of you were quarrelling as usual, and Allen wanted to throw the juice onto you, not expecting the discipline master to come at the same time!"_

_"Oh, yeah. He totally deserved it," He spoke with a growing smirk._

_"Because of that, he had to have his hair cut the same style as the discipline master. Well, his hair was too long at that time. That image of his is priceless, Yuu. He was practically hiding from everyone, and he even wanted to skip school for the whole week because of that horrid hairstyle he had!" _

_Kanda laughed without a second thought. _

_"Hey, Yuu."_

_"I told you not to call me by my first name," He said between chuckles. _

_"You have really changed, Yuu." _

_He paused for a moment, blinking at his statement. _

_"In the past, you don't even want to have anything to do with him. Now, you laugh so easily at the topic of him." _

_He remained silent. _

_"I'm envious at how much you could change when Allen is around."_

He was stumped when Allen left them all of a sudden, and everything did not seem to be moving in the right direction after his departure. Two years later, he graduated from a university and moved to Canada to work. Those days were gradually forgotten, yet whenever he had the free time, he couldn't stop thinking of Allen, and wondered where he might be. For the first time, he missed his presence. And when he finally met him again, relief just washed over him, and a thought came to his mind―that he would not allow him to leave again; that he would stay by his side forever.

Maybe, just as what Lavi said, he had definitely changed. In order to keep Allen by his side, he _had _to change.

Suddenly, there was a loud commotion outside. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was past lunchtime and everyone should already be back by now. Kanda stood up from his seat, walking over to the door as he opened it. He stared at the source of the commotion, only to see a man whom he knew as he started flirting with the female colleagues surrounding him.

"Hey, gorgeous man, who might you be?"

"Someone whom you cannot handle. Now, can you ladies please give way? I need to speak..." He turned, his eyes meeting Kanda's who was staring at him with a frown. The man smiled, before he turned to them again.

"...to this charming man who is standing at the door of his room."

Everyone turned and gasped in shock at the sight of Kanda glaring at them. All of them scampered off to their seats instantly, leaving the other alone as he sauntered towards him, flicking his dark curls again. He just couldn't believe that he was of close acquaintance with this man, even though he greatly disliked his tastes till now.

"Tyki," He muttered, staring at him in displeasure.

"It's so nice to see you again, Kanda. Don't worry, I came here because of business," Tyki chuckled lightly, turning around to peer at the office surroundings.

"Allen isn't around today?"

Kanda stared at his desk which was currently empty. He sighed, shaking off the thought as he stood aside, allowing Tyki to enter. Tyki bowed slightly in response, walking into his room as he settled on his couch, spreading his arms widely on it. His golden eyes were inspecting his place closely, and Kanda walked back to his desk, putting the papers aside.

"So, what brings you here?" He asked. Tyki turned to him, a curved grin plastered on his face as he stood up, walking to his desk. He then handed him a proposal, and Kanda flipped it open as he started reading it quickly.

"It's a business which the Earl wants to enclose, and you are the best person for the job."

Sapphire eyes narrowed as Kanda read the purpose of the project stated in the proposal, before he sighed softly, pinching the bridge of his nose in slight fatigue. The Millennium Earl was one of his biggest clients, and most of the company's revenue came from this fat man. Even if there were many projects that were queuing up at the moment, due to their long-term relationship back when he was still in Canada, he could not refuse this.

"Alright. I will take this."

"That's great! I knew that you will help us, Kanda," Tyki exclaimed happily, slapping him hardly at his shoulder. Kanda shot him a glare, to which Tyki ignored it completely as he walked around the room, glancing at the streets below from the window.

"If you succeed, the revenue which was earned would be large, and the Earl would be extremely grateful for your help. I will assisting in the project, so please don't be surprised if you see me popping in and out of your office," He said with a playful wink. Kanda inwardly groaned, wondering how many times this man was going to hit him on his nerves.

"Anyway, how are you and Allen lately?"

He did not say anything. Or rather, he had no idea how to answer this question. It had been well for the both of them, until _that _happened. Frankly, when he saw the blank and listless look in his eyes as he collapsed, it scared him. The doctor had told him that everything was fine, but he could tell that something was amiss. Allen had been avoiding him for some reasons, and the fact that he was wearing spectacles was slightly disturbing.

"Kanda."

He turned to Tyki who was now staring at him with a stern gaze.

"If you hurt him again, I will never let this pass. Do you get me?"

The sound of the car crash rang loudly in his memory. He grunted in response, and the smile was back on Tyki's face once again as the man slapped him on his shoulder once again, to his greatest annoyance. The dark-haired man hummed a soft tune by his lips, opening the door and walking out of his room. The door closed softly behind him, and he faced this silence, thinking over his words. Kanda stood up, walking to the door as he opened it, staring at Tyki who was talking to Allen.

He had hurt him countless of times in the past. But now that he found him, he wasn't going to let him leave again.

"Allen!"

His eyebrow twitched at another unwelcomed guest who had stepped into his office. Lavi was standing there, waving as he approached them with the same gleeful grin on his face. Well, that redhead shouldn't be considered 'unwelcome' since they were intending to meet this afternoon to have a final discussion on the project.

"Yuu!" He shouted, waving vigorously at him. Kanda snorted, ignoring his presence as he turned and walked back to his room.

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He walked listlessly back into his office, his mind preoccupied with the events that had happened just a few minutes ago. Even though there was no way Neah would be feeling towards him, he couldn't get it out of his head. At this, Allen let out another soft sigh, his hand pushing the glass door as he walked into the office. Before he realised it, he bumped into someone again, and he started apologising profusely for his clumsy behaviour.

"Allen?"

His eyes widened at this familiar voice. Allen looked up, surprised to see Tyki here.

"Tyki! Why are you here?"

"Aah, it's just business. Are you alright? You seemed to be in a daze," Tyki asked in concern. He stiffened slightly at his comment, remembering the kiss between him and Neah which was bothering him for the entire afternoon.

"It's nothing. Who did you meet just now?" He asked in curiosity. Tyki smiled, pointing to the back of the room which was none other than Kanda's. Allen blinked, peering to the back as he noticed that Kanda was standing there, staring at him. He looked away immediately, scratching the side of his head in slight awkwardness.

"You know Kanda?"

"It's a long story."

There was a loud shriek, before several screams followed, echoing loudly throughout the entire place. Allen grimaced at the piercing pain, turning to the door whereby someone had made his entrance in a dramatic way. He shouldn't even be surprised that this idiot was none other than Lavi who was currently fawning at the women who crowded around him. The redhead then looked up, a grinning spreading widely across his face as he called out to him.

"Allen!"

Allen literally groaned. Tyki just peered at him with deep intrigue, his lips forming into a smirk.

"He surely is interesting."

"Who?" He asked, not catching his words as he frowned at Lavi's current actions. Tyki chuckled, patting him at his shoulder as he headed out of the office. The female colleagues wished him a good day, and he smiled pleasantly in response. As he reached where the redhead was, he stopped for a moment, glancing at Lavi who was also staring at him.

"Nice to meet you, _Lavi_."

Emerald eyes widened in slight surprise and bewilderment. Before he could ask how he exactly knew his name, Tyki had already disappeared, entering the lift at the lift lobby. Lavi just blinked in confusion, before he turned around, seeing Kanda at the door. Everything was soon forgotten as he raised his hand and started waving at him.

"Yuu!"

Silver eyes widened in horror. Kanda went into his room without even bothering to snap at him, and before Lavi could say anything further, Allen reached out and grabbed his collar, dragging him unceremoniously to Kanda's room and shutting the door behind them. Everyone just stared at one another questioningly, and realising that they couldn't get an answer out of this, they decided to forget it and resumed in their work.

Kanda just stared at them in silence as Allen threw Lavi onto the couch, ignoring the cries and whimpers from the other.

"I can't believe that you are so indiscreet, Lavi! This is an office! Why must you do that in front of everyone?" He questioned with a frown.

"Why? What is wrong in doing that?" Lavi asked in bewilderment.

"You aren't supposed to address Kanda by that name! They don't know about that!"

The room fell silent. Lavi was staring at him in shock, and he was shocked at himself for saying that. Even though he was scared that the relationship among the three of them would cause a huge ruckus in the office, he had never expected himself to defend for Kanda.

"I..." He stammered slightly, trying to come out with the best reason. "What I mean is... It isn't a good thing that they know how we are really related. You know just how the female colleagues react," He explained with a sheepish laugh. They still did not say anything, and the room fell into another deadly silence.

"Let's start the meeting," Kanda finally said, taking the documents as he walked over to the couch. Allen nodded his head absentmindedly as he joined them, putting the diagrams that he had brought on the coffee table. The discussion soon started as they finalised on the structure that Lavi wanted, before they began talking on the prices for the house. He tidied the papers which were spread out messily, glancing at Kanda who was currently explaining to Lavi regarding the procedures. Lavi was listening to him attentively as well, expressing out his opinions which he would prefer.

Placing the papers neatly on the couch, Allen reached out to his cup of water and was about to take it up when a sudden shot of pain pierced through his head. He let out a sharp hiss, the porcelain cup slipping out of his grasp as it shattered on the floor.

"Allen?" Kanda and Lavi looked up from what they were doing. He grimaced, forcing a smile as he knelt down and started picking up the pieces.

"Don't mind me. Please continue." His vision began to blur, and he failed to notice a sharp piece of porcelain which was beside his hand. Allen winced, touching his index finger where the deep cut was inflicted. Someone stood up, and before he knew it, Kanda was kneeling right in front of him, grabbing his bleeding hand. Silver eyes widened as he stared at him in shock.

"Why are you always this careless, Moyashi?" He hissed, taking out a clean tissue as he began to clean his wound. Noticing the awkward atmosphere among them, Allen redrew his hand quickly, standing up to his feet.

"I go to the washroom for a while." He turned around walked out of the room.

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Kanda just stared at his silhouette as Allen exited out of the room. He was worried about his condition, but he couldn't just walk off, leaving Lavi alone here. Peering at the broken pieces on the floor, he began picking them up carefully. After throwing them into a nearby dustbin, he sat down across the redhead, not knowing whether he should continue with the discussion, or wait until Allen came back.

"Yuu."

"Do not call me by that name."

"What exactly is going on between you and Allen?" Lavi questioned. Kanda looked up, staring at him with a frown.

"Nothing is going on between me and him."

"Then why are you showing me this worried look whenever you are around him?!" The redhead finally snapped, glaring at him angrily. Kanda glared back at him in absurd.

"He is _hurt_, Lavi."

_"So am I," _Lavi hissed bitterly. "From the way you are looking at him, it is as though you have feelings for him. And it hurts me seeing how you can just callously push me away and move on without even looking back. Not even once."

Sapphire eyes widened in shock. Other than an apology, he simply did not know what to say, and he knew the last thing that Lavi wanted was another apology which already had no meaning to it.

"Couldn't we go back to where we once were?"

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Allen entered the washroom located at the back, washing his wound under the running tap. The headache was getting unbearable at each second that passed. He focused on the blurry vision ahead, walking out as he went to his desk. It was lucky that most of the people in his department were not around, and he got his bottle of pills, popping it into his mouth. He swallowed it, grimacing at the bitterness as he felt the pain gradually going away. He sank onto his chair, gasping breathlessly as he tried to get a grip on the reality that he was currently in.

That there was something wrong with his eyes.

After putting a plaster over the cut, he sighed, standing up as he walked back to Kanda's room. As he was about to reach out for the doorknob, a voice stopped him.

"Then why are you showing me this worried look whenever you are around him?!"

Silver eyes widened, realising that it was Lavi. And he knew what they were talking about.

"He is hurt, Lavi."

"So am I. From the way you are looking at him, it is as though you have feelings for him. And it hurts me seeing how you can just callously push me away and move on without even looking back. Not even once."

Allen could only stand there, frozen on the spot. It had been painful without Kanda, but he hadn't realised that it was also the same for Lavi. The both of them loved him, yet there was only one whom Kanda could choose.

"Couldn't we go back to where we once were?"

He slowly exhaled, turning around as he leaned against the wall. His vision darkened, to the point which he could only see the printer which was a few steps in front of him. He began to smile as he clutched his shirt, wondering whether the pain in the migraine had travelled down to his chest, affecting it as well.

_Couldn't we go back to where we once were?_

Allen closed his eyes, standing there in this silence as he heard the faint sounds of the clock ticking away.

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"Walker?" The ophthalmologist whom he usually visited for his checkups was rather surprised to see him here.

"What brings you here?"

Allen sat on the chair, staring at the doctor in silence. He did not know how exactly he should tell him about the current situation he was in, and whether he should tell him.

"I have frequent headaches lately, and I couldn't..." He paused for a moment as he swallowed, showing a strained smile as he forced himself to complete the sentence.

"I couldn't see as clearly as I used to."

The doctor just stared at him in silence, his gaze observing his face as his frown deepened with every word that he said.

"This could be my illness right?" Allen said, trying to distract himself. "I know that glaucoma can never be cured fully, and the symptoms would eventually show after a few periods of time. Right, Dr Phillips?" He added on, his eyes searching for any kind of reassurance on his face which could comfort him.

"I'm not sure, Walker. I have to give you a series of examinations to see what exactly is going on." He stood up, taking his arm as he helped him up, moving him to the bed located at the corner of the white room. Sensing his discomfort and nervousness, the doctor put his hand on his shoulder.

"Don't think too much about it."

A series of checkups were done on him in the morning, and he was now sitting outside the clinic, anxiously waiting for the results. Allen bit his lips, his sweaty hands gripping onto the sides of his pants tightly. Many people walked past, and it was after a few minutes later when the door finally opened, the nurse calling out his name. He stood up, ignoring the pain when he collided into someone as he hurried into the room. He sat down once again, facing the doctor who was looking at the computer screen with a grim expression.

"How...is it?" He finally broke the silence, waiting for the answer. The doctor turned to him, his face expression definitely not bringing his mood up as he was about to break the news to him.

"Well..."

"Is it glaucoma?" Allen interrupted him, his eyes staring at him with anticipation.

"I'm afraid..." The doctor said, his eyes looking at him sadly. "It isn't glaucoma that is causing your vision to deteriorate."

Allen could only stare at him, completely stunned and at a loss for words.

"From the results shown, there are blood clots pressing on the nerves of your eyes, therefore causing the deterioration of your vision. It seems that they are already there for a long period of time, gradually accumulating as time passes by." The doctor flipped through the papers, before he faced him again.

"Are you involved in any serious accident in the past?"

Silver eyes drifted past his desk, hearing the echoing screech of the car and a loud crash ringing at his ears. He grimaced at the horrid memory, his vision blurring slightly as he stared at the doctor.

"I got into a car crash, but it happened four years ago! It shouldn't...it shouldn't..." He muttered, his words trailing off.

"Even though the accident occurred a few years back, the blood clots from the head concussion might be too small for us to detect at that time. Did you knock on your head recently?" He questioned, taking the notes down on his notebook.

He searched through his memories, recalling that moment when he collapsed in front of the station. Then, he began to realise that it was at that time when he began to have frequent headaches, and his eyesight was starting to deteriorate.

Allen slowly clenched his trembling hands, opening his mouth as he forced himself to speak.

"Is there any cure to it?"

The doctor just stared at him solemnly.

"I'm sorry, but...from the current condition you are in, there isn't any way. Even if operation is sought, it is far too risky by the current position the blood clots are at."

Tears were forming heavily at his eyes, and he was trying his best to hold back his emotions as he began to realise where this was going to.

"Are you..." He paused, swallowing back a whimper. "Are you kidding me, doctor? Are you saying that I... I will eventually become blind, and there is nothing you can do to avoid it?"

The doctor finally looked away, not knowing how he should answer this question.

"Are you saying that I can only do nothing but wait as I lose my sight? Are you saying that, doctor?!" He yelled in fury, slamming his hands on the table.

"Please calm down, Walker!" The doctor walked up to him, holding him by his shoulders as Allen screamed and wailed, demanding a reason why he should accept this fate. He bore with the pain and suffering when he was diagnosed with glaucoma, forcing himself to leave his friends as he started his life anew. Everything started out fine, and he had thought that the blessed life that he currently had would go on forever.

"Please, doctor. Tell me that you are lying."

He whispered pleadingly, his body sliding down as he collapsed onto the floor, his hands desperately holding onto the ends of the white coat.

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He walked out of the room, his eyes staring ahead in a daze as he sat down on an empty seat. Everything just passed across his eyes in a flash, and truthfully, he did not care anymore. Allen slowly got up to his feet as he began to walk, wandering aimlessly along the corridors of the hospital. He did not know exactly how many times he had collided into people who were passing by, yet he forced himself to move forward, knowing that the only thing he could do was to move forward.

_"How long can I still see?" _

"Hey, watch it!"

His blank eyes drifted to the side of the shoulder where someone had yelled, before he looked forward again, continuing his way. He gradually stopped at a staircase, turning around as he stared at the flight of stairs leading up to the roof of the building. And then he started to wonder how it would feel like to walk up to the highest floor and jump down, ending his misery instantly.

_"I'm sorry to say, but your sight may only last till this winter." _

"Allen?"

He stared ahead for a moment, before silver eyes slowly widened as he began to recognise this voice that was calling out to him. Allen turned, his wide eyes meeting the familiar violet eyes as he stared at an olive-haired woman, a friend whom he had known for so long, horrified.

"Lenalee?"

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_**A/N:** I am sorry for the delay. There were several changes which I need to amend, which explains the delay in the new chapter. I am so happy that my story has reached 100 followers! Thank you so much for supporting it, and I hope that more would be coming! :) _

_And thank you so much for the lovely reviews. I am definitely getting better, and I will do my best to bring out this story well :)_

_I have decided to change the colour of Neah's eyes from black to gold. I realise that gold suits him better XD I will make amendments to the chapters regarding this. _

_Please review and tell me your opinion about the chapter. Apologies for any grammar, vocabulary and spelling mistakes that you spot on the way. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, all loves and reviews and everything is deeply appreciated! :)_

**_- SingingBlues_**

_**.**_

_**Reviews:**_

_**vincent1lover: **__Thank you for the review! I hope you would like this chapter :)_

_**Sentouki: **__Yes! It has been a long while since I was around, haha. Hope you like this chapter! _

_**sunshineandmoonlight: **__Oh, is it? Thanks for telling me! I will definitely go and take a look when I have the free time! Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)_

_**BlueMoon333: **__I do admit that I was rushing towards the end of the chapter, partly because this chapter seems to be a little too long, yet I don't want to delete any of the details because they are important in the progress of Kanda and Allen. I do make sure to plan well and look out for this next time. Thanks for pointing this out! _

_Aah, the part on Timothy is essential towards the coming plot of this story. Because he is a close friend of Allen ever since they were in their college days (he worked together with him in the cafe), I want to create a close friendship bond between the both of them, and how exactly it affects Allen's life as it goes. _

_Thank you so much for complementing my story. Frankly, I haven't expected it to be this successful. Thank you once again, and I hope that you would like this chapter as well :)_

_**alguien22972: **__Hey! Well, I cannot blame readers from hating Kanda because he treated Allen very harshly in the past, but this will all soon going to change. :) _

_Anyway, I hope you would like this chapter!_

_**KiiroUsagi-sa: **__Thanks for the lovely review! Aww, you are sick too? Do make sure to take plenty of rest! I have read your latest story and I think it's rather good! I really hope that you will update soon! :) _

_Well, it's not really passed out but the sudden loss of sight, meaning that he could not see completely. _

_Thank you once again, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)_

_**ShimmeringCrimson: **__Ahaha, it's okay! It's already a long time ago, and besides, I'm content with the wishes from my friends and family, so it's really okay. Thanks for the thought :) _

_Yeah, I was laughing as well as I wrote that part. I don't even know how I wrote it in a humorous way. The paragraph just came out of me. But I was glad that the story flowed smoothly. Thank you for loving our dear Tim! He is just so adorable. _

_Thank you for this lovely review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :)_

_**Alissa Lee: **__Aah, yes, unfortunately. It's one of the main points which I want to bring out in this story. _

_Thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :)_

_**silverdragon917: **__Thank you so, so, so much for writing this review! I'm really flattered, and I hope that you would continue supporting this story. You have to read on to find out! XD _

_Thank you once again, and I hope that you would like this chapter :)_

_**VC-0513: **__Woah, I am truly flattered. I am still working hard in improving my writing. It's still a long way XD and yes, they will get to know his illness in times to come. Everyone, including Kanda. And yes, I am feeling better now! :)_

_Thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! _

_**MiniFFR: **__Thank you! :) I hope that you would like this chapter :)_

_**WithoutWingsX: **__Hey, it's about time Kanda makes his move XD Thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :)_

_**Nonumaru: **__Thank you for your review! I hope that you would enjoy this chapter! ^^_

_**the midnight requiem: **__Yeah, and it changed even further :/ I guess it is necessary. As said, it is time Kanda makes a move! Thank you for your review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :) _

_**GuestXD: **__Thank you! Aah, I dislike homework as well. Now that I'm returning back to school, I guess I'm going to procrastinate as well :(_

_Thank you for the review, and I hope you would like this chapter! :)_

_**doupadisour: **__I...think I remembered you. I think. _

_Thank you! I hope that you would like this chapter as well! :)_

_**hotxhotguy: **__I'm afraid this story is going to stay T-rated, which means that there will be no sex in it. There might be sex implied, though I'm not so sure about it XD_

_Thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :)_

_**S: **__Thank you! Hope that you would like this chapter! :)_

_**Darkspider: **__Hello! Yeah, this chapter is sort of mixed with angst and humor at the same time. It's going to be rather long for Kanda to win Allen back from how he treated him in the past, but there will be twists in this story that you would not expect! So just keep your hopes up and read on XD_

_Oh, yeah. That part. I couldn't believe that I can write humor like this XD Although it was rather dramatic, it has brought out the point whereby Allen wanted Kanda to enjoy as much as they do, thus inviting him to the hot springs, so despite how sappy it was, I'm okay with it XD_

_And there was Tyki meeting Kanda! They were apparently long-term acquaintances back when he was in Canada, helping the Millennium Earl in his business. So, they are basically just business partners, but their relationship is somehow more than just business partners because the both of them knew Allen. _

_Thank you for writing such a nice and juicy review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :D_


	14. Red Camellias

**Chapter 14: Red Camellias**

"_I respond, thoughts dropping away, like pebbles plopping one by one in water, sinking down, down into dark oblivion."―Sophie Jordan, Firelight_

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"Allen?"

His thoughts slowly came to a standstill. His blank eyes continued to stare ahead, his white strands of hair fluttering in front of his blurry vision. Then, everything surrounding him gradually shifted, and as the voice calling out his name echoed more clearly in his mind for a few seconds, his eyes slowly widened in realisation. Looking up, he could only stare at the familiar olive-haired woman, horrified.

His parted lips trembled, staring at her in slight shock as he was trying his best to utter out the name of his friend whom he hadn't met so long, yet she appeared in front of him, just at this particular moment.

"Lenalee?"

The bewildered look on her face vanished instantly at his response as Lenalee smiled happily, walking towards him. His feet slowly moved backwards on their own, his hands touching the wall which was right behind him. His gaze was still onto her, still slightly stunned that she was right here. Her shadow was hovering in front of him, and he had to narrow his eyes in order to see more clearly.

"Allen! I... I didn't expect to see you again!"

He felt something warm clasping both of his hands. Allen almost flinched at the touch which felt so foreign all of a sudden. His fingers moved slightly, feeling the warmth along her palms as guidance as he held her hands with his, a smile appearing on his face.

"Me too."

He could faintly see her long strands of hair which were tickling his face very slightly. Lenalee was obviously slimmer, her body much curvier and appealing as compared to her college years. Her violet eyes shimmered beautifully as always, and till now, he loved that pair of eyes that could show her emotions openly, without any sign of hesitation present in them.

"But why are you in a hospital? And why do you look so pale?" She asked, peering at him worriedly. Silver eyes widened slightly at the question, and Allen turned away, his gaze trailing along the floor. He then turned around, and as he felt the familiar smoothness of its surface, he began to walk forward.

"I'm just here for a regular checkup."

"Allen," She said with a displeasured tone, and he could imagine the deepened frown at her forehead as she mouthed out his name. Allen couldn't help but chuckle softly, reminiscing on the past memories he had with her.

"It's true. And I'm really fine, so you don't need to worry―"

"I saw you coming out of the ophthalmologist's room."

His footsteps slowly halted. She stopped behind him as well, and he knew that she was waiting for his answer. They just stood there in silence, and after a long moment, Allen finally let out a defeated sigh. He knew that there was no way he would be able to deceive her, and this matter would be found out sooner or later.

"Come with me."

They went to the garden at the back of the hospital, where patients would linger for a bit of fresh air in the late evening before they returned to their wards for the day. The both of them settled on an empty wooden bench, right under a withered tree. Allen slowly exhaled, watching as his breaths slowly dissipated into the cold air. He then turned to her who was still waiting for his answer. He opened his mouth, and he finally said it.

"I am losing my sight."

There was a few minutes' of silence. Lenalee's face was still showing blankness as she stared at him for a long moment. Then, her eyes slowly widened in horror and complete disbelief, her expression contorting into what seemed like a grimace. Her lips formed into a thin line, and he could easily tell just how hard she was trying not to reveal her emotions which were overflowing right now.

"Are you serious?" She asked in a soft whimper, not believing that this was actually happening. He just stared at her in silence, and he was rather surprised that he was the one who was acting calm in this situation, as though he had already accepted it.

"Yeah."

Tears streamed down her face, and she hastily wiped them off, turning away. Lenalee took a few deep gasps, trying to gain back her composure but failed miserably.

"Oh my god..."

She mumbled under her breath, her body trembling on its own as she shut her eyes, trying to get hold of the reality that she was in. Lenalee shook her head vigorously as she turned to face him, her hands clasping onto his tightly once again. He knew that she merely wanted to comfort him, and he just smiled back at her, squeezing her hands in response. They did not say anything for a while, and after she calmed herself down, she finally spoke out.

"How long?"

Allen remained silent. The words from the doctor still rang loudly in his mind, and it took him a great deal to suppress the memory, drowning that particular voice beneath his mind by constantly filling himself with other thoughts. Yet, at this situation, he was forced to face with the fact that he was slowly losing his sight, and he could do nothing to stop it from happening.

"Until winter."

He peered at the yellow leaves which had all fallen on the ground. The seasonal wind had picked up, blowing them off his feet. The coldness stung his skin, and it was then when he realised that autumn had come to an end. The glaring sunlight, the hovering clouds above the sky, the nature around him, and the people walking along the streets―he would never get the chance to see them again after the winter passed.

Despite this, his heart surprisingly did not waver.

"Why is this happening to you? Why?"

He did not know either. It was as if his feelings were completely numbed, right at that time when he was still standing under the tree, watching Kanda from afar. He had been asking himself for seven whole years, and till now, he got nothing in return. It had always been like this, and he started to believe that it was probably better to accept everything as it was.

"Are you really okay, Allen?"

He turned to her, the smile still plastered at his face.

"Why would you say that?"

"It's because you haven't said anything since then. Why aren't you saying anything? Doesn't this...bother you?" She asked, briefly turning away as she cleaned the remaining tears away.

His mind stalled for a moment, those words echoing in his head. Now that he thought about it, why didn't he break down into fits of sobs just like what he had done in the doctor's room? Why hadn't he started questioning himself on the possible reasons which had led to this? The unbearable and constricted feeling was definitely there, tugging heavily at his chest, yet why was he still acting as though nothing had actually happened?

"I'm fine, Lenalee."

Allen stared ahead, watching as the view slowly faded into a thin fog of white.

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_It is fine._

Allen felt the surface of the doorknob, gripping it with his hand as he slowly opened the door to his house. The hinges creaked softly as the wooden surface of the door hit the wall lightly. He slowly stepped inside, his eyes spotting the blurred figure of the cupboard at the side as he reached out for it, taking out the slippers that he usually wore. He slipped his bare feet into them and made his way to the main living room, his fingers brushing across whatever stuff that he passed and touched.

_It would be alright._

He stumbled slightly, his foot hitting onto something hard. Allen grimaced, bearing with the pain as he forced himself to move forward, walking along the familiar space of the corridor which would lead him to their rooms. Remembering that Timothy's room was always the first one, he went all the way to the back, feeling the light breeze coming from the entrance of the next room.

_I'm not afraid._

Silver eyes narrowed as he gradually took a step, pushing the door lightly to enter his room. He shifted himself towards the direction where the sunlight was coming in, locating his bed which would always be next to the windows. Spotting the familiar grey sheets at the corner, he slowly paced towards it, his arms spreading a little wider to detect any obstacle which might be in his way. Touching the soft material right in front of him, Allen let out a sigh of relief, turning around and lying on it. His vision cleared slightly at the brightness of the sunlight, and just like every mornings, he stared at the ceiling blankly.

How exactly would it feel like to be blind? Many different scenarios had come to his mind, but despite how surreal they felt, they weren't real in the beginning. How exactly would it feel like to be able to see absolutely nothing, your hands stretching out in the endless darkness as you desperately search for something to be able to hold on; something to tell yourself that you are not alone?

_I am not afraid. _

He had told himself many times, that the only regret he had if he lost his sight, was not able to see the beautiful colours forming the world which he had yet to discover fully. Even though he had taken the surgery, he made sure that he constantly reminded himself of this important point. He was thankful for the fruitful life he had gained after the surgery, and he was content with it...

_"I just need to make you fall in love with me once again."_

Silver eyes snapped open as he suddenly sat up, shocked. Memories of him and Kanda just flooded heavily into his mind, and he could not stop it. Allen took a deep inhale, swallowing shakily as he tried to ignore the swelling feeling which was dangerously accumulating at the pit of his stomach.

The only regret that he had if he lost his sight, was not able to see the beautiful colours forming the world which he had yet to discover fully...

_"I meant what I have said at that time."_

The only regret that he had if he lost his sight, was not able to see the beautiful colours...and the world that he had yet to discover...

_His hand reached out, pulling him back as he kissed him on his lips. _

The only regret that he had was...

_"Couldn't we go back to where we once were?"_

Was...was...

The word continued to ring on, echoing in the far depths of his mind. Allen got out of the bed, straightening his slightly crumpled long-sleeved shirt as he walked out of his room. It might be because his place was a little stuffy, and he felt slightly suffocated inside it. If he took a leisure walk around the house, he would definitely feel better. Yes, he was certain of it. He nodded his head, stepping into the main living room as he saw Timothy coming in from the entrance door.

"Oh, Allen! You are home rather early today!" He greeted him with a smile, taking his leather shoes off as he placed them neatly inside the cupboard. Allen smiled back in response, sitting on the couch as he took the remote control and started switching the channels that were available.

"I have finished all my assignments on hand, so I can return home early." He took a large cushion as he hugged it at his chest, laughing at the gags that the comedians were currently doing on the variety show. It had always been his favourite time of the day―to sit comfortably on the couch and relax as he watched his favourite television programmes. Allen shivered slightly, hiding his hands inside his warm sleeves as he huddled behind the large cushion to seek for more warmth.

"Are you cold? I guess winter is really coming," Timothy said, reaching out for the remote control as he adjusted the temperature of the heater. He then went to the dining table, putting down the large bags of groceries that he had just bought earlier.

"What's for dinner tonight?" Allen shouted out, his eyes still focused on the television screen as he burst out into another fit of chuckles.

"Steamboat! I thought of it because it's getting colder tonight!" Timothy shouted back, walking into the kitchen. His ears perked up instantly at the name of the food, and Allen stiffened in place for a moment. Making sure that he was not hearing wrongly, he threw the remote control aside and stood up, sauntering to the dining area to take a look. Silver eyes then settled on the bags of seafood in front of him, and he knew his friend was right.

Timothy came out of the kitchen with the large pot of broth and utensils in his hands, and he almost dropped them in fright as Allen suddenly pounced onto him from behind, squeezing him so tightly that he found himself hard to breathe.

"Thank you, Tim!" He muttered under his breath, sniffing his scent from his shirt. "Thank you."

The blue-haired man just smiled and patted his shoulders, pushing him away lightly as he went to the table, placing everything down on it. Allen skipped to his side, watching his friend silently with keen eyes as he began to prepare to warm the pot and heat up the cold broth inside.

"It had been a long time since we eat the steamboat together, even though it would be better to invite more people for this."

"Yeah! We should do this more often! Geez!" Allen piped up, staring at the delicious seafood with his mouth watering. Realising that he had totally forgotten about the variety show that was still broadcasting, he sprinted back to the comfy couch just in time to see one of the comedians doing an old-time gag which he loved. He burst out into laughter, clutching his stomach at the same time which was twisting in pain.

And as he thought about it, he wished that this would go on. Even though he would eventually lose his sight, if all of these happy and warm times that he was experiencing right now remained the same, it wouldn't matter.

"Allen, the steamboat is ready!"

"Okay!"

It would not matter.

The seafood was inside the boiling broth, its aroma so overwhelming that his stomach made another furious growl, and he wanted to tuck in immediately. Timothy was scooping the contents of the food and the broth into a bowl, before he handed it to him. Allen licked his lips in anticipation, and just as he was about to eat, a phone suddenly rang at the far end of the room. He paused, his hand holding the chopsticks as he glanced at Timothy.

"It's my phone. My client is supposed to call me regarding his schedule for the project. Do you mind bringing it to me? It is inside my room," he said, wiping his hands with a dry tissue. Allen nodded his head and got up, heading to his room which was a few metres away. His eyes narrowed slightly at the dark surroundings, and he reached out to switch the lights on. His phone was still flickering on the desk, but he just stood there, staring at the room which looked exceptionally neat, as though everything here had been cleared out recently.

"Allen, my phone!" Timothy shouted to him urgently. Allen snapped himself out of daze as he grabbed the vibrating electronic gadget, running back to the dining area and handing it to his friend. Timothy answered the call, walking away as he began talking to his client at the other side of the phone. He slowly sat down, staring at his bowl of food which was getting colder. Even though Timothy cleaned his room once a week, it was never so tidy till he couldn't find anything lying on the floor.

"Sorry, Allen!" Timothy said, coming back to the table as he sat down, taking up his eating utensils and his bowl of food.

"Okay, let's tuck in!"

He just stared at the smile on his face in silence, getting an uncomfortable feeling tugging at his chest.

"You tidied up your room recently?"

His eyes widened slightly, and Timothy looked up abruptly, staring at him in astonishment. The question definitely shocked him, and he just could not figure out why.

"Aah... It looks rather messy, so I thought that it was time to clean everything up. You know that I have a lot of papers piling up after the projects are done," he said with a sheepish laugh, which sounded very odd because he seldom laughed that way. That pair of blue eyes looked hesitant as he turned away, as though he was hiding something―no, he was definitely hiding something from him.

"Oh." Allen took up his chopsticks and poked a crab meat through it, popping the food into his mouth. He then started chewing slowly, before he swallowed it down his throat.

"I see."

They ate in silence throughout the meal. He wasn't sure why he hadn't probed about it, and why Timothy chose not to say anything after the conversation. Allen cleared the utensils and placed them in the kitchen sink, before he walked back to his room. He passed by Timothy's room and stopped for a moment, peering at the place which was neat and almost emptied. The same questions appeared in his head once again, and he crushed them without hesitation.

"Hi, Mum."

He turned, glancing sideways as he saw Timothy using the phone to chat with his mother once again. The calls were turning frequent nowadays, and it was good that he was finally able to communicate with his family. But somehow, he had a slight hunch that this wasn't something worth to be glad about.

"Yeah. Everything is done here."

Allen turned around, his hand touching the surface of the wall as he continued his way to his room. He felt for the light switch, turning it on as he shut the door behind him. Walking to his desk, he took the pill container from the drawer and popped another pill into his mouth, swallowing it. After a few minutes, he stared at its contents, wondering why he was still eating the medicine when he did not need to continue it anymore.

_"I'm afraid...it isn't glaucoma that is causing your vision to deteriorate." _

He stared at it blankly, before he slowly lowered down the pill container till it landed on the desk with a soft thud.

_"I'm sorry, but...from the current condition you are in, there isn't any way."_

A few knocks rang out, startling him slightly. Allen threw the white container into the drawer, shutting it quickly before he gave a shout to the other to come in. The door opened with a soft creak, and Timothy peeked at him from the small gap.

"What is it, Tim?" He asked, not forgetting to put a smile on his face as he stared at his friend. Timothy remained silent for a few seconds, his gaze peering at the surroundings of his room, before his eyes fell onto him again.

"Allen, may I have a few words with you?"

He did not say anything. Somehow, he wasn't surprised when he heard this particular question. Seeing how tense and nervous Timothy was when he raised the question made him realise that he should hear his side of the conversation before jumping into any conclusion on what this was all about. He should, because he was his closest friend. He should, because it would answer all of his questions he had in his mind.

"What is it?"

"Allen, I... I'm returning to the States next month."

Allen stared at him with a blank face for a moment. He then took a deep breath, trying his best to hold that same smile as he faced his friend.

"What... What did you say just now?"

Timothy said nothing, walking up to him as he pulled him into a tight embrace. Allen just stood there, his arms hanging in the air as he peered at the blank wall in silence. And from the muffled sobs that escaped out of his parted lips, he could only hear the three words which explained everything.

"I'm so sorry."

His shoulders were wet from his overflowing tears, his soft cries ringing loudly at his ears. His body was trembling hardly from the heavy sobbing, yet he could not bring himself to put his arms around him to comfort him like he would usually do. It wasn't right. As his closest friend, he should support him all the way regardless of his final decision.

"Allen, are you alright? You look so pale." Timothy pulled himself out of the embrace, staring at him in concern. Allen said nothing and just continued to stare at him. At this moment, he should demand him to stay, because he was his closest friend whom he had been staying with for the past few years. He should ask him to stay, because he needed accompaniment right now.

He should plead to him to stay, because he was afraid. He was losing his sight, and he did not want to be left all alone in this large and empty house which would eventually be consumed in total darkness.

"I'm fine. Let's talk again tomorrow?" Allen squeezed his hands lightly and smiled. Timothy stared at him in slight doubt for a moment, before he nodded his head, exiting out of his room. The smile slowly faltered, and his face twisted in slight pain from the migraine that came. He then walked up, his hand reaching to the light switch as he slowly turned it off. Everything went completely black, and he just stared at the darkness ahead in silence.

He knew Timothy had no other choice, and he should wish him all the best, yet he found himself unable to do so. His body was aching from the pain, his heart was wrenching from the emotional strain, and he was gradually losing his sight. At that particular time, who would be there for him when he was gone? Where could he seek for the comfort he wanted when he needed it?

His vision blurred, and before he knew it, he was slumping onto the floor, his body curling up tightly. Tears began to fall as he started sobbing quietly.

Despite this, he did not have the courage to voice everything out.

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Allen groaned softly as he pushed the glass door, stepping into the office. He did not have much sleep last night, and after the last conversation he had with Timothy, he did not know just how to face the other regarding the issue. Luckily for him, Timothy was not around when he woke up early in the morning. He let out a sigh, throwing those troubling thoughts out of his head as he decided to focus on the tasks for today.

"Wow! Who gave you these flowers?!"

"Oh my god, they are so pretty! I'm so envious of you!"

"I wish my boyfriend would give me these too!"

His eyes narrowed, spotting the crowd of people who were gathering at the marketing department area. He raised his eyebrow in slight curiosity, putting his bag on his desk as he went over to take a look. Almost all the women were present, gazing at whatever was on the table with sheer envy, while the men were staring with their eyes burning in jealousy. Allen glanced up from their shoulders, and silver eyes widened in slight shock as a large bouquet of red camellias was displayed in front of him.

"I'm so jealous of Fou-san! Who gave her these flowers?" Rou Fa whispered to him. Allen just stared at the bright crimson colouring the fresh petals, wondering why the person chose to give her red camellias. If it was meant to express his love for her, he could have given roses instead.

Fou walked up to where they were crowding at, her eyebrows raising in slight curiosity as she tried to figure out what exactly this commotion was all about, and why there was something sent to her early in the morning. Everyone shifted aside when they saw her, allowing her to approach the table with the flowers on it. She came to an abrupt halt, her eyes widening in complete shock and surprise.

"Fou, who sent them to you?" Rou Fa asked, breaking off her thoughts. Fou cleared her throat in slight awkwardness as she walked forward and picked up the red camellias in her hands very carefully. Her slender fingers gently touched the wet petals, and a soft smile graced along her features, as though she had realised who the secret sender was. Everyone congratulated her, to which she accepted them with a nod and a grunt as she chased them away.

"Allen, can you hand this to Kanda?" She walked up to him, giving him a document. Allen took it in his hand, nodding his head in silence. As he turned around and was about to leave, something grabbed his arm all of a sudden, and he turned back, staring at her in astonishment.

"What is it?"

Her eyes just stared at him for a moment, before her hand reached to her bouquet, pulling out a red camellia. He watched her movement in slight bewilderment, his silver eyes widening as she held it to him.

"What..."

"No matter what, you must never give up, Allen."

Allen blinked for a few times, staring at her in slight shock. His hand reached out, taking the stem of the red flower just as she released her hold on it. She just smiled at him, before she turned around and went into her room, leaving him standing there as he continued to stare at the red camellia blankly, pondering on her words.

He stepped into his department, going to the receptionist at the main counter as he requested for something to put the flower. After getting a small vase from her, he went to the washroom and filled it with water, before he went back to his desk as he put the red camellia inside. He sank on his chair, gazing at the flower in silence.

"Fou gave you one?"

He turned around to see his colleague looking at it with curious eyes. Allen just nodded his head, not able to comprehend why she suddenly gave him the flower, and what her words exactly meant.

"You are a flame in my heart."

Silver eyes widened, before Allen stared at him in disbelief.

"What did you say?"

The colleague just stared at him in bewilderment for a few minutes, before he sputtered out, his face flushing red in embarrassment as he apologised for the misunderstanding profusely.

"N-No! Wh-What I mean is, red camellias mean _you are a flame in my heart_. I don't mean anything else!"

Allen just continued to stare ahead, stunned.

"It is pretty bold of the secret admirer to send them to Fou, given her usual character. But she seems...pleased in receiving those flowers?"

He could no longer hear the conversation, his mind continuing to repeat those words again and again. Allen turned around, his eyes spotting a blurry yet familiar figure coming over to the printer with the papers in his hands. The dark figure stopped a few metres across him, and as his vision slowly became clearer, Kanda was standing there, leaning against the pillar lightly.

_"You are a flame in my heart."_

Silver eyes widened at the same time when Kanda turned, his sapphire eyes falling upon him. He slowly swallowed, feeling the sudden tightness at his chest which was constricting his breathing. He couldn't tear his gaze away, nor could he ignore those words that echoed even louder when their eyes met instantly, as though those words were directly meant for him.

"Allen. Allen!"

He blinked, before he looked up, seeing a blonde who just joined the company a few months ago standing in front of his desk. Kanda was already gone, entering his room as the door closed with a soft vibrating click. He then wondered why he was still troubled by this when there was no longer a need to think about it anymore.

"Sorry, what is it?"

"There is something regarding this project which I want to ask."

Allen nodded his head and stood up, following his colleague to his desk. Taking the mouse by his hand, he opened the document in the computer and started explaining to him what was needed to be done. He took a pencil from the holder swiftly between his fingers, flipping the notebook to a blank page as he scribbled down the notes for her to refer. The conversation between the both of them was light and casual, and they laughed among themselves at certain times.

"Thank you so much for your help, Allen! Let me treat you a meal next week if it's possible?" She asked with a smile.

"Yeah, sure!" Allen smiled back, handing the papers back to her. She thanked him again, and he just waved it off, walking back to his seat. His eyes stopped at his phone which was at the side of the table, and he took it up, switching on the screen to see if anyone had messaged him. Unfortunately, there was none. He had called him for many times, but nobody answered.

"The number that you have dialled is currently not available..." He took his phone down and ended the call before those same words that he heard almost every day were finished. Allen slammed his phone down in slight annoyance, huffing under his breath. After the lunch session three days ago, Neah hadn't contacted him at all. Despite how busy he was, he should have called to tell him about it! He brushed his fringe aside in frustration, staring at his computer screen hardly which displayed the sketch of the current project that he was doing.

Realising that he had totally forgotten about the document that Fou requested him to hand to Kanda, Allen leaped up to his feet, grabbing the document which was placed on top of his stack of brown folders. He walked towards his room, stopping by his door which was partially closed. Peering through the glass pane, he saw Timothy standing in front of his desk, having a deep conversation with him.

_"Allen, I... I'm returning to the States next month."_

His gaze slowly drifted to the floor, before he turned around, leaning against the wall from the door to hide himself from view.

_"I'm so sorry."_

"What are you doing here, Allen?" He looked up at the familiar voice, realising that it was Bak. The document that he was supposed to hand over to him was still clutched in his hand tightly, and he badly wanted to get this done quickly and leave, yet he found himself unable to move a single step closer to the room. He knew why Timothy was there, and he was afraid to hear the reason behind it.

"Sorry Bak, but can you help me hand this to Kanda? It's a report from Fou," Allen said, giving him the document. The blond just stared at it blankly, nodding his head in response. There was several hard knocks, before he heard the door opening with a low creak. Knowing that his friend would come out shortly, he left, walking to the pantry to get himself a new fresh mug of coffee. As he stirred the warm beverage, he dialled Neah's number again. No one answered, and the call went to his voicemail after several rings.

"Why aren't you answering my calls, Neah? Did anything happen to you? Please call me back if you hear this message. Please..." His voice gradually trailed off as he heard the soft echoes of his own voice at the receiver, before he slowly put the phone down on the counter. No matter how he thought about it, Neah's behaviour at that particular time was rather strange, and he could not put off an uneasy feeling about this.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain at his forehead. Allen hissed lowly, seeing bright flashes of light in front of his eyes, before his vision darkened considerably. He stopped the stirring abruptly, the teaspoon falling to the bottom of the mug loudly as he bent down, trying to overcome it.

"Moyashi?"

Silver eyes widened, and Allen straightened himself immediately, turning around as he saw Kanda standing at the entrance of the pantry.

"Kanda," He muttered between soft, ragged breaths. He could barely see the face of the other, and it saddened him so much on the current state he was in.

"Bak told me that the document was initially from you, and you were outside my room when he intended to come inside," Kanda said, taking a clean mug from the cupboard as he poured fresh coffee inside it.

"I have a lot of work to do. You will also ask someone to do something for you when you are busy with other stuff," Allen answered, taking his mug of coffee in his hand. As he was about to move, his head spun dizzily, and he grimaced, clutching the edge of the marble counter to get a hold of himself.

"You still haven't recovered?" A warm hand was on his forehead, and before he knew it, Kanda was already standing at his side, his warm presence leaning closely to his. He just stared at his shadow towering over him in silence, recalling the past which he would see Kanda touching Lavi's face from afar, and he began to wonder what this felt like. Now, when he finally got the chance, the comfort and the reassurance that he had always wanted to get only gave him nothing but bitterness within.

"Why are you like this?"

"What?" Kanda stared at him in bewilderment. Allen clenched his hands tightly as he stared at him with a blank expression.

"Why are you treating me like this? You do not treat me like this. It isn't like you." He then shook his head, staring at him with a hardened glare.

"No. It isn't you at all."

Sapphire eyes widened slightly as Kanda felt his arm pushing his hand away strongly.

"No matter how much you treat me nicely, nothing will change. Nothing between us will change, ever since you said those hurting words to me four years ago," he hissed under his breath. Silver eyes then flashed darkly, feeling the anger and the pain which he had been suppressing for a long time coming back to him.

"So don't think that you can salvage everything just by being nice to me!"

Kanda just stared at him in shock and astonishment, unable to say anything throughout the entire conversation. Allen took his mug and walked out of the pantry, brushing past his shoulder harshly. Everyone looked up as he stepped into the office, and he ignored the stares by the others, returning to his desk as he put down his coffee and sat down. He bent forward slightly, clutching his shirt at his chest as he gritted his teeth, trying to calm himself down.

_"Why are you treating me like this? You do not treat me like this. It isn't like you. No, it isn't you at all."_

He could still clearly remember the deep inner wounds that he got from the other when Kanda pushed him away harshly. He disregarded his feelings with great disdain, crushing them without any hesitation or regret. And upon the ultimate cruelty that he had bestowed to him, he had never once looked back to see what exactly he had done to him.

_"No matter how much you treat me nicely, nothing will change. Nothing between us will change, ever since you said those hurting words to me four years ago, so don't think that you can salvage everything just by being nice to me!" _

Those horrid memories hurt badly, even till now. It took him a long time to recover, and he expected him to be able to forget everything and start anew so easily? Allen bit his lip in anger, forcing his emotions back to prevent them from surfacing. Kanda made it as though it was such a simple matter, and his carefree way of thinking things was what it hurt him the most.

"It is over."

They hadn't started anything right from the beginning. He was the cause of it all along, and there wasn't any reason to hold onto it anymore. Those feelings had ceased, and they were already gone, along with the flow of time that passed.

"It is...over," He muttered under his breath, those words echoing repeatedly in his head.

_I do not love him anymore._

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Kanda entered the pub, peering around as he searched for someone within the crowds of people. He stepped inside, ignoring the ladies which were trying so hard to get his attention by flirting with him and pressing their bodies against him on purpose. Sapphire eyes looked around, stopping at a dark-haired man with deep curls who was waving to him. Shoving those irritating ladies aside, he walked over and sat down beside him, peering at the different glass bottles displayed in front of him as a bartender approached him.

"What would you like to drink, sir?"

"_Mojito_, please," Tyki spoke out before he could reply. Kanda turned and glared at him, to which he just smiled back in response. The bartender nodded his head as he proceeded to mix the drinks.

"Trust me, this drink is nice and refreshing. You wouldn't want to get drunk first before you go inside and discuss business with the clients later, do you?" Tyki leaned to him and whispered huskily at his ear. Kanda pulled away immediately, slapping his hand off which was fondling his face.

"You are the one who is drunk," He said in annoyance. Tyki just chuckled lightly as Kanda turned to the bartender who presented him a light green beverage with a cut lime attached at the edge of the glass. He stirred the drink with the straw, before he took a small sip, his face brightening slightly at the sweet yet sourly taste which dissolved in his mouth instantly. Tyki glanced over his shoulder, chuckling lightly at seeing his expression.

"It's refreshing right? I am someone who would never lie to others, Kanda. Trust me."

Kanda grunted, placing the drink on the black counter as he turned to him.

"So what is it that you want to talk to me?"

"Must I have something serious to talk about when I invite you here for a drink?" Tyki questioned, taking up his cold beverage, _Sex on the Beach_, as he took a small mouthful and swallowed the liquor down his throat. The low, soothing jazz music played loudly throughout the quiet pub as the singer at the small stage started to sing.

Kanda said nothing, staring at the large, transparent ice cubes in his beverage. He reached out and gripped the glass, before he slowly shook it, hearing the clear and crisp sounds of the ice cubes hitting against each other. The colour of the beverage darkened slightly, and he took the straw, slipping it into his mouth as he took a sip again.

"Do you know why I didn't tell you that Allen was in Japan, and he was working in your company?"

Sapphire eyes widened slightly as Kanda paused for a moment, before he slowly turned to stare at Tyki who was peering at his glass with a blank expression. He then turned back, his eyes staring at the glass bottles which had his face reflected on each of them in silence.

"I know."

Despite wanting to blame everything onto Tyki who hadn't said a word regarding Allen's whereabouts shortly after he realised that he worked in the same branch as him, he knew extremely well why the other chose to kept silent, and why he hadn't pursued this till now. He knew the moment Allen knew that he was coming, the beansprout would not hesitate to run away once again, to a faraway place which he could not reach to him.

"He looked so broken when he came to us. I knew that you are the main cause of it, and I was so furious that I wanted to find you and teach you a lesson, but we have to consider his condition at that time. I do not want him to run away again," Tyki muttered softly, taking the glass in his hand, shaking the contents slightly before he drank it.

"But when I heard that you would be transferred to the branch in Japan, I just knew that this is fate. It is something which I cannot stop it, and it is something he has to face no matter how much he wants to escape."

Kanda remained silent.

"So do you still love Lavi?" Tyki asked.

Kanda stared at his remaining beverage, pondering about this question. It was true that he loved Lavi, but that was in the past.

"No."

"What about Allen?"

It was also true that he wanted to make up to Allen for what he had done in the past, but as he thought about it every day, he realised that it wasn't only just making up to him anymore. All he could remember right now, were the new memories that they had, with his smiles and laughter present in every one of them.

_Nothing between us will change, ever since you said those hurting words to me four years ago, so don't think that you can salvage everything that had happened four years ago just by being nice to me!_

This time, he could see the pain reflected in that pair of silver eyes very clearly. It had always been the same since four years ago, yet why was he only realising it now? Kanda looked down, tightening his grip on the glass. Even if he only realised it now, he had a strong hunch that it was already too late. That particular feeling was swiftly slipping past his grasp, and he wasn't sure just how long he could hold on.

"I don't know what I am doing, Tyki," Kanda said, taking out the straw as he gulped the beverage in one shot, before he slammed the empty glass on the counter. He was someone who practically did not care about anything, whether it was money or family or love matters. If it came to him, he would take it, and if it was gone, he would just accept it and move on. It had always been his way of living.

"He is always someone who will disrupt my life at unexpected circumstances. Nothing ended well between the both of us, and this just went on and on until something changed. Then, everything stopped, and he suddenly left."

He was getting breathless, his heart racing slightly from the effects of the alcohol.

"Then, he appears again. We would bicker as always, but something between us has already changed. And when I realise it, I suddenly fear the feeling of losing it again."

Sapphire eyes slowly widened.

"I...do not want to let him go."

Tyki did not say anything. Kanda sighed, staring at his watch. Realising that it was already seven in the evening, he got out of the seat, taking his phone and wallet with him.

"Ah, this will be my treat!" Tyki said quickly before he was about to pay for his beverage. Kanda nodded his head in silence and was about to go when a hand grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. The raven-haired man peered at him as Tyki stood up, whispering at his ear.

"Don't worry too much about it. And I promise that I will not speak to anyone about this."

He just stared at him, until he felt the grip on his arm loosening. Kanda turned and was about to head to the rooms when he stopped, his eyes widening in surprise to see Lavi standing a few metres away. The redhead was just as surprised as him as he approached him, grinning widely.

"Yuu! Why are you here?"

Before he could answer, a hand was wrapped around his shoulder as Tyki rested his head on it, peering at Lavi with a playful smirk on his face. Emerald eyes turned to him, his smile faltering as it was instantly replaced by a scowl.

"Who is this?" Tyki purred, playing his raven hair strands around his finger. "Oh! You are the _infamous _Lavi Bookman right? I saw you at Kanda's office just a few days ago!"

"Stop fooling around! And get off of me!" Kanda growled angrily.

"Who exactly are you?" Lavi questioned with a low hiss, recognising him instantly. Golden eyes shimmered in the dimmed lights, staring at him with an intense gaze.

"I am Tyki Mikk, a businessman."

Kanda shoved him off, muttering curses under his breath as he left the two of them behind and went off, wondering why he had to be this unlucky today. Lavi was about to go after him when a hand pulled him back, and the redhead found himself staring at that pair of golden eyes.

"Where do you think you are going, Lavi?" Tyki leaned closer to him and smiled, caressing his waist lightly.

"Since Kanda had left, do you mind accompanying me for another round of drinks?"

After telling one of the waiters around that he was meeting someone important and he had booked a room, she nodded her head, gesturing him to follow her. They walked along a narrow corridor and stopped at the last room. She opened the door and led him in, asking him what he would like them to serve later. Reading through the menu quickly, he ordered five bottles of vodka and some food since his clients he was meeting tonight drank rather frequently.

Kanda sat on the black couch and stared at the television screen. He felt surprisingly better after talking to Tyki. It might be because he knew Allen, and he understood what they were going through, or it might be because he just needed someone to listen to him for once.

There were several knocks on the door, before it opened, revealing the waitress and the clients which he would be meeting. He stood up as they went over to him, exchanging greetings and shaking hands with one another. After sitting comfortably on the couch, they began on the main discussion. Kanda leaned back, crossing his legs as he took a small glass of vodka in his hand, sipping it.

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It was currently nine, and Allen was currently flipping through the pages of documents which he needed to read in preparation for tomorrow's meeting with three of Kanda's major clients. He jolted some notes down on a book, pushing his spectacles closer to his face to see more clearly. The white fluorescent light from his table lamp shone brightly as he briefly scanned through the columns of words in the report, before taking more notes down.

Suddenly, his phone at the side of the desk vibrated. Staring at the screen which reflected Tyki's name, he ignored it and resumed in his work, deciding to finish this before he replied his message. A few minutes later, his phone vibrated again, and it was from Tyki. His frown deepened, wondering what tricks his uncle was playing in the middle of the night when he was busy with his work. He took his phone in his hand, unlocking the screen as he read his first message.

_Come down to Holly's Pub immediately. _

He opened the second message which read:

_It's an emergency._

Allen let out a sigh, wondering what exactly the matter he was talking about which was considered an emergency.

_What is it, Tyki? I'm very busy right now._

He put down his phone which vibrated instantly when it touched the surface of his desk. Allen took it up, his eyes narrowing at the message that he was seeing.

_Kanda is meeting Mr Reeves, Mr Kingston and Mr Hart from the YG Supermarket at the pub tonight. You should know their characteristics very well. He is in a very dangerous situation!_

Allen raised his eyebrow, putting the pen down on the papers as he started replying him.

_Kanda is an experienced person. He will handle this well._

His thumb halted at the keypad hesitantly, not sure whether he should send the message. His phone vibrated again, seeing another new message in the conversation.

_They love to play around with women most of the time, and with such an attractive and feminine figure like Kanda around, do you think that they would let this pass? _

Allen stared at the screen for a moment, before he finally let out a defeated sigh, standing up to grab a fresh piece of sweater and tight jeans to wear. Grabbing his brown coat which was lying on his bed, he rushed out of his room and went out of the house, heading towards the train station.

_I shall get you on this if nothing happens!_

He sent the message to Tyki, peering at the train which just arrived. The journey took around two and a half hours to Ikebukuro, and it was already around eleven in the late night. He got out of the station, running towards his destination. He spotted the pub within metres, and he opened the door hurriedly, his eyes narrowing at the dark surroundings which he had to get used to.

Allen released his grip on the door go as it slowly closed with a light thud. He began to move, taking each step across the floor cautiously as his eyes darted everywhere, making sure not to knock into anything. Then, he suddenly stopped, realising that he had no idea where he was going. He slowly slipped his hand into his pocket, gasping loudly as someone bumped onto him.

"Allen?" He felt something touching his hand and flinched. After hearing his voice more closely, he realised that it was Tyki.

"Tyki?"

"Come with me." He felt the hand of the other, hearing the soft echoes of his shoes pacing on the floor as he led him the way. They walked for a few minutes, until they stopped at a place which felt like a quiet corridor. The light was slightly brighter, and his vision was gradually returning.

"He is at the last room."

"I do hope that you are not lying to me, Tyki," Allen answered sternly. Tyki just chuckled in response.

"I will never lie to my precious nephew. Now go." Allen raised his eyebrow in slight doubt at his uncle's statement. He then turned around and was about to go when a hand grabbed his wrist. He blinked, turning back to face Tyki who had stopped him.

"About Neah..." Tyki muttered, his voice gradually trailing off, and for some reasons, the adult don't feel like continuing the sentence.

"What about Neah?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. Tyki just sighed and shook his head.

"It's nothing. Off you go." He pushed him forward lightly, before he turned around and walked back to the bar. Allen turned, narrowing his eyes as he saw the last room which was located at the back of the corridor. As he started walking towards it, the door opened at the same time, and he saw the men coming out of the room. Kanda was supported by two of them, and he looked terribly drunk.

"Kanda-san? Kanda-san?"

"He is already drunk. What should we do to him?" One of them asked.

"I could bring him to my home to rest," Another offered.

"Now that I look at him closer, he is really a beauty."

"Yeah, you are right..." They smiled, their hands touching Kanda's shoulders as the raven-haired man groaned softly, deep in his sleep. Allen frowned in slight annoyance, and after telling himself inwardly to thank his uncle later, he walked up to them and bowed slightly. They stopped and stared at him in bewilderment.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Allen Walker, the assistant design manager of KK Architecture Limited. It seems that my superior is drunk. Is it okay if I take him back home?"

"Oh, I have heard of you before! It is really a pleasure talking to Kanda-san. Please do bring him back. He looks rather tired tonight," They said, handing Kanda over to him. Allen smiled, grimacing slightly as the raven-haired man was carried over his shoulders. Damn, Kanda weighed so much heavier than he thought to be!

"But then, Kanda-san looks rather distracted during the discussion, as though he was troubled by something in his mind."

Allen just blinked in silence. They bided farewell soon after, and Allen made his way back to the main door, trying his best to keep Kanda in place as the raven-haired man snored softly in his sleep. It was already midnight, and there weren't many people inside the place. Furthermore, his vision did not cause him much problems along the way, and he was able to walk out of the bar safely.

"Now, the hotel..." Allen turned, stiffening slightly as he heard a deep groan from the other who wrapped his arms around his neck tightly, his warm fingers trailing along his skin. He swallowed, forcing himself to face the front as he peered at the signboards which pointed a nearby motel just a distance away from here.

Sighing softly, he held Kanda at his back more securely as he started walking along the quiet street. Looking up, he peered at the little stars in the night sky which looked so much brighter than the usual days when he was still outside at this time.

_But then, Kanda-san looks rather distracted during the discussion, as though he was troubled by something in his mind._

He almost wanted to laugh out. Was there anything in this world that would trouble Kanda for the entire evening? He was someone who would never let anything be in his way. As he thought about it, he was getting curious on what it might be.

Allen stopped at the traffic junction, seeing the motel in front of him. A gust of wind blew at his face, and he stumbled slightly, his hands subconsciously reaching out and held Kanda's hands which were swaying a little. They felt so warm to touch, and his fingers responded on their own, entangling together with his. He peered at their hands, a heavy and melancholic feeling filling up his heart all of a sudden.

He reached the motel and got a room from the receptionist at the main counter. The lift doors opened, and he found himself staring at a dimmed corridor, a slightly eerie atmosphere filling the air. Silver eyes stared ahead in deep focus as he started walking, before he stopped in front of a room. Bending down slightly, he slipped the key into the lock and unlocked it, opening the door.

The place was small, with only a single bed, a wardrobe and a table provided for basic needs. Allen stepped inside, going to the bed as he put Kanda down carefully, not wanting to wake him up. Kanda sighed softly, his body curling up as he hugged the pillow, sleeping soundly. He smiled, taking his leather shoes off as he pulled the covers over his shoulders.

He knew he should leave, yet he just stood there, watching as his long hair strands which fluttered slightly in the breeze; watching the slightest movements of his chest as he breathed in and out. He simply watched him in silence, and as he faced Kanda once again, the same questions surfaced in his mind.

"Kanda, I lied."

_No matter how much you treat me nicely, nothing will change. _

From the moment when they met again, something had already changed between them.

_Nothing between us will change, ever since you said those hurting words to me four years ago, so don't think that you can salvage everything that had happened four years ago just by being nice to me!_

He could still remember those words, and they truly hurt when he thought about them till now. Even so, he could never forget him, because the existence of those feelings, no matter how hard he tried to erase, was already permanent. He was afraid at the complete change of attitude Kanda had towards him. He was afraid of making the same mistake which could never be reverted again.

_I do not love you anymore._

It wasn't true. Today, more than yesterday, more than four years, more than when they first met, he had always loved him.

_But...it is already impossible. _

Allen stepped away from the bed, moving towards the door. As he was about to reach to the doorknob, he heard some footsteps approaching him, and he felt himself falling back to something solid and warm, his arms wrapping around him.

"Don't go," Kanda breathed out softly. Silver eyes widened as Allen froze in place, unable to move a step forward.

"Don't leave. Please."

His hand slowly fell limp beside his body. Allen felt himself being turning around, and he found himself staring at that pair of intense sapphire eyes which was glazed with lust and desire. Even though the surroundings were dark at night, he could see him so clearly for the first time. Kanda slowly approached him, his hands caressing his face very gently. He leaned even closer, so close that he could only hear his heartbeats, his eyes seeing nothing but his lips and the hungry gaze clouding his sapphire eyes.

"Allen..."

His husky voice rang at his ears melodiously. Their foreheads touched, his lips hovering dangerously close to his. Allen swallowed, staring at his eyes which were staring at him deeply. He knew that this would eventually lead to something disastrous; something which he could never comprehend, and he should push him away and leave immediately. He had to step away, before he stepped past the line.

Yet despite everything, he couldn't move away.

"Kanda..." Their lips touched, and as though a fire broke out, they started kissing each other hungrily. His hands slid on his chest, moving up as he wrapped them around his shoulders tightly. He felt himself being slammed to the door, his jeans loosening and Kanda's hands rubbing his hips sensuously. His heated fingers trailed along his sweaty skin, and his vision slowly faded as he stared in the darkness, gradually drowned by ragged breaths and moans filling the silent air.

And for once, he wanted to sink deeper into this dark oblivion.

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He grimaced, shifting his aching body as he felt the warmth of the morning light shining at his eyes. It felt strange, yet at the same time, it felt so right. He stirred slightly in his sub-consciousness, and as he was about to open his eyes, he felt something warm wrapping around his waist, holding him close to the other. He then wondered what had happened when he was supposed to be working at home...

_"Allen..."_

Silver eyes snapped open. Allen grimaced slightly, seeing some parts of his memory slowly surfacing. His clothes were all over the floor, and he was on the bed, the entire room filled with the heavy stench of sex and sweat. He slowly turned, and to his utter horror, Kanda was sleeping next to him, the white sheets covering his bare body. He looked down blankly, touching his hurting forehead as he tried to comprehend what was exactly going on for a long while. He had definitely brought the drunken Kanda back to the motel room, but what happened after that?

What...

_"Allen..."_

"Oh my god..." He muttered in realisation, silver eyes widening in shock and his face turning extremely pale as he remembered everything. Allen pulled the covers aside and got out of bed, staggering in his steps as he collected his clothes and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He went into the shower room, and he just stood there, staring at the wall in silence.

_"Don't go."_

He bit his lips, grimacing as tears started welling up his eyes.

_"Don't leave. Please." _

His body started to tremble violently, his hand reaching up to his heaving chest as Allen collapsed onto the cold floor. He let out several breathless gasps, the tears streaming down his face as a strangled sob escaped his parted lips.

_"He does not look at me at all. Even though we have known each other for so long, he does not look at me at all. Why...couldn't he look at me? Just once...just once will do. My heart really hurts so much right now. What should I do? What should I do in order to forget him once and for all?" _

_"Is that wrong? Can't I have feelings for you too? Is Lavi the only person who is allowed to love you, Kanda?" _

_"Do not be so full of yourself, Kanda Yuu. These are my feelings and emotions. I can do whatever I like; to fall in love with the person I like. You do not have the right to stop me."_

_"I just cannot leave you be, Allen!"_

_"You are here, and it is all that matters."_

_"After forgetting him, you are confident that you will not fall in love with him again?"_

_"I just need to make you fall in love with me once again." _

_"Couldn't we go back to where we once were?"_

_"Don't think that you can salvage everything that had happened four years ago just by being nice to me!"_

The muffled sobs just got louder and louder, and unable to hold on anymore, he finally broke down, crying hardly and helplessly. No matter how hard he tried to control himself, he just couldn't stop. Those memories and overwhelming emotions couldn't stop, tearing his barriers down mercilessly, one by one.

_"Stop crying. It...isn't like you."_

He was beyond foolish. He had made the same mistake, but this time, he was wide awake. His mind was completely clear for him to make the rational decision. He knew he had to get away, and he just allowed that to happen without a second thought. It betrayed him instantly, and nothing could save him no matter how many times he denied himself for the entire time. That particular courage that he gathered for so long instantly disappeared, and it was then when he realised that he could not forget him at all. This man had completely ruined his life, yet he could not bring himself to hate him.

_"I like you..."_

Allen buried his face between his knees as he continued to cry uncontrollably, his loud cries echoing throughout the shower room.

_I like you..._

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_**Mojito**__**: **_A cocktail that consists of five ingredients: white rum, sugar, lime juice, sparkling water and mint.

_**Red Camellias:** __You are a flame in my heart_

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**A/N: **Apologies for the late update. I have started school recently, and the amount of workload which needed to be memorised is seriously killing me. Not to mention that I have to attend lessons every day which end so late in the evening.

I am glad that everyone is anticipating Lenalee's return! Now that she is back, she will be appearing more frequently in future chapters, so please look forward to it! In addition, some of you might be curious why Tyki did not mention Allen's whereabouts to Kanda at that time. For this, it will be explained in one of the paragraphs showing Tyki and Kanda in the pub.

Regarding the _italics _at the last paragraph, they are the past conversations among characters happening in the past chapters. They were like strings of memories which flashed in Allen's mind at that time, so don't be confused about it.

Appreciated all the loves and reviews dedicated for this story. I'm sorry to say this, but I am going to take a month's break from writing after this update to focus on my studies. Please bear with me! :(

The number of people who put this story under their favorites is reaching 100! Yay! Please keep it coming! :D

Once again, please review and tell me your opinion about the chapter. Apologies for any grammar, vocabulary and spelling mistake that you spot on the way. Please do tell me if there is any. Lastly, everything is deeply appreciated :)

**-SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**GuestXD: **I totally understand what you mean back then! I just return back to school, and life really sucks. It is as though I have no life at all. Who likes to study at home every day? I don't even have the time to do the stuff I like :(

Anyways, hope that you would like the chapter! :)

**Fate Alitheia: **Ahaha. It is necessary in this story. Well, the four of them were once together. It would be weird if I don't let Lenalee coming back to the story, do we? :D Anyways, thank you for the review, and hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**Alissa Lee: **So you mean after reading my fic, he's no longer your fav? I guess people will kinda hate him for everything that has happened. But please don't hate him too much. I still like him in the DGM manga universe haha :D

Thank you for the review, and hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**ShimmeringCrimson: **Thank you! This story is mainly focusing on Allen's life through friendship and relationships among all the people whom he knew. I guess it was rather tough for him :/ I have always thought Lavi was the person who would just speak out from his mind, but I think this personality is more for Kanda instead of him. Oh well, this only happens in the universe of my story. And yup! Lenalee has to come back to make everything more complete! XD

Thank you for the review again, and hope that you would like this chapter! ^^

**Nonumaru: **Yes, of course! The four of them were together, and will always be together! It's the power of friendship! Oh well...

Thank you for the review, and hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**alguien22792: **Hahaha, I know right! Aww, thank you so much for this lovely review! I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**sunshineandmoonlight: **This also plays a part as well, though the main reason for his deteriorating vision is still the blood clots which is pressing on the nerves of his eyes. Normally the illness will deteriorate when people's moods are emotionally affected for a long period of time. So this applies to Allen's case as well :)

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter!

**BlueMoon333: **Thank you! Aah, I guess you took the hint regarding that XD

I have done references through other people's fics, and I even watched dramas which have similar genres to feel the melancholic effects. But aside from all of these, the words that I have used were all my own feelings I got at that time when I typed it. Playing ballad music greatly helps me in the inspiration of the story.

And Lenalee needs to come back! XD

And to answer your questions, the doctor that Allen was consulting in Japan is a different doctor from the one he visited when he was still in London. This would not be explained in this story, but if you want to know, he was referred to the doctor in Japan, which means that the doctors kinda know each other.

Allen went to Japan because his distant relatives lived there. This was explained around chapter 6 when they met each other again. There isn't really a reason why everyone ended up there. It's mostly beyond my control, but I want to create a scene whereby the four of them would reunite again. That is the important part in this story.

Anyways, thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter as well! :)

**the midnight requiem: **Thank you! I can't say, but the truth will revealed soon enough :P Hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**SeikaDragon: **In order to answer your doubts, the part whereby Kanda and Tyki were having a conversation in the pub will tell you :)

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**cmhoney: **Hello! As I said again, the part whereby Kanda and Tyki were having a conversation in the pub will answer your doubts :)

And Kanda will definitely feel how Allen felt in the past when he treated him badly XD There will be more Neah/Allen moments in future chapters, so please do look forward to it! :)

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you would like this chapter!

**Before the petals fall: **Hey! It has been a long while since I hear from you again! Oh, thank you for the compliment! As usual, I'm flattered, but I'm still improving on my writing. I would like to change the atmosphere and move away from the angst for a little while. It was also something necessary for Allen and Kanda to move to a stage which is beyond friendship.

Aha, if you wanna know, you have to read on and find out! XD

I know right! Lenalee's arrival is crucial to the progress of this story. I just have to bring her back. Their friendship needs her around after all! Aah well, she needs to come back eventually.

I totally understand :( my school exams is coming up in a month's time and I am beyond stressed right now :( Not really doing fine as I have said earlier, but I will manage :)

Thank you for the review again, and I hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**Dangoxxx: **Thank you! Hope that you would like this chapter! :)

**Vhyna sii semelekete: **I am updating it!

**SilverFang3: **Hello! Thank you for your review! Hope that you would like this chapter as well! :)

**d gray man is awesome: **Thank you! She likes Allen, but only as close friends :)

**Darkspider: **Aah, I understand. That is also what I felt about her when I was watching that part. But I think the reason the author wrote her part this way is probably to portray the helplessness that she experienced of not able to help the others when her Innocence powers is gone. Temperarily gone, that is. And well, to show the weak and easily broken character in her, she cried like most of the time. Everyone has their bottom line. It's just that she reached hers earlier than others. But of course you are right! She redeemed herself when her Innocence evolved :)

Aah, so you got the hint as well? XD it's still in the beginning, so no worries about that. The main focus here is still Lavi/Kanda/Allen, but the pairings will be much clearer in future chapters.

You are right! For all the things that had happened, no one is to be blamed in this story. Or rather, everyone is at fault for all the misery among one another.

Yes, it's the drama! Please read on and look forward to it! XD


	15. Yesterday

**Chapter 15: Yesterday**

"_Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you."―Stephenie Meyer, Twilight_

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Allen spat out the coffee that he drank.

It was a cold morning today. He was still shivering slightly even though he was already inside the warm office, with the heater situated at the ceiling right beside his desk. He rubbed his hands, standing up as he went to the pantry to pour himself a warm mug of coffee as usual. Everything had been perfect, until he took a mouthful of the warm beverage and spat the coffee out instantly when he swallowed it. Allen grimaced, coughing out whatever that remained in his mouth, shutting his eyes to wipe out the disgusting feeling at his tongue.

_The coffee is super, horribly salty!_

Silver eyes stared at the mess that he had created, glad that there wasn't any document on his working table. Pulling out several tissues at one go, Allen gently dropped them onto the pool of brown beverage, watching with slight cringe as it gradually sipped into the tissues. He then took the soaked tissues by the tip of his fingers, walking back to the pantry as he threw them into the bin without a glance. He peered at the counter, seeing the same two containers of sugar and salt beside the oven. Due to his deteriorating sight, he had to depend on his memory most of the time, yet nothing would help if some things were changed, just like these two containers of salt and sugar whose positions had been swop recently.

Nothing could be done if something was already changed, just like the relationship between him and Kanda.

Allen reached out and took the teaspoon from the right container, putting three teaspoons of sugar into his new mug of coffee. He then took the beverage and returned to his seat, resuming in his line of work.

"Good morning, Kanda-san!"

"Good morning!"

It was the usual routine, with everyone stopping what they were doing and greeting their manager when he entered the office during this timing. His echoing footsteps were getting louder as he walked along the floor, approaching his desk. He opened his drawer and took out a document, and just as Kanda reached a few centimetres from where he currently was, Allen stood up and walked away, heading towards the marketing department to hand the folder he was holding on to Fou.

Fou looked up as she heard several knocks on the door, seeing Allen in view. She nodded her head, and he opened the door and entered her office, coming to her desk to hand her the document which she needed. She brushed her pink hair strands aside, adjusting her spectacles closer to her face as she inspected the papers.

"Thanks, Allen."

Allen smiled in response, turning slightly as he spotted the flamboyant red flowers in a vase which was placed on the small glass table. He just stared at them in silence, a solemn look reflected in his pair of eyes as heavy emotions flowed into his mind.

"So have you found what you are looking for?"

Fou's sudden question snapped him out of his thoughts as he turned, staring at her in slight bewilderment. A small smile graced her features as she took her spectacles down, sighing softly.

"There is someone I know who is very stupid. He is always in a blunder, misplaces things easily, and loves flirting with girls despite how lousy he presents himself," she said, opening the small golden box in front of her. Fou took out a white marshmallow and offered to him, but Allen shook his head, declining it. She pressed the soft sweet lightly, before she nibbled it in small bites, her eyes peering at a photo frame with a softened gaze.

"I was really infuriated with him, especially when I was one of his targets as well." Fou turned, glancing at the red flowers in the room.

"It wasn't supposed to happen, but it happened. And when I finally realised it, we could no longer turn back the time. I couldn't reject him like I used to, because he is already part of my life routine."

Allen said nothing, his blank eyes staring at the box of sweets which was left opened. He knew what she meant, and he knew extremely well that this had to stop. However, after so much things which had happened between the both of them, he realised that this was going to take a lot harder than he thought to be. Now, it wasn't just about his one-sided crush. He had fallen completely in love with Kanda, to the point which he could no longer take those feelings back anymore.

"Thank you, Fou," he spoke softly, giving her a smile. She smiled back and nodded her head, gesturing him to leave. At the same time, there were several knocks, before the door opened. Allen stopped momentarily, looking up as his gaze met Kanda who was standing at the entrance of the room.

"Oh, Kanda! Please come in! I have something which I need to discuss with you!"

Kanda walked inside, and as their shoulders brushed each other, he glanced at him sideways for a brief moment, before he turned and headed to Fou's desk. Allen went out, closing the door behind him. He swallowed, his hands unconsciously gripping the sides of his jeans as he began walking back to his table. He slowly sat down, staring at the flickering screen of his computer for a long while.

He instantly recognised that particular cold gaze registered in his eyes.

Kanda had _completely _forgotten about what happened last night.

He forced out a smile, taking up a pile of papers as he started sorting them accordingly. Well, it wasn't as if he was able to remember, seeing the drunken state he was in, and it wasn't as if he wanted him to remember either. After all, it was a mistake, and this time, it was his fault.

Allen took his cup, finishing the last drops of his morning coffee. Kanda came out, reading through the documents in his hands as he walked back to his room. He pretended not to see him, while the other did not notice his presence as they continued to do their own tasks. Silver eyes just continued to stare at a paper he was currently holding, until he heard the faint sound of the door closing.

"Allen?"

Allen looked up, seeing a blurred Rou Fa who was standing in front of him. Noticing the documents which he asked her to print for him, he smiled and thanked her. His hand reached out, his fingers brushing across the sharp edges of the papers and something warm which was presumed to be her hand. The brunette gasped in surprise and redrew her hand abruptly, causing the sheets to fall to the floor before he could get a firm grasp on them.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Allen!" She stuttered in panic.

"It's okay," he replied with a smile, before he turned to a pile of blurred shadows where his papers were scattered. Allen slowly bent down, narrowing his eyes and stretching out his arms as he felt the documents by his hands, picking them up one by one. After he took the last one from the floor, he stood up to his feet, meeting Rou Fa's strange gaze.

"Are you alright, Allen? You don't seem to...be seeing well."

He said nothing and just smiled at her. After she left, Allen took his keys, wallet and phone as he headed to the lobby to meet his client later. As he passed by Kanda's room, he couldn't help but slow down his pace, glancing through the glass where he saw the raven-haired man would be. The vision was blurry, but he could tell that Kanda was sitting at his desk, probably typing out a report as usual.

_Stop._

Allen paused for a moment.

_Don't look back._

He averted his gaze back to the front, making his way to the lift lobby.

By the time he finished his work, it was already afternoon. Allen alighted at the bus stop and ran back to the office building, stopping at the entrance where he would be meeting Lenalee for lunch. He stood at the glass doors, taking his phone out as he texted her that he would be waiting for her outside. Slipping the electronic gadget into his tight pocket, he looked up, peering at the cloudy sky.

His sight blurred, and his thoughts slowly drifted off, bringing him back to that particular night.

The memory was extremely clear, to the extent which he could hear his breathless whispers at his ear as he called out to him, his name ringing in his mind again and again. His nails clawed against his skin as Allen clenched his hands tightly, remembering every touch that he made on his bare body, that particular feeling enough to send him on the brink of insanity.

"Allen!"

Allen turned, seeing Lenalee waving as she walked towards him.

"Sorry! Did I let you wait?"

"No. Let's go," he said, showing her the way. He introduced to her the company building, where his office was. She just nodded her head, listening to him attentively as he described his job and what he was currently doing. He left out the information that he had already met Kanda, and he was currently working in the same company. Lenalee would surely probe on how the two of them were doing, which he did not want to answer.

He knew that she loved chinese food, and brought her to a chinese restaurant in Shinjuku which was rather famous for the past few years. Knowing that there would be a long queue during lunch hours, he had reserved a table for the both of them, and they were now sitting at the second floor, beside the glass pane which was facing the city of Shinjuku.

Lenalee was obviously delighted, reading through the menu with enthusiasm. Allen just watched her in silence, his lips curving into a small smile. The restaurant was gradually filled up with people coming in for their lunch. They had already ordered their share, and were eagerly waiting for the food to arrive.

"Nii-san can be too overprotective at times! How old am I already? He couldn't just continue stopping me forever," Lenalee said with an annoyed huff.

"He is worried for you. You are his only sister," Allen replied with a chuckle. He could literally imagine Komui's face expression when his precious sister were going on a long trip at that time. Her gaze slowly softened as Lenalee let out a soft sigh, nodding her head in agreement.

"I was so happy to be able to meet you again! I do hope that I can meet Lavi and Kanda like this as well."

He just smiled at her, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, I hope so too."

The dishes soon came, and everything was soon forgotten as they indulged in the delicious chinese food in front of them. The both of them continued to chat while they ate, and Allen found himself getting absorbed in the conversation. Their laughter filled the air, and with the reminiscence that was gradually remembered, he was slowly brought back to the golden days which were the best moments of his life. And then, he couldn't help but wonder, that if time could rewind back to the beginning, would he do whatever it takes to stop that from happening?

Allen peeled a pork bun by his hands, letting his gaze wander as he stared at the crowds in the restaurant. He peered around, his eyes stopping at two familiar figures sitting right at the corner of the place, just right across where he was.

_Could everything be reverted back to the beginning?_

Lavi was laughing, and Kanda was scowling at whatever joke the redhead had made.

_Could he finally end it for real?_

He turned, finishing the remaining food on the table. The time continued to pass, and more people were streaming into the restaurant. The noise in the background was getting overwhelming, yet he could still hear their laughter echoing loudly in the far depth of his mind, again and again. Allen smiled, taking the last pastries on the plate. He slowly began to chew, hearing the footsteps of the waiters passing by and their voices ringing away.

_I love you._

Silver eyes narrowed as he bit his lip, wondering why his heart hurt all of sudden.

_I love you. _

His jaws started to tremble, his shaking fingers clawing against the fabric of his jeans as tears welled up his eyes, threatening to fall. He knew that the night before was nothing but a mistake, something which shouldn't be remembered. He knew he shouldn't take it this seriously, and he shouldn't be surprised at the outcome of it. But he did not expect this to happen.

_Allen, please. Look at me._

_Look at me. _

He did not expect his words to hit him this hardly.

"Allen? Are you alright?" Lenalee asked, noticing the wetness at his eyes. Allen swallowed, shaking his head as he reached out for his cup of tea, only to knock it off accidentally, scalding his hand in the process. He could only hear her shouts, the waiters rushing over to clear the mess, and as his vision finally cleared, he looked up, seeing Kanda and Lavi staring in their direction―at him.

"―it hurt, Allen? Allen!"

He heard the sounds of the chairs dragging against the ground, footsteps echoing in the air as the two of them walked towards him. Seeing a dark shadow looming in front of him, Allen looked up, seeing Kanda's gaze onto him. His dark sapphire eyes reflected emotions which was nothing more than concern for a friend―that same pair of eyes which reminded him so much of his words he said to him during that passionate night, and those particular words which did not mean a single thing now.

The physical pain was definitely there, yet all he could feel right now, was the particular emptiness in his heart, reminding him of the consequence that he had to pay for something which shouldn't have happened.

"Kanda! Lavi!" Lenalee exclaimed, astonished to see them all of a sudden.

"Lenalee!" Lavi said, his eyes widening in shock as well.

Kanda was about to reach out and take his swollen hand when he redrew it and turned away, his other hand clutching the wound which was starting to burn. Allen looked up at his friends, and after a while, his lips slowly curved into a faint smile.

"I'm alright."

He gestured one of the waiters standing nearby to get him a new cup of fresh warm tea. She nodded her head and walked away, coming back with the beverage a few minutes later. Allen held the edges of the small porcelain, making sure that he was gripping on it firmly, before he sipped the warm tea down his throat.

"I guess I haven't told the both of you regarding Lenalee's arrival in Japan just a few days ago right?"

"Oh, now that you mentioned it, I was really surprised to see you here!" Lavi exclaimed, turning back to Lenalee who returned him with a smile of her own.

"How did the two of you meet?"

The table fell into another round of silence. Violet eyes turned to stare to him hesitantly, and Allen held back a grimace as he began to explain to the redhead that he met her on the street in pure coincidence. Lavi just nodded his head in silent understanding, while Kanda did not say anything. The conversation somehow flowed naturally, and before he knew it, they were talking among themselves happily. Their voices and laughter rang melodiously at his ears, and Allen couldn't help but smile, watching them in silence.

"Hey, now that the four of us are together again, we should meet more often!" Lavi suggested in excitement.

"But my main reason for coming to Japan is to visit a friend of mine who is currently working in a hospital. I have to rush back to London next week, or else Nii-san will definitely kill me," Lenalee said with a frown, tapping her finger on her chin as she began to ponder.

"Eh. I thought that you are coming here for good!"

"No way! Nii-san will not allow me! You know his character."

Allen stared at the table, his finger trailing along the soft material as he avoided the stained area where he spilled his beverage just now. His eyes followed the movement closely, until he noticed Kanda's hand which was just a few centimetres from him. Now that he noticed it, the raven-haired man had been sitting beside him for the entire conversation. He stared at his hand which had entwined with his last night, that particular firm grip assuring him that he was right here; right at his side.

"So how are the two of you been?" Lenalee asked, staring at Lavi and Kanda as she drank her remaining tea.

Lavi just blinked, rubbing the sides of his head awkwardly, while Kanda still did not say anything. The redhead turned and shot a glance at the other, and after a long moment, the raven-haired man finally let out a grunt, not intending to say more. The usual grin appeared on his face as Lavi turned to Lenalee once again.

"We are fine!"

Allen just watched the both of them, silent.

Kanda stood up, straightening his shirt and adjusting his spectacles closer to his eyes.

"There will be a meeting at three, so we have to excuse ourselves." The raven-haired man turned to him, and he just stared back at him blankly for a few seconds, before realising what he really meant. He stood up quickly, telling Lenalee that he would contact her tonight. After biding farewell to them, he hurried down the flight of stairs to the ground floor where Kanda was waiting for him at the main entrance.

The both of them entered an empty lift, standing at opposite ends as the doors slowly closed. He chose to peer at the surroundings from the glass panes, counting the number of seconds which the lift would reach to their office floor. The silence between the both of them was terribly heavy, and he shifted his feet slightly to distract himself from Kanda's mere presence.

As he let his thoughts wander, he was brought back to that particular time when Kanda pushed him aside harshly after his accidental confession. Till now, that scene was still rather vivid in his mind, and he was unable to forget. It was the consequence which he had to bear for his thoughtlessness, and at that time, he accepted it willingly without saying anything.

"Go and wash your hand under the water tap when you reach the office."

Silver eyes just blinked for a long moment, before Allen slowly looked up at Kanda. The raven-haired man's arms were spread out across the metal railings, his sapphire eyes staring at him for quite a while.

"You heard me, Moyashi."

He wanted to rebuke about the addressing of his name, but he somehow could not bring out the issue. His gaze slowly fell to the ground, and Allen just continued to stare in silence until the lift reached the office floor. The doors opened, and Kanda walked out, stepping into the office. Before the lift doors closed upon him, he went out as well, heading to the washroom. Stopping at the sink, he turned on the water tap, placing his hand under it as the cold water began splashing onto the scalded area of his palm.

_Get out of my sight. You disgust me._

Silver eyes continued to stare at his hand blankly.

_Why must you be such a busybody? _

_Why must you let Lavi know that you also have feelings for me?_

Allen grimaced, gritting his teeth hardly as he fought back the trembles along his body.

_Don't go._

_Don't leave. Please._

_I love you._

_I love you._

His vision flashed as waves of nausea crashed upon him hardly. He began coughing hoarsely, massaging his head as he tried to drive the intense pain away. Hearing footsteps from a distance, he turned the water tap off, tidying himself as he masked his usual emotions, greeting his colleague who came in for a relief. Allen stepped out of the toilet, his pace quickening almost instantly as he ran back to his desk and began searching for the painkillers which the doctor had prescribed for him.

"Are you finding something?"

His senses acted on its own now that he couldn't see as clearly as before, and he slapped away the foreign hand which was placed on his shoulder. There was a startled gasp, and silver eyes only widened as he saw Rou Fa sprawled on the floor, staring at him in complete astonishment.

"Allen?"

He did not know how to answer her, his mouth falling open as he tried thinking of a reason to explain to her what exactly had happened just a few seconds ago. Allen shifted uncomfortably and swallowed, losing his composure completely as he began to stammer incoherent words which he could not understand. At this moment, he couldn't care less. He just wanted to clear out any misunderstanding that rose in this situation.

"Rou Fa, this is... Well, this is..."

"I-It's alright, Allen! You do not need to force yourself!" she exclaimed, standing up as she helped him to his seat. Allen just stared at her in silence, realising that even with his spectacles, he could no longer see her clearly. At this, he couldn't help but let out a bitter chuckle.

"Are you okay, Allen?"

He had always thought that it would be alright; that acceptance was the only way to relieve the pain brought by his illness. Only by accepting all of these would he be able to live on. After all, he did not have any reason which was holding him back. No one knew about his illness, and except for Lenalee, he had no intention of telling anyone about it either.

"I'm alright, Rou Fa."

The brunette just stared at him with worried eyes. Allen let out a laugh, assuring her that he was already fine, and hurried her to go back and resume in her work. After glancing at him hesitantly, she nodded her head and walked back to her desk. The smile on his face slowly faltered as he turned to stare at his draft which now looked like a mere white paper with nothing drawn on it.

There was no such thing whether he would be alright. In order to keep his secret, he _had _to be alright, no matter how hard it would be.

"I'm alright. I'm...alright." Allen sighed, picking up his pencil and narrowing his eyes as he began to finish up on the sketch.

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The small drizzles of the autumn rain pattered lightly against the glass windows reflecting his room. His gaze were completely focused onto the piece of sketch which he was currently doing for the past few hours, his hand moving along the paper as he finished up the shading of the background in quick movements. The clock hanging at the wall ticked softly in the distance, and as sapphire eyes slowly wandered to the front, he found himself gradually stopping, the pencil staying still between his fingers.

He remembered that moment when he saw Allen sitting at the glass pane, that particular moment when he noticed his conflicted expression when their gazes met, and how he flinched and turned away immediately at his presence, his hands clutching onto his arms so tightly that they trembled. He was afraid of something, and he knew the main reason behind it.

Kanda placed the pencil on his desk silently, leaning back on his chair as he turned and stared at the blurry rainy scenery outside. At that particular evening after Allen left, it rained as well. As he watched the water trailing down the window in silence, his face was somehow reflected in the glass, along with the wet trails of the water falling from his eyes. It brought a wrenching pain at his chest, and he could not forget it no matter how hard he tried. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

It wasn't supposed to end this way.

He let out a soft sigh, standing up as he walked out of his room. There wasn't many people in the office at this timing, and he found himself staying at the pantry, stirring his mug of hot coffee listlessly. Kanda breathed in the strong scene of caffeine, putting the mug at his lips as he gradually took a light sip. His lips curved into a light smile as the beverage instantly warmed his stomach, driving his fatigue away. He then leaned against the pillar lightly, peering across the place as he saw Allen who was walking back to his desk.

"Allen!"

Allen turned around and began talking to Fou who was handing him something. He simply watched him in silence―observing his gestures, his facial expressions whenever he was talking to someone, and his smile which would always appear at the end of each conversation as the person was about to leave. He wondered when this had become a habit of his own, but he just allowed his eyes to wander, and somehow, his gaze just ended up on him.

"I will see to it." Fou walked away, and he turned around, continuing his way back to his working table. His movements were slightly slower than usual, his feet taking careful steps across the floor. His arms were spread out, his fingers brushing the edge of his chair for a moment, before he slowly sat on it. After gathering the papers, Allen then stood up and walked over to the printer, looking at the series of buttons rather closely.

Kanda took his mug and slowly walked out of the pantry, nodding his head as one of his colleagues greeted him on the way. As he reached the printing area, he couldn't help but turn to where he currently was, seeing him laughing with another colleague standing beside him. His eyes lingered for a moment, before they shifted back to the front as he stared ahead blankly.

_No matter how much you treat me nicely, nothing will change. Nothing between us will change, ever since you said those hurting words to me four years ago, so don't think that you can salvage everything just by being nice to me!_

No matter how he tried to reason this out himself, he knew that he was right. Four years ago, he was someone who he thought was annoying. Now, he couldn't seem to ignore him even if he wanted to, and the mixed feelings were raging within him, slowly driving him crazy inside.

Why exactly was he doing this?

The main doors opened suddenly, and many contractors came in, their hands carrying large materials which needed to be inspected before they would be used for the project that he was collaborating with the Millennium Earl. Timothy was standing at a corner, confirming something with the supplier.

"Thank you." Allen took the papers and turned to his direction. He stopped for a moment, his silver eyes narrowing slightly, his eyebrows turning into a frown. He then began to move forward with hesitant steps, walking towards him. At the same time, the contractors who couldn't see ahead clearly was already in front of him. Sapphire eyes widened in slight horror, and his body moved on its own. There was only a loud crashing sound of porcelain and papers flying in the air, before the entire place fell into a deadly silence.

"Allen..." Timothy muttered, his eyes widening in astonishment. Silver eyes were staring at him in complete shock. Kanda stared at him for a moment, and after seeing that he wasn't hurt, he slowly released his tightened grip on his wrists, letting his arms fell beside his body. Everyone rushed to him to check if he was alright, and the contractors apologised to him profusely for not noticing him earlier. Kanda slipped out of the crowd quietly, staring at the spilled coffee on the floor.

What was this flustered feeling he was getting just now? His heart was beating erratically at that time, and the mere thought was scaring him slightly. Kanda returned to his room, closing the door behind him. The air fell into a peaceful silence once again, and as he stood here, he began to ponder.

What exactly was the reason for him to keep looking back at him?

_Don't go._

Sapphire eyes widened slightly, seeing dark images flashing in his eyes.

_Don't leave. Please._

Kanda grimaced slightly, touching his forehead. Now that he thought about it, he had no recollection of anything that happened last night. When he woke up, his mind was completely blank, and he could not remember anymore. But what confused him was the lingering scent which was rather familiar, as though there was someone he knew who had the same scent as well.

There was a knock from the door, before it opened, revealing Timothy standing at the entrance.

"The clients have arrived, Kanda. Allen is already inside the conference room."

Kanda nodded his head as he took his documents and stepped out of his room.

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Allen sat inside the conference room, facing the three big clients who had came to discuss with them on the conditions of the project that were going to be commenced next month. As they were waiting for Kanda's arrival, he briefly went through the introduction of the project, explaining to them what they were mainly focusing on. The clients nodded their heads as they listened to him attentively, raising questions to clarify their doubts when there was a need to.

"Sorry." The door opened, and Kanda walked inside, pulling a chair beside him and sat down. He flipped to the page where they had stopped, continuing with the discussion. Allen pulled out a smile as he followed the conversation closely.

"Here is the structure that we want to apply." Kanda turned to him, and he nodded his head, placing the papers in front of them to see. The raven-haired man leaned a little forward, his long raven strands brushing across the surface of the table slightly as he started explaining the details written inside. Allen simply watched, his gaze gradually drifting away from the main discussion as he stared at Kanda instead.

That particular scene was still vivid in his mind, when he was pushed to the wall all of a sudden. His vision slowly cleared, and he could see the anxiety written all over his face as Kanda stared at him with an intense gaze. That pair of sapphire eyes were searching for something, and after a few minutes later, he finally released his grip on his arms, walking away. It was when the contractors went to him and apologised did he realise Kanda's intention for doing that.

"How is it going to start?" One of the clients asked. Kanda furrowed his brows, flipping through the papers quickly as he stopped at a page which he was looking for. Allen stared at the paper which they were currently at in silence. The pain was already numbed from the painkiller which he ate about an hour ago, and all he could feel right now was the coldness stinging the tips of his fingers.

"Allen."

"Yes?" Realising that he was spacing out, Allen slapped himself inwardly, showing the planned budget of the project to the clients as he started explaining to them on the expenses which would be incurred for the project. He dropped the pencil by accident, and he excused himself for a moment, bending down to pick it up from the floor. As he looked up halfway, he knocked his head onto the edge of the table.

"Are you alright?"

Looks of concern were onto him as he slowly stood up to his feet. Allen smiled and shook his head, starting the discussion once again. The meeting was soon over, and Kanda was sending them to the main doors of their office. Allen remained at his seat, staring at the columns of the proposal blankly. The door slowly opened, and Kanda was standing there, staring at him.

"Have they left?" He asked, revealing a small smile. Other than this question, he did not know what to say. Under his presence, he was constantly reminded of the mistake they had done, and the words of promise which he had made to him at the spur of moment. And even if he knew this wasn't Kanda's fault, he couldn't help but feel slightly bitter about it; that everything which had happened between them was nothing but a fleeting dream that had already passed by, long before he could realise it.

"Yeah."

Allen smiled and stood up, taking the papers with him. He walked out of the room, his eyes looking away as he reached to where he currently was. He stopped at his desk, his hand gradually touching his head which was still hurting a little, his vision fading very slightly. He looked up, seeing the raven-haired man stepping out of the conference room as he headed back to his room.

Now that he thought about it, it was simply for the best. There wasn't a need for Kanda to remember anything that had happened last night. And even if he knew; even if the words he had told him were actually true; even if he really _did love _him now, did it really matter anymore? Because even if he finally got what he wanted, it was all too late. Too late, for the both of them to return to that particular time. Now, despite being plagued by pained memories and thousands of regrets, they had no other choice but to move forward.

Allen took his empty mug and went to the pantry, pouring himself another mug of coffee to keep himself awake for the night ahead. The warm vapour gradually dissipated in the air as he inhaled deeply, sighing softly under his parted lips. He then peered out of the windows, seeing that the little traces of the sun under the clouds were gone, and it was then when he realised that autumn season was already at its very end.

Now that he thought about it, everything he had experienced till now only felt as though it had happened just yesterday. The memories were fresh, and he could remember every single detail. Frankly, he was thankful that he was able to get this far―to be able to make many new friends and meet old ones.

Allen stepped out, seeing Kanda standing at a corner discussing something with Timothy and Fou. He then began to wonder just how fortunate he was to be able to meet Kanda first, and work together with him. He definitely wasn't going to have any regret, because he had already fulfilled his wish which was made from a long time ago.

And now, the both of them would maintain in this same way, until it was time for him to leave again.

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It was already eleven at night, and he was rushing through the remaining administration work which needed to be done by tonight. Kanda typed the last few columns of words into his computer quickly, before he finally finished a folder as he chugged it aside immediately, taking a new one in his hand. Realising that he needed a breather after all these work for the past few hours, he stopped for a moment, stretching his aching arms and legs.

Sapphire eyes peered out of the glass door, noticing the faint figure of Allen who was still sitting at his desk. Kanda slowly stood up and started walking towards the entrance of his room, his hand reaching out to the doorknob as he opened it. All kinds of snacks were spread across the table, and his mouth was currently stuffed with food, biting in the process as he focused on the work he was currently doing.

He knew that Allen had been avoiding him, and somehow, he was also doing the same. He was been bothered with that particular incident for a while, and he couldn't face those overwhelming feelings which surfaced when he was staring at Allen. He had always thought that he had mistaken it, but recently, he had been showing concern for him, more than he expected himself to do.

Kanda groaned, taking his spectacles off as he placed them inside his jacket. He then stared outside once again, seeing Allen standing up, his face showing a wince as his foot accidentally knocked onto the base of the chair too hardly. He then touched the other tables beside him and slowly began to walk. His eyes followed his movement as he made his way to the printer. Bending forward a little closer, he seemed to be scanning through the buttons available, before he finally chose the appropriate one.

A phone rang loudly in this quiet surrounding, and Allen put the papers down for a moment, reaching in his pocket to get his phone and pick up the call.

"Lenalee?"

His lips curved into a smile as he started chatting with her. Kanda felt somehow not pleased at seeing that particular smile which he had neven seen for years. He knew that smile very well. Whenever he smiled, either he was really happy, or he was masking his emotions he did not want others to see. He had been doing that whenever he was around, or when Lavi was also present.

Allen paced along the floor for a while, before he decided to sit down, still in a deep conversation with her. He reached out to his hair, taking the band off as the raven strands fell onto his shoulders. Kanda turned and walked back to his seat, sitting by his working desk. As he was about to resume in his work, his phone began vibrating all of a sudden. He peered at the screen, seeing Tyki's number reflected on it.

"What?" He said, answering the call.

"It's me, Tyki. I have something that I need to give to you. Can you meet me now? I'm already at the building."

"Okay." Kanda ended the call and stood up, walking out of the room. Allen was no longer around, perhaps doing something else. He pushed the glass doors and stepped into an empty lift, before he reached down his pocket for a string of keys, inserting one of them into the key hole to activate the lift. The lights flickered as they were switched on, and as the engine began to start, he pressed a button and the doors closed immediately.

The lift descended to the ground floor, and he walked out after the doors opened, heading to the entrance. He saw someone there, and confirming that it was Tyki, Kanda took his office card which was hung around his neck, scanning it at the doors as they opened automatically, allowing him to go outside. Tyki turned around, showing his usual grin as he waved at him.

"What is it?" Kanda asked, stopping in front of him.

"It's the documentations regarding the project with the Earl," he replied, giving the thick folder to him.

"At this late hour? You could have come tomorrow," The raven-haired man questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah. I would be busy and might not be able to come by then..." Tyki muttered softly, his eyes looking away for a brief moment, but his expression soon returned back to normal seconds later before he could notice it.

"I shall see you around, Kanda." He turned around and was about to leave when he stopped again. Kanda just blinked in slight bewilderment as Tyki turned to face him.

"Did you thank Allen for sending you back last night?"

Sapphire eyes just froze as Kanda stared at him in silence. After a long moment of silence, he finally uttered out a word towards his question.

"What?"

"Didn't you know? And I thought he has told you about it. I was the one who called him to pick you up since you would most likely be extremely drunk on that night," he spoke, taking out a cigarette from his shirt pocket as he lit it up with his lighter, slowly breathing out as warm smoke escaped from his parted lips. Kanda did not say anything, too stunned to respond.

"I'm leaving." Tyki walked out of the place, and he just stood there, trying his best to figure out what exactly was going on right now.

_Kanda, I lied._

Seeing shadows looming behind him in a suspicious way, the raven-haired man turned around, this time seeing Lavi and Lenalee standing there.

"Why are the two of you here?"

"I just want to check on Allen," Lenalee replied. Sapphire eyes then shifted to the particular redhead who shouldn't have anything to do here, especially at this late hour.

"Hey, I'm with her for the entire day! I'm also worried for Allen, you know!" he exclaimed, flinching slightly by his stare. Kanda sighed and scanned the card again, stepping into the building. He then activated the lift, and the three of them were standing at opposite corners, remaining silent as they waited for the lift to reach the office floor.

"Anyway, I didn't know that you are working together with Allen, Kanda," Lenalee spoke out first, and for some reasons, her tone wasn't really friendly.

"Didn't he tell you on the first day when the both of you met?" Kanda questioned, not bothering to turn around and face her as his mind was still plagued with many questions which needed answers. Her frown deepened at his words, and sensing that something was going on between the both of them, Lavi chose to keep quiet instead.

"Are you dense even up till now?" she asked with an incredulous look on her face. He chose to say nothing, holding the railing as the lift reached the floor and stopped with a slight jerk. After locking the lift, he went up to the glass doors, typing in the password as he opened it, allowing the two of them to pass first. Violet eyes were looking around, while Lavi went to the working table where Allen usually was, only to find it empty.

"Where is Allen?" he asked, pointing to his empty seat. Ignoring his question, Kanda turned and went out of the office again, facing the corridor which would lead him to the storage rooms where they kept the materials. His eyes narrowed as his feet started walking, increasing his pace as the destination was getting nearer.

_Don't go._

_Don't leave. Please._

He opened the first storage room when he reached, finding no one inside. He slammed the door shut and made his way to the next room.

_I love you._

Kanda opened the next room, slightly angry to find it empty again.

_Look at me._

His footsteps slowed down as he saw a faint light ahead. A shadow was cast on the floor, directly at the opened entrance where he would find all his answers.

_Please. Look at me only. Please._

_Please._

Kanda froze instantly, his sapphire eyes widening in shock as that pleading voice which echoed at the back of his mind. Allen then appeared at the door, slightly surprised to see him here.

"Kanda? Why are you here?"

His wide eyes slowly fixated onto him, and as he stared at his face under the bright lights, he remembered everything―from that moment when he grabbed his arm and pulled him back, and what he had done to him for the entire night, in his complete drunken state. His breath was stuck at his throat, and for that split second, he almost forgot to inhale, feeling extremely sick at the pit of his stomach.

"Did you knock on your head and forgot how to reply, Kanda?" Allen asked again, peering at him with a frown.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Allen blinked for a few times, totally confused at what he was saying.

"What do you mean―"

"Aren't you the one who sent me back last night?" Kanda questioned sharply, his hard gaze onto him. Silver eyes widened in response, and they just stared at each other in silence.

"Yeah. I did." Allen slowly nodded and turned away, but Kanda reached out and grabbed his arm, and he snapped his head back at him again, staring at him in shock.

"You knew it, didn't you? What had actually happened last night."

Silver eyes widened. He continued to ask, and his face was getting paler at each question he was giving him. His body started to tremble each time he tried to avoid his words by remaining silent. He had the answers he wanted, and he knew he should stop now, but he couldn't. He couldn't understand why the both of them still remained like this when there was no longer a reason for them to run from each other anymore.

"I don't know anything."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!" Allen snapped, panic written all over his face. The calm composure was already gone, and it was obvious that he wanted to get away from here; from his presence. His eyes were constantly looking away, and this irritated him more. Kanda growled, taking his chin by his hand as he forced him to look up.

"Why do you always avoid me? Is there a reason for it?"

The trembles stopped, and it was as though everything within him snapped instantly. Allen wrenched his arm away and ran out of the room. He chased after him, and before he could take the cargo lift which was just a few metres away, Kanda grabbed his shoulders and threw him against the wall. Allen hissed angrily, aiming his fist at his face, but he gripped both of his wrists, trapping him in place.

"Let go."

Allen snarled softly, his eyes glaring darkly at him. Kanda did not respond, staring at him in silence.

"Let go. I said, let go," he warned again, gritting his teeth.

"Allen."

"Let go. Let go. Let go, let go, let go, letgoletgoletgoletgo_LET GO!_" He screamed out hysterically, shaking violently as he breathed heavily from his lips. His phone fell from his pocket, landing on the floor with a loud thud. Allen was beyond furious, yet even so, he could not let him go. Because if he released him this instant, he knew that he was not going to see him again, and he had already promised himself four years ago that it would be the last time he was slipping away from him.

Allen began chuckling softly under his breath, staring at him scornfully.

"What exactly is this, Kanda? Are you actually holding me back?"

He said nothing.

"Why are you doing this? Don't you see me as a mere eyesore who always stands in your way? I'm just doing exactly what you had said to me. I only come to you whenever there is a need to. Isn't that what we are supposed to do?"

His anger dissipated slightly as Allen bit his lips hardly till it started to bleed, as though he was using all of his strength he had to control himself from shedding a single tear in front of him.

"Why aren't you disgusted with me? Why aren't you hating me? Why didn't you throw insulting words at me for letting it happen, just like what you had done four years ago? I could stand all of that, but what I couldn't stand right now is how you force me back to that particular past which I really want to forget once and for all!"

_Look at me only, Kanda. Please._

Kanda hissed, tightening his grip at his wrists.

"Do you really want to forget, Moyashi?"

Allen stared at him in slight shock for a moment, before silver eyes gradually flashed in rage.

"Must I even ask for your permission, Kanda? You are the one who did this to me, and yet you _still _have the guts to ask whether I want to forget?"

Kanda swallowed hardly, his words echoing repeatedly in his mind, again and again and again. His heart thudded loudly at his ears, and he could no longer think properly. He tried to throw another remark at him just to prove another point, but he couldn't, because he knew perfectly well that he was right. It would be better for them to remain this way, yet he couldn't let him go. Despite trying to forget everything, he simply couldn't.

"You treated me like trash and a mere nuisance, and now you actually ask whether I want to _forget_?!" Allen seethed, glaring at him darkly.

"Just _who _are you to me?! Just _WHO_―"

"I LIKE YOU."

Those words thundered loudly across the empty corridor, silencing the both of them instantly. At this moment, Lavi and Lenalee arrived at the scene, and their eyes widened in horror at what they had exactly heard. Kanda just froze on the spot, wondering what he had just mouthed out. He then turned to Allen who simply stared at him, stupefied. The fierce tension between the both of them slowly dissipated, as his face expression slowly loosened, tears finally leaked out of his silver eyes, streaming down his face.

Suddenly, the phone on the floor started ringing out loudly. Allen slowly looked down, staring at the screen which was flickering brightly. Kanda momentarily released his hands, and he bent down, picking it up as he answered the call.

"Hello?"

"It's Tyki here, and I'm afraid that this is bad news."

Allen stared ahead blankly, forcing a swallow down his throat.

"Neah is admitted to the hospital."

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A/N: Deep apologies for the very late update! I was having difficulty deciding how this chapter should end. It has been hard to keep up to my writing after my studies are finally over, but I know that some of you out there are waiting anxiously for the next update, thus I had been typing for a few days, making sure that the story line is what I wanted to portray out. I hope it really went well, and I hope that you readers would enjoy it :)

Updates will resume back in every two weeks now that I have the time to write, on thurdays/fridays or saturdays if it is really late.

Lastly, I am thankful for the continuous support from all of you! :D

Please review and tell me your opinion about the chapter. I'm sorry for any grammar, vocabulary and spelling mistakes that you may spot on the way. Please tell me if there is any. Everything is deeply appreciated :)

**- SingingBlues**

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**Reviews:**

**d gray man is awesome: **Haha. I don't intend to make anyone pregnant. And even if one of them got pregnant, it would be Allen because Kanda would be the dominant one XD Thank you for the review, and I hope that you love this chapter :)

**Clocked002: **Hey! I'm really flattered by your words. I'm still improving on my writing, and learning from others as I write. Really thank you so much for such a lovely review :) Hope that you will also love this chapter.

**BlueMoon333: **Thank you! I just think that it is necessary to clarify this out in this story to avoid confusion, since Tyki knew Kanda and could have told him, yet he didn't. And I finally updated! So so sorry for such a late update! :( I'm kinda refreshed now after studying, but getting results from my papers is another thing :/ Thank you for the review once again, and I hope that you like this chapter!

**bacjseat: **Thank you! Hope that you like this chapter! :)

**alguien22792: **I know right! Lenalee is really a nice person. Well, to me :) And don't worry, Kanda will find out soon enough :P Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**JJxMusicxLover: **I know right! Red camellias is just a deeper meaning of love, how one desires for the other. Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**MYAAAHHHHH: **I do hope I didn't spell your name wrongly haha. Oh thank you. I'm really flattered. Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**sunshineandmoonlight: **You will definitely anticipate more of the drama in later chapters :P Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**GuestXD: **Thank you! I know right. We have to study, or else we won't be able to find jobs and earn money for our expenses! And I don't really mind studying. I just want to study a course to my liking and interest :) And I really hope that all of you readers would be satisfied with this chapter! :D

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**KiiroUsagi-sa: **And I finally did. So sorry for the late update.

Thank you! Aah, well, one thing I don't like about school is that it is so far away from my home. Well surprisingly, I have a nice time studying for the entire month. My friends are nice, and the lessons are really interesting XD

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**booberry123: **Thank you so much! Oh, I got that! Thank you for pointing it out! My stories are normally unbeta-ed, so even though I have checked through the mistakes in Microsoft Word, mistakes still tend to surface.

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**Alissa Lee: **And I'm finally back! XD

**Nonumaru: **Oh, I did! And I hope that more would be coming!

Thank you for your wishes! I just hope that my results will be good as well. I'm sure you can do well! Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**cmhoney: **You might be disappointed that there isn't any NeahAllen moments, but there will be in the next chapter! :)

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**metiko: **I know right. Kanda might be heartless, but it might also mean that he did not know anything about it which made him react this way. That's how I portray Kanda when I read the manga and watch the anime. He just expresses out how he is currently feeling.

It's okay. I can understand. Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**Fate Alitheia: **You will find out what is happening to Neah in the next chapter! Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**ShimmeringCrimson: **Thank you! I guess when one is drunk he/she tends to express his true feelings out instead of keeping them in, just like what happened during Christmas when Allen kissed Kanda by accident. I have always love Tyki, even though he is at the enemy's side. I mean, he is hot (not as hot as Kanda), and he is somehow different from the other Noah.

Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**Xxferessa-TanXx: **Hello! Please do forgive him. He is a fool at some times XD Thank you for the review, and I hope that you like this chapter! :)

**Guest: **Updated! :)

**dark4858: **Hello! Thank you! So sorry for the late update once again. I hope that you like this chapter! :)


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